i know its a day early.. just since i have some time to get it up and make sure i have sent my wishes out to brad

Happy Birthday in Heaven

I wish you were here today,even for just a little while
so I could say Happy Birthday Brad and see your beautiful smile.
The only gifts today will be the gifts you left behind;
The laughter, joy and happiness...precious memories...the best kind.
Today I'll do my very best to try and find a happy place...
struggling to hide my heavy heart and the tears on my face.
I'll sit quietly and look at your picture thinking of you with love;
hoping you're doing ok in Heaven up above.
May the angels hold you close and sing you a happy song.
and I'll be sending wishes to you
today and all year long.

Well, I don't know what to say or where to start. It has taken me a long time to be able to write something on here for you. Not a day passes where I do not think about you, and all the memories we have shared together. I still cannot believe your gone, and I will never come to the reality that you are no longer here. Life without you is not the same! I am angry, sad, hurt and very very sorry that I never had the chance to say goodbye. Everyday is so hard because I never had the chance to mend the broken feelings between me and you. I will live with that for the rest of my life. I have always thought about you, and I always wanted to contact you just to chat, be friends but I never got the chance.

I am here now telling you that I will always miss you, and you will always hold a special place in my heart, forever and always!! We had some amazing times together and I cherish every memory I have of us. You are a BIG part of my life and I am so happy I was one of the lucky ones that got to be a part of your amazing life.

Please watch over Michelle, Nicole, Your Mom, Dad and all your beautiful nieces and nephew. Your Family is AMAZING, they will always hold a special place in my heart too. Its nice to know that a part of you is still walking around on this earth in them.

I love you, always and forever. I hope you are at peace and are happy. xoxoxo

So it's 2011 and I thought I would feel good about that. 2010 was a trying year for our family and I looked forward to a fresh start. The truth is that it doesn't matter what day or year it is, you are gone. I miss you more than ever. My heart hurts and I am angry, but you know that. Now I have to say my brother was killed last year although it feels like yesterday I held your hand and begged you to give a sign, any sign. I know you want me to be happy and I try everyday, but the world is not the same without you. I know you are with me everyday and I am thankful for that, but you can't blame me for wanting more. I want a hug, a laugh, anything. Happy new year Brad, I love you soooo much. Christmas just wasn't the same without you. I miss you, Mom, Stru and me dancing the night away. I miss how excited the kids were to see everyone, not listening to them tell me how much they wish uncle Brad was alive. I don't know what to tell them. I am sorry for venting, I know how much you don't like when I do that, but some things will never change right? I hope more than anything that you are at peace and know I think of you everyday. And I hope you are proud of the way your girls are sticking together through our tough times and that once in a while you are sitting back laughing and shaking your head at us like you used to. Girls will be girls Brad. I love you and miss you everyday, but will never forget every moment you were my brother and my friend. Happy new year Brad xoxoxoxoxo