- 70 years old
- Date of birth: Jan 24, 1947
- Date of passing: Mar 8, 2017
|God has touched and blessed so many lives through Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. We are so thankful for the impact he has made, an impact that will stretch into eternity.|
Linda Nicolosi, Joe's lifelong collaborator and also his wife of 39 years, is grateful for everyone's prayers and words of appreciation and has shared these words:
"Joe was certainly a larger-than-life, one-of-a-kind guy. Never worried about political correctness, he was happy to swim against the cultural tide when he was sure the culture was going in the wrong direction. That got him into trouble quite a few times. Gay-activist web sites, for example, are still fond of quoting the occasional risqué jokes he made during his life in the public eye, and of showing and re-showing him tossing a mic back at a rude TV interviewer. But Joe had ardent convictions about the truth of male and female design, and because of his conviction and courage, his awareness that he would face biased reporters didn't stop him from appearing on Oprah Winfrey, Larry King Live, Hannity and Colmes, O'Reilly Factor, 20/20, Dr. Phil, BBC News, etc.
Dr. Nicolosi had always hoped for his legacy as the creator of Reparative Therapy to go on. His career was dedicated to helping people align their lives with their deeply held convictions. Anyone, he stressed, is free to live his life as gay; but we are inevitably gendered beings, and our fullest humanity calls us to live out our biological design."
"When I received notice that Joe had passed, I was in shock, really and quite sad. Knowing all this man has done for me and so many, this warrior for a cause that few would dare take up, Joe did with courage beyond belief as he forged ahead with a new organization to rally to the cause, NARTH. He has left his mark for sure and will continue in our hearts and minds and through all of his words and writings, he will not long be forgotten.
My heart goes out to Linda and the Nicolosi Family."
"So many of his former clients and professional colleagues have shared the profound influence Dr. Nicolosi had on their lives that I find myself wanting to share a reflection that I hope adds insight to another aspect of his personality. Joe was the best dinner companion you could ever hope to find. He was genuinely interested in you and your interests and asked a lot of questions. He shared liberally his humor and reflections on family, friends, and topics of current interest. An evening spent with Joe Nicolosi was an evening well spent. And funny. I mean the man was laugh out loud funny. I will miss him greatly until we meet again."
"Dr. Nicolosi was a pioneer in the therapeutic community for the treatment of men who experience unwanted same-sex attractions. Unlike those who came before him that approached therapy for homosexuality from a psychoanalytic perspective (which he was also clinical trained), Nicolosi's work was informed by a more psychodynamic approach that was later influenced by emotional/affect therapies for the treatment of trauma. Since 1980, Joseph founded and directed the Thomas Aquinas Psychological Clinic in Encino, California. At the age of 70, his clinicians maintained a case load of 135 clients per week and were in the midst of completing groundbreaking research on the outcomes of clients in treatment.
I had the pleasure of serving alongside Dr. Nicolosi in several different areas, most recently as an expert witness for the JONAH trial and a reviewer for a Catholic peer-reviewed scientific journal. I was also honored in 2011 as the first ever recipient of the Dr. Joseph Nicolosi award and scholarship for early career therapists by NARTH.
On a personal note, Dr. Nicolosi was a friend, mentor, and supporter of the work at the Institute for Healthy Families and Equality And Justice For All. Last night I exchanged several e-mails with his wife Linda, who expressed she and her husband's admiration for our therapeutic and advocacy work for clients and families struggling with sexual identity. My least meaningful interaction with Dr. Nicolosi was in August when he gave me feedback on one of the chapters of my upcoming book. Joe was enthusiastic about the concept of healthy attachment between parents and children, and his insights really shaped the way I was able to understand the scientific literature around the experience of male homosexuality. He was always eager to interact with young therapists, and was so approachable and willing to give of his time to educate and mentor the next generation.
When giants like Joseph Nicolosi leave this world too soon, one has to ask God, why? If you are reading this and have been impacted by the life and work of Joseph Nicolosi, would you reply with your reflection or a story of him? As we grieve as a community, my prayer is that together we can honor his life and work. I know this will be a tremendous blessing for his wife Linda, his son Joe Jr., his clinical staff, and all of his former and current clients that he leaves behind.
Let's remember and celebrate his legacy in the spirit that Joe would have liked - with laughter, courage, and unequivocal truth. Thanks Joe, for a life well-lived. You gave so much to all of us. You will be deeply missed.
Christopher Doyle, MA, LPC, LCPC
Executive Director, Institute for Healthy Families
Founder, Voice of the Voiceless
Co-Coordinator, National Task Force for Therapy Equality"
"To the Nicolosi family, I am sorry for your loss. I feel some of your loss too. Thank you for your family's sacrifice in contributing and supporting Dr. Nicolosi in his practice. I thank God for all people that seek truth and stand with others in their brokenness.
I pray that Dr. Nicolosi's wonderful contribution to psychology science stands the test of time and our opinionated-based culture. May you all find comfort in knowing that Dr. Nicolosi is now enjoying a well deserved rest.
Dr. Nicolosi...thank you for arguing for others to have rights. Thank you for not being politically correct at times; wherein truth was evident. Thanks for being just you [human]. The world would be a better place if more men/women would follow your example. I intend to."
"Reading through all the tributes on this page gives me such warmth, encouragement, and gratitude. Gratitude that for ten years up until this last December, 2016, I had the privilege and honor of seeing Dr. Nicolosi in-person every week when I would come in to work at his clinic. He was to me more than a boss, more than a clinical supervisor, more than a colleague. He was my friend. He was a father to me.
So many have already written of Joe's courage, his expertise, his legacy. I am grateful at least one other person has already taken note of the quality I was most impacted by: he LISTENED.
Every morning I came into the office, he would greet me with "So how's Tim?" And when I spoke, he LISTENED. He cared. He would often tell me, "boy, you look tired." And "tut tut" at me in his Bronx, Sicilian way. But he always made a connection with me. Always. I could never put a price on that.
Sure, as many have noted he was gruff and often argumentative. He could even be snide and dismissive at times. But even then, he LISTENED. He would return to our conversation, go over the points and argue and discuss as many times as I needed. He never grew tired or rolled his eyes at my questioning. At times, he would ask me (me!) for advice on how he should interact with this board member or that client or this clinician or that clinical concept. He would frequently rush me into his room between clients to help him untangle one of the myriad computer snafus he would bring upon himself. Once he even asked me for advice about his wife. (Sorry, Linda, for any undue harm that may have caused you.) Over the years I saw bits of myself begin to come out in things he would say, ways he would act. Here he was, a world class psychologist, a cultural warrior, a great man letting himself be impacted by ME! How could I ever, ever repay such an honor?
What I gained from all this listening is a sense of value and of dignity and of calling that has changed my heart in a way very few other people have and I know few ever will.
One of my sweetest memories is the time we spoke at a conference together in Mexico City. Between sessions we would sight-see,eat,drink and talk. And he LISTENED. He listened more kindly, warmly, and affectionately than I can ever remember. This is the memory I hold most dear because this is when I learned not only did I view him as a father, he viewed me as a son.
Thank you, Joe. I have no more words beyond this: thank you."
"During the past decade or so I had the pleasure of being hosted a few times by Joe and Linda at their home. I was honored to see another side of Joe during those times. He was a gracious host and pretty darn good cook. On my last visit in 2016 Joe was eager to give me a tour of his fruit trees and his small art studio out back where he would go to paint mostly landscapes. I think these hobbies and his great love for Linda gave him rest from the storm of his work as well as the strength and courage to continue it. In spite of what was often his strong professional persona, during these times at the Nicolosi home I was privileged to experience the gentle and human side of Joe.
However, the quality I admire the most was Joe’s commitment to a scientific curiosity that led him to explore techniques and theories regarding unwanted same-sex attractions that most of the psychological profession has become too frightened to pursue. I would not be surprised if many of Joe’s insights are vindicated in a generation or two once the current corrupting of psychological science for political advocacy purposes fades. Until then, I sincerely hope Joe’s legacy will serve to give courage to others willing to do this work."
"The loss of Dr. Nicolosi was a shock to me as well. He will be greatly missed in the profession of social science. May God bless his family through this sad time of grief, as only God can."
"Dr. Nicolosi impacted my life powerfully in the nearly four years I have worked with him. He gave me hope that a future in alignment with my values and beliefs is achievable. He always affirmed me in my successes and encouraged me during my setbacks, and I felt a renewed sense of confidence and hopefulness after each therapy session. Though I wasn’t able to complete my therapy with Dr. Nicolosi before his passing, I intend to honor his memory by seeing the work that we started through to completion, even though it will be with another therapist."
"It was with a shock that I heard the news of his death. I worked with Dr. Joe in reparative therapy for my unwanted same sex attraction from Aug. 2012 until January of 2015. We did therapy over the phone since I lived in another state. He helped me uncover the real man underneath a heap of shame, and I am now the man God wants me to be, because of what he has done. May other therapists continue what he has done in freeing men from shame and living in their gendered selves!"
"Dr. Nicolosi has been a great help to me, a Catholic priest, personally and professionally.
I offered today's Mass for him.
May Jesus--the Way, the Truth, and the Life--reward him for all the good he's done for so many, and for standing for the truth.
My sympathy and prayers to his family.
Fr. Tony Thurston"
"I was searching Dr Joseph Nicolosi name and realized he is no more, a man who touched so many lives and lived probably whole his life for others.
I know i have no right to say anything about him but that's what his charisma was whether he was connected with someone for 30 years, 3 days or just over phone, People would have felt same pain and so did I . Many people cant and wouldn't understand what he has brought in others life. The topic he picked is the most complex and controversial topic in the world.
I am not here to advocate his philosophy but I am gonna tell to everyone that he made me a great person, he put everything in my life on proper place with correct perspective. He made me more confident, independent, practical, a lot more positive person. He made me make great guy friends with whom i am emotionally connected but not physically. He made me responsible and realized that I need not to love women of whole world, I just need to love, care and share with one woman that's all and probably America has lost understanding of power of a woman but India has not . They can stand with their man with proud and satisfaction.
So People who are happy in their lives can ignore his philosophy but who want a change , trust me it would happen. There is no gain without pain and when you deal with biggest problem. Pain is gonna be huge but gain would be in much more proportion, trust me
Thanks Dr Nicolosi , Thank you for brightening my life . Your contibution in my life is special and only of your kind. You would be remembered for long for me."
"Joe was my brother in law.He always took the time to sit down with me and ask how life was.He really meant it and was a great listener so I really opened up to Joe.Joe was a great cook making my favorite dish. I remember back after my Air Force retirement he purchased my 1977 Corvette and we drove it to Santa Barbara together what fun that was. Joe treated me to a trip to Canada after my divorce it was a wonderful trip we hiked together. I got a new look on life which I sorely needed. I can see why Joe was such a successful counselor.Joe love nature just has Linda and I do so the spot that they chose for their house in Twain heart was especially spectacular I love visiting them thereJoe was always very fit leaving early every morning to go to the gym and that is why it was so shocking to me that he died so young and unexpectedly."
"Joe was my brother-in-law for 16 years. I was fascinated with his work and read 2 of his books. Being a Registered Nurse I was very interested in reparative therapy and I know he helped so many of his patients. I remember his great Italian cooking and our family meals, the very funny jokes and sense of humor and the way he always said it like it was, and the fun adventures in Lake Tahoe. He will be dearly missed."
"Since I had been in email contact with Dr. Nicolosi not many days before his death, the news of it was met with profound sadness on my part. He very kindly discussed an event at my graduate alma mater, a self-identified Roman Catholic university. The university, as a matter of policy, has embraced the politically correct dogmas against which Dr. Nicolosi has taken a well argued, well informed position for many years. At one point, he only half jokingly asked why he hadn't been asked to speak on behalf of the other side. That, I thought, would be excellent. I doubt the Jesuits would have recovered. My prayers are with his family, and there are also prayers of praise for the great work God has accomplished through him."
"I always appreciated Joe's publications immensely and came to so appreciate his presence and our conversing at NARTH conferences. His being a founding member of NARTH and all his help to NARTH was a godsend to the therapeutic community and those we serve. I deeply grieve his passing. My prayers are with Linda and Joe, Jr. I will introduce myself to you, Joe Jr., at the next NARTH conference or opportunity. May Joe rest in peace and joy, and may our fond memories of him help carry us forth in our work and our lives."
"RIP good doctor.At least you had the courage to fight where others flee."
"The shocking news of Dr. Nicolosi's sudden demise are still echoing in the air, although I only knew him for a very short time, that brief therapeutical interaction was extremely impactful and effective beyond expectation! His success lives on!"
"I was stunned to hear of my dear friend Joe's passing. He has been a close personal friend for some time. He often spoke of his clients in a very caring way. I celebrate the fact that he has touched and positively influenced so many people. It saddens me, however, that not only have I lost a very dear friend, but also that the world has lost a beautiful person who put so much more into it than he took out. God bless you Joe. Our friendship is eternal."
"I found out last night about Dr. Joseph's passing. I am saddened at this loss, for his family, for his work and for those who's lives he brightened with hope and growth. I look forward to learning more about who shared in this great cause. May your family be blessed and have peace."
"Joe Nicolosi was a true and beautiful human being. His love for Linda, family, friends, life and his keen sense of humor, coupled with his passion for his work always glowed from his being, and I, for one, are so saddened to have lost a good friend and a wonderful human being. He will be greatly missed by all who knew him, so rest in peace Joe for you have lived the life your soul intended in all it's glory."
"It was really a shock the news of his death. But when you see a life that is able of making the difference as he has done we just get very thankful to the Lord because this life was a gift for so many people and for so many professionals that can learn a lot from his legacy. May his soul rest in peace!"
"I felt shock by the fact of him passing, and was very sad for me, a big loss. But beyond of that its my gratitude. Thank God for the life of Joe Nicolosi, he was always kind, and firm, with great sense of humor but profund in his thought, a man who helped many. He guided me on the path that God was calling me, and always admired his deep analysis and his courage to face, with inteligence, the lies spreaded in the culture and media. I thank him for believing in me, he never said something but had gestures to encorage me, like showing trust.
He has inspired me to continue this work as a therapist, speaker, and educator with bravery and perseverance... to help others in an efective way, that will be my way of honourig him. I know he would like that.
Thank you Joe.
José Alberto Garza"
"Dr Nicolosi. Thanks for your research. You saved my life and many others. I pray for you. You are in heaven right now, and God is really glad for your legacy.
I hope your family can get over your loss.
"My heart goes on to the Nicolosi Family & Friends!!! I am So shocked to get this news!!!! He has Saved so many lives w/his Reparative Therapy!!!! His compassion and love for humanity is so evident in his books!!! I have had the Blessing to use much of the information and knowledge from his books to help people struggling w/SSA!!! I pray his work will continue to go forth and that many others will benefit from his expertise and love for people!!! We Love u Dr. Nicolosi!!!"
"Thanks Joe for your passion, dedication, and caring for persons with unwanted same-sex attraction and their parents and the professionals who serve them. Your work is such a legacy and your presence will be missed."
"I am deeply saddened and stunned by this loss. Dr. Joseph Nicolosi has been a giant in the field and a cultural warrior. I have always been impressed by his courage and boldness.
I have known Joe since we first met at a Courage conference in Brooklyn in 1994. Since that time he has graciously met with me on numerous occasions at NARTH conferences, and when I came to Encino for lunch. His books have been a source of inspiration for me and the depth of his clinical knowledge has been very rich and challenging. I had the blessing of being part of a monthly case supervision group with other NARTH therapists for the last 10 years. the last time I spoke with him was in December 2016 on the supervision conference call. It seems so fresh to me.
I owe so much to Joe's influence in my life, both as an overcomer myself, a former client as well as later a NARTH clinician. I learned so much. He has been a huge influence in my personal and professional journey.
Without his impact and guidance, I don't know where I would have gone to get my own healing from both him and one of his associates. And I don't know how I would have been able to grow as a therapist in helping other men to claim their birthright as men in all the fullness that God has created us with.
I can't express my gratitude enough. You have been an inspiration, mentor, colleague and social prophet. Ironically, I only now fully appreciate the impact you have had on my life. You will be an inspiration for my self and countless others in the months and years to come. Your legacy is so broad, it is hard to quantify. Let history bear that out. You carried a torch in our dark times about the truth of homosexuality. It is our job to carry that torch and I for one, plan on doing so.
I think the greatest tribute I can pay to you is to just say "Thank you from the bottom of my heart," for pointing the way in showing me what it means to be a man, in every sense of the word.
"Well done, good and faithful servant!" The Lord has called you home. Pray for us.
Be at peace, now and forever!"
"A great loss, I am very sad. I don't find words to honour your dedication and achievements enough. You filled my life with hope were there was no hope and encouraged me to live.
Personally I met Joe twice and it was always very inspiring to listen to him. His studies were the Light in the Darkness for so many Men and Women. Joseph's departure leaves an empty place that no one can replace in so many aspects.
Thank You Joe, I applaud you for your life and dedication in helping the ones in need. My empathy to his family."
"I would like to thank God for his gift of Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, not only because of his work, but for himself, a man who fought and worked with a total freedom against the power of totalitarism, leaving a way that we must take to defend truth and the right of many of us who fight agains unwanted ASS. I will always thank him and I want to say to his wife and friends that I pray for him and for them. Thank you very much."
"Sadly, I learned of Dr. Nicolosi upon his passing. After reading of him I learned of his work which led me to seek information on SSA. The last few days I have watched his videos and ordered his books. I have been dealing, or not dealing properly, with SSA for many many years. My person case of SSA does in fact have to do with what Dr. Nicolosi had stated....Trauma/Shame. I have had SSA for 50 years and it has costs me dearly in mental anguish to the point of i live in the gray zone most of the time. The good works of Dr. Nicolosi's misson will continue."
"I think you will keep taking care of those who wish to find the truth about homosexuality, wherever you are Joe.
It's an incredible lose for the entire SSA comunity, but you left a legacy and every human being that struggle with this issue will remain you as a leader and referral. Without you, nothing about the real meaning of homosexuality would have been shown to this morally declined society. You left so much inspiration to keep working and helping others.
Thank you so much Dr. Nicolosi! I will really miss you"
"I first came across Dr. Nicolosi's REPARATIVE THERAPY FOR MALE HOMOSEXUALITY in the office of the Living Waters ministry leader in Toronto in about 1997. We were working with persons who were sexually and relationally broken in a number of ways, including those with unwanted SSA. Dr. Nicolosi's approach seemed to be groundbreaking in terms of describing the psychology of men who struggle in this way. As I got deeper into his material, I had the conviction that he was developing a "psychotherapy for masculinity" that had applications beyond those who only struggled with SSA. I met him for the first time in 2003, and in 2008 we began a therapeutic and clinical association that led to my Master's thesis being completed on the Thomas Aquinas clinic: THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF MEN IN REPARATIVE THERAPY. Dr. Nicolosi was a pioneer, and a good man, and I remain shocked and saddened at his sudden passing. But I also am confident that the important work he began will be continued on. God bless you, Dr. Joseph Nicolosi."
"Dear Mrs. Nicolosi:
My name is Maria Fabrega, you probably don’t remember me. I met you in a conference that Mr. Nicolosi gave in Los Angeles many years ago.
I first met your husband in Milan, Italy, around the year 2000. Then, I went to a conference that he gave in London a couple of years later, and the last conference, where I last saw him, was in Los Angeles. However, even when I was not longer able to go to his seminars, I always kept in touch with him. With the help of clients that suffered s.s.a., I helped with the translation of his first two books into Spanish, which he then published in Spain.
I want you to know that your loss has been the loss of more than 300 patients that participate in a web (www.esposibleelcambio.com) where we have been giving, for more than ten years, free therapy on-line to overcome s.s.a. He was their hero, as well as mine, and he will always be our inspiration to continue fighting to offer reparative therapy to those people who are suffering because of this condition and have the desire to change.
After having lived in more than seven countries, where I promoted his work, and I am now living in Panamá. If you ever need to contact me, for whatever reason, please, feel free to do so.
May the sweet memories of the love you both shared, help you accept the pain of his loss.
May God bless you and your son.
"Mrs. Nicolosi and family,
We're so sorry for the terrible loss you're suffering, with the death of such a loving and dedicated husband and father. Our loss pales in comparison, and yet is also great. I read two of Dr. Nicolosi's books and when I desperately needed advice on how to relate to our gay son, I emailed him. He called me on a Saturday! A nationally known doctor with a very busy schedule took the time to call me! That's when I knew what a special person he was. He gave me the hope and encouragement I needed.
My husband and I attended the Narth conference last October and had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Nicolosi and thanking him in person for his help. The world has lost a great man and heaven has gained one. We'll pray for you as you grieve and we'll never forget Joseph Nicolosi.
Paul and Pam Soriano"
"To say that I was stunned to hear this news is an understatement...I never got to meet Dr Nicolosi in life and really wish I could have told him in person what he meant to me. I can't really put it better than to say that for me he was a living channel of Divine Mercy. And I wonder actually has the Lord taken him now not to bring his work to an end but rather because he can continue it more powerfully from heaven? My prayers and thoughts are with his family and all who have been blessed by his life. Thank you Dr Nicolosi. xxx"
"I have never personally met Dr. Nicolosi but have for many years admired His outstanding work, perseverence and courage.
A truly great Warrior for the Truth has gone to claim his eternal reward.
I pray that God rewards Dr. Nicolosi abundantly and console his Family.
"Linda, although I have never met you, I want to offer our condolences to you! My husband and I met Joe early in 2000 when he traveled to New Orleans to speak to Legatus, twice. He impressed us so much, and spoke so loving of you! His legacy will continue on through you and the gift of NARTH! May God bless you, Marilyn Quirk"
"As supervisor, mentor, colleague, and friend, Joseph Nicolosi has impacted my life, and thus the lives of those I love and care about, like no other man. He modeled what it means to be a devoted husband, father, and Christian brother. From Joe, I learned not only how to strive for excellence as a therapist, but also how to cultivate and maintain relationships with even the most difficult individuals.
Joe demonstrated, kindness, sincerity, warmth, and a patience many didn't know he had. I'll never forget the time when he was forced to wait in the waiting room of his own clinic while I conducted therapy in his office. For 60 minutes, he patiently waited to retrieve his keys and wallet, which he had left in a desk drawer. We both had a good laugh when I told him that next time, he'd have to pay me to get in!
Thank you, Joe, for your insight, wisdom, guidance, and fantastic sense of humor. I will always cherish the memories of Tuesday supervision at the Thomas Aquinas Clinic, where we all learned so much and had a good laugh in the process. Thank you for your confidence in my abilities and for inviting me to join the NARTH Clincial Committee. I enjoyed the lively debates and learned so much from you.
I will remember the lunch we shared at the 2016 NARTH conference in Dallas. That was the last time that I saw you.
I promise, Joe, to continue the work that you started, to remain unwavering in my efforts to help this marginalized population that we serve, and to fight the good fight so that truth may be told.
Until we meet again, my friend, may you rest in peace in the presence of our Creator."
"Unbelievable that such a pioneer of truth has left us. I know how his work helped me and others. You are missed Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. May we carry on your work."
"I’ll miss Joe, but his legacy will remain close with me, always. I met him over 22 years ago while working on my master’s degree and NARTH was in its infancy. It did not take long for Joe and I to bond. That was the kind of man he was – he was about relationships, he was warm, welcoming, compassionate and brotherly. Insomuch he was inspiring and relentless in his work. I admired that; it was contagious. Joe encouraged and mentored me in my early years as a clinician. As the work of NARTH grew, I never imagined how sweepingly hateful the opposition would become. It was fierce, ugly and very tiring. But, Joe never backed out, never backed down. He stood up for what he believed in. He worked on behalf of a population of men, who the mental health field literally refused to serve. He stood strong in a cultural battleground and he took many a hit. He became the voice for the silenced and afraid. In his first book, Joe talked about helping men alleviate inner turmoil and helping them not to hate themselves, but to better understand themselves and to strive toward healthy assertion. Arno Karlen said that what Joe helped men “repair,” was their self-esteem and their relatedness to others. Joe was not about “harm,” rather he was about helping others reach their full potential.
I am blessed to have known Joe as a colleague, mentor, and as a dear friend. While both busy professionals and family men, we made time to talk and know each other on a personal level. His family was the love of his life. As his beloved wife, Linda said, he was full of “courage” and I can certainly see why his son Joey would consider him his “favorite man on earth”. Like his own father, Joe was salient and the Nicolosi legacy will live on in the lives of so many. My heart rests knowing he has told Linda, that he had lived a good life.
Joe, rest in peace
Your friend always,
"Dr. Joseph Nicolosi gave the world the truth about homosexuality within the high standards of psychological research and anecdotal evidence. He reflected the truth of our Creator in terms of God’s marvelous design for men and women within the interventions of authentic Reparative Therapy. As such, he gave unconditional love to same-sex attracted individuals who knew they were not born homosexuals. The gift he gave us was the kind of compassionate and brilliant psychotherapy that all therapists aspire to demonstrate. Authentic Reparative Therapy was designed to remove the “roadblocks” to the authentic self, and it will continue on forever in the minds and hearts of the many clients who experienced lasting change, and in the future of professional therapists who will carry on his work."
"Joe carved out the path to freedom for those who experience unwanted same-sex attractions. He made a way out of no way. He was a true hero and a brave warrior. I and thousands throughout the world were enriched by his life, wisdom, passion and love for the truth. Thank you dear brother for leading the way and helping to set so many captives free. Your legacy lives on in our hearts forever. With love and gratitude, Richard Cohen"
"I met Dr. Nicolosi at a Human Life International Conference more than 25 years ago and afterwards used his wise words to and writings to help people with a same-sex attraction. He courageously proclaimed the truth in a firm, but gentle manner. I will offer a Mass for the repose of his soul. Requiescat in pace."
"I accidentally heard of the death of Dr. Nicolosi while browsing an informational newsletter type of e-mail from Allison Riccardi on Counseling - Coaching-Wellness. His death reminded me of when my children's very kindly and talented eye doctor suddenly died from, I think it was lung cancer. It's hard to get a handle on God calling such talented individuals and family men home to him so early but, God's plan is the best plan and, I am sure these holy people will partake in God's work in Heaven. I first came upon Dr. Nicolosi and, also, Fr. Harvey of Courage, a number of years back when seeking information about homosexuality and same sex attraction. May the souls of the faithfully departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen. Condolences to his family and, thank you for the blessing of sharing Dr. Nicolosi with us!
God love you, Jeanne & Paul Van Bellinghen & Family"
"You rarely put the words "gruff" and "elegant" together, but my friend Joe broke all the rules. He was gruff like a Bronx bar-hopping sailor, never one to mince words, hold back, or worry about the censors. I loved that about him, even if it made me wince more times than I can remember. But he was elegant too, in a classically male sense. He was a man's man who thought a man should look the part, which meant, to my chagrin, my being subjected to his critiques of my suits at virtually every conference we spoke at. He disliked mismatched colors or bad fits the way Pharisees disliked the most minute deviations from tradition. I would always shrug and promise to do better, but I don't think I ever managed to meet his high standards. In addition to his humor and keen intelligence, I remember a very brave man - an authentic culture warrior - who made kamikaze missions out of interviews, taking heaps of scorn from interviewers and guests and letting them bounce off him like eggs off teflon. He knew who he was, where he stood, and what he valued. Dear Lord, do we ever need more of his kind today! I miss him already, and I know, as do so many others, that an enormous void has been left."
"I had the privilege of meeting Dr. Nicolosi on 2 seperate NARTH conferences many years ago. On both occasions I learned a great deal from him. I was an intern and excited about learning all I could from professionals who's practices were informed by a faith world view and fueled by deep human respect. I found this in him and his book "shame and attachment loss". His book became a text book for me. The second time I met him, I handed him my copy of his book that I had rebound because I had poured over it with countless hours of study, highlights, and notes to the point that it had fallen apart. I had it recovered in black leather ( I wanted it to last ) . When I handed it to him to autograph, he was surprised to find it was his book, he laughed, and then went on to a series of jokes with me after words, admitting he at first though it was a Bible for him to autograph! He gave me brilliant advice personally after chatting with him for a while, paticrularly on how to apply a particular part of his book to other types of healing. I have done this. What I learned from him is a foundational part of my now thriving practice rooted in what I learned from him. I only have a few living men that I considered deep infueitlial mentors to me, Dr. Nicolosi was one. I am so grateful to have been one of his students, and to have been so brilliantly mentored by him from his book, and in person. I will always remember the gift he was and continues to be in my life and the lives of those whom I serve."
"Dr. Nicholosi was one of the greats in addressing homosexuality and its causes. He tirelessly and fearlessly worked at helping those caught up in the behavior, educating others in treatment of the condition and presenting the truth about homosexuality to the public.
Twice I had the opportunity to discuss homosexuality on radio interviews with him. Added to that, I asked him to review a paper that I had written to present to hierarchy members of the Catholic Church. His comment after reviewing my paper was basically paper ok and good luck. Today I now understand what he meant, Most Church officials than and today reject the findings of science its causes and cures pertaining to homosexuality in this field and rely on their uninformed and non-professional unscientific opinions about homosexuality. God help us.
Thank you doctor for standing up for truth even when the forces of evil in the world today are standing against it. I believe that you, his faithful servant are now with God. Please pray for us."
"Joe's passing is a deep loss for America and especially for the cause of truth and for healing in an increasingly hostile culture. I will never forget talking to Joe and learning so much about the underlying causes of same-sex attraction and the ways to counter those influences. Joe was fearless, inventive and a leader in a field where most men fear to challenge what they know to be colossal lies told from the highest levels of academia. He gave hope for real, lasting change and endured many attacks for his boldness. May God grant him eternal peace and to Linda and the rest of his family the peace that passes all understanding. I thank God for allowing Joe to touch the lives of so many. -- Bob Knight"
"Dr. Nicolosi's works were life changing to me. When I spoke with him, he was so attentive and caring, firm and gentle. His ideas have influenced my life and have shaped me into the man I am today. I will miss him and pray for him, offering many Masses for him. Let's not let his work and legacy die with him; let's keep spreading the truth about human sexuality that he promoted. Requiescat in Pace."
"Dr. Nicolosi's book, Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, deeply influenced my thinking over 20 years ago. We owe him a debt of gratitude for his courage and persistence. May perpetual light shine upon him."
"Although I never met Joe Nicolosi personally I benefitted from his amazing insight and will be forever grateful. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family may God give them peace and blessings to overcome their grief and I sincerely hope that the work Mr. Nicolosi inspired will continue for many years to come."
"I met Dr. Nicolosi at a NARTH conference in Philadelphia. The year was 2010 if memory serves me correctly. His untimely passing is a blow to the ex-gay movement. May he rest in peace."
"Dr. Joseph Nicolosi was an example of Man as "Warrior" because of the immense courage he showed to go against the culture for the benefit of his clients.He helped men with unwanted ssa and other men as well to enter deeper into the mystery of masculinity. The goodness that Joe lived in such a manly way has inspired many men to be better men. I feel great solidarity with Linda and Joe jr. On March 15, I will celebrate mass for Joe, for his family and for the family that came to him because of his wonderful mission. Father terry."
"I have learned of Dr. Nicolosi's passing with deep sadness. Decency has lost a courageous warrior.
Nathan A. Solomon, Ph.D."
"Joseph Nicolosi had great courage to stand up for what he believed no matter the persecution and rejection thrown at him, he stood by it his whole life because he saw how it blessed and helped others. I greatly admire his willingness to engage and share despite the detractors!"
"I am saddened at the great loss of Dr.Joseph Nicolosi,his support of PFOX and me personally has been a gift. I had the privilege to travel with Dr.Nicolosi a few times. Dr.Nicolosi was kind and took the time to speak to people on all sides of the issue when we traveled. I read Joe's books and his writings,as a parent they answered my questions and provided hope. I will not forget Dr.Joseph Nicolosi and will continue to refer other families to his writings. Linda,I pray for you as you work through your feelings with Joe's unexpected death. I know you were a team mate and a blessing to Joe. To Joe Junior,I know your Dad was excited about your work and was proud of you. Blessings to you and your mother."
"Deeply saddened to hear of Joe's death. I will treasure the memory of a meal I had with Joe senior and junior in Dallas in 2015. He has been a trustworthy teacher and political inspiration to all of us who want men and women to be free to seek the change they desire. Joe was kind enough to check something I had written on this subject last year and give it the nihil obstat; I will dedicate that section of the upcoming book to his memory. Condolences to Joe's family, from here in Australia."
"I only had the privilege of meeting Joe once, at a NARTH conference in Philadelphia. For years I had read his carefully reasoned essays on treating homosexuality, and so to see him in person I felt somewhat intimidated. But he did absolutely nothing to add to that; to the contrary, he flashed a warm, welcoming smile and seemed so genuinely and unpretentiously friendly. My work here in NJ--occupied territory!--was always inspired by his clinical insights and demonstrable courage.
I studied in Southern California with psychologists who lectured on psycho-theological integration. Joe, in contrast, lived integration. And in so doing, he lived out his faith. That will always inspire me.
I have asked the editor of WORLD magazine to give Joe's passing the recognition it deserves in the Christian community. The secular leaders of the APA should also honor Joe as a champion of client autonomy and self-determination, but of course they won't. That is left to us.
My deepest condolences to Linda and your son. Can you hear God say, "Well done" to Joe? I can."
"I met Dr Nicolosi at an Exodus conference, the first and only time our paths crossed. I'd been to 2 conferences before but his research and unflinching conviction was the first time i experienced hope in the midst of my struggle. He even took the time to speak with me personally, offering encouragement and guidance. I am so thankful for his willingness to fight for truth despite the overwhelming opposition of the world. I can honestly say that my brief interaction with Dr Nicolosi changed my life, as i'm sure he's helped many others. I offer my condolences to his family and friends; the world lost a godly man, and heaven gained a saint. God bless."
"I never had the honor of meeting or attend one of Dr. Nicolosi lectures. But I will never forget his works and mission and I'm proud of his many accomplishments. St. Benedict's prayer I pray for his new journey : " Eius in obitu nostro praesentia muniamur ! (May we be strengthened by his presence in the hour of our death ! )"
"I had the privilege of meeting Dr. Joseph Nicolosi for few hours when he came to México, we had lunch and talk, he was so clear, so impecable in the way he express all his knowledge, I can't forget, how he said the truth is one, and nobody change it or hide it. Then the next day it was terrible i was so scared, Dr. Nicolosi, felt sick during the talk he was suppose to give, and I took him to the hospital,no body speak a word of english so i stay with him, translating all that he said and what the doctors ask him, thanks to God it was just that he was tired, and mexico's hight, that gave me more time to be with him,in and odd circumstance but really each minute was a pleasure, hi was a real gentleman. Im sure, that in heaven the day he arrive, they had a welcome party, Linda, Joseph Jr. all my respect for Dr. Joseph.
May he rest in peace in the Lord"
"Joseph Nicolosi was a good man, smart speaker, and courageous medical professional. I remember meeting him at a Human Life International World Conference during the 1990 decade. He will be greatly missed. But now we have an intercessor in the Church Triumphant for us who are of the Church Militant. Thank you very much for your fruitful apostolate, Doctor Nicolosi. You will always be remembered."
"I first came across Dr. Nicolosi's work while in the seminary in the 1990s. It was so refreshing to study his research into the factors that contribute to one's sexuality and what may occur when this gets thwarted. As a priest who has been involved in Courage and who has given one-on-one spiritual care to those with same-sex attraction, Dr. Nicolosi's work has always been a point of reference for me and many times, I have recommended his work to those who are seeking to find answers. May God's eternal light shine upon Joseph Nicolosi, and may the angels of paradise lead him to heaven. In Christ, Fr. Daniel"
"Dear Nicolosi Family,
You will be in my thoughts and prayers during this time of loss.
Dr. Nicolosi was a great inspiration to me as he advocated for clients rights to self determination. His book sits on my shelf and has been a great help to a number of my former clients.
I pray that the Lord would comfort your family with His peace."
"I am saddened by the news of Joe's death. I remember visiting with him at his office and later talking to him at a conference. He was a kind person, interested in helping others, including making 3 hours available to consult with me many years ago. I so appreciated meeting with him and the wisdom he shared with me regarding a ministry in our church to those struggling with unwanted desires. I flew from Michigan to meet him and the night before he called my home to make sure I was meeting with him the next day. I will miss his work and his presence here on earth. Jerry Schreur, Ph.D"
"I did not get the honor of meeting Dr. Nicolosi in person, but I have been interested in his research and the work of NARTH for quite some time, since I am a physician who sees patients with various issues affecting their lifestyles. It is wonderful to know that Dr. Nicolosi and so many others have not been afraid to go against the liberal grain to let their research and clinical experiences to be known, despite the opposition. May God bless his family and other loved ones deeply in this time of your loss."
"I was greatly saddened, upon hearing of the death of Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. I recall his wonderful sense of humor and his willingness to lead a group, as we sat in circle and learned how to help those with unwanted same-sex attractions. He took time to interact on a personal level, during conferences and trainings. We will dedicate ourselves to furthering his causes and methods of helping others"
"What a tremendous loss! Dr.Nicolosi!!!! A truly great man! I never met him but heard him speak many times. He was always right! he told the truth , no doubt for his strong faith, and he did not hide his faith. He gave all of us courage and strength. He tackled the most difficult issue of homosexuality when he was in a minority. He knew the suffering of homosexuals and reached out to them. He didn't tell them to stay that way, it's wonderful, because he knew it is not. He went against a huge avalanche, he faced corruption and propaganda. In time, gay people and all of us will see he was right. He was kind and loving and knew he was unpopular with many due to the frenzy and betrayal of MOST of his colleagues, who for money and power, promoted a 'sad' thing that can be largely remedied, healed. Joe cared. And he suffered for that. The world owes him a debt of gratitude. I will offer my next Mass for him and will pray for his family. We have lost a giant, a giant in science and psychology and a giant in faith and family. His work has been done and he has accomplished a great deal. We are bleak without him. Thank you Lord for Joe, now please receive him into your heavenly kingdom and fill Joe with love. Toronto, Canada"
"Shared with permission from Andy Comiskey:
By Andy Comiskey
My good friend and colleague Dr. Joseph Nicolosi passed away yesterday from an unexpected, swift illness. I am in shock. He is the man who gave men like me courage to name the wounds related to our early gender identity, get on a healing track, and proceed onto all we were created for. As a devout Catholic, he held fast to our fruitfulness and eschewed the false solutions offered by the LGBT community; as an astute clinician, he persevered to ensure that the healing arts and sciences still applied to persons with same-sex attraction who knew that they were stuck and needed to get on with life.
He did it all with panache. He was a force of nature—youthful at 70-years-old, mouthy, colorful, an unflagging provocateur of truth. He never lost focus. The last time I saw him was a year ago at his home in Thousand Oaks with wife Linda; he exuberantly rehearsed a new paper he was presenting at NARTH, which he co-founded and designed as the only enduring network offering clinical care for persons with unwanted SSA.
The sheer volume of his output in papers, books, and presentations around the globe is staggering and can be summed up in these words: humanity is created to realize its heterosexual potential, and homosexual behavior is a symptomatic attempt to repair early wounds that left the boy alienated from that potential–the innate masculinity that he has failed to claim. Sound psychotherapy is thus one means through which we can welcome the confirmation that eluded us in our wounds and recover our dignity as men from the illusion of seeking ‘completion’ in homoeroticism. I would urge you all to secure any of his books or articles. My personal favorite: Shame and Attachment Loss, IVP.
Joe got it right. He never apologized for the light he shone. In 1980, he founded the Thomas Aquinas Counseling Center in Los Angeles the same year Desert Stream began in LA. He provided for me and my colleagues studying psychology a reasonable, clear direction amid irrational forces. Ever exuberant, he seemed to enjoy the challenges he faced. He was born to burn calories caused by his contention that humanity has a direction born of God, a track no activist can alter.
God made Joe fit for the fight and he did so brightly and boldly in the face of adversity. Some did not know what to do with him. We did know. We loved him. His gift freed us to embrace life. Exuberantly."
"Tribute to Dr. Joseph Nicolosi by his wife, Linda Ames Nicolosi
Joe worked in a profession that has lost its intellectual integrity.
Consider this: psychologists now celebrate the idea of transgenderism. The project of defying nature— amputating a man’s genitals, pumping him full of synthetic estrogen for the rest of his life, and giving him artificial breasts— is now a legitimate form of treatment for the man who wants to make the futile effort to “re-invent” himself as a woman.
Yet if that same client wanted to see a psychologist to better align his sexual attractions with his sense of himself— that is, as a man who was designed for heterosexuality— most practitioners in the psychological profession would scorn his efforts. “You’re gay and you must embrace it,” they’d tell him.
Initially it may have been just intellectual laziness that allowed the psychological profession to carry out such a rejection of nature, and of human design. But now it’s gone farther than a problem of laziness— for many psychologists, their new problem is fear. Gay activists have such a stranglehold on psychology that no one dares defy them.
Joe, however, did defy them. And I thank him for his courage.
On a personal level, Joe was an outspoken, politically incorrect guy who could make a lot of “edgy” jokes that got him into trouble. He had something of a temper; he was impatient, sometimes irritable, often impractical. When we were first married and needed money for basic expenses, he spent all day on his knees pulling weeds in someone’s front yard, and then took the $50 he’d earned, and impulsively bought a beautiful ceramic vase that had caught his eye.
Although he wasn’t practical, he was a tireless worker. He woke up at 4 a.m. every day to start answering emails at his desk, then took off for the gym. He led a very disciplined life in which his greatest joys were his work (so many times he said to me, “I love my work!…I want to do it until I drop”) and his family and friends.
In his free time he literally blasted opera music from his favorite easy chair on the back deck. Listening to a beautiful singing voice literally transported him out of this world and brought tears of ecstasy to his eyes. He also loved painting in his little art studio, and he liked to joke that friends could “get in on a ground-floor investment opportunity” by buying one of his “White Adobe series” of paintings now, rather than waiting until their value went up in the future. ((They were probably his least attractive paintings.)
He also loved sitting down to a punctual—precisely 6 p.m.—family dinner that he himself had cooked, with always far too much food, and always prepared in lavish, 5-star style. Candles were lit and cellphones off for an evening of lively family conversation, usually about people, politics, culture, or religion— our favorite family topics.
Joe loved the Catholic Church and said many times, “The Church will always be home to me,” even though he was angry with parish-level leadership for abdicating its rightful role in resisting cultural decline—particularly, for its timidity on gender and family-related issues.
And he was tender-hearted. He often said, “One thing I can’t stand— seeing the suffering of a child or an animal.” He sometimes got himself into trouble when he intervened, publicly, to correct a parent or a pet owner to prevent such suffering. And he was generous; he always offered our son and myself the better room, the better bed, the best seat in the restaurant— it was second-nature to him to insist that we should take preference.
Joe did care about image, and he liked to make a good appearance. Yet when I had a bad back during a trip to San Francisco, I told him I could only walk the city streets with the help of two hiking poles. I was worried about looking silly. “I don’t care one bit how you look— in fact, I’ll walk with two hiking poles, too, so people can stare at both of us!” And that’s exactly what we did.
Most of all, Joe Nicolosi was a hero to his son, Joseph, Jr. Joe, Sr. said many, many times to me, “I would give my life for our son.” We knew he meant it. Joseph Jr. says he considers his dad “my favorite man on earth.”
My husband was able to give so much to his clients because he had received so much himself. So many times I heard him say, “I had wonderful parents. They argued, they fought, they even threw dishes around the kitchen. But my brother and I always knew, without any question, that we came first in their lives.”
He often talked about his dozens of cousins, and the simple, family-centered lives they had enjoyed growing up— when parents were content (or at least kept any objections to themselves) to center their lives on children and family, and when husband and wives who didn’t get along, made the best of the situation and often ultimately discovered that you don’t run off to “find” a new soulmate, so much as you eventually discover that soulmate right there with you at home.
“I’ve had a good life,” he recently told me.
Joseph Nicolosi, rest in peace….."
"There are no words to properly describe the shock and feeling of sadness when I heard about the death of my friend Joe Nicolosi. The way in which Joe touched people souls was incredible. His humor could always lighten a conversation. There is no way to adequately speak of the impact his teaching, counseling, and mentorship had on innumerable friends and colleagues. But his greatest impact were the insights he developed which affected thousands of men and women who are now leading lives consistent with their fondest dreams. I don't think I can describe that impact any better than does a former "struggler", one who successfully made the transition from gay feelings, behavior, and identity to hetersexual "fbi." The former struggler wrote to me: "what a tragic loss for his family, and for the many thousands of men like us. I first heard him in an interview with James Dobson in 1991, discussing his new book "Reparative Therapy for the Male Homosexual". I ordered it immediately and read it within a week and thought, "Finally, someone who understands me better than I understand myself!" What a brilliant, compassionate and kind man he was to have devoted much of his life to this struggle of ours. We are better men for his life's work."
Joe was a dear friend with whom I worked concerning several areas of mutual interests for nearly 15 years. He will be missed. May G-d have mercy on his soul."
"In life, Joe Nicolosi was a joy to know in friendship and collegiality. It is hard to believe I/we can no longer pick up the phone to call him.
Joe led and together with others built an organization, small in numbers but national and international in scope. NARTH is his legacy gift to us in the broader community.
Linda you and Joe are such a team, his pride in you and Joey continues now as a hidden and essential integral to the NARTH Legacy. We who have known you and the family over the years know this and you have our deepest admiration, gratitude, and respect for your contributions to our lives.
May you always find peace and comfort from the knowledge that you and the Nicolosi family have and continue to live life honestly and in truth. Always my love. Ben Kaufman ."
"It is with complete shock and utter sadness that I sit to write these words about Dr. Joseph Nicolosi. It is hard to imagine that he is no longer here with us on this earth. I just spoke to him the week before he died, and as always, he was so full of life and wisdom. Joe was the leader of a movement, an incredibly insightful clinician, an excellent teacher, a wonderful mentor, a beloved husband and father to Linda and Joey, and a dear friend to so many of us. I had the joy and privilege of serving along side of Dr. Nicolosi on the board of NARTH for 10 years. I cannot begin to describe all that I learned from him during that time and in the years since that time. He is the one to whom I referred so many cases, the one with whom I could discuss any of my own cases, and the one who was always willing to give input on lectures I was giving, the one who was willing to do what was right regardless of whether or not it was popular, the one who was bold enough to speak up for those whose rights are overlooked, and the one who could lighten up any situation with his humor. He was also deeply committed to family values and God’s created order. I remember many years ago, when my husband and I were visiting Joe and Linda in their home in California. Joe had made a wonderful dinner (complete with basil and tomatoes that he picked from his garden). We were sitting in his backyard, talking about life. My husband and I were in California celebrating our first anniversary of marriage. Joe asked us if we were ready to start a family. We told him we really were not sure about having a family. So Joe expressed very clearly to both of us about the importance of family and that any other pursuits were not to be equated with the significance of family. His words that night impacted my husband and me very deeply. We’ve often joked that having our two amazing boys is partially the result of Joe’s encouragement and wisdom that night in his backyard. (And I think Joe was very happy to take credit for that.) ☺
Joe has not only made an incredible impact on my life, but he has also left his mark on the world. As Harry S. Truman once wrote, it is '…men with fortitude, honesty, and a belief in the right that makes epochs in the history of the world.' Dr. Joseph Nicolosi is indeed one of those men."
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