My father was my hero.
As a young girl, I idolized my dad; he was a dark, complex, and mysterious intellectual, which others may have viewed as intimidating but which fascinated me. To me, my dad could do anything, and I made it my job to please my father and make him proud. He’d get frustrated when I couldn’t solve a math problem, so I’d study longer to prove to him I understood the assignment. He’d speak of his favorite authors, so I’d choose to read their novels for my book reports. He’d be disappointed when I couldn’t answer his vocabulary questions, so I took his advice and learned one new word every day. I remember feeling devastated when my dad told me his favorite instrument was the violin, because I played the piano and flute. Everyone knew my dad was a brilliant scholar, and I wanted so badly to live up to his expectations.
As I became older and learned more about my father, my love for him deepened. My dad grew up with little means, and I have always been intrigued by his journey of becoming an accomplished physician in the United States. When I went to Manila for the first time as an adult in 2001, I visited the poverty-stricken area where my dad once lived, toured the campus of his alma mater, and truly experienced our family culture in the Motherland. It was then that I developed an immense appreciation for all that my father had done for our family. As a child, I coveted the nice toys and video games that my peers had, while I read books and played 'library' with my brother and sister. When we’d visit other Filipino doctors, they’d have big houses and fancy cars, while my dad remained a simple man. Even after his successes in the States, my dad’s core values remained steadfast, and he wanted his children to understand the importance of education, the value of a dollar, and the pursuit of excellence in everything one does.
My dad was a man of few words, but the words he chose were wise and thoughtful. It took me some time to really get to know him, as he rarely spoke of his past throughout my childhood. Over the last few years, our relationship matured. My dad and I bonded often over drinks, and he’d relay anecdotes of his adventures throughout his life. I‘d listen in awe and admiration as the mystery of my dad’s past unfolded. Let me share a few of his stories:
- Dad reminisced about his fraternity brothers from the University of the Philippines class of 1964, the impact they had on each other’s lives throughout college, how they remained in touch over the years & the numerous alumni initiatives to which he contributed, even until the end;
- Dad spoke fondly of his time in Laos throughout the 60s, shortly after he graduated from medical school, where he participated in Operation Brotherhood, providing medical services to Laotian refugees;
- Dad adopted an underprivileged family in the Tondo, the same area in Manila where he once lived, and he made sure to visit them as often as he could.
It was through these stories that I realized: my father not only devoted his life to helping his patients, he dedicated his life to helping people:
- He was the rock of our family, providing immediate and extended relatives with financial and emotional support;
- He continued to treat sick people in the Philippines, even after he retired as a physician who practiced for over 40 years;
- He was very generous to those less fortunate, a trait his college classmates emphasized via the multitude of email messages I received after my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.
It will take me some time to fully understand and accept that our dad suffered so much and eventually lost his 3-½ month battle against cancer. One of my dad’s favorite authors, William Faulkner, said, 'Between grief and nothing, I will take grief.' So, I will grieve…
But I am grateful for the courage and strength he had during his final months. I will take solace in the fact that, six days before my father passed while he was attached to what seemed to be an endless amount of tubes, I asked him how he was and he replied: 'To tell you the truth, I’m on top of the world!' I will cherish the parting gift he left my siblings and me by verbalizing his love for us for the first time, and by telling us, in his own way, how proud he was of us.
Dad: You were the strongest, smartest person I know, and your tenacity to face even the most difficult challenges inspired many. Thank you for being the most incredible father I could have ever wanted. I miss you so much, but I know that you are now watching over us, continuing to guide and protect us from heaven. I imagine you relaxing on a beach - drinking San Miguel or Old Style, feasting on crabs, tackling tough crossword puzzles or watching a Colombo marathon. Someday, we shall meet again, and we will dance together like we once did long ago when I was a little girl to 'Let Me Call You Sweetheart.' I will continue to strive for excellence in all I do, in your honor.
You will always be my hero. I love you, Dad.
