Chapter 10: It's On Us All
On March 13th 2014, I was going through plenty of pain. I realized, it was never going to go away and I needed help. I needed to tell someone. That night, I posted it on my blog to see if anyone who knew would have seen it. I asked Bailey to view my blog. She viewed it and said nothing to me for about 20 minutes. Than, she broke the news to everyone and her and I made up from our fight.
That night, pain was everywhere. It spread across all of our friends. We didn't want to go through missing Carol anymore. We wanted her here. Now. We didn't want to lose her. We didn't think she'd leave us this soon. It was truly terrorizing.
That night, everyone fell asleep but for me and baby Justine. We sat there crying. I told her we were going to be ok and Carol loves us. I told her that her sister is protecting her and I from bad. I told her she was with us. She looked around and asked, "where?" That broke my heart. She missed her big sister and there was truly no pain that was the same as Justine's. Nothing was right. I felt alone. So did Justine and I tried to help her get through her frightening pain. I knew how she felt about losing Carol. I was in just as much pain as she was, but very different pain. Two very painful emotional pains. Losing Carol was the biggest mistake of my life and I wish somehow I could undo what happend to us. But I can't. She's gone. I would have given anything to still have her here with us. I'd pay any amount of money. Now, the pain was on us all.