OVER THE PAST 15 YEARS WE HAVE LOST A LOT OF LOVED ONES NEAR AND FAR.  THIS IS FOR THEM...
    DONNIE THOMPSON

KAREN HEDERSTROM
GRANMA FEDORA WILKINS
ROBBY C VANSTEENHOUSE
NATHAN KRONK
DOUGLAS CAPEN
PATRICIA CAPEN MILLER
ANNIE PAETZ
GARY GEORGE JACKSON JR
TROY D JACKSON
ROB STAFFORD
GREAT GRANMA FRENCH
GEORGE FRENCH
MIKE YOUNG
CANDY L KERNON
GEORGE LITTLE SR
VALERIE CRISP
TANNA KRAIN
ROBERT BENINETTI
MARSHAL NOVAK
CAMMIE KRUSOE
MEGAN BLACKWOOD
DIANE RODGERS
MIKE MINICCI
FRED HOGER III
ROBERT MILLER
  
                         

      There are no words to describe the pain in my heart that began on June 2, 2004.  It is  never-ending.  It is all day, it is everyday.  The loss of my Brother and best friend, Gary George Jackson Jr, has devastated the lives of his family and friends beyond measure.  I think about the morning when my father arrived to tell me that my brother was dead.  Those minutes seemed to last hours and I immediately feel the ache in my heart all over again. (and still 12 years later)  Please excuse the length of this statement, but my feelings are overwhelming concerning Gary Jr's death.
     Gary's life was cut short at only 22 years.  He had lived everyday to the fullest.  He loved life and embraced every moment.  At the time of his death, he passionately wanted to make a progressive change in his life, but that was taken from him.  Knowing that Gary would want his family and friends to go on living their lives in peace and happiness is a beautiful thought, but how can I possibly be happy to live life when my brother can't?
     The constant images that go through my head of my baby brother's body being thrown and tumbled in a speeding car, in the dark on a lonely highway...they literally make me sick to my stomach.  The pain that I see in my parents' eyes, knowing that I can't ever fill that void or erase that pain they have been forced to endure.  It is a feeling of total helplessness.
     Our sister, Jennica Jackson obviously didn't get to know Gary in his younger years, he was such an adorable child.  Now, she won't get to know him as a man, and that isn't fair.  I know that Jenni will not do without love, but I can only imagine what not having her only brother to grow up with, will affect her, in some way.  It tares me up inside.  To this day, Jenni doesn't understand why the person driving, Bradley, wasn't killed.  She doesn't think that Gary Jr should have died, because he wasn't the person driving.  How do I possibly explain to her the cruel reality that life just isn't fair sometimes.  Bless her heart, she bottles up her pain inside, because she can't bear to see us cry.  Quite frankly, when her Bubby's name is mentioned, someone always ends up in tears. 
     My brother Gary Jr was a miraculous human being.  Growing up, we often referred to him as the " human punching bag ", because he would take whatever he had to, and he would keep on going.  Gary always had a smile on his face.  As a young child, the movie Top Gun came out.  Gary wanted to be a fighter pilot and continued to pursue his interest in flight while he attended the Florida Air Academy his junior year in high school.  He was only 20 hours short of getting his single-engine pilot's license.  When Gary was 19 he attempted to be accepted into the air force, but an unfortunate leg injury kept him from getting in.  Before Gary died he taked about joining the merchant marines, saving some money and buying house.  My baby Brother was growing up, and I was so excited to be a continual part in his life.  Knowing that he always wanted to share his hopes and dreams with me, as I did with him.  More than anyone else in either of our lives.  We were like soul mates, and most definitely Best Friends.
     Gary was a success in many aspects of his life, but everyday I can't stand to think about all the success he had yet left to achieve.  Because Gary was a very talented, smart and gifted young man.  He constantly amazed the people around him and myself, by his encyclopedia like-mind and complete optimistic attitude.
     Gary had immense love for his friends, every one of them.  Gary Jr would do whatever he could do, whenever he could do it, and for anyone who needed his help or support.  He loved to give, but more than anything, he loved to see people smile.  If a friend was feeling down, even just a fellow employee, Gary despised letting anyone leave his presence unless he had in some way lifted their spirits.  That was the way he was and that was the way he lived his life.  He was always that way, and that has been taken away from so many people, who are left to do nothing but mourn his tragic death.
     My thoughts of my brother and his sudden death are a constant part of my daily life.  It breaks my heart that Gary is gone, that I can never hear his voice again.  I can never proudly hold his hand as we walk through the mall.  Dealing with the physical loss is only a fraction of all the thoughts that cross my mind over and over again.  Knowing that we have 22 years of wonderful memories that make us laugh or even cry, but now that is all we have.  That's all we have.  That's all we get.  Why, because of the irresponsible and negligent decision of his best friend to get behind the wheel of a car when he was clearly in no way capable of driving.
     My stomach turns when I imagine the crash taking place and my baby brother's body being tossed around like a rag doll, crushing his insides and ripping open his heart.  I pray everyday that Gary felt no pain, that maybe he miraculously he never saw what was coming, that maybe he was asleep through it all.  To have to think for one second that Gary felt any pain, that he knew what was happening to him, those thoughts are enough to drive me to insanity, and I think about it everyday.  And I don't want to, I don't try to, but is is uncontrollable.  I hate it.
     I resent the fact that my family and I will never see my brother, my very best friend, ever again.  I hate that I wasn't there to somehow protect him or warn him, because looking after Gary was a natural instinct throughout my whole life.  I hate that he was in the car of his best friend, Bradley Carpenter.  Someone whom I always trusted would look after my brother, someone I knew loved Gary, someone who I counted on making the right decisions for himself and his loved ones.  I despise that Brad made the wrong decision to drive home that night, and that his decision ended an innocent life, and devestated the lives of so many, including his own life and the lives of his own family.
     Yes, Gary Jr chose to get into Brad's vehicle that night, because he obviously trusted that he would get to his destination safely.  He had no reason to think any differently, because why would his best friend to jeopardize his life?  Gary can't, shouldn't and won't ever be blamed for trusting his life with one of his closest friends.  He's not here to defend himself, another thing that was taken away from him that he didn't choose.  That choice was made for him, by someone operating a motor vehicle after drinking mind eraser shots and raced down the highway to get home.
     Driving by the crash site and wondering what really happened.  Things that we will never know, like how could this have been prevented?  Why wasn't my brother taken home?  Why wasn't Gary required to wear his seat belt?  Did the excession of the speed limit play a factor in whether he lived or died, and why was Brad driving so recklessly when he knew he had been drinking?  The most important point is that if the law hadn't been broken, if the wise responsible decision had been made, my Brother would still be here.  The responsible decision wasn't made, and now we are continually forced to deal with the choice of someone else.  The guilt that his loved ones feel, that maybe we could have prevented this in some way.  Those thoughts don't go away and it's so unfair, unspeakable, that we should feel guilt, because we weren't driving him home drunk that night.
     I am so jealous of anyone who takes their loved ones for granted, because my family and I will never be able to hold my Bubby again.  We won't get to see him fall in love and get married, have children and live on the Jackson name, for he was the family's name sake.  We will never be able to see that comforting smile that always said "everything is going to be ok, honey".  Whe he ended his conversations with me, he would say, "all right, I love you honey".  No more meeting for the Bucs games, getting the crowd all excited and loving every minute of it.  No more sweet messages on my voicemail.  It took my Father about 8 months before he finally turned off Gary's phone because we kept calling to hear his voice.  It felt like that was all we had left, like we could still talk to him.
     I miss my brother.  I miss his smile and his beautiful blue eyes.  I miss his long strong-arms that when wrapped around me, made me feel so blessed, so loved, unconditionally and safe, like they were wrapped around me 100 times.  His hugs that assured me that he knew how much I loved him and would do anything for him and his ultimate happiness in his life.  I miss our long talks, when we could tell each other anything and know that our bond was so strong that we would protect it with our very own lives.  I miss his cute ears.  Ears that brought on teasing as a child, and yet shaped the strong confident man that he became.  Gary was extremely loving, very happy and able to blow just about anything off.  He was like no one else I've ever known.  Gary and I were inseperable at many times and to tell you all the memories and good times could take up hours of time.  I can only hope with my words expressed here, that you can understand what the loss of my brother and best friend has done to my life.
     Having Gary die so tragically and without any warning haunts me to the point, that I find myself reclusing and very scared to get any closer to the people I love the most, because I am so scared that I will lose everyone now.  I can't sleep at night.  I suffer from nightmares.  I tried to go back to school but had to drop out because I can't focus on anything.  It took me 3 months to finally go back to work.  Because I had to drop out of school, I am being forced to pay back 1//2 of my student loan money for the past 2 sememsters, and my credit has been neglected due to my lack of concern for my own well being.  I can't seem to find much to care about, sadly, without my brother here.  I cry often, but mostly alone because I hate for anyone to have to see me so sad, when I know they feel totally helpless.  Because of the bond that Gary and I shared, everyone who knew us, knew how much we loved eachother, as siblings and best friends.  Gary was the closest person to me in my life.  I can only than God that we always hugged and kissed and always said "I love you, honey".  Always! I always dreamed of frowing old with my brother, and no I can't and neither can anyone else.  It seems so hard to sometimes to grasp the important things in my life, that must go on, but we have no choice but to go on without Gary Jr.
     My parents suffer deeply as well, as my Mother's health had deteriorated rapidly in the past year.  She has become a nocturnal recluse, scared to get closed to everyone.  My Father hardly sleepts at all anymore, he's lost his concentration at work and finds it hard to accomplish his responsibilities because he can't focus onn much else than his dead son.
     My parents and my feelings go from one extreme to the other everyday regarding Bradley Carpenter's fate.  We try to think what would Gary want or do in this situation, but we don't know what he would want and we never will.  As much as I know that Brad is so sorry that this has happened, and I can't imagine what he goes through in his own mind every day, but he has made very little attempts to show my parents any remorse.  Brad is my friend, and I love him.  I have done my best to help him get a reduced sentence.  I can only pray that no matter happens, he will understand why when a law is broken, that there is a punishment for that.  I truly am sorry that this is happening to Brad and his family, but Brad will have a chance to still have a life and a family and enjoy the family he already has.  Our family has been forever changed, and we will never get out Gary Jr back.  I realize that a lengthy sentece, isn't going to bring my brother back, but there must be justice for my Brothers's lost life, taken so suddenly when he had so much more living yet to do.
     We remember the good times, and the best times.  We try to go on everyday knowing that Gary Jr would want us to be happy, but living with only his memory is almost impossible to bear.  Somehow we find the strength and the courage to go on day by day, all the time knowing that Gary Jr is gone forever.  He didn't choose it, he didn't deserve it and there's nothing we can do about it.  My Best Friend and Bubby, Gary George Jackson Jr is gone.


     I sincerely thank you for your time and patience is listening to my statement.

A Loving & Devestated Sister,
Kary Elizabeth Jackson