I'm so sad and depressed
Is all I want to do is rest
I go to sleep at night
But my dreams I just can't fight
I think of you lying in that bed
And wonder if there is anything I could have said
I wish you were still here
But I know that you are still near
I love you more than you know
I just wish you didn't have to go
I just want one more day with you
And I know thats what you would have wanted too
I miss you more and more each day
There is so much more we had to say
I know I will see you again

 It's lonely since you went away,
 You are on my mind each passing day.
 I long to have you here awhile,
 To see your happy face, your gentle smile
 To greet you at the door
 or hold your hand once more.
 But then if I could have a choice
 I wish right now to hear your voice
 I think of you ...our shared delightsr nights.
 I see you in the moon's bright beams,
 And sense you in the rushing streams.
 I know someday I will join you there
 And with you laugh and hug and share
 Will dance from heaven's avenue ,
 But till then every second i 'll think of you. 

 If I coud have one single wish,
 what would that be,
 It would be my darling son
 to be back at home with me.


 I know it will never happen,
 that is the pain i bear.
 I wish could tell u thousand times
 how much I really care.
we dont know why we had to part.
 We just know that God called you home
 and tore our family's heart. 

  I can not see you with my eyes, 
 Or hear you with my ears,
 But thoughts  of u are with me
 and  often dry my tears.

 You whisper in the rustling leaves
  That linger in the fall
 and in the evening gentle breeze
 I am sure I hear you call

 A part of you remains with me
 That  nobody can take away
 It gives me the strength to carry on
 At the dawning of each day

 I think of happy times we shared
 And then I softly sigh
 But this I know- we'll meet again
 And never say goodbye. 

"Even now I wake up crying 
in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still 
could hurt so bad

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed 
so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember 
and the feeling's still the same
And the pain inside of me 
goes on and on

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still 
so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
some how Even now"

To be honest when it comes to the grief of losing a child there is no getting over it.  It’s a misperception in reality.  It is moving through it.  Imagine being immersed in a giant bubble.  The more you push against it, the more resistant it is to breaking through.  The bubble is a part of you – a manifestation of sadness, loss, anger, and questioning faith – at least in my case.  Every one grieves differently.  Still, getting over the grief? No, I’m sorry and other grieving parents can agree.  I learned, as a human being, to assess, adapt, and overcome.  I may still be a prisoner to my grief, but I have learned to move forward, walk, talk, and BREATHE.  It’s still a barrier from some human comforts.  It distances me from others…some by their choice because they are uncomfortable around me. Their loss, not mine – I know I have changed.

I fell into this Wonderland…no- a new unknown circle of Hell that Dante never considered.  It’s a Hell that I as a parent question everything I have done up to the very moment I told my son was dead.  I question did I piss off God?  Did I offend God so much that he took my son?  But that opens up the subject of the well meaning condolences that do nothing except make me want to scream “What a stupid remark!  Hey God, are you listening? 
  It was God’s plan.  Really, I don’t recall anything in the scriptures saying God works on a plan for children to die and rejoice with the choirs of cherubs and hierarchy of angels. 

You have other child.  I know this.  But you see my best friend and son drowned, so I am giving up on the other because I just don’t see the point.

I don’t think he suffered.  My son’s death certificate reads Cause of Death: drowning , but I am pretty sure he  felt pain.  I am very sure he fought to stay alive.

Still some time has passed.  Some healing has begun.  What gives me the strength to carry on is knowing that I must.  Where did that strength came from?  Was it some hidden reserve buried deep in my psyche?  To be honest it came .   from strangers wanting nothing in return offering their friendship…yes they are rare, but they do exist.  It came from my frnds and family that stood by me and supported me . It came from people that have been my family, not just blood relations but those that share going through other losses and life changes.

Still there is no overcoming loss.  There is no happy ending.  There is no real peace.  It is nights spent curled up on the sofa in the late hours feeling the hot sting of tears because the house is too quiet.  It’s the time when the memories put to the back of the mind for the day scream to be released like the demons in Pandora’s Box.  It’s going to the market and seeing something he would like and having to put it down because I realize it’s a reflex of love wanting to bring him a present.  It’s driving down the highway listening to the  music that he  loved and choke on rising storm in ur heart. NOw life is like dat.

  I sit here watching the sky,
   And want to sing for you a lullaby 
Can you please let me know with signs,
 That you ever really went away.
 I want to hear you laughing,
 and want watch you as you sleep.
want to place my arms around you,
 and comfort you if you weep. 
 I wish the days away,
 and  I beg you to come home.
 Please send me message
 to know that I am not alone.
 I feel guilty to have a life.
 which was denied to you
 Please know that with every breath I take
 I take one for you. 

 If roses grow in heaven, 
 Lord please pick a bunch for me,
  Place  them in my son's arms
 and tell him they are from me

 Tell him that I love him and miss him 
 And when he turns to smile
 Please place a kiss on his cheeks
 And hold him for awhile.

 Tell him remembering him is easy
 I do that all day every day
 But my heart is aching with pain..
 That just refuses to go away. 

Untill we meet again.


 Those special memories of you,
 will always bring a smile
 If only i could have you back
 Just for a little while
 Then we would sit and talk once again
 Just like we used to do
 You were my world 
 and that you will remain too
 The fact that you are no longer here
 Causes so much pain
 But you are forever in my heart
 Untill we meet again. 

What kind of place would heaven be with all it's streets of gold,

If all the souls that dwell up there like your and mine were old?

How strange would heaven's music sound when harps begin to ring

 If children were not gathered around to hellp the angels sing. 

The children that god sends to us are only just a loan;

He knows we need their sunshine to make the house a home.

We need the inspiration of a baby's blessed smile.

He doesn't say they've come to stay, just lends them to us for a while.

Sometimes it takes years to do the work for wich they come.

Sometimes in just a month or two our father calls them home.

I like to think some souls up there bear not one sinful scar.

I love to think of heaven as a place where children are. 

I love and miss you

Though it's been some time now
it still sometimes happens,
usually at the break of dawn.
I open my eyes and for a brief moment,
I forget that you are gone.

But then it all comes back to me
and it's almost too much to bear. 
No matter where I look for you,
I know you won't be there.

Then the sun rises,
bringing with it a brand new day. 
I think of you and smile,
because rising early was  your way.

And as I head out the door,
usually in a hurried state, 
I think of you and smile,
because to you, on-time was "late."

Throughout the day I wonder
what you'd be doing if you were still here. 
I think of your friends, your  univ and sports,
and sometimes I shed a tear.


Then the evening comes
and the house is so quiet, it seems.
I think of you and the noise and the laughter
that was part of our daily routine.

So even though I may look for you
and find that you're not there, 
I'm grateful that no matter what I see or do,
you are everywhere!

Though you are gone, every once in a while 

You come back to me 

And for a moment it's as though you never left 

Your closeness overpowers me

And I feel as if I could stretch out my arms 

To take your hand in mine 

And hold you during these precious moments 

Which logic cannot define 

Sometimes it happens on the darkest of days 

When my courage turns to bitter despair 

As I contemplate the lonely years that I must face 

Without you being here 

...Then at some difficult moment 

You reach out and send me a sign 

To confirm that you're watching over me 

That life will turn out just fine 

Other times I feel you at unexpected moments 

It's like you are simply "checking in" 

Other times your signs flow to me in other ways 

As natural as the tide comes rushing in 

To me, these gifts are like glistening diamonds 

On a shore of commonplace sand 

Passed over by oblivious people 

Who cannot see them...or hardly understand 

But for my eyes, and heart, only 

They are prisms that send forth the light 

And reinforce the hope that I must carry..."

The rain will fall the snow will sparkle,
the tree's will bloom and the birds will sing, children will dance flowers will grow,
music will ring and tears will flow, 
ice will melt and memories felt. 
Yesterday i was there, today i am not. 
The angels called upon me and led me far away. 
Tears will fall, hearts will break. 
but i am still there in your heart. 
I can still be felt. 
close your eyes can you see me standing there? remember life goes on. 
one day we will meet but until then enjoy what you have got. 
If you ever need me just close your eyes and i will be there, 
open your eyes and i will be gone, 
now live your life and move on.
Remember i am only sleeping. 
i will never be too far. 
i will be that star shining down on you, 
can you see it? 
tonight i say goodbye, 
tonight i shed my last tear, 
i have to leave the angels are near. 
Fall with the rain, 
sparkle with the snow,
blow with the tree's
and sing with the birds, 
dance with the children 
and ring with the music, 
enjoy yourself and be happy,
smile and cry sing and dance,
laugh and be sad. 
share moments and express feelings. 
stengthen and weaken. 
love and smile. 
you are still young, your life is yours. 
forever will i miss you. 
but now I've been laid to rest. 
the angel came i got my wings. 
i can fly, and i can sore 
i can reach where I've never been before. 
close your eyes see I'm still standing there.

 From you to me-

 As The Sun Came Up This Morning
I Watched You There Below
Your Hearts Seemed Oh So Heavy
But There’s Something You Should Know
... ♥
I’m Not Gone So Don’t Worry
I’m Just A Step Ahead
And I’m With You Every Single Day
As You Rise Up From Your Bed
♥
I Am The Sun That Warms You
I Am The Moon’s Soft Glow
I Am The Stars That Twinkle
And Light Your Path Below
♥
So When At Times You Miss Me
Just Look For Me I’m There
For You Cannot Hide My Spirit
It Is With You Everywhere.
♥ 

I miss you,
I miss the loud music coming
from your room,
I miss the warmth of knowing
You're just a call away,

I miss seeing your big bright
smile,

I miss seeing you here and
there,
I miss eating breakfast
lunch and dinner,
I miss hearing you come in
at night,
I miss making you wear your
seat belt,
I miss telling you to drive slower,
I miss your smell,
I miss you with all my might,
I miss the way we would fight,
I miss my son,
I miss my friend,
I miss you I love you and that's
THE END! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Hey Abhijeet,

It isnt about accepting that you are gone. I am acutely aware that you are not here. It isnt about moving on. I move forward but you are not further from my mind. It isnt abot forgetting you. You aree the first thing that i think in the morning and the last thing at night. It is about learning to not reach for the phone. I miss sharing my joys and sorrows with you. It is about not feeling your loving arms hug me. I miss the intensity of your love. It is about no longer sitting and talking. I miss hearing about your hopes and dreams. It is about thinking about you each and every minute of my day. It is about missing you day and night.

I am here spending time with you again . My mind and heart are again missing you so much. I'm sitting here wishing I could be actually sitting face to face with you..Just talking.... I wish I could munching something with you along side of me. 

Wow..so many emotions so many questions I have ---if you are ok..what it's like after a person dies..what happens to us..to you, is this time passing  a feeling of seconds, or years?  I have heard that when a person dies, while waiting for their loved ones there is no concept of time so it is a feeling of seconds.. This time that is passing for me feels like more than years..it feels like forever.  Some days it feels as if it will be ok..but other days if feels like I will not --cannot survive this loss..It leaves my heart so shattered.  Even though it has been over 6months it still feels so fresh--so uncertain..scarry...lonely..I still keep thinking I will wake up and you will be here. It will have all been a dream---nightmare..

At night when I go out I look up and see all the stars. I wonder where you are..I wonder what you see..can you see..I cling to the thought you are still around me. That you can still hug me--just in a different way..by bringing me a special memory, or seeing something that I remember seeing or doing with you..That's your way to say---hey mom..I'm here with you and reaching out to give you a hug the only way I can.

Not a moment passes that my thoughts don't turn to you. I can't imagine a day without you in my mind or heart.

I love you very much 
 MOM 

Don't Look for Me

Don't look for me in the darkness

Look past to the stars

Where I smile down

From where the Angels flown

Remember the babe I was,

You carried in your arms

The world seemed so big, when you held my hand

I remember the songs you sang to coax me to sleep

I know you cry for me tonight

I tried to reach for you

I love you as I always have

Please know I feel no pain

Don’t look for me in the night

I am next to you

Don't cry for me ,
now that I am free.

Just look around anywhere,
and that is where I'll be.

For I am the daylight ,
when the sun starts to rise.

I'm the bright rainbow,
you see with your eyes.

I'm the tiny raindrops,
that sprinkle in the wind.

I'll always be here with you,
for there really is no end.

I'm the dew that's on the ground,
and the quietness all around.

Yes, I am so very happy,
with this new life I have found.

I'm the peaceful summer breeze,
that flows softly through the trees.

I'm the bluebird in the sky,
that sings with such ease.

Yes, I am so very happy,
so happy to be free.

Understand my family and friends
and don't you cry for me.

This Is My Soul Speaking Through My Mouth
These Are My Emotions Locked In An Empty Body
Tonight In This Empty Room With No One Around But You
This Is Me In The Middle Of Nowhere
My soul Is Hollow And I'm Feeling So Alone
So I Look At The Sky And I See My Angel Up There
I'm Hearing him, Voice Sweet Melody Singing Lovely Words
Right To My Heart Maybe I'm Dreaming
But I Want To See His Eyes Before I Die Tonight
 And I'm Taken Away
To A Place I Never Thought It Could Exist
well is this just a dream 
Or Am I Awake With My Angel Next To Me?
I Want To Feel  the Same Love 
And I Hope That I Will Find It In You
Because I'm So Tired Of Being Hurt
So Please My Angel Be Careful With My Heart
But All Of A Sudden he Holds Me And Whispers In My Ear
I'm Not ...I'm Just Your Imagination
Playin Tricks With You

If You Arent Real Why Do I See You Here Now
Why Do I Feel So Calm And Relaxed?
But Then When I tried to touch you
You Just Vanished Like A Vision

kisi bhi baat per ab mann kabhi hairaaN nahi hota
bahut say dard paye jin ka koyee dermyaaN nahiN hota

ajab is tareh say yeh zindagi apni guzarti hai
kabhi zameen  nahi hoti, kabhi asmaaN nahi hota

.kia aabaad hum nay dil ko yadoN kay jazeeroN say 
yeh ik aisa samunder hai keh jo veeraaN nahi hota



kayee toofanoke simatne se bunta ek aansu
wo kya ansoo hai jis maiN koi bhi toofaaN nahi hota



ajab si kash makash rehti hai apnay aap say hardam
yeh kaisi jang hai jiska kabhi eilaaN nahiN hota

usay hum sounp detay haiN yehaN ki mezbaani bhi
humaray dil maiN koyee gham kabhi mehmaaN nahi hota

kutch aisi pad gayee aadat humaiN game judai kee
ke ab toh khauf hota jab toofaaN nahiN hota

A new day dawns once again. 
I stare at where you used to lay your head.
in ur bdroom , on your bed. 
I close my eyes, your face I plainly see. 
That smile that could always lift my spirits.. 
Those eyes that always twinkled wid mischief and laughter, 
My heart aches for  your bear hug. 
And--' I love you mother' smses.
I've come to understand what the meaning of loneliness is. 
I wipe away a tear. 
It's almost more than I can bear. 
I pray for the strength to live another day without you.
And plse GOD nobody  may  endure wat i am going through. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the crystal glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

I Want To Shrink Into Thin Air, Not Care
Not Want, Or Feel
This Excruciating Longing
The Tugging, The Pulling
My Heart, Too Tired, Too Weak
Sinking, So Deep, In My Stomach
I Don’t Want To Breathe, Or See, Or Know
What I’m Missing, 
Still On My Mind, Unkind, Not Fair
This pain This Emotion, Too Hard
The Hurt, Inevitable, But What’s Worst
Is Incredible,
This Feeling, 
I Want To Dissappear
To Make Me Want To Not Live Not Death, 
Just Slight Breath, Or Faint Pulse Coma

"TAKE AWAY"

Instead of any gifts for me
Come take some things away.
There's so much here that I don't want
So please don't give... just take.

Take away my knowledge
Of funerals, and urns, and  rituals.
And take away the guilt I have
For not being with him to save.

Take away these inward screams
That resonate his death.
And take away my begging
To give him back his breath.

Take away this heartache
That leaves me living in pain.
And take away the last  six months
To when this sadness came.

Take away this loneliness
That stays throughout the year.
And take away this horror
That just won't disappear.

Take away that empty space
He no longer occupies.
And take away these tears of mine
That forever fill my eyes.

Take away this silence
That reminds me that he's gone.
And take away my wondering
How things could be so wrong.

Take away my questions why
That cause never ending grief.
And take away my doubting
That has shattered my beliefs.

Take away most anything,
Especially his death...
But PLEASE don't take my memories,
They're all that I have left.
by Christine Ross

I don’t know how to describe it when something clicks in a way that changes my perspective.   If it happens slowly, I do not notice.  The gradual evolving of my feelings and observations gently nudge me to think differently.  Perhaps in hindsight I remember how I used to feel or think and realize that it is different now.  Sometimes it happens abruptly.  It is like someone has turned on a light in a corner of my mind where it used to be dark.  It is like standing in front of a new mirror where the distortion is just slightly different and I wonder if that is how I really look.

I realize it can be a conscious effort, to learn something new – investigate something to find a way to understand it better or differently.  My habit is to come with preconceived ideas.  I won’t accuse everyone else concerning this, but I will assume that I am not the only one who has preconceived notions.

Death of a loved one, especially a child seems to be that kind of trigger.   When talking with others who have lost a child it seems we all struggle with our new perspective.

We begin by not being able to believe the reality that our child is gone. I don’t know when or if that ever ends.  It has not begun to diminish for me.  There are other people who are gone now.  My father is gone, yet I understand that  he is no longer here.   I don’t know if it is related to the age of the person but I suspect it is.  Our perspective is challenged.  You die when you are old not when young with the future before you, not when a child.

We, when we can bear it, begin to make a list of all the things that “will not” ever happen now.   We use up time when we could be doing other things to think through all the things our child will never see, feel, do or produce.  We mourn the future.  We hoped to be a part of that.  We expected to be able to enjoy celebrating the milestones in their life.   That is gone now and we did not make an alternate plan.   We grasp at things we think we could do, but it is half-hearted as we try to fill up the gap.  Many parents must go back to work.  Some throw themselves into their work trying to blunt their thoughts.     It may keep things at bay for a while, but eventually  when the wave recedes for a bit, it washes back in again full force.   You may postpone the feelings, but they will come back at you.

The  real life evidences – the objects and things that they owned, used, wore or played with can be difficult to deal with.  We don’t want to part with them, but we feel like it may be crazy to keep them.   My son did not have a wife or children.  I cannot speak for those parents who now having lost their child have the spouse and grandchildren to grieve with.  I cannot imagine how they feel.  I have dealt some with my son’s good friends.  They worry that they will “remind” me of him.  They worry that they will make me feel sad.   I respect the fact that they cannot stay where I am.  I hope for them that they never experience this grief personally with their own child one day.   Knowing that they still remember my son is a comfort.  A part of him lives on in them in whatever way he influenced them for good.

Sadness is my constant companion.   We have even learned to laugh together some.  I guess that sounds crazy, but I accept the fact that life is sad with the potential for bright moments of joy.  This perspective is very clear and real to me now.  I understand now why most prayers  are pleas for strength to endure.   That is all we can do – endure.  Death cannot be undone.  It is coming to everyone eventually.

I understand that people don’t want to be reminded of this every second of every day.  There are times during the day when I don’t think about death.  There are times when I don’t actively think about my son.   So far in this journey there has not been a day when I have not thought about both my own death sometimes marveling over the fact that I am still here. The  fact that anything still exists seems impossible in light of the death of my son.  I have not come to grips with the change in that perspective.

We eventually begin to turn again to those who remain.  I have a husband,  son, sisters, nieces, nephews and my extended family and friends.  They have lives that are continuing on in the normal paths that life takes.  They deserve my attention too.  Sometimes they participate in things or have events happen that you wish your child could have had.  You try not to be jealous or resentful.  You want to celebrate with them.  You may have a voice in your head whispering “don’t they realize I can’t be happy for them, when my child will never . . .”   It is difficult to tune  that out at times.

We sometimes find ourselves wanting to lecture parents when they complain about their living child.  We erroneously think that if our child were still living we would not complain about them or find fault.  That could only be accomplished if they were magically brought back to life, if we were to get them back knowing they could be dead.  If they were still living, I wouldn’t be writing this.  I would be complaining about my son’s bad habits.  Our insight and appreciation for our child and all the things we miss cannot be transposed on anyone else’s life with their child.  It didn’t work for me.  It can’t be done for them.  Sometimes in those situations when I hear someone complaining about their precious child I have to think- I used to do that too- I hope they always have them to complain about.

I still complain and find fault with the people I love and who are still with me.   Nothing has magically transformed me into some angelic creature without moods or attitudes.

My son was a man with talents and faults.  He could be utterly annoying at times.  I miss all aspects of him.   I will not deify him or cast him in the role of some guardian angel.  I miss the man, the person, the personality.   If he had not died we would be wrestling with all sorts of issues right now.   I won’t print my list of what he would be doing because that too is speculation.   Except for one thing.  He would be calling me today – reporting on his  studies – telling me his plans- telling me he loves me.

 I just can't believe it,
 The Sun still rises and sets, 
The moon and stars still shine,
the flowers still bloom, The birds still sing,
I expected a change  in everything,
 I  just can't believe it ,
 It still gets dark and light,
 The ocean still has waves, The rain still  rains,
 The wind still blows,
 Is it becoz thet do not know, I just cant believe it,
 I thought the world would stop,
 When in my heart is emptiness,
 A smiling face is missing,
I thought it would stop for a while,

 I just can't believe it. 

I woke up this morning,

And you were not there.

I can't kiss your cheek,

Or brush back your hair.

The day's of joy are over,

The pain and sorrow start.

Because when you went to heaven,

You also took my heart.

I have to live my nightmare,

Each morning when I wake.

I have to feel this pain,

With every breath I take.

With gut wrenching sorrow,

And mind numbing pain.

I daily live this nightmare,

Over and Over again.

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don?t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

The Mask

I have a face I put in place;
It's what I wear when folks are there.

For those only who want to see
 the way they think I ought to be.

I live in times that have no light,
just cloudy darkness, endless night.

I no longer see the sun,
I laugh but never feel the fun.

When I arise to start a day,
I stumble as I make my way.

I don't know who's really me,
I'm not the one I used to be.

I have no heart to fill with joy,
I lost it when I lost my boy.

The future is so bleak to me,
I choose to not let others see.

So when people stop to ask,
I hide behind my smiling mask.

Written by Dianna J. Brendle

Eyes To Heaven

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Searching for any signs of you. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Embracing you. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Communicating my love to you. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Remembering your love and gentleness. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Remembering your courage, strength and determination. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Remembering how you celebrated life. 

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Treasured memories of our time together here on earth.

Eyes raised to Heaven 
Knowing you are safe, and happy....free of pain. 
Forever! 

Written by Joy S. Mixon 

Hello old friend, 
Oh yes you know 
I lost my child a while ago. 
No, no please...don't look away 
and change the subject 
it's ok. 
You see at first I couldn't feel 
It took so long...but now it's real. 
I hurt so much inside you see 
I need to talk 
Come sit with me? 
You see, 
I was numb for so very long 
And people said, 
"My she is so strong" 
They did not know I couldn't feel 
My broken heart made it all unreal. 
but then one day, as I awoke 
I clutched my chest, 
Began to choke, 
Such a scream, 
Such a wail, 
Broke from me.... 
My child! 
My child! 
The horror of reality. 
But everyone has moved on, you see, 
except for me. 
Now when I need friends most of all, 
Between us there now stands a wall. 
My pain is more than they can bare, 
When I mention my child 
I see their blank stare. 
"But I thought you were over it" 
Their eyes seem to say - 
No, no 
I cannot listen to this, not today 
So I smile and pretend...and say... 
"Oh, I'm ok" 
But inside I am crying 
as I turn away. 
And so my old friend, 
I shall paint on that smile 
As I have from the start. 
You never knowing all the while 
All I've said to you in my heart.

I did not write this. I borrowed this from a friend who posted it to facebook

Don't think of him as gone away - - his journey's just begun.
Life holds so many facets - - this earth is only one...
Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years.
Think how he must be wishing that we could know today
How nothing but our sadness can really pass away.
And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched...
For nothing loved is ever lost - - and he was loved so much.

"The Rose Beyond the Wall"

                       Near shady wall a rose once grew,
                       Budded and blossomed in God's free light,
                       Watered and fed by morning dew,
                       Shedding its sweetness day and night.

                       As it grew and blossomed fair and tall,
                       Slowly rising to loftier height,
                       It came to a crevice in the wall,
                       Through which there shone a beam of light.

                       Onward it crept with added strength,
                       With never a thought of fear or pride,
                       It followed the light through the crevice's length
                       And unfolded itself on the other side.

                       The light, the dew, the broadening view,
                       Were found the same as they were before,
                       And it lost itself in beauties new,
                       Breathing its fragrance more and more.

                       Shall claim of death cause us to grieve
                       And make our courage faint and fall?
                       Nay!  Let us faith and hope receive -
                       The rose still grows beyond the wall.

                       Scattering fragrance far and wide
                       Just as it did in days of yore,
                       Just as it did on the other side,
                       Just as it will forevermore.

No one can understand, unless they, too,
   have suffered such loss,
   the depth of the pain that envelopes
   the family who has been left behind.

   We wait and hope and pray
   that the next person coming in the door
   will be our son, our brother,
   and our heart breaks just a little more
   each time he doesn't appear.

   We miss his smile, his laugh,
   his enthusiasm, his achievements and mistakes,
   because he took each opportunity
   and learned from it and matured,
   and we so looked forward to the man
   he would have become.

   We longed for the day we would dandle
   a little miniature of him
   and watch Abhijeet glow with pride and love,
   just as we did with our Abhijeet, our son.
   Now, that day is not to be.

   Now, we can only long for the day we will
   see him again, and be with him,
   and hear his laugh and see him happy.
   Our dear, wonderful,  loving boy,
Abhijeet ,
   Our life will never be the same for having known him.

"Hold Us Up, Lord!"    
       by:  Linda Elrod

     Lord, we know You're always busy,
           For You've many things to do,
     But when sorrow overcomes us,
           Well, we need to talk to You.
     For we've lost someone precious,
           And they're with You there above,
     And it's someone that we needed,
           And it's someone that we loved.
     We are feeling lost and all alone,
           And though we do believe,
     We need You, Lord, to hold us up,
           To help us while we grieve.
     Please give us strength and courage, Lord,
           To bear what we must bear
     And nudge us when our faith is weak
           To remind us You are there.
     Give us hope for our tomorrows,
           Tell us life will still go on,
     Show us, Lord, that all this darkness
           Will be followed by the dawn.
     You have led us through so many things,
           You''ve pulled us through before,
     Hold us up, Lord, till we're through this
           And we are strong once more.

When somebody dies, a cloud turns into
an angel, and flies up to God
to put another flower on a pillow.
A bird gives the message back to
the world, and sings a silent prayer
that makes the rain cry. People disappear,
but they never really go away.
The spirits up there put the sun to
bed, wake up grass, and spin the
earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you
can see them dancing in a cloud during
the day-time, when they're supposed
to be sleeping. They paint the rainbow
and also the sunsets and make
waves splash and tug at the tide.
They toss shooting stars and listen to
wishes. And when they sing wind songs,
they whisper to us, don't miss me too much.
The view is nice and I'm doing just fine.

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back...   
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name... My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also...

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me... My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief... I thank you for both...

..

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me... I need you now more than ever... I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me... I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day...

I know that you think of and pray for me often... I also know that my child's death pains you, too... I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug...

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months... These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over... I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die...

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover... I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead...

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself... I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve... I must hurt before I can heal...

I wish you understood how my life has shattered... I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable... Please be as patient with me as I am with you...

When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily...

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal... Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected... So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky...

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice... However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time...

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent... Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off... When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone...

I wish you understood that grief changes people... When my child died, a big part of me died with him... I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again...

I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you will NEVER understand.

    If you love me, do not weep. If only you knew the gift of God and what heaven is! 
      If only you could hear the angel's song from where you are and see me among them! 
      If only you could see before your eyes the eternal fields with their horizons, and the new paths in which I walk!
        If only you could contemplate for one moment the Beauty that I see. Beauty before which all others fail and fade.

           Why do you who saw me and loved me in the land of shadows, 
  why do you think you will not see me and love me again in the land of unchanging realities? 
            Believe me, when death breaks your chains as it has broken mine,
        when on the day chosen by God, your reaches Heaven where I have preceded you,
           then you will see her who loved you and still loves you.

    You will find her heart the same, her tenderness even purer than before.
    God forbid, that on entering a happier life, I should become less loving,
        unfaithful to the memories and real joys of my other life. 
         You will see me again transfigured in ecstasy and happiness, no longer waiting for death,
      but even hand in hand with you, walking in the new paths of light and life,
    slaking my thirst to the full at the feet of God, from a fount of which one never tires,
            and which you will come to share with me. 

     Wipe away your tears, and, if you love me truly, weep no more.


                     This letter supposedly written to St. Augustine by his mother, St. Monica. 

              

If you only had tomorrow
And knew there was no more
How would you choose to spend it
And would you beg for more

Would you waste your time crying
Let the hours slip away
Or would you make the most of it
Knowing you could not stay

Would you fill it up with laughter
Store it to the very brim
Brighten up your last day
By being with a special friend


Would you look with anticipation
At what was surely next to come ?
Or would you lament
That your life was almost done


And if you knew someone in need
Who asked if he could borrow
Would you then give him your last day
Let him have your last tomorrow .


Would you cram that final day
With all the things you could
Put out the effort to cheer up
Make those you love feel good

Or would you leave this earth behind
Knowing there's no tomorrow
By choosing simply , this instead.....
To drown in your sorrow .

By : Loree ( Mason ) O'Neill

Dear  Abhijeet,
Today seems to be a day of memories for me. I have been thinking about you all day and as much as I try to remember happy times I still miss you tremendously. I feel the need to ask the question why today? Although I never do and I know there is no answer. I'm not sure why today is any different than any other day but for whatever reason today has become a difficult one. maybe its because  your birthday is right around the corner or maybe its just because I haven't really let myself truly miss you lately. Whatever the reason, today is going to be long and tough. I miss you so much today that I could probably just sleep the day away. But knowing that is not good for me to do, I wont. I love you  Abhijeet and I can't wait for the day that I get to hold you tight.
Love,
Mom

What is Normal after your child dies?

Original poem by Tara & Heath Carey 
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your 
family's life. 

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore. 

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly. 

Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away. 

Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening. 

Normal is staring at every boy who looks like he is  Abhijeet.s age. And then thinking of  What was... what could have been and What is.... Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen. 

Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with 
sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart. 

Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were 
an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in 
someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has 
become a part of your "normal."

 Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special  he loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it. 

Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son, 
Normal is making sure that others remember him. 

Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever. 

Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better. 

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. 
NOTHING. 
Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. 

Losing a parent is horrible, but having to  CREMATE your own child is unnatural. 

Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it. 

Normal is realizing you do cry everyday. 

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child. 

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. 
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for 
G-d. 
"G-d may have done this because…" 

I know  Abhijeet is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. 
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, or if there is any food. 

Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have one  child , because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that  Abhijeet is dead. 
And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child. 

Normal is asking G-d why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a G-d. 

Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years. 

Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better." 

Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever. 
And last of all... 
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to 
feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal." 

I give you this one thought to keep –

I am with you still – I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone –

I am with you still – in each new dawn.

                                                                                 …….Mahkah Native Indian Prayer

If my sun doesn’t rise in the morning for the rain has washed my soul away

If the pain in my heart drowns me with sorrow I truly never meant it to be this way



If my sun doesn’t shine for the darkness has taken over my soul

If my spirit has died for the heartache has swallowed me whole



I never meant it to be this way

These uneasy waters have drifted my soul away



In all this pain time ceases to exist

I’m screaming inside for all the memories missed



My life now lived wandering through a fog of pain

Never knowing which way to go to get out of this rain



If my sun doesn’t rise for I’ve lost the light

For there’s pain my eyes, screaming for help to make things alright



I never wanted it to be this way

Bring back my sun and my light for the day



Help my sun to once again rise

Calm the waters before my soul truly dies 



If it’s never again found for the darkness has taken control

Please know its because I am no longer whole



A piece of me truly gone forever

A shattered heart and soul now severed



Nothing left but a mother’s heart wrenching pain

And the tears that fall like the pouring rain



So if my sun doesn’t rise for the rain has washed my soul away

Please know I truly never meant it to be this way

UGLY SHOES - FOR EVERY MOTHER WHO HAS LOST A CHILD
from Jean Rooks Shadinger Godfrey's page 

For every mother who has lost a child:

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think

about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child

If I'd known it was the last time
I'd see you close that door,
I'd have called you back
And held you just once more.

I'd memorize that cheesy grin,
look in those eyes so true
Make sure you knew you were my light,
that my heart beat in you.

"There's always tomorrow' the saying goes,
but little do we know
That time is softly slipping by.
Is tomorrow promised? No!

So if tomorrow doesn't come,
it's His plan just the same.
I'll rest in peace beside you
waiting for God to call  my name.

REMEMBER ME 

To the living,
I am gone.
To the sorrowful,
I will never return.
To the angry,
I was cheated.
But to the happy,
I am at peace.
And to the faithful,
I have never left.
I cannot speak,
But I can listen.
I cannot be seen,
But I can be heard.
So if you look upon a flower
And admire it’s simplicity -
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart,
And thoughts,
And your memories.
Of the times we cried,
The times we fought,
The times we laughed.
For if you always think of me,
I will never be gone.

Author unknown

by Diane Robertson

Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad.
I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin.
Comfort, I now feel.
Is it you my precious Angel? 
Are you there? I cannot hear your quiet voice,
But bird song fills the air 
From high treetops to grassy marsh.
I wonder – is it you, Dear? Are you there? 
The roses in your garden bloom large, 
And varied in hue from crimson deep, to barely pink.
I cup the velvet bud, its fragrance soothes a troubled mind.
This must be you, my little boy. Are you there? 
Are you the fiery autumn maples,
Or the star-like flakes of snow?
Are you the sparkle in the water of the lake that we both loved,
Or, perhaps, the warmth I feel in the sand beneath my toes? 
Though your quiet voice I cannot hear,
Nor can I see again your sparkling eyes, 
Or feel your dainty hand laid gently on my own,
You are here. 
For memory's book will never close – 
Each lovely sound, or sight, or scent,
Another page from special times that we have shared.
Oh, yes! You are here child – everywhere

Where are you now? Do you see me? Are you peaceful?

Do you miss me? Do you miss my hugs? Do you feel my void?

Do you see and know how much you are missed and how much I love you? Are you trying to let me know you are around  me?

What is it like where you are? Are you ok?
 Will you help your brother in his journey of life? Is Grandpaa with you? Is Jana with you? 

I wish I would have told you how much I love you and how much you brought into my life. I never thought you would leave my life so suddenly. I thought I had all the time in the world to tell you all that you meant to me.  Even though you are only a heart beat away from me, it feels so far. 

There are 2 ways to describe losing a child. And these are not original. I
get all my material from some dear friends, the Copes who are further along on this journey. 
First, it is like losing an arm. You are bleeding all over everyone.  You figure you want to better tie this sucker off or you are going to die and some may be tempted not to tie it off. Perfectly normal. Well... you tie it off but it still hurts.and some days you believe you feel your arm is back but look down and are
smacked in the face with the reality that this is your life now. For some
they do research on how to live without an arm. Others turn to pity, anger, 
wrestling with God and asking why and asking friends and family, HELP ME!!!!! But still at the end of the day it's your arm. Then one day you see the place where your arm got cut off has healed over but still you have no arm. Can't grow it back. You’re not over it, this is your new life and quite honestly it sucks. Some quickly are ready for a prosthetic arm, others just try to manage with out for a while. It's hard to adjust to this new armless life and yes you are glad you still have  one other appendage( ABHISHEK ) but it doesn't negate the loss of your arm.


The other analogy is the backpack of grief. You have this backpack of grief
and it's yours forever. It's even got your child's name on it. Well, some days 
it is so heavy you are so weighted down that you can barely walk, like today.  Other days you try to pretend it's not there by working to exaustion or sleeping or etc.And some days you leave it at home in the closet.....but when you get home it's still there waiting for you. 
You notice that other people have backpacks too. Some same, but lots of
different colors, styles and different names on them. 
Lots of people hate your backpack and wish you would get rid of it after a
while. Sometimes they ignore you have it or that your are still wearing it.  Sometimes you knock people over with your backpack or literally want to hit
them with it. Honestly, at times I just wanted people to carry mine for me
or take it away but at the end of the day I figured out it's mine. it becomes sacred and holy.   Now I have been blessed to have people walk beside me while carrying my backpack and even talk about what’s in it.  Some very special people even add special things to my backpack.  Which make me cry but bring me comfort that they haven’t forgotten about my backpack, and the name on the front. 

Today I have different eyes and I see hurt so clearly. I have a different heart, 
I love deeply. I feel so intensely. And I hate surface stuff. TV makes me
sick. I have no time to waste on stupid stuff. And I find myself jealous of what others have or the injustices of this world. But God is patient with me. 

My dearest loved one, here on earth,
I saw a tear fall down your face.
You didn’t see me standing there,
Nor could you feel my soft embrace.
But I was standing next to you,
I know you looked around.
You seemed to wonder what it was
You thought you heard a sound.

Yes my love, it was I,
Who came to check on you.
I saw a tear fall from your eye,
I knew you were feeling blue.

Even though you cannot see me.
Please know that I am near
I am now an angel from above
To brush away your tear.

I know each day you think of me
And many times shed a tear.
But please just close your eyes
And know that I am near.

As I have told you often,
Do not be afraid to cry.
It does relieve the pain
Knowing we had to say goodbye.

One thing is for certain,
Even though life on earth is o’er
I’m still closer to you now
Than ever I was before.

I know you still don’t understand
Why I had to leave this earth
God doesn’t have any secrets;
It’s just all planned from our birth.

Someday when you have joined me
And meet God at His Throne,
It’s then you will understand
The questions that have been unknown. ~Unknown~  — with Michele Splash Stalter.        

God gave me a flower
with no promise of time
He said, "Don't forsake me
when I reclaim what's mine.
Some blossom forever,
other buds never bloom.
I'm arranging my garden,
but I may call him soon."
That big, sweet yellow rose
made my life a delight!
He grew every season--
though each day, every night.
Yellow rose an off-spring,
you've a claim on my soul;
the nectar of my heart
your love made me feel whole.
God recalled that flower
that I once raised as mine
My love blossoms above--
a yellow rose divine.

copyright1994Sandrascorona

The moment that you died,
My heart split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheeks.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.

For those who still have their LOVED ONES,
Treat them with tender care,
You will never know the emptiness,
As when you turn and they’re not there.

 I have not turned my back on you, 
so there is no need to cry. 
I'm watching you from heaven, 
just beyond the morning sky. 
I've seen you almost fall apart, 
when you could barely stand. 
I asked the Lord to comfort you, 
and watched him take your hand. 
He told me you are in more pain, 
then I could ever be. 
He wiped his eyes and swallowed hard, 
then gave your hand to me. 
Although you may not feel my touch, 
or see me by your side. 
I've whispered that I love you, 
while I wiped each tear you cried. 
So please try not to ache for me, 
we'll meet again one day, 
beyond the dark and stormy sky, 
a Rainbow lights the way.

What I've Learned About Grief:

"I have learned that bad things do happen to good people. I have learned that lightening can strike more than once in the same place. I have learned that life is not fair and no one ever said it would be. I have learned that even the best of friends can say the worst things.

I have learned that society gives us about 3 weeks to grieve. I have learned that the stages of grief do not necessarily come in order.

I have learned that shock, denial, anger, sadness, despair and acceptance come and go for a long time.

I’ve learned that it’s hard to be patient.

I have learned that time doesn’t heal all wounds, it’s what you do with the time that makes the difference.

I have learned that talking can help, but there’s nothing like talking to someone who’s "been there."

I have learned that most of us are stronger and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. I have learned that anger is both normal and scary. I have learned that although some aspects of grief are universal, we all grieve differently.

I have learned that we can complicate our grief by wasting time trying to make others know how we feel. I have learned that some people will never understand the depth of our sadness. I have learned that help, support and understanding can come from the most unexpected places and people. I have learned that you never "get over" a loss, but incorporate it into who and what you become.

I have learned that there is no such thing as total "closure." The memory of our loss will always be there and it’s OK to revisit it from time to time for the rest of our lives. Revisiting, in itself, can be healing."

Just for today I will try to live through the
next 24 hours and not expect to get over my son's death, but instead learn to live with it

just one day at a time. I will never get over my loss, only through it.

    Just for today I will remember my son's life,
not his death, and bask in the comfort of all those
treasured days and moments we shared.

    Just for today I will forgive all the family and
friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed
them to. They truly did not know how.

    Just for today I will smile no matter how much I
hurt on the inside, so that my heart will soften
and I will continue to heal.

    Just for today I will reach out to comfort a
relative or friend of my child, for they are hurting
too, and perhaps we can comfort each other.

    Just for today I will free myself from my
self-induced burden of guilt, for deep in my heart I
know if there was anything in this world I could have
done to save my son from death, I would have done
it.
    Just for today I will honor my son's memory by
doing something with another child because I know that
would have made my son proud of his Mom.

  Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent, for I do know how they
feel.
  Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we
pay for loving, and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving so much.

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting my child by living
on. My son wants me to be happy.

  Just for today I will accept that I did not die
when my child did, my life did go on, and I am the
only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.

written by-
 Benjamin's mom

"If Tomorrow Never Comes" 

If I knew it would be the last time 
that I'd see you fall asleep, 
I would tuck you in more tightly 
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. 

If I knew it would be the last time 
that I see you walk out the door, 
I would give you a hug and kiss 
and call you back for one more. 

If I knew it would be the last time 
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, 
I would video tape each action and word, 
so I could play them back day after day. 

If I knew it would be the last time, 
I could spare an extra minute or two 
to stop and say "I love you," 
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do. 

If I knew it would be the last time 
I would be there to share your day, 
well I'm sure you'll have so many more, 
so I can let just this one slip away. 

For surely there's always tomorrow 
to make up for an oversight, 
and we always get a second chance 
to make everything right. 

There will always be another day 
to say our "I love you's", 
And certainly there's another chance 
to say our "Anything I can do's?" 

But just in case I might be wrong, 
and today is all I get, 
I'd like to say how much I love you 
and I hope we never forget, 

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, 
young or old alike, 
And today may be the last chance 
you get to hold your loved one tight.. 

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, 
why not do it today? 
For if tomorrow never comes, 
you'll surely regret the day, 

That you didn't take that extra time 
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss 
and you were too busy to grant someone, 
what turned out to be their one last wish. 

So hold your loved ones close today, 
whisper in their ear, 
Tell them how much you love them 
and that you'll always hold them dear, 

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," 
"thank you" or "it's okay". 
And if tomorrow never comes, 
you'll have no regrets about today

Anonymous

I used to be afraid of dying. Just the thought of it made me panic. I was so afraid of the unknown. Now I no longer feel afraid to die. I know when that day comes, you will be there to clasp my hand and cross me over.

When you died, you became lost to me.  You were just swept into the sea. My life stopped the day you died. It felt as if I was frozen in time, but life around me continued on. How could everyone around me go about their life as normal? It was hard to maintain my composure, but I felt I had to. I had to remain strong for those around me, specially your brother. I continue to feel this way. To "let go" would mean it would hurt all those around me. Friends and family look on me as a "strong survivor". What they don't understand is that I push myself. I am on automatic. I do this in order to NOT fall apart. I feel I can't let them see the crack inside my soul, my heart that is torn in half. I can't let them see my tears, or hear my pleas  to God to just give me one more day with you. I feel if they saw this they wouldn't know what to do. I feel I need to protect them from seeing the pain inside my heart and soul.

I dream now of the day when my responsibilities will finally be over and I will finally get to that "sea".

How does one keep breathing, continue waking up every day when someone so dear is gone? I marvel each morning that I am still here, still opening my eyes to the beauty of the sunrise, to the wonder of the day. It always seems somehow simultaneously miraculous and wrong that I should still be on this earth and my son is not.
Support, love, listening ears and solid hugs from friends and loved ones are priceless and welcome. But nothing changes what is. Nothing brings back the missing person.
The pain of all that is gone doesn’t stop.  It pulls us down into the darkness of our own hearts and tends to exclude others. It is an injury to the soul that is generally not visible on the surface. We who grieve are the walking wounded, but our wounds are deep inside where the world cannot see.-- T. Thomas
 

We are connected , My child and I
by an invisible cord, not seen by the eye
It's not like the cord that connects us til birth
this cord can't be seen by any on earth
This cord does it's work right from the start
it binds us together attached by my heart
I know that it's there , though no one can see
the invisible cord from my child to me
the strength of this cord is hard to describe
it can't be destroyed , it can't be denied
it's stronger than any cord man can create
it withstands the tests , can hold any weight
and though you are gone, though you're not here with me
the cord is still there , but no one can see
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised , I am sore
But this cord is my lifeline as never before
I am thankful that God connects us this way
A parent and child, death can't take this away

 

When I am gone, release me, let me go. 
I have so many things to see and 
you mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears. 
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave you my love, you can only guess
...how much you gave to me in happiness. 
I thank you for the love you have shown. 
But now it’s time I traveled alone.
So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must. 
Then let your grief be comforted by trust. 
It’s only for a while that we must part. 
So bless the memories within your heart. 
I won’t be far away. For life goes on. 
So if you need me call and I will come.
Though you can’t see or touch me, I’ll be there. 
And if you listen with your heart you’ll hear
all of my love around you soft and clear. 
And then when you must come this way alone, 
I’ll greet you with a smile and welcome you home.~ (Author unknown)

“To me grief is like the ocean waves. It can grab you and drive you down into the depths of the darkness, drag you across the rocks, stick you in a crevice or two, and then it eases up so you can swim back to the surface.

When you come back up, you are cut and bruised, and in a very different place, gasping for air.

You start swimming again for the shore, and sometimes you make it, and sometimes the clouds roll in before you make the shore, and the waves get you again.”

~Sandy Brosam

... 
The Master Gardener from Heaven above

planted a seed in the Garden of Love.

And from it grew a rosebud small

that never had time to open at all.

For God in His perfect and all-wise way

chose this rose for His heavenly bouquet.

And great was the joy of this tiny rose

to be the one our Father chose

to leave earth's garden for one on high

where roses bloom and never die...

So, while we can't see our precious rose bloom,

We know the Great Gardener from the "Upper Room"

is watching and tending this wee rose with care,

tenderly touching each petal so fair...

We'll think of our darling with angels above

secure and content and surrounded by love.

And remember that God blessed and enriched

our lives too... for in dying our darling

brought Heaven closer to us.

by Helen S

It must be very difficult
... to be a man in grief.
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
to stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
so she can get some rest.
They'll always ask if she's alright
and what shes going through,
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night 
and thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult
to start each day anew
and try to be so very brave---
He lost his son too.................

A Mothers Love for her son
Can never be changed or undone
She had her child one early morn
Her precious son had just been born
With Love and devotion she held him tight
All through the day and into the night
She raised her son with love from her heart
In hopes when he grew up he would be smart
The days and months slowly went by
Then the years passed in a blink of an eye
The love for her son she has shown
It is in his heart now that hes grown
A mother is proud and brags of her son
How he has shown just what hes become
Then one day the word that she hears
Makes her collapse and burst into tears
The call she gets will remain in her head
They found her son and he was dead
A mothers heart has just been broken
She struggles in vain to find just a token
Something of his to cherish and hold
Never to forget even as she gets old
The loss of her son and her disbelief
Shows in her pain but more in her grief
A Mothers Love so pure and so true
The day it started is when she had you
Now a mother has lost her love
As she looks to the heavens and God Above
Her heart and mind once strong now weak
With pain and sorrow she don't even speak
Now she must try to get through each day
In hopes that somehow she can find the way
A mothers love once proud once new
Has been shattered because she lost you

Upwards was your gaze when you were born,

as if ready to soar in the sky,

Dreams  of your future filled our hearts,

and there was no reason why. 

Your dreams were made of heavens,

to color the rainbows even brighter,

you - as naughty as a gazelle,

 your eyes twinkled with laughter.

mama..'let me fly away.'

wait a lil longer birdie...

till the lil wings are stronger 

and then you may fly away.

 Now heavens is your home,

you rule the sky above.

In God's abode you roam,

with not a worry or care,

to ever wrinkle your brow.

You are  God's chosen child,

 his eternal laws you abide,

 In his loving care you thrive,

and waves of pure love you ride.

All the lessons you have learnt,

 the purpose of Father well served,

God lifted you in his arms 

 Rest In peace you well deserved.

  you are now our guardian angel,

 You look after us fom above,

you give us strength to carry on 

 you show us the power of love.

Look after your little bro,

 he needs your guiding light,

now he needs you more,

lonliness he has to fight.

 You fly high , my fly boy

 Fly  in heaven all that you want.

  Jaguars and Migs and sukhoi

 more and more and more,

 This is now my chant.

In life and in death,- we are one . A bond never to be broken. Through this life time and other lifetimes we will be together. It is all a circle which keeps going round and round - for eternity. We will come and we will go- passing through different planes and dimensions but always the bond will be there. So many lessons to be learned , so many teachings to be taught- so much time . Here, There and Everywhere- we are all learning and praying and growing. Reaching upwords and feeling the love and acceptance. It is within reach- if you just slow down- open your heart and love force is there and the peace and the answers.www.facebook.com/photo.php

 Abhijeet with his grandmaa. He was the greatest love of her life...her first garandson.

GRIEF

Grief envelops me, holding me ever so tight
I don't know how I'll make it through this night.
Grief follows me each and everyday
No matter how I duck and dodge,
I can't seem to get out of its way.

Grief calls on me, knows me by name,
Never letting me forget that
Things will never be the same.
Grief speaks to me at unexpected times
It doesn't give me a forewarning, hint or sign.

It sends its friend called, Loneliness
To rob me of my sleep,
And gives me tears 
That cause me to weep, and weep, and weep.
It sends along Hurt and Pain 
As constant reminders that 
Life without you will never be the same.

Grief robs, cheats and destroys
I don't think I can stand this Grief much more.
Grief leaves me with emptiness
Where love used to be
Reminding me that never again
Will I see you smiling at me.

Grief says to me 
That you'll never again come home
I'm so unhappy and all alone.

Lord, help me, 
For I'm going down fast
Show me that one day this too shall pass.

Show me once more, Lord
That love does transcend,
That even Grief 
Can't bring love to an end.
Show me, Lord
Show me right away!
Because Grief is waiting to attack me
As I start a brand new day. 
 

 Found this lovely poem written by Bob Olson 

Many happy times we shared,
Your smile will never leave me.
That smirk of love that showed you cared,
Was there whenever need be.

You brought to me many gifted years,
And now I long to hold you. 
I think of you and drown in tears,
Because I know I told you…

"Please be careful, please go slow,
Do 'not' be so rash
But you so young, how could you know,
The danger you would meet.

They say don’t cry, be brave, be strong,
But they don’t know my sorrow.
Life seems unfair, so mean, so wrong,
How will I face tomorrow?

For you, my son, filled every day,
With sunshine, love and kindness.
Those memories now pave my way,
Through the shadows of my blindness.

You know that I am grateful,
God blessed my life with thee;
And now that you are ready,
You shall spend the rest with He.

I know it’s right that you so nice
Should rise through heaven’s gate,
And even if you "had" heeded advice,
There’s no-escaping God’s planned fate.

I understand you’re with Him now,
And joy is yours forever.
He sent us you to teach us how
To take life lightly never.

And now I’ve learned,
And you shall see,
How all you taught
Will better me.

As you would want, life will go on,
But not without your spirit.
With you in mind, I’ll rise each dawn,
With a smile like you would wear it.

And one day too will I be blessed,
To rejoice with God as you do.
And on that day my prayers will rest,
To rejoin with you, my Matthew.

  I remember sending the following sms to Abhijeet  from a music store where i had  read th equote on a lovely candle

When ever I count my blessings... I count you many times.

 He was  so over whelmed with emotion that he called me immediately and we had love filled conversation . I felt truly blessed.

 Masti time with his friends in his hostel .

Abhijeet spent  couple of years here...enjoying the sprawling garden... verdant greens and playing with his pet Oscar. 

He used to sit quietly  on the swings  in the garden, and call  it his area of Peace and Zen.

He organised couple of parties for his friends here and was very proud of his house and room .

Here he gave speech in his college.MIT on the philosophy of war  and why is war almost necessary.

 Abhijeet showed all the promise of a good orator... strong confident... commanding respect. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

For death is but a passing phase of Life;

A change of dress, a disrobing;

A birth into the unborn again;

A commencing where we ended;

A starting where we stopped to rest;

A crossroad of Eternity;

A giving up of something, to possess all things.

The end of the unreal, the beginning of the real.

EDWIN LEIBFREED, "The Song of the Soul" 

Humbly and respectfully. 

 When I die...

When I die.... when my coffin is being taken out, you must never think i am missing this world.  Don't shed any tears, don't lament or feel sorry. I'm not falling into a monster's abyss.  When you see my corpse is being carried don't cry for my leaving. I'm not leaving. I'm arriving at eternal love.  When you leave me in the grave, don't say goodbye. Remember a grave is only a curtain for the paradise behind.  You'll only see me descending into a grave, now watch me rise.... how can there be an end when the sun sets or the moon goes down ?  it looks like the end it seems like a sunset but in reality it is a dawn. When the grave locks you up, that is when your soul is freed.  Have you ever seen a seed fallen to earth not rise with a new life ? Why should you doubt the rise of a seed named human?   Have you ever seen a bucket lowered into a well coming back empty ? Why lament for a soul when it can come back like Joseph from the well?  When for the last time you close your mouth, your words and soul will belong to the world of no place no time

~RUMI, ghazal number

Let me sleep, for my soul is intoxicated with love and 
Let me rest, for my spirit has had its bounty of days and nights; 
Light the candles and burn the incense around my bed, and 
Scatter leaves of jasmine and roses over my body; 
Embalm my hair with frankincense and sprinkle my feet with perfume, 
And read what the hand of Death has written on my forehead. 


Let me rest in the arms of Slumber, for my open eyes are tired; 
Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit; 
Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart. 


Sing of the past as you behold the dawn of hope in my eyes, for 
It's magic meaning is a soft bed upon which my heart rests. 


Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers 
Raise their crowns to greet the dawn. 
Look at the bride of Death standing like a column of light 
Between my bed and the infinite; 
Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of 
Her white wings. 


Come close and bid me farewell; touch my eyes with smiling lips. 
Let the children grasp my hands with soft and rosy fingers; 
Let the ages place their veined hands upon my head and bless me; 
Let the virgins come close and see the shadow of God in my eyes, 
And hear the echo of His will racing with my breath.   

  “You can shed tears that he is gone, 
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, 
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, 
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

 Dear ABHIJEET,

Well what can I say ! I still have few rocking and cherishing memories with  you. I still remember the day we went to a lab (Physics, ya that was boring) and I saw you talking to the boys and girls  of the class and mingling with them. I  thought yaar this guy has something unique. Some people created by God have a great personality, different aura and stand out in the crowd.  No doubt you were one of the few I knew who stood out . I still remember the day when I last met . You were busy chatting with Sidharth outside the ATM. I recall my conversation, I waved at you and you said HI' , kaise hain yar, and I said fyn and I left but I still remember the big smile on your face. Dude , I will miss you a lot and the talks had about Indian army,Artillery, Israel army and of course college LIFE. Have fun and we will meet soon.

I will miss you....

Ananya Misra.

09035167134

ananyamis@gmail.com

 Dear ABHI,

Some times  reasons may put me away from saying "HELLO" to you. But  always remember dude, your wonderful friendship is something that I will always cherish. Anyway I don't really have too many words to say to you that How much I miss you.And dude Patience. Wait patiently we are gonna come to meet you again. Matter of few years ! Have a happy afterlife: MISS YOU  ! ! 

Ankita Avula.

!#Th August 2011

 07204114842

 I still remember the 1st day we met, all smiles and chirpy you were as always. You were the most daring,amazing ,outgoing,confident and open minded guy  I've  met across.What memories I have of 516 ,those sessional nights (especially P) I remember our ist sem sessional was going on and we were dead tird of studying (as if) ,and suddenly we thought of watching the Sun rise.So we went up toayed there till like 6AM.,but still no sun :) . Thank you so much for introducing  trekking to me, which I like a lot now. Thank you so much for all the memories & I thank you so much for being such a great friend. I'll always remember your endless motivattional text messages & our 'controvertial & sentimental' talks.

 I love you man & always will.

I miss you like hell.

I'm sure you are happy & smiling as always wherever you are.

GURASHISH SINGH.

09535675999

09818306510

gururulz@gmail.com 

 Abhijeet ,you were the most humble guy I ever met in my life and upar se woh teri smile dude, I still remember the first dayof my college,it was u my first friend in class dude. I canot forget the time spent with u, all the lallapanti we did in 516, then the mischiefs in the class sitting on the last bench,will always miss u very badly.U will always be one of best friends.

Alok Ranjan,

09535682896

alokranjan2908@gmail.com

Remember me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay

.Remember me when no more day by day 

  You tell me of our future that you planned: 

  Only remember me; you understandI

will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while 

  And afterwards remember, do not grieve: 

  For if the darkness and corruption leave 

  A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile.....

    Than that you should remember and be sad. 

Henry Van Dyke 1852 - 1933

Parable of Immortality

I am standing by the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze 

and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength, 

and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a peck of white cloud 

just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. 

Then someone at my side says : 

- 'There she goes!

Gone where? 

Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar

as she was when she left my side 

and just as able to bear her load of living freight 

to the places of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says: 

- 'There she goes! ', 

there are other eyes watching her coming, 

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout : 

- 'Here she comes!'

A Letter From Heaven

To my dearest family,some things I'd like to say,

Though first of all to let you know I arrived OK

.I'm writing this from heaven, here

I dwell with Spirit above,

Here there's no more tears of sadness,

here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy because I am out of sight,

Remember I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,

Heavens warmth covered me and said "I welcome you".

"It's good to have you back again,

you were missed while you were gone,

As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.

We need you here so badly, you're part of our great plan,

There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.

" Spirit gave me a list of things that were wished for me to do,

And foremost on that list - was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in your bed at night the day's chores put to flight,

Spirit and I are closest to you...in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth.and all those loving years

,Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears

.But do not be afraid to cry a while; it helps relieve the pain.

Remember there would no flowers unless there was some rain.

I wish I could explain to you all that Spirit has planned.

If I were to tell you, you would not understand..

One thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over,

I'm closer to you now than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb,

But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;

That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and in pain,

Then you can say to me at night.."My day was not in vain".

So now I am contented...that my life was worthwhile,

Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet someone who is sad and feeling low;

Just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go from that body to be free, 

Remember you're not going...you're coming here to me. 

 Abhijeet, I know you to be the most pleasant,considerate,compassionate soul around.I have happy memories from all the occassions when we met.

That 'million -watt ' smile of yours brought warmth and filled everyone's heart with happiness.

You may be gone for now,but that josh,zeal,spirit with which you lead your life,will guide us forever.

I'm positive ,people are happy and laughing wherever you are ......

Dhruv Sharma

dhruvsharma.mit12@gmail.com

09008420240

 Hey Abhijeet,

I know this is the first time I am 'writing ' to you but trust me it's not gonna be the last time. You are a very important part of my life and you always will be..... You are the one who made my life AWESOME. You are my brother and probably the only one I will ever have,I will not miss you beause a part of you is inside me and it helps me live better.

ok so I 'll tell you the rest next time......

ANIRUDH

09535678483

anirudhsingh.mit@gmail.com

I remember sitting and sharing Hide and seek (biscuits) with you at the top of kudaemukh  .... just  both of us and you said." sir yeh Biscuit aap pe udhar raha" toh you better cover my wings whenever I take to the skies.....coz  ;if u won't fly alone: I  most certainly wont...' (unless u want to climb the 7th heaven again)

A huge flypast to my very own JAT FLYBOY

Varun Dahiya. 

 I never thought I would be writing this so soon, on the contrary, I thought you would be writing this for me.There is only one thing that God still owes you and that is your dream to FLY.Hope you get that in the afterlife. ABHIJEETyou were the toughest yet the most dreaming in the group.The day I commission,  I will fulfill your dream of Gaurd of Honour at your funeral. I have your wings and will get them when I meet you next. Will try and take care of your brother and will try and fulfill the need of a son for your parents. Time spent with you was an honour. My Abhishek sends his regards and love. Take care and FLY HIGH FLYBOY !

Anmol Kapur (Anmol Sir) YOUR FIRST DS

anmol_kapur007 @yahoo.co .in

For me, you'll always be the tall lad in a crisp blue shirt with a big smile and even bigger heart. Happy -go- lucky to the core, you propagated that feeling wherever you went.A fine knowledge of the Air force and even bigger hunger to join it; let us hope you fulfill that dream in your next life.Always remain the SAME.Even though we never interacted much,your memory has left an unfleeting impression in my heart. Let us hope your parents can find solace and march through these difficult hours! Cheers....

Vikas Sharma

9742353576

vikassharma1362@yahoo.co .in

 Abhijeet Yaar I can't even begin to feel or think anything. This was not right fauji, we had to have our daily gossips. Yaar every memory I have of you,all I can remember is that ear to ear smile and the upbeat attitude you had!  I know how much you itched to sit on the Sukhoi and fly out. 

Yaar, teri har baat,  I just can.t stop laughing at your every little thought, your sitting with Akshee, your every sms, your every quote on the army life.You of all the people  I know walked the talk.

Yaar, I know you are there up there, free in the sky where you always wanted to be...Just look out for me.

Jai Bhagwan, Jatt balwan

Ankit Gulati

+91 8095103316

ankit21@gmail.com

I did not know I would be writing this on13/8/2011, the date we planned to get ourselves clicked in USA & Union Jack Boxers. Will miss you man all my life.

Thanks for being there when I needed you.

Thanks for opening the 516 Door number whenever I knocked.

Thanks for being an inspiration for not only us but all those who are yet to enter this harsh world.Happy After Life brother, and hold on there till I come and knock on Heaven's door.

Tushar Kant Roy,

9535271614.

9999555646.

P.S Don.t forget to wear those boxers!!

Dear Abhijeet,

Thouh I never got to know you well, I still feel that your going  was somehow my loss.We always met infront of NLH or 6th block, and  I still remember the way you would walk upto me in those bootsand that contagious smile of yours. You were one of the most cultured and decent human beings I have met and this world is a lesser place without you. I know wherever you are, you shall find happiness.Please keep smiling like you always did and may your fighting spirit live on within us as a remanent of your memory.

Peace out, Aways smile

Syed Hassan Abbas

9810154663

9886123699

 Thank You, Abhijeet Singh. Thank you for all the great memories you left for us to cherish. I am sad that It's all I have left of you but I am glad that you were the person I made those memories with. I know that we could get to know each other for only a year, but some year it was. eh?

All those days and nights we spent in 516 lollying around doing nothing,incidentally are the times I'll miss the most. All our intellectual talks and not so intellectual shit we did are etched in my memory.

Life won't be the same without you.and I am still taking time to adjust to that fact.I can't help but look over my shoulder for you everytime all of us go somewhere or do something.

You were a hell of a guy and I think you should know that you will be missed so much.

Saptarshi Basu

09535680330

sbasu1992@gmail.com

Dear Sir and Madam,

and family of our dearly beloved Abhijeet

 Today it is with the most profound sense of loss that I write to you. Abhijeet lived his life with great courage and steadfast dedication. We ,all his friends miss him and love him so much that we still hope that he walks back in, into our rooms,and hearts and your arms,laughing and smiling.

I had never seen anyone with a stronger sense of conviction,and stand against corruption.And I have yet to meet someone so controlled and composed and with the graceful stride our smart friend Abhijeet had.

I am sure had abhijeet been serving  in the Air force,he would have shown the same dedication and courage he showed among us everyday.He would have been one of those officers who would have been ready to lay down his life for our tomorrow.

Dear Sir And Mam,   when we are sorrowful, we look again in our hearts,and we see that in truth we are weeping for that which has been our delight. We all loved Abhijeet so much ,And when someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.Although it is quite difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,I hope looking back in memory may help comfort us tomorrow.

I recall the words of Thomas Love Peacock which I think were written for Abhijeet only;

He kept a true good human's mark

The social flow of pleasure's tide

He never made a brow look dark,

Nor caused a tear but when he died.

For some moments  in life ,there are no words. This is just one of them. No words can compensate the tragic loss your family has suffered.

I want to share with you some words that have sustained me through long dark nights of heartache and loss,and  I hope they help us all through many such nights ahead and I quote,

'"I pray that our heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement and leave you only the cherished memories of your loved and lost and the solemn pride that must be your's to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom"-Abraham Lincoln.

" I suffer but i still live. It's true that I may have been a sort of phantom in life,but I know my begining and I know my end.It's true that I am an X in an intermediate equation,the X that will terrify mankind as it voyages through a million galaxies,but no matter , that X is a rock upon which I stand"-Dostoevsky

Our tears are God's gift to us maa'm. It is our holy water. They heal us as they flow. Abhijeet was many things. Above all,he was a good man. In him we all have seen ,found and lost a good friend. I, now only wish you good health and many years of happiness with Abhishek at your side.

Your truly and respectfully

Abhinav Khanna 

+919036262297

mensakhanna@gmail.com.

 Life Goes On 

If I should go before the rest of you 
Break not a flower 
Nor inscribe a stone 
Nor when I am gone 
Speak in a sad voice 
But be the usual selves 
That I have known

Weep if you must 
Parting is hell 
But life goes on 
So .... sing as well

Joyce Grenfell 

 A Child Loaned 

"I'll lend you for a little time 
A child of Mine." He said. 
"For you to love the while he lives 
And mourn for when he's dead. 
It may be six or seven year 
Or twenty-two or three 
But will you, till I call him back 
Take care of him for Me? 
He'll bring his charms to gladden you 
And should his stay be brief, 
You'll have his lovely memories 
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay 
Since all from Earth return, 
But there are lessons taught down there 
I want the child to learn. 
I've looked this wide world over 
In my search for teacher's true, 
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, 
I have selected you; 
Now will you give him all your love, 
Nor think the labour vain 
Nor hate Me when I come to call 
And take him back again?

I fancied that I heard them say, 
"Dear Lord, They will be done, 
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, 
For the risk of grief we'll run. 
We'll shelter him with tenderness, 
We'll love him while we may, 
And for the happiness we've known, 
Forever grateful stay. 
But should the angels call for him 
Much sooner than we planned, 
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes 
And try to understand."

Don't Grieve for me for now I'm free,

I'm following the path God has laid you see.

I took His hand when I heard Him call,

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To laugh, to love, to work, to play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembered joys.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Oh, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.

I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I've savored much,

Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your hearts and peace to thee,

God wanted me now, He set me free 

When tomorrow starts without me,

And I am not there to see,

And if the Sun should rise and find your eyes,

All filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry 

the way you did today,

while thinking of the many things,

we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,

as much as I love you,

and each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,

please try to understand,

that an Angel came and called my name,

and took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,

in heaven far above,

and that I'd have to leave behind,

all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,

a tear fell from my eye,

for all life, I'd always thought,

I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,

so much yet to do,

it seemed almost impossible,

that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,

the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared,

and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,

just even for awhile,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you

and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,

that this could never be,

for emptiness and memories,

would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,

I might miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did,

my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,

I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,

from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,

and all I've promised you".

Today for life on earth is past,

but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,

but today will always last,

and since each day's the same day,

there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,

so trusting and so true.

Though there were times you did some things,

you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven

and now at last you're free.

So won't you take my hand

and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,

don't think we're far apart,

for every time you think of me,

I'm right here, in your heart

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in

the next. Amen. 

GOD, grant me the serenity 
to accept the things
I cannot change, 
Courage to change the
things I can, and the

wisdom to know the difference. 

  “Do not stand at my grave and weep, 
I am not there, I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow, 
I am the softly falling snow. 
I am the gentle showers of rain, 
I am the fields of ripening grain. 
I am in the morning hush, 
I am in the graceful rush 
Of beautiful birds in circling flight. 
I am the starshine of the night. 
I am in the flowers that bloom, 
I am in a quiet room. 
I am in the birds that sing, 
I am in each lovely thing. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry, 
I am not there — I do not die. ”

There are TImes  in Life 

When you feel as if the earth 
Has opened up 
And swallowed you whole . . . 
And you seriously doubt 
If you'll ever stop hurting. 
And it's then that you need 
To realize you can't 
“Make everything all right.” 
All you can do is survive, 
One hour at a time, 
Then one day at a time. 
But you are not alone. 
There are many who care about you 
And are ready to lend you their strength 
When yours is all gone.

So hang on, because the sun 
Will rise again . . . 
And though you'll 
Never forget, 
You will survive this 
And go on.

Death is nothing at all. 
I have only slipped away into the next room. 
I am I and you are you. 
Whatever we were to each other, 
   that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name. 
Speak to me in the easy way 
   which you always used. 
Put no difference in your tone. 
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed 
   at the little jokes we enjoyed together. 
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. 
Let my name be ever the household word 
   that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect, 
   without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant. 
It is the same that it ever was. 
There is absolutely unbroken continuity. 
Why should I be out of mind 
   because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, 
  for an interval, 
     somewhere very near, 
       just around the corner.

All is well.

It ain't fair you died too young,

Like the story that had just begun..

But Death tore the pages away,

God knows How i love and miss you,

And the hell I ahve been through

Just know that no one can take your place

All the time I wonder where are you.