ForeverMissed
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January 31, 2013

I spent a lot of time with Gram and Bump on the farm.  I remember helping Gram with gardening, canning, and cooking (even though I didn't quite learn the art of it).  Gram would take us kids down to the Creek (pronounced Crick) for wading.  When were weren't driving to "town" (Oil City or Titusville) we would watch Sesame Street, Captain Kangaroo, and Mister Rogers during the day.  Then it was the news, Dallas, Knots Landing, and Falcon Crest at night.  When we did go to "town" she would treat us to McDonald's; then it was off to the tavern to meet up with Bump.  She would buy me blue popsicles or cheese puffs and a pop.  Then she would give me money to play shuffleboard.  We would visit Bill and Maude Hillard and all the campers that came up from Pittsburgh.  We would put up plastic eggs on the tree in the back yard for Easter, and decorate the front window for Christmas to include a silver tree and window clings.  Gram always made chocolate cupcakes with white icing and would freeze them for when us kids would visit.  She always had RC Cola on hand as well.  I used to listen to her record player/radio and would often take a nap curled up beside it.  I loved playing with her jewelry box that played Lara's theme from her all time favorite movie, Dr. Zhivago.  I had the pianist play it at my wedding.  Gram taught me how to crochet when I was very young; and I am so glad I learned.  She loved to crochet and do cross stitching.  Her work was unsurpassable, she did it to perfection.  Granddad loved to drive Gram nuts, and I was always game.  When I was little I told Gram that she was going to babysit for me when I had kids.  She said, "The Hell I will.  No way, you're it!"  I wouldn't change a minute of my childhood, because I fortunate enough to spend it with Gram.  I learned so much.

In 1993 after her double mastectomy, she came to live with me and help raise my first child, Kane.  She said at that time, "Out of the mouths of babes", because my prophecy had come true.   In the time she lived with us, she was present for 2 heart surgeries.  I don't know what I would have done without her.  In some ways, Kane was more her baby~.  She needed to be needed, and boy did I need her.  She was there for mine and Tony's courtship; and helped me pick out my Wedding dress.  I love those memories.  She came back and forth several times over the years; and was back when we had our second child, Riley.  She came back for the arrival of my third and fourth, Wade and Olivia as well, but for a shorter visit.  She wanted to stay and babysit for us, but realized her limitations at 82 and 85.  Tony often says that I tricked him.  The house was always clean and there was always a good meal.  I tell him, "I didn't trick you, Gram lived with me/us."  He misses her cooking to this day.  They didn't always see eye to eye, but it was because they were both stubborn.  You will never meet a more opinionated or hard headed person than Gram.  But when she loved, she loved with her entire being and heart.  If you crossed her or someone she loved, you were on her shit list (and it was hard to get off that list.)  I am so glad my children got to know their Great Grandmother.  She loved them unconditionally.

Gram was always there when you needed to talk.  I miss her voice.  During her last days she said to me, "Don't cry for me baby, I'm ok and at peace with dying."  I told her, "I'm not crying for you; I'm crying for me."  I continue to cry for all that was lost with her death.  You don't realize how much someone means to you until they are gone.

Gram was a wonderful, loving, and generous person.  I miss her every day. 

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