Man, I haven't been here in years. Every year, I get the notifications, and every year, I let them pass by silently. But, tonight is so different. I'm laying in my apartment after a long day of work, and all I can think about is the life that was taken way too soon. So much life. So much potential. All gone. I knew I should have went with you that day, but you told me you wouldn't be gone long and you would see me when you got back. But, that day never came. I miss you man. Every minute of every day. Friends have come and gone many times over, but your spirit has always been there with me. Some days, I think you would be proud of the man I've become. Other days, I feel like you would be in my ear to tell me to be better. Do better. I love you, big bro. Your presence in my life was the hands of fate much like that day. But, every thing you have ever given me is still with me. Rest easy.

I know I'm several days late, but happy belated 35th birthday my dude. I miss you.

I see you even now helping me to find my way in life just as you always have.

13 years later, and I still can't get past it. I think about you everyday. We grew up together, we saw a lot together. We shared laughs, tears, stories... You had such a bright future ahead of you, that was taken away so suddenly. Nothing has been the same since that day Gram called me with the news. When you went away, a piece of me went with you. A piece I've never been able to get back. I find myself listening to songs that make me think of you. Even now, as I type this, I can't help but cry. Why did this happen? I ask myself everyday. My favorite memory is the night we sat up all night just talking until the sun came up. I know you know that I blame myself for what happened. If only I would have went with you, this may not have happened. I'm sure you're probably saying there was nothing I could do, but those words are moot. You said you would come back, but you never did. Why did you go away? Why did you leave us? Why? You knew me better than anyone. I've refused to let anyone that close since you. I don't know that I can. I was a one man train wreck for many years. I'm finally starting to get my life back together, but it's so hard. I keep waiting for you to call, or visit... Anything.... But, day after day, I'm left with an empty feeling. I couldn't see you buried, and I didn't visit because I still refuse to believe that any of it is real. But, I'm going home soon, Has. I promise that I won't be selfish anymore. I'll be sure to visit as much as I can. I remember a picture we took as kids, standing on the sidewalk outside of the place where we lived. I only wish I had a copy... I love you my friend. I'll see you as soon as I can.