Mommy A day late and a dollar short. Bad cold first in 5.5 years. But it doesn't mean I do not think of you. I hope you have met Hazel, I was told she was with Dad. This tragedy has really broken me, it wasn't her time and the end was horrible. I know a lot of these writings are all about me, but it has been a very difficult time do to illness. Not what I pictured for myself. I so appreciate you, and dad and the family as I go through life I find I had an amazing childhood and adulthood, in part because I was loved so much. It is very lonely without you and dad and the others. We really tore it up didn't we? I have such wonderful memories I truly believe just how fortunate I was to have our family. I love you forever. Please take care of Hazel, she was one in a million and I am still in shock. Twelve years seems forever.I love you all xoxo alicia

Mommy,

I have been thinking about you so much lately. I yearn to hear your voice, your wisdom and most of all your arms wrapped around me. No one in this life ever loved me more than you and Dad. As the years fly by I see the massive influence you both had on me. On this your birthday, I miss you even more. I remember your 80th in the backyard where a good time was had by all. And the multiple fireworks we saw while eating dinner at Yamashiro. Our little family of three had it all. And I know that now. My heart remains eternal broken, simply I miss my family, especially in the last several years of illness, no one really with your voice or Dad's or Pesh to say don't worry and like a magic wand I would stop because of my belief in you. I was/am one hell of a lucky person to be surrounded by so much love, Uncle Walter, Sandy, Grandma, Frances and Jordy and so many more, who can ask for better. Enjoy your birthday, I see you and Dad dancing the foxtrot in my mind, being elegant and enjoying life. Happy birthday to a great woman! I love love and everyone else tons....

Delly, My Delly, My Mother, My Best Friend,

Oh how I miss you and everyone. I talk about you all the time. We had a great run in California, my aim was to make sure you visited every place you read in the magazines when I grew in New York. Our bond got even closer if that could happen. I said I love you every night by telephone. I remember you said you were "surprised at my devotion to you" I said to you "I learned from the best, I watched you take care of grandma" I listened to you as you jumped in to help with Pesh until the day she died. That is what a family does, and no one did it better than you, no one. Today I am at peace because I feel you. I see all the photos around my home of you and the family who seemed to be looking at me. I love you beyond and more, I love Dad, Pesh, Sandy, and everyone who taught me compassion and love, especially for the animals. You are all a tough act to follow. Watch over me please. xoxoxoxox

Hi Mommy,

Well you know I am ill. And you know, well many things. I said out loud yesterday Happy Birthday and I had flashbacks of so many lunches and outings. This has continued to be tough year, I continually hope things will change. You did not raise me to be isolated at home. Wow it's ten years since you left me. How did this all happen? I wish I knew about your dreams of Italy, I would have dropped everything to take you there, then it was too late for you and me. what I learnt is you do not get do overs, not with your family. Time is fleeting.... days turned in weeks into months into years. Boy do I miss you and the family. I had it good, a warm loving yet loud family. You were spectacular as Dad, I am blessed that I had you both it should have been longer. Mom, sorry it's short, I am a bit empty right now but you need to know I didn't forget you or the day......your favorite daughter, Alicia

Hi Mommy,
A Day Late. If you are watching over me and I hope you and the family are, you know I am severely ill. They cannot get a handle on how to fix me. It's one thing after another and I am sad a good portion of my life.

It's ten years since you left me, and it feels like yesterday. How lucky am I to have had you and Dad and the rest of our family, only thing I wish you were all here with me. Please know you and Dad and the family live on in all my stories. I watched the Glenn Miller story and thought about you and dad dancing especially the fox trot when I was watching the dance sequences. I wish I was older when the rest of the family was here, I do not know if everyone knew how I appreciated and loved them. I know you and Dad did because I had the opportunity, not sure if it was enough. Are my four legged kids with you? its been an impossible 2.5 yrs, please give me a sign you or someone is watching, I am so alone.....I love you always and forever. xoxoxox

Hi Mommy,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Big Kisses and Hugs and Squeezes!
I have tears in my eyes. It's been such a rough 18 months but somehow I am getting through. I feel like you and dad and the family I loved so much is responsible for that. Frankly I would have given up long ago. I keep re-telling the story of how I got you hooked on good champagne and one year on your birthday at the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel. I was on a slim budget and ordered house champagne and your response was, "I don't like this, it not the usual champagne we drink" Oh how I miss those birthday and mother's day moments. My best friend, my defender, you did really well until you left me, its so impossible not to have the words of wisdom from you, dad, pesh, walter sandy, frances and everyone you are with. I know you are all with me but some days are just empty, I miss my big loving family. I miss you and everyone terribly. I have amazing memories so I know this was a real family not made up. I hope my four legged kids found you, I lost four in a very short time and could not grieve properly because I was so sick, I hope they forgive me and found you. I am crying good now, this is overdue, I am better health wise so I can write all of this. Much much love your one and only Alicia. xoxoxo

Thinking of you today Alicia. I have heard so many wonderful stories of your mom. My favorite one is my mom recalling when she met us all at the airport when Mara and I were little with 7-Up to share and cups. She was adored by so many people. I can imagine how wonderful it was to have her by your side. Always remember that she’s with you everyday, in your heart, supporting you and loving you. Sending love and hugs.

I had a nice visit with you and the family at the cemetery a few days ago. You are forever in my heart! Looking back at life in Brooklyn and NJ we sure did have some crazy times. We laughed! We cried! and then we ate a corn beef sandwich and a Hersey chocolate bar. Love you and miss you!

Another 4 of July. I woke up and sang out loud Happy Birthday to you. It's been terrible 12 months and I have been speaking a lot to you and Dad and the rest of the family. I was so alone in the hospital as I am alone now. We really did have one hell of a ride in California. My only regret I didn't get you to Italy. I have a broken heart, I love you and miss you and Dad and the family everyday. Life was great, I had no idea. Take care of my little Esken's and Fiona. xoxoxo

Eight years ago, longer since I heard your voice. How I regret telling you to stop singing as a kid, what I wouldn't do to hear you sing. I fought hard for my life in 2019, now the world is in trouble, part of me is relieved that you aren't here they other part is missing you telling me it's going to be all right. I keep saying no one on earth will ever love me as my parents have, It's a very lonely time for me and everyone across the globe. I hope we all make it. I think of you always. I know Mo, Luna and Picchu are with you which gives me comfort but I miss them so, it was such a difficult time. I love you always, Your one and only XOXOXO

The fireworks are lighting up the sky now. It's a cool evening after a warm day. We had an earthquake today in honor of your birthday. I am better a bit empty, the family thing. At least all of you are together. I love you forever, kisses to everyone. I know you are watching. xoxoxo Your One and Only.......

Happy Mothers Day! This weekend my family had 2 road trips. The first was about 2.5 hours. I packed up water, but no snacks. On the way home we were starving. I remembered all our road trips. You always had corn beef sandwiched and snacks for us. Then next day we were back on the road again 3.5 hours, but this time I made sure snacks were packed. No matter how they come to us, life's lessons are invaluable. I will always remember.....

Today, walking Hazel, I am speaking to you. It's an empty day. It's a beautiful day with a slight wind. There's no dressing up, no reservation at a great hotel, no present waiting........it's an empty day full of love and missing you.
Happy Mother's Day Mom and to Pesh, Grandma, Grandma Vicki, Frances, Aunt Molly, Ruth, Blake anfd the other important women in my life that are no longer touchable. xoxox

Seven very long years and a lifetime away.
Do you hear me talk to you all the time? Today I am numb so they are few words in this broken heart. All I ask is you and the family continue to watch over me. I love you all. Alicia

Happy Birthday Mom,
Wow, it's been along time since this was celebratory day. Today I just am. Not a lot of words. Please take care of my Chester, I do not think he has anyone. I hope Fiona, Elvis, Sushi, Julian, Kalei, the Nimmies, and all the many Esken's are with you receiving your amazing love. It's only that image that makes their leaving bearable. I hope somehow you are dancing with Dad as the family looks on. I love you madly with this broken heart.........xoxox Alicia

It's a cloudy day here, kind of reflects the mood. Nowhere to go on this and future Mother's Day. Just quiet reflection while planting; a lifetime ago when we were clinking Champagne glasses and acting inappropriate. Happy Mother's Day Mom, Pesh, Frances, Grandma, Grandma Vicky, Ruth and Blake. Some of the strongest and most amazing women I ever knew. xoxox Fiona, Mommy misses you and all the little Esken's. xoxox

Delly you will alway be in my heart..... You were the best second mother Joy and I could ever have. You are truly missed! I will always have fond memories of my childhood because of you.....Love YOU!

On a Sunday just like today in Los Angeles six years ago, I received a call and knew it was the end. I didn't believe it, I wanted them to call the EMTs, but you were on hospice.

Our journey was ending. I lay beside you for nearly eight hours taking short breaks to speak with family and friends. I had never felt so alone and numb.

Then something happened, the regular scheduled music person came from hospice she had no idea. This time she brought a harp, she never did that before. While you were cradled in my arms, she played. It was the sound of angels. I knew there was something helping me and giving me messages. You were an angel. Joy called you "Angel-face". You were fierce, loving, gentle, kind and stunning. Your family was everything. As I look at the family photos my god, you, Pearl and Uncle Walter, movie star looks and hearts to match.

On this day I remember everything. By now once again you will have met some very important "alicia" family members. You remember Fiona.
When your eyes were closed and you could not longer speak, you always reached out and petted Fiona. What a special soul and I loved her so.. You never met Chester Esken. Through a series of bad choices Chester hopefully found his way to you. He had a crazy smile, very polite; his unexpected departure broke my heart into a million pieces. Please take care of him, I did not think he has anyone except you and Fiona. Enzo left this world this week. I saved him over ten years ago. I hope you get to meet him.

I love you you and miss our family. I miss Dad taking me to museums. I miss Grandma sitting in from of 3050 greeting the bathers as they walked to the lockers. I miss watching the Flintstones with Uncle Walter. I miss Uncle Louie and Aunt Molly come from the Bronx and stay the entire summer. And today is Easter Sunday and I am reminded of a lifetime of Easter Baskets from Frances and Jordy. Life was unbelievably beautiful. I took that for granted for a long time. Now at this age, I go back in my mind and know I was so very blessed. I know I came from amazing "stock" and I cherish that and do good deeds in return everyday. xoxo Alicia

I am crying like a baby. Your mother and father were very kind to me.


"On the river long, that is where it all will end. And when we get where we belong , we'll be with family and friends, again- On the River Long".

Happy Birthday Delly!
Today, I miss you more than in a long time. I have tears in my eyes. It feels like forever since we laughed and shared secrets. You are going to meet a good friend of mine Blake, she was like my older sister. It's a very very sad day for me. And I so wish you were here. I love you and Dad very much and miss my family terribly.

Five years. I was thinking last night I do not remember what your voice really sounds like. What the timber was. I remember your laugh, your smile so innocent the same smile I see in photos when you were younger. My heart is so heavy again. I hope by now you met my friend Blake who was always kind and good to me. She left too soon. You never told me about the life challenges of so much loss. As I age I see a lot of you in me...........Forever loved, forever missed, forever heartbroken. I love you always, me xoxo

To my second mother... You will always be in my heart and soul. Growing up with you was the highlight of my early years and teenage years. You have taught me so much. I still use your phases and wisdom with my son. Family was most important and we sure did almost every thing together. You have been a major part of my life. I love you and miss you very much....

Happy 100th Delly! The 4th of July is never the same, not even remotely. I remember such wonderful birthdays and such amazing times.Thank god for that, we had amazing run, no one did it better. I just wish I got you to Italy. There is not a day that goes by that I wish I could have you and my family back. Big kisses to my lovely mother who was simply different, elegant and full of life and loyalty. xoxo, your one and only...............

Happy 100th birthday too an Amazing life
Thank you for giving us your kind, beautiful, amazing , passionate daughter who Loves and a huge advocate for dogs cats and Animal rights ❤️

Sitting at my desk instead of drinking champagne at some Beverly Hills hotel. It's just another day, is it? Feels like a million years since I heard your voice. I pass the flower stores and no one to buy it for. I miss you immensely, your wisdom and your crazy. I am doing better but of course I wish you were here it's tough when there is no anchor called "family"
xoxo. Kisses to all the family and all my furry friends, please take care of them..............

So it's been 4 years already. Today I rejoice in knowing that I had a wonderful mother (and father and really an amazing family). Folks who loved me so much, as I get older I see how rare that is.

Mom, I found a sign finally, and believe me it did not go unnoticed, its sitting right beside me. I grew up hearing you recite the poem you wrote and loved so much. Each time you starting to recite it I shouted from what ever room the words. This poem was lost for nearly forty years, I found it going through art supplies for Sheryl and Dalton, in an old folder filled with old job stuff.

I gasped, finally.......here it is (I have added the handwritten version to the gallery, everyone will note France's note on the bottom as she got it from you and sent it to me so long ago......)

                 WHY I ASK MYSELF
                 By Adele Ziff Esken

     Why I ask myself, are things also so hard for me &
     I give of myself where ever I need to be,
     And take all things in stride, because
     I ask why, be greedy, grumpy & mean
     When we all can be happy gay & serene
     And when I ask myself why, I answer,
     I do good to others, until my time is
               ripe.
     Then I'll know I'll do good until the
     day, I ride into the unknown
     And say, Pop move over, you are not alone.

Cut from the same cloth, you and I, if I weren't your daughter, I would be your sister. Know you are never forgotten no matter what whirlwind I live in the moment.

Oh, yes the radio on classic music, nice touch, Delly.
Kiss my family for me. I love you forever, Alicia xoxo

Another holiday without you. Another birthday with no celebration. I thought it maybe a sign, a dear friend just happen to rescue a dog with your name. I found some pennies on the street, I keep looking for you, I am so alone. It's supposed to get better it's getting worse. I miss your words of encouragement, I miss your smile, I miss everything especially telling me its going to be better. Everyone is clueless. My heart is broken. Happy Birthday Mommy, your daughter who loves you so. xoxox

Happy Mother's Day Mom and to Pesh too!

How did today become another day? We should be drinking champagne and saying inappropraite things and laughing.

I hope by now you met my dear dear friend Ruth who left this planet on her birthday. she took wonderful care of me and I enjoyed and loved her a lot. She felt like family. While she could never take your place or wanted to she was my older woman friend. Today I miss her too. xoxo

Mom,
Three years. I was never so loved and will never be as loved. Ever.
I feel peace that you are back with the family.

I love you and miss you. life was never the same.

Mom,
I thought today about the last intact birthday of yours. You, Dad, Pearl and Sandy and Uncle Walter were in California and we celebrated at Karen's home. I see us all in the backyard. Dad gave me hundreds to buy you something I bought you all this sportwear from Bullocks. Who knew it would be the last birthday we all would celebrate together as a family? They say time heals but I do not think so, no one had our bond sometimes we were like one person. I am empty, I am shakey and I miss you terribly.

A beautiful day in California, clouds in the sky crisp. I see visions of you in a red sweater or some black tweed. Your black hair blowing in the wind. I see a smile of a lot younger version of you. It feels like an entire lifetime, not two years. Supposed to get easy? No. My biggest cheerleader is not here and I remain lost and tired. here's to you my lovely mommy, my heart is still broken. xoxoxo

When I woke up yesterday morning July 4th.... my first thought was, it it Delly's Birthday. She will forever be in my heart. Can't forget someone who has been a large part of my life!!! Love you always...Sheshy

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think you. The standards you and mom set, made me the woman and mother that I am. I am so proud to have your strong values instilled in me which I know my children will pass on. There is not a stronger bond than the love of family. I am so lucky I had you in my life. Love you Delly...belly Joy

Dear Mommy,
It's not getting easier when the 4th of July comes. There is no celebration, no birthday cake or ridiculously expensive present to spoil you. There are memories of a childhood and being well loved. There is no family, you are with everyone that counts. I know in time that will change, your are in my heart always, I love you, Alicia

As I lie in bed with my son Dalton a few nights ago, I explained the Ziffs to him. Talking in bed & cuddling was what we did best on long nights. I came from a warm loving family. I shared with my son the stories of Grandma coming to NY, marrying Jacob & the special relationships I had with Delly and Uncle Walter.....Delly, you will always live in my heart.

Thinking of you Alicia. I do understand. Probably not exactly what you're feeling, but I do know how close we were to our Mothers and how you devotedly cared for her & I can relate to those feelings of loss and emptiness. No matter how much you try to prepare emotionally for their departure nothing can prepare you. So soak up the memories & one day I promise, it will be slightly easier. x

On a bright sunny day, much like today a year ago you started your journey to meet Dad, Uncle Walter, Pesh, Sandy & the rest of our family.
What can I say the hole in my heart is so big, I try to take comfort in memories,that only works when I can tell a story to an audience.In my alone time I am devastated and remain numb. No one understands. I love you Mommy.

Alicia, you are in my heart even though we face different oceans... your mother was a wonderful energy force of nature, and so are you! xoxo Cousin Mara

You are in my thoughts this week as your birthday came and went. I will always remember you on the 4th of July. You were a firecracker.
We always had fun together! I am so blessed to have grown up with you! my very special Aunt........
Love you Sheshy-

4th of July 2012
Dear Mommy,
Today is the first birthday without you. For more than 50yrs we have celebrated your day. I will always remember the Polo Lounge,the Bel Air Hotel,Yamashiro & a host of glamourous spots we spent your birthday. I am empty since you left 93 days ago, it feels like a lifetime. xoxo

I never knew Adele. I met her once, but I've know Alicia for about seven years and I have seen her true devotion to her mother. It was very beautiful. Alicia, you are a wonderful and smart-crazy like a fox!
I would have loved to met your parents. See you Sat plus Mal.

On a warm summer week end I see Adele and Pearl sitting on the stoop at Brighton 7th. St.  Uncle Jack and Aunt Sadie in the kitchen, Myrna and Karen and I playing outside and Walter and Ethel on there way over. What wonderful times, what a beautiful loving family. Adele I will miss your kind heart always. I wish you peace now that you're with the people you loved the most.

My Aunt Adele was kind, sweet, loving, caring and lovely. I grew up just two blocks away from her and spent a great deal of my childhood with her. She was so much more than an aunt to me. We are all who we are because of the people who have come before us. She was a big presence in my life and made an indelible impression in my heart. I will always treasure having had her in my life.

Alicia,
You were very lucky to have had such great parents who adored you. In return you were a wonderful daughter to them, especially to your Mother. No daughter could have been more loving or cared more. You never missed a beat, you were always there and she will always be with you.

When I think of my Aunt Adele, I remember her as a young woman, full of life. She was a truly generous, loving, warm, kind & wonderful person, and she will live in my heart as long as I draw breath. My great hope is that when her soul left her body, it flew to be with those she loved, and they are now all happy and together forever.

"Favorite Niece" LOL (Everyone was her favorite)
Go to the Story page for my TRIBUTE.
Delly is one of the key people that shaped my life.
The name Delly is an endearing name. I was the one who named her, “DELLY” almost 50 years ago. She will forever be in my heart!

I remember going to California and visiting with my cousin Alicia and aunt Adele. So many years had passed between visits but the love and affection was still there. I've enjoyed hearing the story over the years about her fondness for ginger ale and making sure we had snacks at the airport when we visited when we were little. I will always remember my aunt Adele as a very sweet woman.

a lifetime of joy with. We hope you find comfort in that...and also knowing how many friends and family have you in their thoughts and prayers.

Love Paul & Stephanie

Alicia...the pictures are beautiful and your parents look like elegant movie stars from Hollywood's glamorous past. For as long as we have known you we have always seen how devoted, loving, kind and loyal you have been to your mother. She was so lucky to have such a beautiful and caring daughter. And Alicia...you were so lucky to have such a beautiful and loving mother to share

In life, people are blessed with one mom. I was fortunate to be blessed with two beautiful moms. My wonderful Mom Pearl and my amazing Aunt Delly. Delly and Uncle Jack visitd ever weekend. Chinese food was our staple dinner and cornbeef sandwiches with ginger ale was a typical lunch. I referred to her as my "Doll Face." Forever in our hearts, she will be missed. Rest in peace Delly.