It has just been three years today since we lost our most beloved son, brother, and friend, Alec. We each have suffered tremendous pain because of his passing, and this pain was a hundred times more painful because of the manner in which he died. I know that we each had tried to deal with that pain individually, suffering alone, and trying to deal with it in our own personal way. We tried to deny it by not speaking about it because it hurt each time, so we just kept our feelings to ourselves, pretending we were strong and that we could handle it. How long we would be doing this, we don’t know, especially because the crime committed against him has not yet been solved. And as long as I live, I will never stop asking God to grant us His justice. 

We miss his company and we each carry a void in our hearts once filled with Alec’s warm laughter and sincere friendship.  Lately, we have turned to God more to find solace and peace in our hearts and that is good. It does not stop the pain, but we feel a spiritual connection with Alec through our Lord Jesus Christ.  For Jesus is the only answer.  He did come into this world to save us by dying for us. Even Jesus died, as we all will. What matters is where our death will lead us – will it be towards Jesus in Heaven to enjoy the fruits of His salvation, eternal life and everlasting happiness?  Or away from Him to suffer even more, in eternal damnation. We all know how to achieve Heaven, by making the Lord Jesus the meaningful focus of our lives and being proud to proclaim His glory. Through this, we can give Alec’s passing true meaning. He is in Heaven now, looking down on us and providing a shining example for us. He will want us to share the glory he enjoys now, when our own time comes.

The Holy Masses and my daily prayers to Jesus and Mary are bringing me comfort. In my little altar at home, I light the candle, look at Alec's picture, pray and meditate. It’s my only way of dealing with my grief. It has also brought my little grandchildren to the realization that their Uncle Alec is totally connected with God.  Together we all pray, talk with Alec, kiss his picture, smile at him and at Jesus, and pour our hearts out in this little sacred space in our home.  Over the past months, I have begun to see where I am in the midst of this. I realize now how small I am in God’s majesty, and His power is awesome! I realize that I never really owned Alec, God just lent and shared him with me, and that He could take Alec away at any time. And He did take him away so soon. I never really owned him. I was just the instrument of God who allowed me to see this boy grow into a wonderful human being so that I could send him back to Heaven.

Because of this, I now see my true purpose in life - to bring more souls to Heaven where we all really hope to be in the end. Alec just made it there first. This fact has been confirmed to me by our Blessed Virgin Mother on the same night I prayed to her for a sign, that Alec truly is in Heaven.  That same night, she sent Alec to me in a dream, where I was in the midst of running away from chaos, I opened a door and there was Alec, smiling!  He took both my hands, and he happily jumped up and down with me like someone who won the lottery, exclaiming “I’m alive! I’m alive”! How much more clearly can a sign be? He is alive in everlasting life; he is indeed, in Heaven! This dream tells me that our Lord Jesus Christ and our Blessed Mother are always so near, just waiting for our prayers. I will cherish this dream forever because this has lifted me and my family above our grief.  We feel we can move on now, and even smile again!  We are left with the memories of our loving son and brother. Let the memories fill our minds, warm our hearts, and lead us through.

Alec was the kind of person Heaven is made of – humble, respectful, loyal, thoughtful, kind, suffering in silence, God-fearing, child-like, helpful, loving. He was truly a child of God.  He showed us a glimpse of the abundance of God’s love and goodness by the person he was. I respect him for that and he inspires me. I am so proud of him. It is Alec’s soul that matters now; not my pain, not my grief, but the ecstasy he now enjoys in God’s Kingdom, and that is happiness enough for me. He is okay, where he is – happy and at peace with Jesus.  I thank God that we had a chance to have him in our lives. I thank God for the GIFT OF ALEC.

I love you with an everlasting love.
Belle C. Perez-de-Tagle