This year, Trystin and Jaxson's Elves on the Shelves (Flash and Dash) threw a little party for Papa Brett's birthday! Complete with a sign, balloons, and cupcakes. Trystin and Jaxson can't wait to celebrate!

You're little girl sent me this picture earlier this month of Trystin. He had gotten himself dressed for school and asked Brittany (his Mommy) to take his picture. She was ready to take the picture in the kitchen and he said no Mom- I want my picture taken with Papa Brett. She knew in her breaking heart exactly what he meant. So she followed Trystin to a shelf where your picture and urn sit in honor of you. Trystin stood happily by your picture and smiled brightly. After taking the picture she looked at it and to the right was a bright light next to Trystin. Brittany sent this picture to me and even before she explained the picture and little Trystin's request. I thought to myself, you are with him in the picture, I could see your presence watching over him. Then when Brittany explained Trystin's request, I knew with absolutely certainy as did Brittany, you were with your little grandson watching over him as you are all of us. I love you little brother and miss you so very much. Saddness and joy in missing you but knowing you are in heaven and we will be together again. 

Take good care of her until we are all together again. I love you both so much. I know you love this little bundle too. It gives me comfort knowing that you're there to welcome her to heaven.

 

My brother influenced me in many fundamental ways. His unique sense of humor our relationship growing up as children and the profound closeness that developed as we got older and started our own families.  

I’ve lost my brother, a part of my formative past. The person I shared so many memories with, experiences, our family history, who has known embarrassing childhood situations, happy and sad times, family jokes and traditions, the person who was my closest connection to our childhood, my best friend.

A constant in my life is gone. And although we were on opposite sides of the country I always found comfort in knowing he would always be there, even after he got sick, I never believed he would actually go. He was always a force in my life.

It’s been six months today and It still seems surreal. I know sometime soon it’s going to break me. I haven’t truly grieved yet but I will, once I keep my promise.
 
I love you little brother and you're always with me.

I don't know what brought this to mind, probably just sitting and missing you like I do everyday. I remember when Jarred and I decided to get married, it was sudden and random. Dad got about 3 1/2 weeks notice. He promised to be there. I couldn't get married without my Dad after all. That day came, and I woke up anxious and Jarred just came off night shift, why we chose that day, it beats me haha. But we trucked through and made it down to the court house. Dad was running late, about 20-30 minutes. He told me to go ahead without him. I stalled as long as I could, and when I couldn't stall anymore, I tried to force myself to accept that he wouldn't be there. Just then he comes flying down the stairs. I don't think there was a time I'd ever been happier to see him. He will always be my number one guy, nobody could hold the place in my heart that he does.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or
crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. And He who sits on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’”
Revelation 21:4-5

Tears quietly rolled down my face as I held back the sobs that were deep in my heart, when I received the news, my baby brother was gone. Closing my eyes, I remembered being with him just a short time ago- Lord not yet. Please. I am not ready to say goodbye. So many memories. i want my brother to know how much I love him. Not yet, Lord, not yet. Does he know, does he know how much I loved him. Did I tell him when I saw him last. I search my mind urgently, did I tell him, does he know! Please, not yet!

Having to say goodbye to my brother was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I miss him so much and not a day goes by that I dont think of him, long to see him and hear his voice again.

But in all the sadness and the many, many tears, I find solace in knowing there is a real place that has been created by God and perpared by Jesus for each of us, if we accept his invitatation. A place greater than we can fully understand. A place called heaven. My sweet baby brother accepted that invitation in March, 2015.

Jesus said in John 14:2, “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you”

In moments when the sadness resurfaces, I find comfort as I reflect on the promise of the Lord, "For in heaven, there is no mourning, crying, pain or death. All things are made new."

As I am missing Brett today, as I long to see him again, to hold his hand, to capture his smile or to simply say, “I love you.” the realization of “no longer” looms in the reality of each day that I live without him … As I am comforted with the truth- As I too accepted God’s invitation, and Brett is not dead but is living in heaven and I have the assurance of knowing, I will see him again, where no pain or sorrow can ever linger. Where we will know only peace and joy like we have never known before.

Until then sweet brother... I love you. 

I have meant to put this story on for a while but it wasnt until I was out visiting Jonathan that I told myself I needed to do this when I get home. Jonathan and I were talking about favorite memories before your celebration of life and what story we would write down and Jonathan immedicately knew. Which surprises me as I thought it would be a tough decision for him as the two of you often bantered back and forth- shared the same quick wit.

He informs me that when he was about 10 or 11 years old (about the age he was in this pic). You gave him his first shot! Said the two of you were sitting on the couch and Uncle Brett looked over at you and asked if you wanted to try some fireball and of course Joanthan thought, "my Uncle Brett" is the coolest ever- that is until you tasted it and the slow burn began. You said Brett laughed so hard that tears welled up from the look on your face.

Your lucky I found out about this much, much later little brother!!!

Although you are not here for me to see, I can feel you in my heart. Your childlike spirit reminds me to enjoy this time and love my family deeply as you always have. You were the best of us in so many ways Brother, I hope you know that.

 

I wish I remembered this photo.. Truth is, I dont remember alot when we were this young. We were at Dad's that much I know. I also know that Christmas used to be my favorite time of year- not so much this year. I even thought about taking down the tree today and putting away all the decorations. My heart just isnt feeling the joy this year, to soon... It just isnt the same, I miss you so much, still tears for you. Merry Christmas little brother. I know yours will be joyus! I love you!

What an amazing way to celebrate your birthday.. Maria and Kalvin releasing balloons with messages filled with love~ letting go to Heaven. 
What an indcredibly heart filled gesture to honor you on this very special day. You are so deeply loved- today and always!!
 

You were always the one I could count on,
to be there for me
to make me laugh,
to understand my point of view, 
to support my decisions, even the bad ones.

You were always there for me when I needed to talk,
you always wanted the best for me. 

Thank you for being the best little Brother
I could ever hope to have.

Happy Birthday!

I love you to the moon and back! 

Living in Nashville... A co-worker invited me on a casino flight for a couple nights. I dont really enjoy gambling so it didnt interest me until she said it was to Elko. I was so excited, I was going to see my brother, Anna and the girls. I didnt tell Brett I was coming thought I would surprise him. 

I called and we talked for a bit and I asked him if he wanted to have lunch, he said sure, next time I'm in Nashville we'll have lunch. When I told him I was in Elko, he was so surprised, and so happy. We had a great visit over the next couple days. My brother had the biggest heart and family was everything to him.. Still cant believe your gone. I miss you.. 

"I just can't keep up Daddy. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this without you. My heart is broken. Please stay with me, give me the guidance and courage I need to get through these struggles. I miss you. I'm doing my best to do what you said, and what you asked, and I know I'm doing all I can to honor your wishes. So many obstacles keep popping up, from places I don't feel they should. I just don't understand. I wish you were here, I wish I could call you. You'd know what to do and what to say. I need you. I love you."

Written by: Brittany Varner 

Thanksgiving is upon us Brother... I know you'll be with us. I had to laugh thinking about how the first question we would ask is how many of Mom's yummy rolls do we get? I love you to the moon and back!

I love you little brother. I cannot believe two months has gone already. I'm keeping the promise I made to you. You're with me always. 

When tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not there to see

If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today

While thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,

And each time you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand

That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand

And said my place was ready in heaven far above,

And that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But when I walked through heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity and all that I’ve promised you.

Today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,

And since each day’s forever, there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, so trusting, and so true.

Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.

But you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.

So won’t you take my hand and share my life with me?”

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,

For every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart.

Mom shared a story about Brett and big Sister Jodi~ they were at one of Brett's appointments and Brett was either asked or felt obligated to make introductions and when he was introducing Jodi, "without missing a beat" in true Brett form he respondss, "this is my sister Jodi, she works for GOD!" 

Makes me smile everytime I think about it. Your amazing spirit and great sense of humor is missed everyday. 

I went to call you when I was buying Halloween candy, because I wanted to get some for you. I loved sending you little packages. My heart broke a little when I remembered I couldn't. But I bought your favorites anyways Daddy. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever ever gone through. I wish you were here, so so much. Things aren't going the way they should. I feel so lost without you. I miss you. I love you.

I am really missing you little brother. I look at your pictures every single day and still cannot believe that your gone. I want to give you a big hug and tell you how much I love you. You will never ever be forgotten.

This may not have been a lifetime love but most certainly Brett's Love of a Lifetime. Many happy memories of them as a family and two, absolutely amazing kids whom Brett will continue to live through, in their love and memories of their DAD. My precious, beautiful neice Maria and sweet, quiet Kalvin (although I do see my brother's mischievous side in there). Love you all so much. 

One of my favorite stories to tell is about Dad and Trystin. When I had Trystin Dad was so ecstatic. We visited frequently so Dad and Trystin were best buds, and Dad being Dad, gave Trystin EVERYTHING he wanted, despite my objections. When Trystin was around 7 months old we were visiting and Dad had his trusty bucket of red vines and kept feeding them to Trystin!!! He was just a baby, but Dad was grandpa and apparently that overrules mom. His Baby T could have whatever he wanted. Trystin loves red vines to this day. I'll never forget that.

A great memory I have of Brett was actually at the expense of Wendy (like any little brother would do!).

She and I had gone to Niagara Falls for her birthday one year and Brett had called her and left a message during our flight. When she listened to it, he said that he had called her boss and left him a long rambling voice mail about what an a-hole he was to Wendy, questioned his proclivity for men, and a few other things I don’t believe I can post here.

Needless to say, Wendy panicked the entire weekend, and it didn’t help that Brett wouldn’t answer his phone when she called him countless times. She was sure that when she went back to work on Monday that she would be out of a job.

Brett finally told her on Sunday night that he was just joking and that he never called her boss. She was livid and Brett was laughing so hard I could hear him from the other room.

Eventually, Wendy got over it and we always have a laugh when we go somewhere, wondering what Brett will do this time. I’m sure he’ll still find a way…  I’ll miss you brother!

Brett always up for anything even at a young age decided that he could absolutely eat a hot pepper for a dollar. This picture is the result of that decision. He ate the whole pepper and probably a loaf of bread afterwards to try and put out the fire in his mouth.

Brett and his first wife Tammy and their two beautiful girls, Brittany and Amber. He loved being a father more than anything in the world. He was a natural.

This picture was taken shortly before my move to Nashville. I had called Brett when I had decided to move and asked if he could take my precious cat "Spaz." He agreed without any grief, which surprised me.. He came to Salt Lake City to collect Spaz and say goodbye. He gave me a big hug and told me that the only reason he was taking Spaz was because he was the only one of my brother's and sister that would treat her in the life style she was accustom to.. And for another seven years he did just that, took care of her and spoiled her far more than I ever did... She had to be 20 plus pounds after 7 years... She doubled in size. When I saw pictures I couldnt believe it. I said Brett your feeding her to much- he said, "but she's hungry and besides, she is getting her excercise."  I said, ya how's that- he said, I put her food on the washer so she has to jump up and down to eat~ I laughed, couldnt argue with his logic.

Well, I always looked up up to my uncle Brett, how funny he was. Loved his personality and wanted to be like him. Its funny, I used to take this picture from Grandma Barbara, it was a pic. of his Monte Carlo and I used to show it off and how cool I thought it was that my uncle had style in his choice of rides. 

Basically he was the Uncle I looked up to growing up and wanted to be like him. He had this personality that kept every one happy even through the hard times. Miss him very much.

Love Dustin 

I will always remember the time we drove the big trucks at work and you would always mess around with me and tried to make me nervous. And the times I had to carry you to bed!!
 
Joe


Posted by Wendy CV- memory from Joe  

The most interesting thing that I remember that happened to Brett and I was when I attempteded to take Brett rabbit hunting and while we were in the midst of the hunt, up jumped this rabbit, "I said Brett, shoot it." And he looked at me and said, "no." I told him again, Brett shoot, he wasnt going to shoot and didnt. I told him, "well that one is safe."

This was the end of our hunting days! Brett had to big of heart to hunt. Love you son.

Dad Mike~ 

Wayne, Wendy, Nathan, Troy, Scott, Tony and Baby boy Brett. Playing dress up at Dad and Immy's house.

I spent the whole week struggling with what I should say, thinking about if I could say it without breaking down... and in the end, it took only a couple hours on a plane ride home. Time enough to stop and grieve, something I hadnt really done this last week. I would have moments where I would break down but I had a promise to keep and I knew if I allowed myself to think to much about my baby brother being gone, I wouldnt be able to do anything. So I stayed focused...

There is a song that provokes so much emotion everytime I hear it~ even before Brett went home and even more now. "Brother let Me be Your Shelter" It's by a Christian group called "Need to Breathe."

The first time I heard this song many months ago, it made me think of Brett and it always made me cry~ for many reasons. Baby Brother I know your listening so let me tell you why:

Because I wanted you to belieive that you could come to me for anything. I wanted to keep you safe, make you well and shelter you from anything that may hurt you. You're my brother, you've been in my life for 46 years, 9 months and 7 days and that is what a big sis is supposed to do~ look out for her little brother.

And now when I listen to this song, which has been a lot this last week, I cry because you're gone and I wont get the chance to tell you, "that I love you to the moon and back." or how much I wish you would have come home when we talked so many times about this past year, that I would have pushed harder to make it happen. I would have told you how honored I am to have you as my brother. How amazing I think you are as a father, brother and friend. I would have told you that your jokes werent that funny and that I always laughed because you thought they were. Or that smirk, on your face when I sang, "soft kitty" to you. I would have made certain you knew how deeply loved you are, how treasured you are~ I would have hugged you harder when I saw you last. I would have said everything that needed to be said, done everything that needed done. I would have done anything for you Brother.

And as much as I am going to miss you and how sad it makes me when I think about you not being with us, I know that
your home and we will be with you again. You will forever be my best friend and I love you to the moon and back!

I am so blessed to have had his love, to have him as a brother and I am stunned with sadness and feelings of grief that are beyond words but I am forever thankful for our time together. My life has been forever changed for having known you. And forever changed for having lost you.