What a day Thursday, March 1, 2018 was.  With big weather bearing down, I took mom and dad’s ashes, and the ashes of their love letters, and set out early that morning for the 'Woods', a favorite spot they found themselves roaming through on many a Sunday afternoon. Having meandered over several trails, I found this stand of redwoods perfect for the two of them.

I was able to place the chain I wore around my neck with mom’s 1st place diving medal and dad’s dog tag, high up in the grove where two of the trunks came together. 

Having placed their ashes at the base of the stand, I covered them with redwood duff...they are now part of the living, growing stand.

…and with a view to boot.

I stood back to take it all in, and YUP, you guessed it....the clouds let loose and it poured.  I kinda like thinking it was nature welcoming two of its champions back home.

I wasn’t ready to go home so I continued hiking, all in all 11.9 miles over 5-hours, mom and dad with me every step of the way.  I had just taken a new trail when I stumbled a bit.  In all the years since dad died I have not heard ‘...pick up your feet, Grant’.  Here’s the crazy thing...without even thinking about it, I said out loud to myself ‘...pick up your feet, Grant’.  I howled with laughter at the thought of ‘how present’ mom and dad was at that very moment, and how some lessons are not forgotten. I think the spirit of my buddy Chris might have been there to ensure I tripped at least once...then again, it’s just as likely it was my sister Robin! I could not have asked for a more remarkable day...

I was born 14 months later.  Mom chose my name which is unusual for a woman.  There is a story behind it.  My father's mother, who we also called Nana, came from a family of eleven children.  One of her older sisters, Clarissa, married a man named Robert Lee Vaughan whom everyone referred to as Uncle Lee.  Their home was a huge old southern plantation style home and when my father brought his bride home to Columbia,Tennessee for the first time generations of this big southern family were there to meet her.  They were anxious to meet this Yankee from New York City and a child of an immigrant from Scotland and an immigrant from Spain.  Southerners were even more conservative in those days.  So of course Mom said she was nervous.  Soon after she arrived Uncle Lee came up to her and quietly whispered to her to come with him.  He led her down a long hall, opened a door which was to his liqueur closet and poured her a drink which he told her to drink down saying"this should help your nerves a little" and she knew she had at least one friend.  When I was born she took their surname of Vaughan, removed the second A and created Vaughn in honor of Uncle Lee.  To this day Vaughan's Hardware is still a prominent business in the Columbia town square.  The family from time to time would use my name Vaughn for their daughters and I have two name sakes of my own----my granddaughter Brittney Vaughn Cuomo and my niece Molly Vaughn Conein Johnson.

Over the long course of her life Carmen was to be married three times.  She was widowed twice and divorced once.  She threw herself wholeheartedly into each adventure with her usual passion and enthusiasm.  She said that over the continuum of her life each relationship was a gift and right for her at the particular time and place she was in.  She has told me that the one gift that was a constant variable were the children from each marriage.  Vaughn Adkisson, Raye Cline from the first marriage; Charles (Chip Conein) from the second marriage and Grant and Robin Welling from the third and last marriage.  

This is a favorite photo taken the day we brought my daughter home from the hospital.  When my Nana lived past what a normal expectation of a person's life is to most, it felt as if she would live forever..... I was right!  She still lives in so many of my stories that having her for 57 years would make.  I will forever cherish them! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A birthday wish...

When I came out to Mom, my single greatest fear was, like so many others in the world, I would be abandoned; Mom would cease to love me, and once again I would be alone.  Where would I go?  Who now would be my touchstone, mentor...my sage? 

As I share this story with you now, I can't imagine how I ever feared losing Mom's love back then, but fear is insidious when fueled by some around you. 

When I told Mom I was gay, she began to cry - given parents don't usually cry out of joy, I'm thinking this isn't going to end well.  Regardless, my fears of coming out were so unfounded.  Mom stands up, with tears streaming down her face; walks over to me; wraps her arms around me and - while I don't remember much of my high school trig, Latin, or chemistry, I've never forgotten what she said...

"I'm so happy you have discovered who you truly are; when you find someone to love, please bring them home so I can love them too."

With those simple words of compassion, love and acceptance, Mom saved my life...

Part of the joy Mom and I shared in the years after, was when the two of us would talk about how many lives she has touched through me - how many people have felt the support she so freely gave me, and thus have chosen to accept and love themselves for who they truly are.  Without her bedrock love, hundreds of people would not have experienced the acceptance each of us who inhabit this planet can easily give and so richly deserve.  Way to go Ma!

A bazillion hugs and love,

Your Kid

Carmen was soon to leave school as her father passed away and she was asked to quit school and get a job by her mother.  Carmen always regretted not having a high school education so at age 59 she sat for the GED and passed then went on to enroll at Dominican College in San Rafael, majoring in sociology and psychology.i. She was 64 years old when she graduated.  She loved the challenges of her classes and was an excellent student graduating with honors.

whoops my story disappeared!  As I was saying I wet my pants, all my classmates turned to look at me and my teacher said to me, "go down to the janitor's office and tell him to bring a mop to clean up under your seat."  I remember standing outside his office with my back against the hall wall feeling so humiliated and awful as my classmates filed by on their way to recess.  Just then I saw my mother coming up the hall and the feeling of relief and that everything would be allright almost overpowered me.  Mom may have had her moments when she lacked "patience" with me but she was a fierce protector of her children if anyone else caused us distress.  I always felt  safe and that she had my back.