I remember the first time I heard your heart beat. I felt your mommys tummy and felt your kick. I was always a bit anxious for your arrival. Dreamed of watching you grow, spoiling you, guiding you through life along side your amazing parents .
     I got the phone call from your mommy telling me that she was pregnant while I was in a grocery store and happy tears filled my eyes.I didnt even care what people aroud me must had thought. I hurried home to share the news with your god cousins but knew I had to keep my lips sealed till mom and dad had the chance to share the good news with everyone they loved. Still toy trucks, camo, playskool tools, little booties...it all put this warmth in my heart and an egarness for your arrival. I was and still am so in love with you.

   I never got the chance to hold you but you remain a part of me forever ( just like your momma whom I love so very much like a little sister. Im your god mom. I felt not only blessed but almost undesurving the day your mommy and daddy came to ask me to claim that title. I remember that day like it was yesterday, sitting on my side porch with your parents. :) Your mommy knew how much this meant to me to be your God mum! She knew my sadness, emptiness, the things missing from my own life as if they were her own voids. I accepted the title without questions or doubt. ( though I felt that was more your aunt Kimmys place than my own, I couldnt resist)

   It was days after hearing your heartbeat for the very first time I caught severe baby fever. I was so sure you were a boy even if no one else believed me I just knew!  Even the nurses seemed to disagree with me. But I had that feeling!

Mommy craved the weirdest things . Things that would make me gag to the thought of trying myself. Her emotions were that of a pregnant woman but she still was solid and strong ( as she always seemed to try to be. ) I hope someday she stops being so hard on herself and learns her importance and worth.Stops giving so much and learns to take a little. I know youll be watching over as your parents grieve the loss of you my dear little angel prince. I didnt get to be part of your time here on earth outside of your jorney in your mommys tummy. I often grow upset with myself for that. But I want to tell you who your parents are..

Your Daddy, hes got this huge smile that warms up even the most akward moments. His eyes are so soft yet bright and hes mr positive , even in the hardest of times. Your big sister went through the worst time of her life and he was her solid. Just like I pray he continues to be for your mommy who also is going through the hardest time in her life as well. He is crushed to have lost you to the heavens, but has been trying so hard to be strong just because hes the man.

Your momma has one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known. I think thats why she has become my life choosen sister over the years. We have a strong emotional bond that cant be broken even with time apart from one anothers lives ( which happened in late 2012 and lasted awhile.) Shes brave , bold, strong....yet she has a softness about her. Crazy sometimes maybe, but thats what makes her unique. She has so much heart, a sense of humor, and the kind of presence that attracts people without effort. Many people love your mommy.

 You placed a glow in her, a light that never went out  when you left us. Hearing her speak about you is almost poetic. I know I can never take away the emptiness inside of her or her pains, but just hearing her talk and feeling how much she loves you through her words is such a beautiful thing.

She holds survivors guilt which I really hope that over time she can overcome and even if she never gets a reason, can celebrate you , your soul and the years to come your milestones. We love you Benny boy! I hope your up there in heaven with Nana and Pa..baking cakes, cracking jokes, playing ,laughing and smiling. They say when you go to heaven you stay young and God restores you. I hold that in my heart/thoughts to help me with the loss of you. You may have left earth too early but you will NEVER leave our hearts.  

We found out that we were pregnant with Ben on August 8, 2015. This was the happiest day of my life. We went to our first ultrasound and heard his heart beat, it was 170. We also saw our little bean. Dale and I were so happy. His heart beat was always in the 150-160's range. We found out on December 2nd that he was for sure a boy. On December 15th I was sent to Pittsburgh hospital because I was in labor. I was 22 + 5day along. They tried to stop my labor and keep Benny in for as long as they could. On December 16th at 1:54 am I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He cried and moved his arms. He was immediately put on my bear chest. This is where our boy passed away. He was 1 lb 8 oz, 12 and 3 / 4 inches long. He is now and forever will be my angel baby.