I was only sixteen when I became pregnant with you, the man that fathered you was actually no help at all. All I heard from him was "my life is not supposed to happen this way". You know my philosophy, shit happens. My parents sat me down and we had a long conversation about what I was planning to do about the predicament I got myself into. My choices were keep the baby or put you up for adoption, as a pregnant teenager my choice was adoption, I am so glad that my parents made the choice to keep you, it was rough sometimes, but we made it through, my parents said no we'll just keep the baby and see how it goes. You had about five more months left to grow in my belly, and then came the day of your arrival 21 hours later, we were introduced to each other and I was so scared, the nurses put you on my belly and I did not have any clue as to what I should do. We were in the hospital for about 3 days after that, I was trying ton do the mother thing and change your diaper and yes you initiated me because I was just a little slow at the process. Grandpa Doug and Grandma Tommi were not living together at the time, so we stayed with grandma tommi for the first three months of your life. Then after that we moved to Corona with Grandpa, and that is where things started getting exciting. Your uncles Sam and Daren were just teenagers at the time and they were just crazy boys. For the first year of your life you were raised by them, until one day grandpa was home early from work and made me stay home. A year later we moved up to Santa Barbara, why do not know. For your birthday that year grandpa bought you a battery powered three wheeler, your uncles would take you to the elementary school up the street so you could ride it. The only problem with that is you decided to go by yourself one day on grandpa's watch, grandpa was in the front yard and here comes a police car and you were in it, that was your first encounter with the law. You were just the most happiest, sweetest, well-mannered child anyone could ever wish for, and everyone that ever met you loved you. You had curly blond hair and I was afraid to cut it but tying you down to brush your hair was becoming impossible as you started getting older. I am going to continue the story later, need to go to bed work tomorrow, goodnight love and remember you will always be loved and never forgotten. 

                                                                                 Love you,

                                                                                   Mom

 I was a real young mother and I had no idea what my body was going to go through or what my life was going to be like. You are finally ready to enter the world on Aug. 14, 1982 at 3:45 am, I was in labor for twenty one hours. You were my handsome little boy, always a joy to have around. You were not the whiny kind of child and you pretty much liked everybody. Then started growing up and started preschool and you really liked it. Along comes your brother Justin about four years later, and you couldn't wait for him to be born. He turned out to be a real screamer though, so I said I am done no more. About two years later here comes your brother Joseph, and he was a lot like you when you were young. So years go by and we are living in an apartment, I guess I was not going to get mother of the year award that year. So the county comes and takes you guys away from me and tried to get you to say I was a bad mother, but like any loyal son you didn't. You had to go live with your dad for about five years, that was not a pleasant experience for you. You came back to live with your real family right before you started high school. We got school out of the way, but you didn't graduate but that will be a story to tell later. All of the sudden you are 18 years old, time flies when you are having so much fun. You worked at some RC car parts place for awhile, but that was short lived. Jim got you into the construction business and you just took off from there. First of all you met Jenn, then your career as a carpenter took off like wildfire. You became this very intelligent young man and I was so proud of you, you became a carpenter and it was a perfect fit. You were a carpenter and you were dam good at it, better than Jim and he had been doing it for several years. In your adult years you were my back-up, if I needed any kind of help you were there ready for action. You were always considering other people's feelings before your own, you would give up everything you had if someone needed it more than you. You and Jenn had made quite a life for yourselves, and for a lot of years. I will never understand what happened that one fateful early morning after you both had an altercation, what was so bad that you decided to take your own life? My counselor told me not to drive myself crazy over the issue, wait and find out when I see you on the other side. The mass of people that came to your memorial service was phenomonal, we filled up all three rooms of the mortuary. I miss your laugh, your smile, your I love you mom, I wish I could have been there maybe things would have turned out differently. You were my only son that had it somewhat together, but Joseph is doing alright now that he has a family. The thing that really kills me is Brysen will not know his uncle, he will know of you but he won't know you. sometimes I hope I am going to wake up and it all is just a bad dream, but no you are really gone and we love you and miss you so much, remember you are always loved and never forgotten. Love you always, Mom.