Chelesa,
Where do I even begin? I love you, I love you so much and I am so happy that I knew you for 9 years, I can honestly say that those years where the best years of my life. You helped me grow so much from an immature big headed teenager to the responsible, loving, and caring man I am today. I am glad we helped each other grow, we knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we helped build each other up even when times were tough on us. I remember the first day we meet in the Alamogordo High School cafeteria, remember when I just yelled "freshman" at you? That first memory is so powerful because that laid the ground work for us, it started a beautiful friendship that I will cherish forever and will never be forgotten. I remember you trying to kiss me on the cheek at a basketball game and I leaned forward just as you made your move and completely missed. I remember our first kiss, we were waiting on the bench in front of Alamogordo High School, you head was on my lap and you confidently said "you can kiss me if you want", you did not have to tell me twice. I remember every homecoming and prom we went to, I loved those nights, full of fun, friends, and memories. I remember getting in trouble with my parents because I was out too late hanging with you, it was worth the lectures though. Im glad we saw each other graduate high school, it’s not much now but it felt like we conquered the world when we both graduated. I remember moving in together and our first night was spent on the living room floor because we had no furniture. We sat on a blanket, ordered Pizza Hut, and watched South Park on DVD on your old, huge, grey TV while petting on Silver, our first cat. I loved how supportive you were, all those times when I was up late, pulling my hair out while writing a program for class, you were right next to me trying to keep me calm and collected. You were also there when I thought I was going to fail my advance Java programming class which would ruin my entire college career, you supported me and told me I was going to do it and guess what, I did do it. I remember working those countless hours at KMart, we both hated it but the friends and trouble we got in made it worth it. I remember you getting our second cat Tifa, you wanted her so badly and when you brought her home my heart just melted .You were the first one I called when I got my fancy new job as a computer technician at Alamogordo Public Schools, you were so excited for me and it made me smile because you were that caring for me, you truly wanted what was best for me. I’m glad you saw me graduate from NMSU with my Bachelor's and I am glad I saw you graduate NMSU with your Associates. I remember going house hunting with you and we always made offers and something would go wrong but it did not faze us since we still had each other at the end of the day. I remember you going through a very rough patch of your life this time last year and once you made it through you were entirely changed, you came out a better person though. Remember this past summer we got Pixel, our third cat? You begged me for that cat because that’s who you were, a lover of everything including animals. I can’t even lie, that cat also melts my heart.
You know what I also loved about you? You let me live my life without any rules. When you met me I rode a motorcycle so you knew what you were getting yourself into and you never tried to change that. You accepted my hobby of motorcycling and you let me buy them, sometimes buying more than what I needed, but you never got upset. You also accepted my love for cars, I was always hammering you with details on cars we passed on the road and you always listened and paid full attention to me. Same thing with you, I always let you have your hobbies, even if I didn’t understand them sometimes. I loved your drawings and your blogs, I love that you perfected every post before posting it. By the way, all your followers miss you, I know you have internet up in heaven, check your Tumblr sometime and see for yourself. I loved how you find TV shows for us to watch, especially all the animes you found, I loved watching those with you and making fun of them as they went along. I know we just got into Magic the Gathering but even though it was only about a month of playing I loved sitting down with you at the kitchen table to play a few rounds of Magic. I still can’t believe you opened two booster packs in one day and got two super rare cards.
You know, nine years is a long time to know someone, especially for me since I moved all the time but this time I had with you wasn’t enough, I wish we could have nine more years, or even more. So many things left undone and things that we will never get to do together. I wanted to be your husband and I wanted you to be my wife so badly, it’s something that will haunt me. However, I know you’re not mad or upset, because that’s not who you are, I know your reading this saying "Nathan, its ok, I loved you and you loved me, that’s all I need". This is why I loved you so much, you were understanding, no matter what the situation was. I wish we could own a Honda Fit together in that bright blue we both liked that was one of those goals that we both wanted to accomplish. I wish we got a dog, you always wanted one but our backyard could not handle it, hence the house hunting we did.
I also want to let you know to not worry about me, whenever you messed up you always ask “are you mad/upset with me” and I would always tell you no. I don’t want you thinking that your passing was your fault, it wasn’t, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. So, to answer the question you already have in your head, no I am not upset with you for passing. Yes, I am sad that you had to go so soon and I am sad that I had to find out the way I did but I loved you, it’s what to except when you’re in love with someone. I will continue on with my life and continue to find happiness because I know that is what you want for me, you always wanted me happy and I will honor your wish. I will honor you and remember you the rest of my life, I promise and I have not broken a promise to you yet and I am not going to start now.
I keep going on and on and on and on, I could probably write a book about our life together and all of our experiences but I don’t think it would fit on this webpage. In the end, I loved you beyond words, there is no word for the amount of love I had for you and your kind soul. You have left an impact on my life, an impact that I will never forget. You were my first for a lot of things, including seeing a loved one go but, if God himself came down to me and asked me if I wanted to do it all over again, with the same outcome, I would say yes instantly .You inspired me to become a kinder, more understanding person, something that I need to work on. Please remember, you were not only my girlfriend but you were also my best friend, a real and true best friend. I promise to keep you in my heart everywhere I go and I promise that I will see you again when it is my time to go. Get the party started up in heaven for me because I am coming in hot when I arrive.
Love always,
Nathan
