- 20 years old
- Date of birth: Jul 12, 1993
- Date of passing: May 14, 2014
|Let the memory of Allen be with us forever|
"Hello sweetie, it has now been two years since you left us. This was a hard week, you turned 23 and I am missing you so much. I look at your pictures from when you were a little happy go lucky boy who had just made his first snowman all on his own or that little baby splashing in the tub and I think there was no way of knowing then that you would leave us way too soon. My heart will never recover.
Breathing is getting a little easier but there are still times when I cry. It isn't right that you are not here. It isn't right that you are getting out from under my "mothers" curse. You know the one where I wished for you to have six little girls all just like you? At least you left me two precious little girls and boy howdy they have so much of you in themselves. Your baby girls are such a comfort.
I get excited when I see you in my dreams but seeing you only leaves me wanting more time and conversation with you. You smile when you are in my dreams and I am relieved but man what I would give just to hear you speak or laugh. That laugh!!
I have a sense of your happiness when I see you in my dreams and I rejoice. All I ever wanted for you was for you to be happy.
You are forever and always "my" Allen.
I love you and I look forward to that time when we will see each other again.
"Well, It's been some time. At this time, you should have met my Dad, Step Mom, and my Sister who committed suicide last fall. It's been a rough year. I was just talking to Owen about you last week, and you truly need to know you are forever missed and made a difference in lives you would never have thought you would. Psalm 57-1."
Its been a 1 year and 8 months since you left and there is so much I wish I could talk to you about. People probably think I'm crazy because theres times I'm sitting in my car and I just talk away to you hoping that you can hear me. So much has happened since you passed and every time something happens, instead of picking up the phone and calling you, ive got the second best thing, your mama! She always knows what to say to make things better. I wish so badly I could see you just one last time, have one last hug. I wish chase could've grown up to know you, the only memory h has is steak n shake with you and sam and he still had the paper car you to made together lol. You didn't realize how loved you truly were Allen and how many peoples lives you made better or even complete. I love you Al. Until next time!"
"I havent been on this page in forever. But i see momma h is keeping it updated ;)
It has been a really long year. I really heartbreaking and exhausting year. But with everyday i wake up and all i want to do is go back to bed. But i know that the girls need fed and diapers changed, so i keep moving. I use to think that i would never see you again. I always thought i was alone, and even though i have moved on, things still dont seem right without you. But then allena walks through my door, momma! I want juice, and i just smile and get out of bed. I walk into the girls room and scarlett has the sweetest smile with her blankey and reaches out for me. They are so angelic and have so much personality. I see so much of you in them. They are funny and lovable, but stubborn and hard headed. :) seeing them everyday lets me know that your not far away. They literally make my life so much better with everyday passing. And without them i dont think id be the woman i am today.
But man do i wish you were here. I always say to myself, why did you go? And i keep worrying about it all the time. I get a lot of heat from people and i just wonder what you would say. Or do. It makes me so angry that people could be the way that they have been towards me. Someone accused me of doing something the other day and all i wanted to do was cry. Someone was trying to take my happiness away. They were trying to crumble what we had made. I was so sad. And i still dont know why or who. And all i could think about was you. I just wish i could talk to you again. You were my bestfriend. And you still are. I miss you like crazy. And i hope you still know that.
Everyday allena talks about you. She knows who you are. We look through photo albums and she just laughs at how small she was. But when she sees your picture, she says momma, thats my daddy in heaven and i hold back my tears, smile, and i say, that is your daddy in heaven. And shell point to the sky, and say, up in heaven? Shes the smartest little girl. Shes almost fully potty trained. She has to wear big girl panties lol. But my you would love the hell out of scarlett. Remember how we always use to talk about how i was you in girl form and you were me in guy form, well she took my place. Spitting image of you al. She melts my heart. She has so much spunk. Shes so silly, she laughs at herself. Shes even following her sister mocking everything she does. Lets just say my hands are full. Ha.
We miss you allen. So very much. I dont get to talk alot about losing you these days. So i thought i would write something down. Youre heavy on my mind tonight.
Love, your blue eyed angels :*"
"Hello my love, I struggle with believing it has been a year 5/14/2014, I miss you so very much and the ache in my heart has not ceased. Time has dulled the hurt a bit but not by much. Every day I look at your photo and think "why aren't you here?" Oh my sweet precious son, I miss you!!
I'm stopping by today to let you know that your dad left this world yesterday. How I pray the two of you will find peace in one another.
Your girls are doing great and they are so full of personality and joy. Sam is doing a great job with them and I think you would be pleased with how they are turning out.
Please continue to watch over all of us my dear and know that I look forward to that day when we are all together again.
You are in my heart forever!
"Hello My Love,
It is now 2015 and it has been over 7 months since you left us. A few weeks ago I laid a wreath at your grave and it felt surreal. The hardest part of this holiday season was that it was just a year ago that you were home, you were here where I could wrap my arms around you, you were alive and you were laughing about relatives giving you a foreign liquor.
You know Allen, I was never big on crying but crying is all I can do these days. My heart is shattered and I will never be the same again.
I want you to work hard to learn all that you can and I want you to know that as we all move on from this we are not leaving you behind, we are moving toward you. You are now my goal, my finish line.
I love you and miss you!
"Yesterday we gathered at your grave to say Happy Birthday to you my beautiful son!
Never could I or would I have imagined just how empty this life would be without you.
I love and miss you with ever fiber of my being.
I keep waiting for this to all be a bad dream from which I will wake up...any minute now.
I knew you were meant to be my son from the first time I felt you stir in my womb. How I prayed every day that Heavenly Father would never ask of me to bury you.
I struggle to understand why I couldn't have been granted just this one request.
My thoughts are not His thoughts and because this is not my plan but His- I will simply have to wait for that time when you and I will see each other again.
Until then, my love, know that you are forever in my heart and always on my mind.
"Allen, I hope you know that you are forever missed. Today is a birth date that we shared as well as many other story's and memories. Thank you for letting me in and letting me get to know you. Though it's a difficult time; I have to smile every time I think of you as you were pouring the water from your shoe in your attempt to get away from what you had to face. You are truly missed by those who really knew you."
"Allen, it hasn't even been a month yet, but brother that's still a month too long since the last time we spoke. This is fucking killing me bro. I miss you like crazy. There's not one day that goes by that you haven't been on my mind. I miss the days we had no worries, we'd sit around and play xbox for hours. We'd talk on the phone about all of our conspiracies, and crazy plans. We always drove your mom crazy! We were nothing but trouble together, and it was perfect. Those were the good old days. I would literally kill to have them back. I'd do anything to hear you say "bros before hos" again. We were always so much alike, but we still learned so much from each other. Part of who I am today is because of you, and the time we spent. I still can't believe that you are gone. I really don't want to believe it. I always pictured us growing old together and bitching about the women, and all the problems in our lives. We've both been through a lot, and you have got me through more than you could ever imagine, but I'm going to need your help to get through this. Please watch over me bro. If the distance of the states couldn't keep us apart, I promise this won't either. You will always be in my heart. I love you so much brother, I can't wait till I see you again. Rest easy."
"I was lucky enough to get to spent most of a year with Allen and through all that he went through, he came out a strong young man with a focus and he followed that dream. We never know God's plan, but at some point in life we begin to understand. My heart goes out to all involved as this is a difficult event to even start to wrap my arms around. I'm just so sorry.
"Allen, you will be missed. I still can't believe this happened to such a wonderful person. Every ones saying god has a plan & things happen for a reason,but I just don't understand why this happened to you. You were so young and you had a great life ahead of you. I've cried every day since I found out that you passed. I just keep thinking about our conversation we had before you moved out to Kansas, I was finally going to meet the guy my cousin married, and you said you couldn't wait to meet me. But things came up and the funeral was my first and last time meeting you. Even though I didn't get to meet you, I know for a fact you was a great soldier and a wonderful husband and father and I thank you for everything you have done. I will miss you & I won't forget our conversation. Rest In Paradise, Allen Franklin Hilton."
"We value our friendship with Allen. The conversations I had with him were always special. Our hearts go out to those left behind. Great comfort comes in knowing that we are all one eternal family and our Heavenly Father has provided a marvelous plan where by we can all return to Him and be with our loved ones forever. We pray that all will find peace and comfort in that assurance."
Thank you for teaching me strength.
Without your guidance and your leadership, I wouldn't have become as fearless, independent and confident as I am today.
You are a very special young man, and we will miss you dearly down here, but they are very lucky to have you up there to keep them company.
Thank you for being a role model and friend.
You will always be in my heart. I will think of you often.
"Oh, darling. All I have ever been good at is writing and I cannot even compile the right words to express how much I miss you. I cannot even fathom the fact that we will not be getting old together. We have gone through so many ups and downs and I would do anything to have you back. I have never suffered a loss as severe as losing you. I feel so selfish because I cannot be strong for anyone else. So many people gave me the news and looked for comfort in me and I cannot even handle it for myself. Even more selfish because I would trade so many people for you and that is awful of me. Hearing that would make you so angry with me. You would be calling me, yelling at me for being so fragile. You would tell me that I can overcome anything and if you were still here, I might believe that. I feel so hollow. There is so much of me missing without you. We had a much quirkier friendship than I have with anyone else and I adored it. We were always on the same page and listened so intently to each other. I would do anything to have that back. I would have always done anything you needed and you knew that, but never took advantage of it. Nobody could ever understand our relationship, but we did. That was all that mattered. I see you everywhere. Every uniform, Every man. Every little blonde baby girl with her daddy. Every song makes me feel like there is poison in my veins, rushing through my chest and destroying me as it reminds me of you. The memories I have are wonderful, but they hurt so badly. We were such assholes to each other but we loved it. It was how we showed affection. The thought of not having that anymore breaks me. I am so much more broken than you would ever allow me to be. I wish I could have helped you. I wish you would have called. The last words I heard from you were "Okay, bitch. I know, I love you too. Bye." and I cannot stop hearing them in my head. That phrase summed up everything beautiful about us. I will never forget you, not even for a second. The majority of my awesomeness is your fault and I love that. I love you. This separation is temporary, my dear."
"Allen, I have always had a special place in my heart for you since 2001 when I first met you. I just knew you were a kind hearted young man, even when you tried to portray a rough and tough guy. You had to be strong and you proved yourself when push came to shove. You got your heart and soul from your mom. And please know that if a mother's love was enough to keep you here, you would never have been able to leave this world. So continue your journey and keep watch over your family and your mom...until you all meet again in heaven. Love, Cyndi"
"I love you allen. And I miss you so much. You were my everything and I'm sorry for all that I have done wrong. Your girls are doing ok and I'm being strong for them bc I know that's what you would want. I love you boo boo and allen a is looking for you everywhere we go. She doesn't understand but I just tell her da da went bye bye and she acts like she's calling you. Scarletts smiles all the time and she only did that for you so I know your watching over them. I'm keeping them busy and they have been doing good. I really wish you were there at Allenas birthday party. She was a rockstar. And the party ended with a bang. She was really happy. I got her a shirt that said daddy's birthday girl. She didn't want to take it off. But I'm not doing good without you by my side. You helped me through everything. My whole family worshiped you for all that you did and have done for me. We are all very shocked but I'm starting to crash. I wish you could just hold me and tell me everything will be ok again as we watch the moon. You were my rock and everyone's trying to help me. But there will never be another you. I wish I could talk to you and tell you I'm sorry and that I love you. And I wish you were able to tell the girls you loved them one more time. I really do miss you baby. I wish I had you here to cuddle bc it's cold without you here. I'm frozen in time but I know I'm still moving. I hope that you are with good hands. Heaven need a soldier and person like you. I will never forget you and I will always keep your best attentions in mind. I know a lot of things that people don't know and I'll always hold on to those memories. I love you baby and I hope your getting along with my aunt debbie. She will take care of you until my days end. I love you Allen Franklin!!!!! <3"
"Allen, you will be missed so much. I didn't know you well but I know the person in your life that loved you unconditionally, your Mom. She is proud of all the advances you had made in your journey here on earth. ! But that journey is not over. You still have paths to travel, choices to make as you progress . You are not over , we will not be able to watch your progression now but you will be with those that love you someday . There the Fathers plan of happiness will be fulfilled. I love your sweet Mother dearly and will be here to support her as she learns to live here without you , her precious son Allen. All will be well."
"Allen another night is going by and I still can't sleep. It's only been a couple of days now but this still doesn't feel real to me. Honestly i don't think this will ever feel real. People keep trying to tell me that god has a plan, everything happens for a reason, but it doesn't help. It doesn't make it any easier. I can't believe that you are gone. I don't know how I'm suppose to live in a world where my best friend doesn't. As long as i can remember we have been there for each other. Brothers. I really don't know how I'm going to get through this without you here to talk to. If it was anybody else, you would be the very first person I'd call. Like I always did. I'd cry, and vent, while you listened. We'd talk for hours and hours. You have got me through some of the toughest times of my life. From my father passing away, and the issues in my family, to typical teenage heart break, and i cannot thank you enough for that. I hate that you had to leave us so early. Its not fair. It is going to be so hard not being able to pick up the phone and call you. I just want to hear your voice. I want to hear you call me a pussy, and tell me to man up in more cuss words than anybody else could think to say. I want to play Xbox with you, just like we used to for hours, and talk about all the drama in our lives. All that shit we went through, none of that seemed to matter when we were together, causing hell. We forgot about it all. Those were the best times. I would do anything to be able to have those times back. Brother, you were my rock whether you know it or not. You alway knew exactly what to say. You kept yourself so well gaurded with the "tough guy" act but anybody who knew you knows that you were the sweetest most caring guy. You'd always go out of your way to help someone you cared about. (Or kick someone's ass if needed). And I didn't tell you this enough, but I am so fucking proud of you. You had a rocky start at the beginning, but you turned your life around. You took everything life threw at you, and you kicked life in the ass. You grew up to be one of the finest men I have ever known. I am proud to call my best friend, and my brother. Allen, I love you to death. You will forever be apart of me. There won't be a day that goes by that you arent in my mind. I will always miss you. Rest easy."
"Love you Allen, I will miss you. Rest in Peace with
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