ForeverMissed
Large image
Her Life
October 6, 2012
I found out I was pregnant in August I was so excited to add another little bundle of joy into our lives and be able to have my 5yr old daughter enjoy her brother or sister...well everythin was going well and I took the quad screen test and I got a phone call from my Doctor saying theres a possibility the baby might have downs syndrome I was so scared but we decided we would love it either way. I went to find out what we were having a girl I was happy and they also did extra measurements to see if it was possible she might have downs everythin came back normal but we wouldn't know if she had it until she would b born... I wasnt due until April 23 2012 she had other plans I went into labor March 29 I went to the hospital and was hooked up to the monitor and her beartbeat was fine 147 what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives qhickly turned for the worst. I went in to have a routine c section and they gave Me the epuridal and I waited for my husband to sit by Me when they started cutting Me open I felt it and told them they gave Me more medicine and they tried getting her out but she was stuck it took them 20min (it shouldn't take that long) to get her out finally she came at 1:08 pm and I didnt hear her cry all I heard was tbem say 1,2,3 breath then all my fears came true my husband why are u dojng CPR on my daughter right then they made him leave and put Me to sleep right away. Its not like she passed before or after delievery it was during and I believe in my heart they took to long. I didnt realize she was gone until I woke uo the second time at 1am cause I wantdd to see her it took everythin I had to see her I jjst held her cause she was cold I didnt look at her hands or feet or see any of her features I was so shocked thank God we got pics her whole side of her face was bruised and the autopsy said sbe had blood coming out of her nose and mouth that dont happen. Not a day goes by I dont think about her as a mother that is one of the hardest things to do is turn ur back.on ur child and go home without them not to mention trying to explain tour 5yr old she dont have a sister enymore and my step mom passed in Feb and my Gma in may ive been a mess and ive not wanted to do anything except sit in my house going through a box I recieved from the hospital with a cpl outfits and a blanket I have a fear everyone will forget her I so want another child but im so scared this will happen I have no answer as to what happened cause everything was normal in her autopsy I will never get over it ill have to find a way to cope