This tribute was added by Kyle Moore on 9th August 2016

"When asked to provide a memory of my mother that could be read during service my mind started racing and I panicked a bit. My mother had so many wonderful qualities and we shared so many great memories how could I ever come up with just one?! Over the past week it became pretty clear what I'd write after reliving the lasting memories of my mom shared with friends and family. The memory of my mom that kept coming up was just how "cool" she was. Kris and I really did have the "cool mom"! One of the fondest memories was on my 13th birthday. Mom had talked Leonard into letting me have a sleepover with about 15 of my best friends. It was a camp out theme and of course, she had the coolest camping cake ever made to help celebrate my day! She worked at the school down the street from our house and one of her closest friends was the gym teacher...so she negotiated opening of the gym so we could play basketball, football and dodgeball into the night...basically anything we could get into in that gym we enjoyed. As my friends and I got worked up on soda, cake and pizza the fun couldn't stop when the gym had to be closed...that's when the plan was launched. My mom and our gym teacher decided they would pile me and all of my friends into their cars so that they could "teach us how to toilet paper " another teachers house they knew would be a good sport. Right of passage in becoming a teenager back in that day I suppose...and my friends and I were super pumped!!! Although 15 young boys hyped up on sugar weren't as stealthy and quiet as you can imagine - we wrapped that house and all the trees from top to bottom. I remember my mom attempting to show me how to throw the roll over so it would stream down the other side of the tree...only problem she could not throw very well...and her accuracy was not all that great...the entire roll was lost upon her first attempt captured by the lowest branch just out of arms reach. Lol...good thing we had come prepared with lots more toilet paper! That was one of the best birthdays ever. Heck, it was one of the most rememberable nights of my childhood. To this day I still have old friends say "remember when your mom took us TP'ing?"

My mom was definitely young at heart. She related so well with my friends and I and was always available when we needed to talk. She was not judgmental and I knew I could tell her anything and that she'd have my back no matter what. She didn't sweat the "small stuff" as she would say. That's what made her so cool! She was the best mother a kid could ask for. I only pray i share the same bond and friendship with my own children. She was not only my mother, but in a way she was also my best friend. I love you momma!"

I really, really, REALLY want to thank everyone who has taken the time to visit Janice's Online Memorial.  Especially those that have registered and left a tribute. I am really touched by the response, and I am sure Kristohpher and Kyle, her sons and ther rest of her family, are equally touched, aswise. Today is the 27th of August, so it has been 47 days 6 hours since I found Janice unresponsive in our bed. That first week without her... well, I just never thought I would be able to survive this long without her, but I have.  I wouldn't have been able to without the help and support of both of our families...and the many Missouri friends, FB friends and aquaintences.  Praise the Lord and God Bless.  

I would like to share a story concerning Janice...I am sure it will shed some light on why this memorial website and the attendance / views that it generates is so important to me.

As most are aware, we first were going to Parkland Hospital in Dallas (where JFK was taken when he was shot in Dallas) for Janice's treatment.  Keep in mind that Parkland is no longer the number one facility in Dallas for healthcare... unless you are homeless or destitute... Sad. but true.  The car we had would never have survived even 1 trip back and forth to Houston for treatment at MD Anderson Cancer Center. Our choices were very limited... Parkland was the ONLY facility that accepted Janice's insurance.  I had a difficult time convincing Janice to undergo any treatment.... her "terminal" diagnosis had done it's work on her mind and she, at the time was OK with letting the beast take it's course.  I wasn't willing to accept that decision, I thought I could fix anything and everything. After a few initial visits and constant problems with the staff at Parkland, Janice made me promise that I would never ask her to go back there... which I agreed to, reluctantly.  The God Send was her youngest son, Kyle bought us a top of the line used car. A 1994,  Pontiac Grand Am with a little over120,000 miles on it.  Ran great and had A/C and the interior was spotless. Everything we needed... oh, let me correct this statement.  It wasn't Kyle who gifted us with it... It was his son, Kaidyn, her 5 year old grandson who purchased it for us.  Just the wonderful boy, he is.  So now we are ready to really get into the fight, having a vehicle that is able to handle the 560 mile round trip from Dallas to Houston and back.  AMEN

Anyway, I am getting off the story line... rambling... exscuse me but I have soooo many stories about Janice that they all want to be documented and that throws my focus and concentration offf.

Back to why this memorial website is so important to me.  

Janice and I made INUMERABLE trips to Houston and Back to Dallas... so many.... One time, not to long preceding her death we were driving and it was either in the radio "dead spot" we usually hit about the middle of the trip... or maybe she was just tired of listening to music...  or probably she just decided we needed to talk.  LOL  Whenever she would reach for the volume knob and turn the stereo down, I knew she was heading, guiding... no, pushing me into a serious conversation.... that usually, I was uncomfortable having.

Never the less, driving.... no music... and of course, here it comes.... "Can we talk for a minute?"  LOL... "Of course, what do you want to talk about" was my response.  "Do you think there will be many people at my funeral?" was her question of concern... I chuckled under my breath, which she always hated and chastised me for such behavior.... "You never take me serious.... But I AM serious now!"  

At the moment I remember thinking to myself... What the hell brought this up??? But now that I think back, this occured probably sometime in May after we had traveled to Southwest and St. Louis MO... the day before Mother's day we went to the cemetery in Buffalo, MO and placed baby roses on my Mother's grave.  At that time....I tried to convince her to purchase some cemetery proplerty there so she and I could be buried side by side where most of my family is buried, or going to be buried.... so there would always be future family to make sure our graves would be properly maintained.... very important aspect to being buried. Well, needless to say, that went over like a "lead brick". She wanted to be cremated, that was all there was to it and further discussion would be futile. The picture at the top / start of this story was taken during this heated bantor, which if you look close enough... just the "glare" she is giving me tells the whole story... LOL I so miss that look. I don't mean to astray from the main story but it just hit me why her funeral arrangements may have been at the forfront of her concerns.... who knows.

So here we are, driving without music and she is grilling me about how she wants her  funeral services to go... going over the songs that must be played.... "I Can See Clearly Now" the Johnnie Nash version and anything Janice Joplin... (she thought she was Janice Joplin incarnate.... Just kidding, but they did share many views).  And on and on about her service... but she was so concerned about the number of people that may be in attendance. I realized that she wasn't going to be ignored over this issue so I explained that IF... big IF... her service was in Springfield or even Nixa, MO that I am sure the chapel would be filled if not overflowing... I could about gaurantee that.  But... if it were held in the Dallas area I wouldn't know how many would or could make the drive to attend.  She knew and stated that her service would probably be in the Dallas area since both of her sons lived in the Dallas Metroplex.  She was quiet for a few moments, I could see her looking down and knew she was a little troubled by this... to which I spoke up and told her, "Baby, if it makes you feel any better... I will use whatever money is in the account and I wil go buy some "paid mourners", which, believe it or not, there is such a service available.  Well, of course her response was one of shock and awe... I won't repeat her response but the idea of paying mourners was deffinately put on the shelf at that moment.... LOL... hey, it made since to me but, that is irrelavent. Furthermore, I tried to explain to her that the attendance didn't matter... that all the people that loved her and that were important to her would be there and that is all that should matter....period.  

Basically, it was a good converstaion... I am glad I listened but as far as solving her "service attendance" concerns.... didn't happen. So needless to say, it was still a concern... not only her's but now, also mine.  Janice knew that any want, need or desire she had, if she just mentioned to me...there weren't many lengths that I would not go through to fulfill her wish. I just remember thinking that I really don't know what I am going to do about this "problem / concern" of hers. It ws left at... "Sweetheart, I promise I will do everything possible to bring up attendance at your service as long as you promise that should I go first (which at the time I thought was possible) you promise not to even have a service for me." To which we both agreed to this "compromise", for the moment. I was just thankful that this uncomfortable converstation was over and we could turn the volume back up on the stereo.  LOL

Janice's service was held a week after her passing at the Green Oaks Church of Christ in Allen, TX where both she and her eldest son Krisopher, his family, were all members. Kristopher did most of the arrangements for her service with the assistance of his younger brother, Kyle.  BEEEE-AUTIFUL service... what more can I say.... breath taking, heart wrenching... it was an amazing, fitting service honoring a georgeous, beautiful woman who was concerned for and caring to everyone. A "free spirit" who tried her best not to step on anyone's toes, so to speak.  

At the service, I was pretty shaken up....a basket case, actually.  I didn't really look around to see how many or who was in attendance, but I know those that were there were the most important people in her life.... End of story???? Not quite.  

A week or so after her service...when I was back in Houston for an extended period to begin my radiation treatment at MD Anderson,  I was thinking about Janice... I mean, she is all I thought about... I was a zombie, the "Walking Dead" poster child.  At MDA I had social workers, counselors and pshyciatric people, at the same time, trying to be helpful in the process of me accepting the reality that yes, Janice was actually gone and NO, she will not be coming back and YES,  I had to get a plan to survive without her.

At that time, in the beginning of my treatment, I couldn't hardly think about her, let alone talk about her, without a major meltdown.  They all suggested the same thing as beginning therapy to get through this.... write down your thoughts... write her a letter, tell her how you feel, write to her about the things you wanted to say to her, should have said to her... but failed or didn't get a chance to do so. Oh well, got nothing to lose, might as well give it a try. So I wrote my thoughts, shared my feelings and emotions on Facebook which so many of my FB friends responded to in some way, shape or form.  So not only did writing my feelings down, letting some of my emotions out, help me deal with this grieving process.... The positive and concerned FB responses were a major boost in my arduos journey. While this was all personally helpful, I really didn't think it was fair to push all of my feelings, emotions onto all my FB friends... I mean, it was so helpful rambling my grief out over Facebook.... you can only be winey so long on FB before people are thinking... "damn, I wish he would get over this.... this is depressing me!" That is just being honest... I know FB and social media persona.  Nothing wrong with that opinion, I totally understand.

Then it hits me.... online memorial... Ta-Da! A place where I can do my therapudic "venting" and with Janice's family helping to develop not only a lasting but fitting memorial.  So here it is.  It took a couple of weeks of painstaking effort to put this together before making it public.  I cried a river of tears posting all the photos, videos, music, tributes and stories.  I tried to make it as close to her actual service as possible.  The main difference is that with her actual memorial service, Kristohper & Kyle were limited on what could be done in the time frame allowed.  With this online memorial there are actually no restraints in time nor content, it gives a person the freedom to develop a beautiful memorial that EVERYONE who wants to can have their say and express their thoughts.  

I just made Janice's Memorial Website public less than a week ago... at that time I thought to myself, "if 50... 75... maybe 100 people visit her online memorial, that would be great!!!" So here it is, A fitting Memorial Website. Still a work in progress but presentable.  Today is Saturday, August 27th and at this point 424 people have visited her online memorial.  Unbelievable!!! That is when it hit me....THIS IS AN EXTENSION OF HER MEMORIAL / CELEBRATION OF LIFE SERVICE.  So therefore, add the number of people at her actual service to this 424 people and you have near 500 people that have attended, paid tribute to, and honored the life of Janice Renee' Darnell-Knowles'.  There is the BIG service that I promised Janice that I would do my best to provide. Personally, that is such a weight off my sholders.  It was troubling me, in the back of my mind.  

Honestly, I know Janice is in Heaven with a special seat in our Lord's Court. The moment she left to go home to God and Jesus, our saviour, her concerns for a large service.... well, let's just say I don't think it was any part of any issue with her now. This is mainly for her survivors, her family, her friends... for my own selfish needs, so be it. I like to imagine Janice in Heaven, looking down and being pleased with me. I can imagine her laughing and joking... "Look there.... I can still get him to do what I want... HA HA HA... when I say "jump" he asks "How High?" LOL. That beautiful woman knew all my buttons... when, where and how to push them to motivate me. She was my everything.

So that is the story behind this online memorial.  I know I strayed off course a couple of times with some "sidebar" stories... I just hope that if you took the time to read all of this that it didn't bore you too much and that you found some entertainment value to it.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  God Bless All, Amen. 

Mom LOVED Stephen King.  She turned me on to him when I was no older than maybe 13, if not younger.  First book I picked up was Gerald's Game.  If you've read it, you'd know that's not his best nor really appropriate for a 12-13 yo.  When she found out Id read it (while at my dad's) she laughed and told me to read The Long Walk, which was about a kid close to my age who had to walk to save his life.  My mom gave me the gift of loving to read, and especially Stephen King.  I don't know how hard it will be the next time another new book comes out and I can't talk to her about it...

Recently, Bethany and I decided to try watching Stranger Things on Netflix and fell in love with it.  It has the feel of a Stephen King story.  And we binge watched the first season over 3 nights.   When we finished, my first reaction was to grab for my phone to text her and tell her she HAD to watch Stranger Things-- she would've loved it.  That's the hard part.  That's one of those things I really shared with no one else.  That will take a long time to get used to--and I'm not sure I ever will.