A first attempt: the Dunes
I have tried to write a story for Dad before now, but couldn't manage it. But now, 40 days since he passed on, I want to make a first attempt. But what to write? There is so much, as any daughter would find when writing about her dad.
I remember when I was young, and thought occasionally about the possibility of losing one of my parents. I could sort of picture losing Mom, and in spite of my love for her, I figured I could go on and make adjustments. But the thought of losing Dad was absolutely terrible, unbearable and unimaginable. This "horror" has faded in intensity through the years. When the time came, and Mom was gone, it was an ache that very slowly has eased (in five years' time). When Dad passed away, it was surprisingly easy and natural. I think that was because he had so patiently waited these last five years, slowly losing more and more of his energy and abilities, and always with a positive spin on things (conversation: "How are you today, Dad?" -- Òh, pretty good.`-- when I knew he was hurting, weak, and bored`with his inactivity.)
But that`s not much of a story.
My childhood memories are almost completely dominated by snatches of visual, auditory, and even olfactory (smells!) vignettes of the Dunes Ranch. Squeaking leather as we rode on trail rides; a branch whapping me in the face when I went around a corner through the trees on the gallop; horses looming out of the dark when we went to feed them at a pasture on a cold winter night -- after Dad whistled for them; Dad cutting wedges in a stick of wood to start a fire in one of the wood stoves for a group of people who had come for a sleigh ride; pulling up pails of water from the well, with that cool damp air wafting up from the dark deep; riding the horses bareback to pasture, and then walking back through the moonless black night, singing in case there was a bear in the area (That was when I was by myself; if it was Dad and I walking, we just talked, and I wasn`t feeling that uncertainty!)
I remember the winter times the best. We`d go out to do chores after supper, and it would be so cold. I knew Dad just wanted the company, so I`d go; and he wouldn`t expect me to do much -- maybe go and get a pail of oats from the granary while he threw out some hay. But if he had to do anything extra -- a bit of repair on a gate, or loading up some hay to take to another group of horses at a pasture -- I would get so cold. He`d say, ``Just stamp your feet.`` or ``Put your hands in your armpits. You`ll feel warmer. I`m almost done.`` Sometimes I`d be crying before he finished, and he`d take off his mitts and put his hands around mine to try and make them feel warmer. It wasn`t until maybe five years ago that he said how much he hated winter. It was a shock to me. He had never said a negative word about it all those growing-up years.
Going to do chores, he`d often sing as we drove home in the truck. I learned such a range of songs during those years, from the `Big Rock Candy Mountain to his own compositions like ``On the Trail.`` I was married and gone by the time he and Mom started the square dances in the little hall, but I heard many accounts of the fun that was had by a range of ages that attended those dances, with the Dalen brothers and Ron Stojan and an assortment of other local musicians providing the music. He`d sing during trail rides too; and once in a while, a dude would ask me if Dad was a `professional singer.`` I always had a chuckle about that.
The Dunes was like a dream. An unbelievable way to grow up. But it was all real and tangible for me, and has stayed within me through all the years since I left there. I was amazed when Dad sold the ranch and moved to the Kootenay valley where Bob and I had settled; but for Dad, even the ranch was less important than family. And he had a brand new grand-daughter. He packed up three or four horses, an assortment of saddles and other gear, and with seeming ease (I wonder how hard it REALLY was) he sold the rest. He started over, in a way: taking people on hikes and short trail rides up the side of the mountain behind their new place. He was 61. Being that age now, I have a keen appreciation of how difficult that would be.
The Dunes Ranch has disappeared -- replaced by a golf course and a string of homes on acreages, with gates and privacy. Still beautiful, but not shared in the same way by an abundance of people from all social spheres, in all seasons. I drove through the neighbourhood a year or two ago, and got out on the water line to smell the Wapiti Valley smell. It was still there, that sweet, gentle hard-to-pin-down fragrance. But my old home -- the trails, the ranch yard, the pastures -- were completely unrecognizable. Perhaps it`s just as well. I don`t think Dad or I really wanted to go back.