ForeverMissed
Large image
Stories

Share a special moment from Cornelius's life.

Write a story
January 15
Forever in our hearts Happy birthday beloved Con!
In this photo Con is in Bowral beside the Gemini he helped me buy. It seemed quite a circus negotiating for the price as Con'd say things like 'It is just what is needed but the price unfortunately is too high, unaffordable'. The salesman would say things like 'I'll have to run this situation past my boss. Of course I cannot, you understand, personally go any lower'. This play would go backwards and forwards. Con knew what he was doing and succeeded in fetching a reasonable sale price. My lack of experience with car salesmen would not have seen me achieve what he did! 
From confronting experiences in his youth, Con developed some excellent survival skills. Alas, these did not stand him in good stead when he was given the wrong medication for his heart condition. It was reported last year that the company which produced this medication lost their licence to do so. Thankfully, thus, no other group of family members and friends will have to go through the devastation we did as a result of such a cause. This is a relief as we move into the future. 
In the arms of Eternal Love.
June 30, 2023
Neither air
nor love
need ask
how best
to serve.
             Con

Alcheringa (Eternal Now)

June 30, 2023
Life like crystal
gathers to itself
depth on gleaming depth. 
At death
it turns to diamond
and all its depths
go dancing.
                   Con
October 1, 2021
Con cutting cake at Farewell from The Independence Centre, The Cerebral Palsy Alliance, Allambie Heights, Sydney, NSW where he became part of the formation of Northern Beaches Community Access Service (CAS):
https://vimeo.com/615742225/a51b8d4dd2

Noting the liminal spaces in life, the potentialities within them for more expansive becoming, Con once wrote the following:

Mid Life - Tender Tinder
('I have come to cast fire on the earth' - Luke 12:49)

A sorry sight
Shifted fire
Nothing left
That fizzes and catches.
But there is a better site
For a fire,
And now - 
Where's my matches?

Letter to Con on spreading of his ashes upon Lake Michigan

July 13, 2019

Dearest Con,

We thank you for the beauty you named through your poetry and the legacy of curated beauty you left us amid all the ambiguities of life surrounding us. You certainly chose to live as fully as possible into the opposite of ambiguity. You knew what suffering was, what you and others needed to be whole despite it and chose accordingly with profound courage.

We thank you for your appreciation of water and dance and their reflections in your spirit. You spent so much time by and on lakes, rivers and the sea. Indeed, one of your retirement goals was to buy a dinghy with which to immerse yourself in the beauty of the lakes near your chosen home.  May this particular stretch of water though far from home welcome you in every season into its welcoming arms. As its temperature changes, may you gather anew the joy of all incarnated difference which you experienced. In this lake miles from your country of origin, may your past and future coalesce to continually achieve the immense beauty of cohesion and balance for which you worked so sensitively and so hard.

"If we could but find a rhythm of being which could balance a contemplative grace, a poetry of motion and an accompanying stillness and silence, our pilgrimage through this world would flow in beauty through the most ragged and forsaken heartlands of confusion and dishevelment. It will continue to hold a clear flow-line between the memory and depth of the earth and the eternal fluency of the ocean and never lose the passion of flowing towards the ever new promise of the future" (John O'Donohue, Divine Beauty: the invisible embrace). Thank you so much Con for the life-giving lines you walked and held. Be with us in spirit as we too seek to continue illuminating the beauty of time.

Thank you for your openness to all that the processes of healing require and thus being yourself a healing unifying presence in our world.

It is with a grateful heart that we acknowledge your willingness to enter the crucible of intercultural as well as other relationships in order to bring patterning to brokenness and a compassionate, empathic, contemplative heart to much needed dialogue. May we model your valuing of stillness, faith and alertness to the blessing hand of God.

Eternal love as always into every new promise of the future,

Maria 

A Time to Die

January 15, 2016


Con presented himself to Alice Springs Emergency four years before he died because he was not recovering as much as usual after resting.  His stress test had only begun when it was stopped.  He was flown to Adelaide that day and there we learnt that, had the Alice Springs doctor not known his field, Con was due for a fatal heart attack even though one doctor described him as having "the heart of a bull".  Later, after the bypass surgery, we also learnt just how the congenital makeup of his heart had contributed since birth to the unknown taxing of his overall wellbeing by living. 

As Con was waiting to be taken into the operating theatre for his double bypass surgery, he began joking with me and the staff.  When we were left by ourselves, I asked him whether he was scared.  He said that though he realised the medical team would use a "buzz saw" to open up his chest he knew he was going to survive.  Here is the dialogue that ensued:

- How do you know?
- Last night I had a dream and 'tis from that dream that I know.   
- Do you wish to tell me about the dream?
- Sure.  I dreamt I was standing on a bridge over a large body of water.  A
  tidal wave came in and the water came to within a few centimetres of the 
  bridge.  My friend whom I visited in San Francisco had had a similar dream    
  but he was washed off the bridge.  He told me this dream meant he was going
  to soon die from his illness and that is exactly what happened. Later in the
  dream, a voice loudly and clearly told me I was not
  going to die "this time" from my heart related issues.

When the hospital rang me post-op from the Intensive Care Unit telling me they could not wake Con, I almost panicked.  The ICU team member asked me what I "call" him.  I said, "Con".  Later, when I saw Con, he started talking about the scare he had given all of us.  He told me in the depth of anaesthetic haze he had heard someone calling out "Cornelius" and looked around to see if he could help find this Cornelius.  Then he said, "I heard someone call out "Con".  That's me!  Someone's looking for me ... and so I surfaced!"

This story speaks to me of the gift of life being held in the hands of the Creator and how Hildegard of Bingen described the source of her existence: "it pleased the king to raise a small feather from the ground and he commanded it to fly. The feather flew not because of anything in itself but because the air bore it along. Thus am I "A feather on the breath of God".  

Golf and Heartspeak

January 9, 2016

"No man has authority to restrain the wind with the wind, or authority over the day of death" (Ecclesiastes 8:8).

Whenever Con would go on an outing without me, he’d leave a note.  Sometimes it’d be direct but other times funny.  Whichever mode of expression he chose, you’d always understand e.g. "Gone for a quick run.  Back immediately.  Love, Con", "Some people can't have a goat - so they play golf.  Lots of love, Con 8.00".  Sadly his journey into eternal life came upon him too suddenly to leave a note. If it has to be this way, "Sayonara Con-san.  Till we meet again".

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er~fraught heart and bids it break" ~ Shakespeare, Macbeth as mentioned in

http://www.cragman.com/index.html

Though each person's journey is individual the above site gives some relative clarity into the experience of grief connected with sudden death.  I pray that, if you or anyone you know experience sudden death, the grace is given for its essence and demands to be respected.  As someone said recently, grief is not a disorder or a sign of weakness but of love - the only 'cure' for grief is to grieve.

Con's heart specialist has stated that arrythmia and fainting are connected with his death.  His cardiologist had been monitoring Con's congenital heart condition discovered only four years previously while Con had double bypass surgery. 

Because Con had already been under anaesthetic for seven hours when the congenital heart condition was discovered, the surgeon decided it would be acting like a cowboy to operate on this congenital heart condition as well.  For those of you who had not lived with Con for many years, please note the last section on the above site's home page re causes of sudden death.  Though Con's situation was not exactly the same in all medicinal aspects, he was medically diagnosed two days before his death as suffering from hypertension.  The section just referred to on the website above can give some understanding of distinct particularity in a person's physical condition and the side effects of prescribed medications as impacting on causes of death.  Earlier in the day before his death Con mentioned some difficulty breathing which he himself attributed to "pollens in the air".  In all ways he acted most responsibly and consultatively with professionals addressing his concerns.  Before going to Chicago, Con's regular doctor had after the relevant tests told him his cholestrol had become that of "a chinaman" i.e. everything for which one could wish. 

In relation to truth seeking and mystery within life, "O God of Hope, make of me one of your far-seeing, deep-hearing, spirited-dancing, wholehearted-singing prophets.  Drive away all lethargy and shallowness.  Gift me with authenticity and passion.  Sr Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB" in Living Faith, 7/12/2015 with reference to Isaiah 35:5-6  
   
    

 

Beyond Time

February 25, 2018

Con wrote his own words for his wedding service.  Here is his call for the blessing of each of the rings: "May the Lord bless this ring with the depth and richness of the years that have been and the promise plus surprises of the years yet to come".  He had a wondrously alive sense of how eternity unveils itself through the turning pages of time. 

Con's tender love for life in all around him, his commitment to fostering the flourishing of his own and others' desire for a dream worthy of integrity rather than despair saw him extend an invitation to both himself and others to continue growing from innate potential.  Through his core sensitivity, he allowed himself to recognise and feel the pain of others. It drew him over and over again into encouraging the small, the vulnerable in life, the tentative, those who stumbled in search of a kinder world so they could dream themselves further into hope and an ever-becoming incarnation.  He sought and listened for the unspoken within others' attempts to articulate their life birth pains.  Con validated others' struggles and refused to condemn what some others may simply dismiss as weakness. Via affirming, expansive acknowledgement, he waited for the awakened blossoming of inner seeds of joy and life.  When flowering happened, his delight in unfolding mystery was palpable.  The growth Con nurtured in others no matter their circumstance is symbolized by Shaka's size in this photo!  One of Con's descriptions of our ever-gifting Inner Child is - yes, a pup!  

Con consistently called himself and others into the particularity of their fullest potential. Colour rather than the greyness of sameness signalled the depth of unfolding life to him.  Familiar with the depths of suffering and his own limitations, he treated others' sufferings with great reverence.  He understood limitations to be inviting thresholds.  Within suffering, Con had the uncanny ability to recognize and name the seeds of a bigger, stronger life both within himself and others; he offered his attentive love to creating the right environment for these seeds to burst into the promise of their singularly 'dna-ed' life.  Thus the spirit with which Con lived his many roles and encounters is a wonderfully powerful enlivening  witness to the gift of the surprises resident in promise.  Part of his legacy is the gift to others of a presence seeking the surprises of promise amid the search for meaning-making and authenticity.

"Child Song"

November 20, 2015

Con would say he couldn't sing or draw.  Yet he composed the words and music for this song on 23rd September 1992:

Chorus:   

From the mountain you can see forever
From the mountain you can see so far
In the desert free from all distraction
You will learn at length just who you are.
In the ocean you will learn your deepness 
And the river will lead you to the sea 
Spreading wheatfields will speak of your profusion
And the bird song will wing you to be free.   

1.   Ev'ry dawn time reminds you of your burning
      Burning noons of the fire you've begun  
      Smould'ring sunset points you to the autumn 
      And the moon and stars yet to come. 

2.  Dolphin tail spin sets your heart leaping
     Kittens frolic riot deep within 
     Relentless panther scale the mountain
     You've sensed the light let the quest begin.  

"Corn's" Jokes

October 7, 2015

Here is a sample of some of the jokes Con loved to share.  Ones that he claimed to have authored were often according to him drafted "in the seminary":


An eskimo went fishing but got hungry as he was having no luck catching any fish.  So he ate a bit of his kayak.  Fish still did not bite so he ate some more of his kayak.  This continued until he had no kayak.  He sank to the bottom of the sea because the kayak was heavy within him.  The moral of this story is: "You can't have your kayak and eat it too!" 

God Is

October 6, 2015

"God and God's presence and God's realness is incredibly important to my life harmony ... I suppose why God's presence is so important to me could be summed up in one word which I will call 'future'.  That God offers me a future for all that I love, all that is precious, all that is beautiful, all that I am bound to and bound by in this life.  One of my favourite posters says: "Everything we truly love becomes part of us forever".  And it is in the eternal and full life of God that everything that I love does have its sure and certain future".

Con

The Graced Gift

September 9, 2015

Have you known the sunshine of welcome?
The sound of laughter that moves with joy?
Sat by a campfire enjoying company
And desired, desired to be free?

Have you listened to the music of silence?
Left yourself open for surprise?
What a gift it is to find
The space to be yourself
To find the sun within you rise!

Can I receive the gift that is offered?
That allows me to become?
To own my dignity?
Can I accept the graced gift that is me?

 ‘CJ’ Power

Every blossom is perfect concluded The Last Samurai

September 3, 2015

“Have you come to know love in depth? 
 Faced, faced, the power of death?
 Let the evening air enter inside you,
 Knowing that fear will escape you.”

Con wrote the above in one of his moments of poetical inclination.  He daily took time to reflect on human experience particularly via early morning walks with one of his two beloved Bullion dogs.  Sometimes he’d write a few words such as the above as one particular fruit of his reflection.  Con distinctly rejoiced in the power of the word, music, dance and other art forms to speak of contexts and journeying towards wholeness. 

To faithfully fathom love in depth and stay grounded in the human story, Con joyously immersed himself in the works of great writers like Leo Tolstoy and those of classical musicians even while on welcomed holidays.  He thrived on sharing the “drifting”, re-creating, nourishing space holidays gave him to contemplate.  This is also why he enjoyed motorbike riding so much.  Motorcycling gave him space to drift, come home to the God he loved as the Source of All Life and thus to himself as a being in communion with others in a renewed way.  If Con could have company on any adventure or voyage, he saw this as an added bonus. 

Con particularly enjoyed Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” – a favourite of his from the days of his youth studying ministry.  After lovingly and regularly revisiting this book, Con would reflect further on aspects of life he experienced in both his inner and outside worlds by relating to Tolstoy's characters.  Placing himself in the characters’ contextual shoes and pondering their options for human development, Con gave himself space to keep growing in awareness, to gain an ever broadening depth of insight-filled understanding into the human condition. He would take the time needed to write simply yet profoundly and disciplined himself to communicate metaphorically from the depths he encountered.  Con loved conversation about the mysteries within life and so we could speak together for hours.  As he said, if we each speak our truth, the Truth will speak itself.

On his 60th birthday, my family gave him a samurai sword in remembrance of his time in Japan.  This visibly moved him deeply.  He was silent and, for those who knew him, he was hardly ever lost for words for occasions!  Con had described himself once as being "like a ronin" (a samurai without a temporal master).  His studies in Rome he said came alive for him when he met Existentialism, the works of Gabriel Marcel and Martin Buber.  Con lived fully into the ultimate concern of his life via relationship with the Divine, Source of All Beauty and Grace.  He searched for and found the freedom and meaning for which he longed.

Telling Stories

August 17, 2015

Con told me that the people he had got to know in an Italian village while working there decided to hold una serata (an evening of celebration) when they heard his return to Australia was imminent.  The feast (unremarkably for the locals) turned out to be a culinary masterpiece held the night before Con's departure from the village.

Upon arriving at the railway station the next morning, Con realised he had muddled the day and time he was leaving.  Unable to board the train with a ticket he could not change, embarassed and not wishing to bump into anyone who had sent him off so royally the night before, Con scurried back to his abode via back laneways and hid in his bedroom - "under the bed till the next morning" he said.  When I queried his being able to stay under a bed for a whole 24 hours, Con said, "Maria, never let the truth get in the way of a good story!"

No matter the occasion, Con could usually find a story or joke to suit and lift the spirits.  In one community in which he worked, his nickname in the local language proved to unsurprisingly be the equivalent of "The Joking Man".

Boots 'n All

August 15, 2015

In the week before Con died, October 9, 2004 saw the Federal Election held in Australia.  Con and I went to vote at the Australian Embassy in Chicago.  Weaving our way back to our 'digs' by unknown paths, we stumbled across a sizeable shopping complex.  Con said that, although it was still Autumn, he'd been thinking of buying a pair of snow boots for the upcoming Winter which we had been warned could be very severe. Perhaps, he continued, he could begin his search at this shopping centre?  

Through a focus on international students where we were studying, we had also been advised to seek Winter footwear that had a substantial tread.  This would assist prevention of falls and possible subsequent broken bones.  Sprinkling salt on footpaths outside doors and on paths leading up to them also helped one to keep traction.

Inside the shopping complex, Con found a footwear store.  It happened to have a Sale on.  After trying on a number of pairs Con found one that fit perfectly and ticked all the boxes - style, colour, length and tread.  Plus, there was a HUGE markdown on it!  This latter aspect particularly chuffed Con, tickling the part of him that liked to be careful with hard earned cash.  After Con died 6 days later, he wore these boots for the first time.  We tenderly placed him in his coffin with his boots on as they had given him joy in this life and thus they became a symbol of everlasting joy open to him.  Being brand new, they also symbolized the newness of the adventure into which he had entered that no winter can chill.

One of Con's favorite maxims: Shoes maketh the man.

 

August 14, 2015

Thinking of you Con most especially on 15th August.  On this day all those years ago together with Carmel, Klaus and Trevor we celebrated again being on a journey which became a remarkable shared adventure and endeavour.  We acknowleged anew our broader faithed community as an ever present important dimension of our existence and that in reciprocity with it life can be a mutual source of healing and blessing.

Now is every minute

June 11, 2015

One way the world can survive in joy is because Con remains active in our lives.  We really believe his whole being was one of exultation sprinkled with laughter, play, profound proding into the whle of the mystery of life.   Solved?  No, yet the freedom to explore so much continues to be encouraged. 

The mystery of how many lives were touched by Con remains just that....a mystery.  Meanwhile we are encouraged to live every moment whether in a factory, in a cab, walking along the beach, riding through the outback. ow in the 'wherevers' we are found.

We hear his laughter, we feel his sorrow, we smile with Maria and Con as live was shared to the fullest.  We were honored to be neighbors and to be family as the neighborhood invites us to dance, dance, dance. 

Loving the energy shared.

Selena and Joe

Share a story

 
Add a document, picture, song, or video
Add an attachment Add a media attachment to your story
You can illustrate your story with a photo, video, song, or PDF document attachment.