In Memory of my Wonderful Dad, Freddie Lee Payton, I lost him on January 3rd of 2010. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I Love You and Miss You, So Very Much, especially during holidays. You are always in my daily thoughts.
If I could write a story it would be the greatest one ever told. Of a kind and loving father he was, who had a heart of gold. If I could write a million pages, but then again still be unable to say, just how much I love and miss him every single day. I will remember all my Dad taught me. I'm hurt but won't be sad because I know he will be by my side, and there are so many questions that I need answers to. He will send me down the answers that I need and he will always be my Dad. The time I had, with my Dad, was not nearly enough to pack in an entire lifetime of love. But I do have pictures to remember you by, each time a holiday and your birthday comes around, I bring them out and place one in the room with me so that I will have you there with me. I place one in the kitchen when I am fixing the holiday dinners, I still want to cry, but it is getting easier knowing that I will see you again in time.
They say grief is easier to bear as time goes by, but it doesn't stop me from wondering. Why my dear, sweet dad, he was taken so soon. When he was my guiding star, my sun and my moon. There are no answers to a question like this. So I'll cherish my Dad’s memory, and mourn the years we'll miss. I am still missing you, my wonderful Dad, after all these years that have passed. When I got that call from my sister, Halene and she told me had you died. I felt numb, but I still cried. I didn't know how big a hole your passing would leave. I didn't understand how much loneliness I was about to receive. As the years have gone by, I have never forgotten things, like the sound of your voice, and how your laughter used to sound. I remember exactly what it was like when you held me. But I do remember it left me with a feeling of warmth and security.
My first birthday spent without you was the hardest after you were gone. That first Christmas and birthday, just wasn't the same, and it remains so as the years go on. There have been thousands of times, when I have wished you were still here, to celebrate all of the birthdays, and holiday’s and help me calm my fears. I've spent the past six years of my life without you. And, I'm sad to say, I know that there were times that I should have just ignored the people (Shirley and Sonja) that kept such a big part of your life away from me, but I want you to know I still love you, and I think about you every single day. I will never forget My Dad. I have to admit that I was a Daddy's girl. He told me he loved me all the time, so I never questioned that he didn’t, he was my hero and my shining star. When I became a woman, he walked me down the isle, and gave me away, to Jim Conner, with a bittersweet smile. When I gave birth, to his granddaughter Christina Lynn Conner, he was there, too. To greet our little one and say, Hello, I love you. Now that man who loved me, and wrapped me in arms so strong, has gone where I cannot reach him. But my love for him lives on. I will keep his memory alive, and honor all he believed, and just feel so very grateful for all his love that I received. I will Love you Forever.