Noel's Eulogy
Eulogy for Elyn Mary Shenoi
by Noel Shenoi (son)
San Francisco Solano Catholic Church
Rancho Santa Margarita, CA
June 6, 2015
"Moje mai, Baaree sobeeth ami apur bai che!" In Konkani, it means "My mother, you are A Very Beautiful and Good Person!"
Mom was a Very Beautiful Person! Not just on the outside, but also on the inside! She specifically told me - No bragging allowed in my eulogy! She did not want me to talk about titles or achievements…...but she did want me to talk about her Unconditional Love - Love that she showed all of us every single day of her life.
There are really no words to describe our closeness with our mother. I know this because the slow, agonizing decline over the past year forces even the most optimistic and hopeful to think about, and plan for this sad day. Just last week, I commented to Allan, Peter and Dad that I wanted her to live to 100! And as such, you start thinking about what you might say during a time like this. And after successfully putting pen to paper several times I realized that there are really no words - just feelings - deep feelings for a woman who sincerely loved her God, her husband, her kids and her grandchildren - like no other!
Last week, as I sat near her bed, keeping her company as she dozed in and out, initially I thought this tribute would be the hardest thing I would ever write. But the truth is, as I watched her sleep, I took comfort in knowing she was lost in a dream-world instead of plagued by her dark reality - and the words just poured out of me like I too was lost in a world of dreams. Dreams that brought me back to the imaginary games we played when we were younger, hearing her cheer for us - whether it was on a field or in a school, secrets confided, lessons learned, I love yous exchanged, her beaming pride, our best friendship, arguments that sometimes exhausted us, and the reconciliations that always brought us back together! We are so lucky that she, and dad, have always been there for us and they were our best friends!
Mom was a true Mangalorean Catholic. She was a walking encyclopedia for our family roots. Even though she lived many of her years in Bombay, Houston and in Orange County, she taught our Mangalorean and Indian family values to us and her grandchildren.
We were extremely lucky that she lived so close by. Not many of our Indian families have had that luxury of having their parents live close by. This helped to nuture her grandchildren personally, rather than by long distance. But that did not stop her from often calling so many nephews and nieces around the world.
Mom was the coolest person I ever knew. She taught me how to keep my cool. She would often tell us - keep your cool always even if others around you lose theirs! and for whenever I used to visit her she used to make me the best omlettes in the world, with four eggs and with onion and chilies, Oh, how can I ever forget those omlettes! and even when Dad wanted to have some of those tasty omlettes, she would say, Arthur, those are specially for Noel, my pylo-burgo! (my first son)
Mom was a great uniter. Her one special wish was a united family, and community. She loved our family functions together - often making so many delicacies for us! She delighted in learning of the joint functions that the MAA and GOA associations have had - especially the dances and camping trips.
She gave her entire being into raising us. Mom was the best back scratcher in the world! and her massages are legendary in our family! Just ask any of us - especially Dad - how her strong fingers would glide over our backs and legs, giving us comfort after a long day. She spoiled us so much that we just could not go to sleep until she came and gave us a back scratch and or a massage almost every night!
Our mom was a genius at finding games and activities we enjoyed - and those taught us valuable life lessons and important skills. She taught us all Contract Bridge - one of the world's most popular card games - and one of the most difficult to play!
She loved to laugh and she was very good at making us laugh, even making up her own jokes on the spot!
She and Dad brought us to America almost 40 years ago! She has always been our strength and encouraged us through every twist and turn in our education and our life in our adopted county - the United States of America. Our entire family thanks this wonderful country. God Bless America!
Mom was the most positive person on our planet! She hardly ever uttered a negative word. As mom always said to me, it's amazing how strong you can be when you have no other choice. She was so vibrant, full of colors, full of life. Even her paintings show what a wonderful mind she had and how creative she was! She played piano so beautifully and I can still remember her playing all those classical pieces while I did my homework!
Mom's mind was very sharp, even until the very end. Just two weeks ago as she was being wheeled out to the den, she stopped and raised her finger and said - Arthur, Pay the Bills. A half hour later as she was being wheeled back to her bedroom, she stopped along the way and as Dad started to talk to her, she stated, Arthur, don’t talk to me, just Pay the Bills! And just a couple of months ago, she even did their tax returns! She was brilliant until the very end!
And this is why, when mom was sick and most concerned about how her willingness to fight would impact us, we tried several times to convince her that those life lessons had already been taught, her wisdom imparted on us. But she continued to worry and concern herself mostly with how we would handle this - how we would move forward after this devastating loss. The toll it would take and the tears we would cry……
There are only feelings, indescribable feelings. Feelings that make my heart burst and my whole being melt. Because our mother was our insides. She IS our insides. Our guts. Our confidence. Our bravery and our strength. Our sensitivity, our compassion, our loyalty and even our laughter! She was our everything. She was OUR mother! and it seemed at times even our father!
If I had to conjure up one life lesson that she would want us to carry for the rest of our life, it is this: Seek advice from others, but always trust yourself. She believed in each one of us, and she believed that we always knew what was best for us. She taught us about the most important things in life: compassion, faith, family, humor, and forgiveness.
After Mom's passing, Ranee suggested that I should go to a peaceful place and just talk to Mom, and ask her what to say today! It turns out that her bedroom was the most peaceful place with all of the family pictures around the bed. As I talked with mom this week in her bedroom, I asked her where she was - she said she was in heaven - but in heaven's waiting room! She told me that St. Peter was coming to meet her today - and she told me that if St. Peter is even half as good looking as my Petu boy, then she would follow him into heaven; and if the angels were even half as beautiful as my Ranee girl, she would gladly follow them into heaven. Just as mom got up to go in, an angel appeared and told mom that she needed to wait for her advocate - and mom looked at me and said - If he is even half as good an advocate as my Allee boy, then she was a clinch to enter heaven. And I asked her - what about me - she looked at me and said - You are here right now witnessing me with my gracious and loving God, I just don’t want you to come join me too soon! I have Lola, Gerry and Arthur's sister Celine to bring up to speed with all the kobar!.........
……….and as I was exiting heaven to come back to reality, she turned to me and stated - take good care of my dearest Arthur, my beloved for 58 years………. He has given us his entire being and continues now to be our family strength. Dad, just like mom, you have been a uniter and a major force in our upbringing! You and mom gave us the quality of life that allowed us to thrive and prosper. You are still here with us and we plan to be by your side forever.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God! Mom, you are with God now, free from your suffering, filled with the love you offered others so freely in your 86 years on this earth.
Dear Mamajis! we will miss you. We will trust ourselves, my Mamalus, we will be fine and united. We will never, never ever forget you! We love you more than infinity!.........
From your pylo burgo, your first son, I can only say - Mom, you were a Very Beautiful and Good Person! Moje mai, Baaree sobeeth ami apur bai che!