Hi mum well 2 years have passed,and so much has happened,i know your with me every second of every day,i miss you so much.If i could have one wish it would be to be able to give you such a big cuddle.i'm looking after dad as best as i can,we are coming down later to visit you and feed mrs robin love you mum forever and ever xxxxx

Morning mum,i haven't been on for a while.
Nikki finally finished her exams,and she has got a job in cowick street yea you know that street so well haha,I do believe it was meant to be as that was one of your happy times doing all the charity shops,so it's like your looking after her.Who would of thought your little legs as you called her would of made us so so proud mum.
Dad drove all the way to wales to visit dave,he took your picture with him,to visit the places that you used to do every two weeks bless him,i was so proud of him.
Jess has now got M/E like Nikki and has been struggling bless her,but i feel useless as i can't help her.
Richard is fine still doing things he shouldn't do,but to be honest mum i'm too tired to care anymore.
I had my left boob off so now they are matching,mum it's been so hard without you,I miss you so much,things like this i know you would of been there for me,I do worry all the time it will come back,it's hard not too.I am going to Australia again in September love you mum xxxxxxx

Hi mum,happy birthday,75 today,hope you liked the flowers we took down today,miss you and love you very much.I so wish you were here to help me through all this pain,every day is such a struggle xxx

Hi mum just a little note to say today they are taking my other boob off,i know you were there for the first one,please be by my side again mum,as i am so nervous this time,please make things well,i love you with all my heart,and miss you like crazy xxxxxxx

Hi mum i haven't been on for a while,dad and i came to see you yesterday,all the primroses are out it looks beautiful.The boy's are doing my head in mum,they are being so selfish,like alway's everything gets left to me.I'm not really moaning mum but i have been so poorly,i have decided to have my other boob off next month,my bowel is still very bad and now my back is giving me hell,i just want a break from it all.I'm taking the girl's to malta on the 9th april for a weeks holiday,so looking forward to that,then the operation is booked for the 19th april,then i'm going to Australia again at the end of sept for bern's 60th birthday,dad isn't coming this time as it was too much for him last time,anyway mum it will soon be mother's day again,and there isn't a day that goes by when i don't think of you love you mum xxxx

Hi Nan, i've not done this before, i don't really know what to say but something has been nagging me this evening, keep looking at your photo on my wall. I know you're with me but i felt i just needed to write to you. The older i get, my snorting seems to be getting worse, a few people have started commenting on it at uni so thanks for sharing that with me! I hope you're proud Nan, I wish you could be here to talk to and to share memories with. I love uni,have no regrets doing law, i think it's what i'm supposed to do. I'm going on holiday soon, will be so nice to get some sun. Always think of you when I smell suncream, silly things which bring back memories. You'd have loved to have met Sam, he's lovely. He's making me so happy Nan, wish i'd have found him sooner but they say everything happens for a reason. You'd have got on so well with him. Perhaps you can say hello to his mum up there eh, put in a good word for me! I saw grandad yesterday, cheeky as ever. He misses you so much Nan, i hope that the man i marry adores me as much as he does you, i know he was a pain in the ass (he still is!) but he's heartbroken, you were his everything. Mum's out tonight, i'm so proud of her Nan, she;s so strong. Jess is cheeky as ever, I bet she's like what mum was like at her age. Don't know how you coped with them all. I miss you every day nan. Speak soon xxxxx

Hi mum i haven't been down as been poorly again,i need your help mum,dad is heartbroken i really try and take some of his pain away,but it's not working,The family has fell to pieces especially now you have gone,the boy's have all deserted dad and myself,they are being complete assholes mum.The day dad goes mum,is the day there is no more family ties,i won't be able to hold my disgust in any more,they are all a complete let down.love you mum and miss you like crazy xx

Hi mum happy new year wherever you are,a whole 12 months without you,and not a day has gone by without you on my mind.Let's say this has been such a tough year,but hopefully we can move on now,love you to the moon and back mum,until we meet again xxx

Happy christmas mum,it will never be the same without you,i miss you everyday,but good news mum i'm cancer free, i know you are with me all the time as i can feel your presence,I hope you are having a laugh up there with uncle den and bruce.well i need to go and put the meat on now,as i don't have my mummy to help me anymore. love you mum i will be down to see you shortly xxxxx

Well it's 12 months today mum,that you left me,i miss you so much,the pain is getting easier each day but not for dad.love you forever mum,until we meet again xxx

Morning mum,just to let you know the latest news,dad and i are off to Australia on sunday and he is taking your picture with him ,as you would never go in person.When we get back i have lots to sort out,i need to sell the house and rich and i go are own way,as all we do is argue now,yes i have a lot of medical issues but i can't take anymore,he is very selfish,he has said some awful things mum which i can't forgive him for,we did 30 years mum which no=one thought possible,but it's now time for a fresh start.love you so much mum which things were different and you were here beside me speak soon xxxxx

Morning mum,i know you would of been very proud of little legs yesterday,graduating,we had a lovely day and evening .Seven year's of real hard work has paid off for her. love you mum xx

Hi mum sorry it's been a while,it's not that i'm not thinking of you every day,just been so busy,i've decorated the whole house whilst rich has been in chester.I have so many things going around in my head,that i'm trying to sort out.Dad and I are off to Australia at the end of this month,so i have to get him packed up,as that was your job,i will speak soon love and miss you mum xxxx

Morning mum,haven't wrote much lately as trying to sort my head out,i have so much shit in there mum,I am sorry for getting angry at you for leaving me but i know you are better off than you was in the home.Love you so much mum,i will get sorted out and be happier in the future,speak soon miss you loads xxxxx

Hi mum sorry haven't been for a while,i have had real bad emotional issues,i really wish you were here in person,anyway so much has been happening,for instance nikki has moved to exeter she is doing the last nine months at uni so so proud of her mum .My feelings have changed towards rich i know we have had 30 years but i really don't feel the same anymore,i just want to be single with no pressure.Dad is fine we are going to Australia at the end of october which i'm looking forward to.Jessica is eleven on monday you really would of loved her mum she has such a funny character she just likes to make everyone laugh.We are going to see Gladys this morning with clifford so that will be nice,love you mum xxxxx

mum we did it,thank you so so much for being there,no more cancer,no treatment,omg mum that was such a roller coaster,now we can get on with life and don't worry i will look after dad for you,love you mum xxxx

Hi mum haven't really told you everything ,as so much going on,one being rich and i are seperating i can't go on like this any more mum,i have enough to cope with, i think you would be surprised anyway nearly 30 year's mum.Nikki is moving out shortly and going to exeter university i am so proud of her mum,she has done so well,and i know you would feel the same about her.Today i get the results to see about chemo mum,i am so scared even the word terrify's me,but i have got this far mum so need to finish it,please hold my hand as i miss you so much love you mum xxxxx

Morning mum, hope you liked your roses that dad and stuart bought down for you,as soon as i can drive again i will be down to see you.I have had trouble with my wound as it hasn't been healing,today i am going for my counselling session for the cancer and losing you.i miss you everyday love you mum xxxx

Hi mum came down a couple of day's ago hope you liked your flowers?i went to see the oncologist she wants me to have 4 months chemo,but with my bowel condition it causes a problem,so will have to wait for the 2nd august now to see what happens.The wound is still not healed yet,it is being a right pain.Stuart and dad came down on saturday and put some roses down there for you.It is jessica's last week at primary school where have them 10 year's gone and it was such a shame you missed out on it mum.There has been times mum when i've just wanted to give up,but then think about the girl's and that and their future,.i'm starting counselling on friday as i need my brain washed out mum,as it is in overload,love and miss you mum xxxx

Hi mum,just a catch up really,i haven't been in a good place lately,my emotions are all over the place,as can be expected,back and forth to the hospital which has really pissed me off now.Monday i have to see the oncologist about some chemo which i'm really not happy about.So as you can imagine it is like being on a roller coaster and you can't get off until everything has finished.But on a positive side Nikki has got a degree in law mum it has taken her 7 year's but she has done it.I am so proud of her,and I know you would of been especially as you didn't even know she was poorly.love you so much mum xxxxx

Hi mum,just a catch up really,i haven't been in a good place lately,my emotions are all over the place,as can be expected,back and forth to the hospital which has really pissed me off now.Monday i have to see the oncologist about some chemo which i'm really not happy about.So as you can imagine it is like being on a roller coaster and you can't get off until everything has finished.But on a positive side Nikki has got a degree in law mum it has taken her 7 year's but she has done it.I am so proud of her,and I know you would of been especially as you didn't even know she was poorly.love you so much mum xxxxx

Hi ,mum I'm ok have had to have a few day's in bed as the fluid is still building up,but my arm feel's great today,so hopefully things will start to get better,i have to go in on wed as they might drain it.Then the 11th July to see about some chemo which i,m most scared about,i know it's only for my own interest but it dosen't make it any easier.On a good note we won the postcode lottery,which has helped ,but you know me i would
give my last penny away,dad is doing well-considering mum,anyway stay with me mum and keep letting me know your with us,love and miss you dearly xxxxxx

Hi mum i'm healing nicely ,i'm finding the emotional side harder than i thought,and the tiredness i feel exhausted all the time,i have to see the oncologist on the 11th july to discuss a bit of chemo which i am really not happy about,but i have got this far now so need to see it through.I love you and miss you mum every day i know it was you with me when we found the lump,so thanks mum for being there,i now get a chance to see the girl's grow up hopefully have families of their own,thinking of you all the time your loving daughter sarah xxxx

Hi mum had the operation on Friday,I was so scared to start with,thinking omg what is it going to be like,am i going to look a freak or what,but for the last few day's being in hospital gives you time to reflect on things,and to be honest mum i don't care what people think,i'm alive and that's it,so next appointment is Friday to get the steri strips off and hopefully the drain out,and the latest results.If it is all good then life can resume as it's been very difficult lately,thanks for looking after me mum ,love and miss you every day xxx

Hi mum we are on wed morning now and the op day is getting so close now,I feel so sick and scared.Please keep holding me close mum,i have been trying to be so positive for everyone,my arm is killing me,i'm in so much pain,i just want this over with now,i really wouldn't want anybody to have to go through this as it really is torture.But this really is a wake up call mum and if i get through it,i am going to be changing my life around.love you mum with all my heart xxxx

Hi mum I've had a real tough week,i seemed to of upset everyone ,not intentionally but emotions are everywhere at the moment which I'm sure you would understand.The thing is as lovely as everyone close has been,i need my own space,so my friend Dawn has been meeting me for coffee after work,and it is really helping with a lot of things.Nikki is my best friend/daughter but she has so much going on,and i want her to concentrate on that as it is her future,she helps me out in everything ,but i don't want her to help me in everything emotionally,if that makes sense to you.This is how i feel anyway,I need to do this my way mum and please carry on helping me through this as i know your here,love you mum xxx

Hi mum had hospital yesterday,getting ready for the op on the 17th,they showed me all options the prostheses reconstuction,oh mum wish you were here,my emotions are everywhere,now everyone else is feeling it too,but i can't help them,i'm trying to be so bloody positive,i can't seem to do any thing right.I do feel like this has had a big reality check on my life,things are going to have to change after this as i'm really not happy,love and miss you mum xxxx

Morning to the greatest nanny in the world I miss you every single day and you are SOO lucky to have my mum as your daughter she is SOOOO caring, amazing , special and is always there for everyone when they need her I love you alllll my heart your grave stone looks AMAZING I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to Mum, grandad, Nicola, uncle Nick and uncle Stuart. For ALWAYS caring for you and making your grave look lovely love you sooooooooooooo much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi mum I am so confused about everything at the moment,I don't know if I am coming or going,i need to get this op out of way,and start a new chapter in my life.I am so exhausted mentally that i need to sort the counselling out too.Why did he have to take you, mum,you have done nothing but good for everyone,and this is how you get repaid.please be there to see that I make the best choices mum.xx

Hi mum the date for my operation is, the 17th June,they are taking the whole boob off now and to say I'm scared is an understatement.but i know if i don't do it i have no future.I am so angry to think he took you off us and now this is,it is very unfair.But we have to look forward and dad and I are still going to Australia.which is keeping me going,Nikki,jess and rich have been brilliant looking after me,and a few really special friends,you remember Dawn and Ingrid who looked after you,well we are all good friends now,.Bernadette is my rock mum as you know she's been through all this,and Stuart, i can't say enough of he is alway's there for me mum,the rest of them,well say no more you know anyway,and thanks for looking after me mum as i know your here,holding my hand,love and miss you your Sarah xxx

Hi mum had some bad news,i need to have my right breast off now,but the cancer is contained in there,so hopefully once off,that will be it.I have never been so scared in my life.I do feel like it's very unfair,i haven't lived my life yet mum,i have so much to look forward to,xxx

Morning mum it's results day today,this has been the longest few weeks of my life,please help me if your listening,please let things be ok'i can't imagine what you went through all them year's ago,when we were all so small,love and miss you mum xxx

Hi mum had all the dressings of yesterday,i wasn't looking forward to seeing what they had done,but to be honest it looks like I've had a boob lift.So next big thing is Friday when i get the results hopefully he got all the cancer,and then do the radiotherapy,so i can go to Australia with dad.Everyone has been so good mum,well you know anyway cause you can see what's happening ,i'm sorry the boy's never got it together like we promised,i'm just so pleased i can share my feelings with you on here,not the same mum with out you by one day we will be together again love you xxxx

Hi mum they have done the operation,the nodes weren't affected as i'm sure you know this,as you were there with me,i felt your presence mum,and i'm eternally thankful for this mum,i love and miss you with all my heart.The love and support we have had are wonderful xxxx

Hi mum had both appointments today,and now it's 2 am,and I have to get up early for my operation,I just want to say mum please stay with me and hold my hand like you've never gone away.I love you so much mum,speak after they have taken this away.xxxx

Morning mum today I have 2 appointments at the hospital,and yeah you guessed it I'm so nervous oh mum I wish you were here to hold me and tell me things will be ok.I miss you so much and alway's will xx

Hello beautiful carol, I just want to say that you should b sooooo proud of your daughter she so caring, kind and always there for every1 and she going through a hard time at mo and I no she miss you so much. I wish I could do more for her she like second mum 2 me and I love her so much my kids adore her. We came and visited you 2 day and my children loved it and now want buy u another pig for you . I am going do my very best look after your daughter Sarah with all my heart she my rock and is an she is my inspiration and if I grow up be like her I be 1 very fab mum and kind person ever xxx I love hearing story's about you and next time we come up we bring a present I had made for you xxxxxx sweet dreams carol xxxx

Hi mum as you know I bought dad down to see you yesterday,I tidied the flower's up as best I could.I fed the robin as normal,i am starting to get rather anxious now for next week,please look after me mum,love you so much xxx

Hi mum hope you enjoyed the wedding on Saturday,as most of us were there,it was a sad day as the memories of the church,and you were on my mind all the time.I am feeling so lonely at the moment,just waiting for the surgery now,i hope to god it was you who prompted me into finding the lump,as I'm not ready to leave yet,my life is just beginning.I love you so much mum,and i know you are in a better place,as you wouldn't have liked to see yourself in that part of your life.

Happy birthday mum,i will bring dad down later,I really am stuck for words at the moment,as feeling sick to my stomach,surely something has to change mum,already losing you has divided my heart into pieces,and now with this going on,it's so unfair for our family and friends,i start to pick myself up and then someone kick's me down again,was i really such a bad person mum.love you eternally,and i will never forget you xx

Mum it has been confirmed I have breast cancer,and yes you guessed it I am so scared mum,I wish you were here to hold my hand, I know I have to be really strong but it dosen't stop the tear's from falling mum.If you are here please stay by my side mum.

mum, this is the 2nd worst day of my life,1st was losing you,now this,please be beside me mum,I need you.

This is one of the hardest things, I have done without you mum,but I know whatever the outcome,I will really fight hard.I am taking dad to Australia with me on the 1st of June,as I need this connection,now that I have lost you,Bernadette is being my inspiration,and I need to meet her. Love you mum xx

Hi mum,had all the tests today,dr did a couple of biopsy's,really sore now,have to wait until thursday for the results now.My world feels like the bottom has fell out,first i lose you,Then everything else is in turmoil,wish you was here to say to me darling everything is going to be ok.Miss your smell,cuddles,smile,snorts sense of humour and mostly i miss my mum xx

Mum please hold my hand on tuesday,my appointment at the hospital,i'm feeling rather scared. love you mum xx

Hi mum just to let you know,we have been down to your favourite place Looe,it was so sad mum,I couldn't see you at the window waiting for dad to come down the river with Toby.there are so many memories down there mum.love you so much,and miss you every second of every day,Nikki has been excepted on her internship,so now it looks like my baby has to leave home for a while,i am so proud of her mum,wish you was here to enjoy it too.

loved and remember always R.I. P carol <3 <3

happy easter mum xx

Happy Easter Nan! Miss you xxxxxxxxx

love u mummy xx