Our beloved mother, Doris Elaine Sanderson, was born on April 20, 1929 in a small town called Bono in Arkansas to parents Emma (Wilkes) and James Sanderson. Mom was the 7th out of 9 living children. Times were tough, this being right at the start of the Great Depression. I’m not why my grandparents moved to Florence, Alabama, but mom told us that, as they say in the south, they “barely had a pot to piss in”, which is ironic because that is literally what we had to do…  hard for most of us to believe that they did not have running water or an indoor toilet. Just a few of the challenges of their lives at that time.

During mom’s youth, times were so tough that on several occasions, she had to be taken in by relatives and even neighbors, because my grandfather had left my grandmother “Big Mama” to take care of all the children. Mom says they didn’t even have proper shoes. At age 15, mom dropped out of school to help support the family. She worked at the local ice cream store, the movie theatre and and any other jobs to help make ends meet for the family. Not unusual during this time and at a young age of 17, she married a man named Jim Cox. At 18 she became a mother to my sister Nancy, three years later to my sister Sherry and then 2 years later to my sister Candace or Candy. With three young children, she did something very unusual for this time, she found the courage to divorce her husband, move to Memphis, and basically become a single parent, holding down a job as a newspaper photographer and others to raise her three girls.  She was just 23.

Fast forward a few years… at the young age of 27, her sister Julia (who had already married a Jewish man from Caruthersville, Missouri) introduced her to Herman Maurice Kantor. He was the son of a Russian immigrant father and a mother who was highly educated at Vanderbilt. According to mom, they instantly fell in love, he, ready to be a father to her three girls. We found her conversion certificate from the Temple Israel in Blytheville, Arkansas.  She and her daughters Nancy (9), Sherry (6)and Candy (4), were all received into the Jewish faith. This was the same day she married our father, Maurice… August 4, 1957, starting a new life at just 28. Shortly after they married, our father adopted the girls. You can imagine that my dad’s parents may not have been thrilled that their son was marrying  a shiksa, with 3 daughters, no less. Regardless, this new family was formed and they moved to Knoxville and a year later, Dad landed a job here in Indianapolis at the WH Block Company and they left the south. It must have been difficult for them both to leave their families and home towns, although mom says she was relieved to leave the racism of the south.

When I was 11 months, we relocated here to Indianapolis, then sister Adrienne was born and just 11 months later, sister Leslie was born. Mom was now a mother of 6, at just 32. She was a stay at home mom, until circumstances and Mom’s courage led her to another divorce, and mom became a single mother again at just 36 years. She did what she had to do, working many jobs as switchboard operator, bookkeeper, receptionist at Hooverwood and then as comptroller for a local scrap dealer . Sometimes mom had to work as many as  3 jobs simultaneously to support her family. At the very early age of 40, mom became a bubbi (grandmother) with the birth of her first grandson, Tyler. At that time, Mom still had a 16, 10, 9 and an 8 year old at home.

Times were hard for her, but you would not know it. Mom made sure that we all were fed, clothed and those who needed braces or glasses got them...we had everything we needed. As kids, we never really knew our about our financial challenges, she made sure were were taken care of. Despite our financial situation, we never were aware how bad it really was. One of my “aha” moments is when I was in high school, probably acting like a spoiled teenager, asking mom for a new pair of shoes. As embarrassing as it probably was for mom, she made this in to just one of her teachable moments and said, let me show you why getting new shoes is not possible. She then got out her check book and showed me that she had $36 dollars in her account and said that the $36 had to last until she got paid in two weeks. No money for groceries, nor most likely our bills, and definitely no money for a pair of new shoes. In that moment, I realized that our mom was the bravest, strongest and most incredible mother in the world. As an adult, I marvel even more at all she was able to do with nothing.

Mom had always regretted that she did not complete high school, so she studied hard and passed her GED at the age of 40. She took many correspondence courses, taught herself how to be a book keeper and was a voracious reader.

Our mom was strict with us. In true southern fashion, if she spoke to us or asked us to do something, we were taught to answer with yes or no ma'am. And believe me, we did as we were told to do, when she told us to do it… talking back or mocking her was a punishable offense. And much to our embarrassment, she would call our friends’ parents to make sure they would be home when we were invited over.

As our most influential and incredible role model, our mom could do anything. She was an inventive cook, an artist, could do needlework, knit, crochet and sew. She was an incredible party thrower and could, as my friend Diana always said, create a meal out of nothing, which honestly, she often had to do. Everyone was welcome at our house, anytime... she’d say the more the merrier. She loved having people in our home.

Like most women who choose to convert, she quickly learned more than most Jewish husbands know, she learned how to create a Jewish home. She celebrated the holidays, performed the rituals and luckily for us, learned how to cook Jewish foods. Of course, all of our meals were some sort of Southern Jewish and she taught all of us how to cook. All six of us attended Religious School at Indianapolis Hebrew Congregation, were confirmed and the four of us younger girls were consecrated there, too. We regularly attended Shabbat services and mom went a step further, she studied and became a Bat Mitzvah in May 1978. This she did for herself when she was 49 years old. Mom was part of a very lively Chavurah (friend group) who studied and socialized together. She volunteered at IHC counting money and performing other tasks every Sunday during religious school, sang in our congregational choir and was a member of Sisterhood. A few months back, I asked mom why she stayed Jewish after she and dad divorced… She said, she could not imagine her life without Judaism, it helped her be who she is. Thanks mom for passing your love of Judaism and our temple on to me. 

To mom, being a mother was her greatest joy, her greatest gift and I am sure as a mother of 6 girls, her biggest ongoing challenge. Her mantra, when introducing one of us to someone, was to say “ I have six of these beauties”. Her devotion was immense… she even made her email address matriarch06, her password, 6 girls. Even as her memory faded, she’d say, "I am the luckiest woman in the whole world, to have six beautiful, loving daughters who take such good care of me". She loved us all and accepted us all, letting us find our own way, allowing us to making our own mistakes, but loving us anyway. Because of her ability not to judge and her unconditional love, our family is really a mixed bag (…dare I say “of nuts”, because face it, we are, all crazy in our own ways). Sisters who may have come from two different fathers, but are full sisters in our hearts… none of us look alike... red hair, brown hair, blond hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes…we are all so different. Some of her descendants have different skin colors, we most certainly have differences in religion or no religion, political views, talents, etc. but clearly it was mom, who taught us how to be good people and that our happiness and doing good in the world is what is most important. 

One of my favorite quotes is this… “so much of what we know about love, we learn from our mother”. This much, we know is true. Mom, thank you for loving us, showing us how to love, for being the ultimate role model and the best mother six girls could ever have. We will miss you more than we can bear. We thank God for you and we are relieved that the dementia helped you forget all of the painful parts of your life and in the end, let you remember only the thoughts that were most important to you, that you had a great life.  Mom, thank you for all of your love, we will miss you, we will remember you and we will love you, always and forever.