Yesterday was your 4 year anniversary. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. I still want to be selfish and say that I wish you were still here with us. But I know in my heart you’re where you need to be. You’re finally with Nana and Marvin, like you’ve wanted for so long. I know you only wished for that because of your daily suffering. I would have given anything to take your pain away. Both physically and emotionally. It hurt so much to hear you cry and not be able to help. I tried with some of the emotional pain but he never responded. I’m trying to get passed it mom but it still hurts me so much to know that you died thinking he hated you. I don’t know if I can get passed that. I am trying.  I will continue to try. I know that’s what you always wanted from me. No one seems to understand though. They’re not the ones that held you while you cried asking “why does he hate me so much?”  They didn’t hear all the hurt in your voice. I wish I could have given you the reconciliation you so desperately wanted. 

I don’t have to tell you how great Paul is doing cuz I know you haven’t left us and you see everything. I’m so proud of him. I’m never thought I’d be where I’m at now doing what I’m doing but I do love it. 

I miss you so much mom.  Paul and I are so proud by what you did when you passed. I know I tell people that ask me about you about the life you saved and the lives you’ve changed. I know that was something you always wanted. I honestly didn’t expect anything less from you. Giving all of yourself until your last breath. That’s who you were. 

Until we see each other again I will try to be like you everyday.                                         I love you lady

Hey young lady, just thought I would stop by and tell you Happy Birthday!  You must have been thinking about me because I had a dream last week that I got to hug your neck again!!!  And as always you had the biggest smile on your face.  I love you and miss you....until I see you again!

With love.... 

It's been quite some time since I have written on here, although I talk to you every day.  I miss you so much!!!  It's been a huge adjustment for Emma and I without you here.  We are closer than we've ever been nowadays but there is still a large part of us that is missing.  We are managing our careers and keeping busy. 

I'm slowly putting things back together for myself after my so-called marriage so that I can move on emotionally. I hope you send that special person my way sometime soon.  I get lonely but know that I am not ready. I am still bitter, she really did a number on me, but I know in order to move on and trust someone again I need to let that go. Some are "gifted" with not having a conscience and taking advantage of people. My gift, to a fault, in this case, is that I loved the wrong person too deeply.  I'm being patient, though.

Emma is doing awesome at the clinic. She shares stories with me all the time and I have to say, I couldn't do what she does. She works crazy hours but loves it.  She is learning so much there, she is going to continue to do great whether she stays there or moves on. So proud of her!!

Well Mom, just wanted to say Hi and share a few things.  I miss being able to pick up the phone and call you or get a random text from you.  :-(

Love you with every ounce of me!  Talk to you soon.