Miss you pal.
Love you always.

I have loved you for all of your life and will love you for all of mine. Missing you. Love Ma

Thinking of you and missing you lots. Can't believe it's been 11 years..I'd give anything to have you here with us all..until we meet again Jay..love you lots and your always in my heart and thoughts.

Thinking about you.
-Lex

Well my son another Christmas has come and gone. Wish you were here because I know you would spend the day with me even though I do not celebrate. I thought about you on the solstice day. Can't say I understand but live and let live yes?
It is getting harder the older I get, being alone sucks and most people would say it is my own fault. I never imagined that I would really have no family life during the "golden years". Golden my ass. I 'm sorry if it feels like I am venting but I really have no one here to vent to. Lost LeiCee at the end of Sept. Miss you, Annie and all my furbabies that have gone. Love you. Ma

Wishing u were here so we could celebrate...so much to talk about since you have been gone...u are always in my thoughts and forever in my heart...happy birthday up in heaven..
love u always

I wish you were here for this particular day. Forever young at 35 yet with each birthday I wonder what you would look like, if you even changed at all. Grey in your hair (what hair you say,lol) a little more weight and maybe crows feet at the corners of your eyes. You did have the nicest smile and craziest laugh. Thoughts of you pop up when I least expect them but that is ok. I feel you need to touch base every so often, and I need that as well. I still grieve your passing, that will never go away. I am learning to take one day at a time knowing that you are never far away and we will be reunited at some point. I love you Jay with every bit of my being and miss you so terribly much. Momdukes.

10 years sounds so much longer than it feels. There are so many memories, and I wish instead of memories, we could turn them into more visits, more talks, and more hearing your voice and your laugh. Until we meet again...

I was visited by the male cardinal yesterday. I am aware that it has been ten years as of today. I just want to say that as each year passes I feel your presence more. You are held with much joy in my heart and I won't let you be forgotten. love you Jay and can't wait till we meet up again

What can be said that I haven't said before. It's been 10 years and the hole in my heart left without you here has not healed. I miss your laugh, your animated stories, the happiness you brought and the good times and laughter we shared. I can't say it enough that I would do anything to bring you back...you are and will always be forever missed. Until we meet again Jason..love you.

45 and still I wonder.

Another year has passed without you here. Whoever said it gets easier or hurts less with time did not know what they were talking about. I'd give anything to have you here with us laughing joking and just being silly. I can't express in words the hole that exists because you are no longer here. I hope that you found peace and are smiling down and watching over all of us..wishing you a happy birthday up in heaven until we meet again...

9 years and yet I still hate when my phone rings on the 3/1. I purposely held off from signing on yesterday, not for lack of wanting but I needed to collect my thoughts. You know Jay my mind is not as sharp as it was when I was younger. Ha, I heard that "was it ever". I like to think so although I still say giving birth depletes the brain cells. Only joking. I want to get serious here and tell you that I am so very sorry that I could not be a better mother. I should have hugged you more and protected you more and given you the tools you needed to make better choices. I am so angry and hurt that some of my choices led you to where you are these last 9 years. Jay if I could have traded places with you I would have gladly just so that you could be here to see your daughters grow. They needed you, I needed you and whether you believe it or not the world also needed you in it. Know that I miss you tremendously and love you with all my heart. MaDukes

Today is never an easy day and whoever said it gets better with time really didn't get it...another year has passed and it hurts just as much as it did when we first lost you..I have been thinking about you lots lately and wish more than anything I could see and talk to you...I find a lil comfort with the necklace your mom gave me that I keep in a special place so you are always with me. Recently Pete shared the story with Eric Marcus and I about the night you showed up knocking on the window after running up the garage door..definitely a classic and it had us laughing, he too misses you more than words can express...you are deeply missed and will always hold a special place in my heart...love you Jay

Another year where you are not here. Your presence is always missed by everyone who knew you & cared. Continue to look over your girls and we’ll keep your memory alive for them. ❤️

One year ends and the new one begins. You have been on my mind so frequently these last couple of months. Missed going to the movies for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. Just not the same without you. I keep remembering your goofy laugh and what I wouldn't give to hear it again. I love you Jay and my heart still hurts. There was so much left unsaid and undone. If only......

I was hoping to do this at the time of your birth but I did not want to wait any longer. Wow 44 you would have been today. As the years fly by I wonder how you would look at this age. I have a hard time getting passed the two dates anymore. You are loved and missed more than you could have imagined. I am so sorry that you suffered with the demons for so long but you are free now . I love you so much Jay and I don't think the hole in my heart will ever close up.Wherever you are please wait for me. Always Ma

having trouble finding the right words today on your birthday. Miss you with each day and year that passes. Cant believe you would have been 44 today. It seems like just yesterday we were having dinner being stupid and acting like fools.
Wish I could hear that contagious laugh of yours or hear you sing All the Small Things by Blink 182 while playing your guitar. Happy Birthday in Heaven Jay..You are truly missed and thought of often. I am hoping you finally have peace. Love you

8 years ago today I lost you my oldest son. There are no words to adequately describe how losing a child (no matter the age) affects a parent. I have gone through the various stages of grief and feel that it will never truly leave having taken up residence within my being. Jason I have learned not to look upon your death as the end all, but rather as a continuation of the journey that we must all make, no matter what our age might be. In FAITH I truly believe we will see each other again and that is what keeps me going. I miss you so very much and I will always hold you in my thoughts as well as deeply in my heart. Forever the love will be there. Ma Dukes

Bad day, memories causing the tears to flow. Thinking of you and missing you so much that it hurts. 

Woke up this morning feeling under the weather and not knowing why, duh cramps on the 19th day of August could only be a throw back to 1977. To think you would be 43 today. It is so hard not being able to imagine you at 43. You were such a goof at times which gave the impression of a younger person yet at times you seemed older than you really were. What a complexed person you were. I miss you dearly my son, what I wouldn't give to hear your laugh or hug you one more time. There is a hole in my heart that will never close up until I see you again. I love you, Ma Dukes

another birthday passing without you here to celebrate and no matter what anyone may say time doesn't make losing you any easier. you were full of life and so much fun to be around. your contagious laugh, crazy stories and animation of telling them is something I will treasure in my heart always...so dear cousin wishing u a happy birthday in heaven where I hope you finally found peace..

This is # 7 and still as unbearable as #1. I can't live in the past yet that is where you are. Memories slip into my mind and tears flow at the most unexpected times. I feel your presence when the smell of cigarette smoke overwhelms my senses. I know I can't change the past but if I could have taken your place I would have without a doubt. I miss you so very much and wonder if you really knew just how much I love you.

missing you always and today is always a tough day..it kind of creeps up out of no where...would give anything to pick up the phone or have a conversation with you..all the memories and laughs we shared over the years will forever be in my heart. love you always Jay and miss you lots

I'm so very sorry I missed your tribute for Turkey day but your absence sometimes hits me so hard that I find it difficult to breathe let alone write what is in my heart. Today I felt your presence in the theater watching the last installment of the Star Wars Trilogy. If only..... Jay you would have really enjoyed the last few Star Wars movies and when I say it is an honor to remember you this way I mean it from the bottom of my heart. You are in the heart and thoughts of both me and Scott especially at this time. Love for ever Ma.

42 years ago at 10:30 pm you came into this world giving me the pleasure of becoming a mom. You came with no instruction manual and I was scared. You filled my life with so much to be thankful for and although you left way too soon I will always cherish the time we shared as mom and son. Know that no matter how much time passes I loved you then and love you still until we meet again you remain always within my heart . May the force find you wherever your energy is. Love ma dukes.

My Jay bird,
It has been 6 years and 1 day. A day I woke up & hoped it was just a terrible nightmare. It wasn’t. Such a shitty day. The world stood still for the first few days. I know you wanted more from life but I have confidence knowing you are in a much better place than the last time we spoke. I always love when we talk in my dreams, it’s so rare now but helps me cherish it. I miss our bullshit calls for hours. Your daughters are awesome and because you they can have a relationship now. They are so wonderful.
I have found comfort in the silver linings that came of your death. Endings bring new beginnings- I honestly & truly believe that.
I miss you so so so much. I could use a hug right now thinking about you.
Love you Jay

3-1-2019 not a day goes by that you are not missed deeply...we had so many laughs through out the years and I am grateful for all the memories I have of spending time with you. Marcus still has the light saber night light on his wall and will always tell people he got it from you. He's still a huge Star Wars fan and would love your thoughts on Disney taking over but unfortunately we will have to wait until we meet again for that. i would give anything to be able to speak to you again...Know you are always in my heart...miss you more than words can express..Love ya Jay!!!

3/1/2019 how I hate this day. It has been 6 years and believe me this is the worse one. I knew I would have to face it sooner or later, It was Friday 3/1/2013 at 6 am that the dreaded phone call came in. The day that my life changed forever. I often wonder if someone had told you that tonight would be your last night on earth would you still have traveled the road you did. So many unanswered questions, so many days of just wishing I had more time to be mom. I think that if I live to a hundred I will never stop missing you. With all the love my heart can hold, momdukes.

Well it is now Christmas 2018, no movies today nor for Thanksgiving. I have been thinking of you so much. I don't celebrate holidays yet it is the hardest time for me. Trying to make sense of the senseless. Jay I do so miss you and often wonder what we would be doing if you were still with us.Love ya, Ma

I tried to wait till your hour of birth but didn't make it so I am 19 minutes early. Today 8/19/2018 should have been a day to celebrate your 41st birthday unfortunately life had other ideas so your brother,Lexi , your daughter Veronica her bf Jakob and myself got together yesterday for lunch in honor of your 41st. This was the first time that you became the topic of discussion and trust me when I say it all came from the heart. Scott really opened my eyes to the man he has become. Jay he loved you then and loves you still. I got the distinct feeling that he would have liked to be more like you and had nothing but good things to say. Him and I don't talk enough about the past, which really has to change. You are missed by a lot of people, more than you can ever imagine. I still feel an emptiness that can't be filled but I have learned that instead of being ungrateful that you are gone, I am forever grateful for the time that you were here with us. Love you forever and then some...……..Mom.

Jay, another year and I still think of you all the time. Adam and I were playing the original Nintendo Friday the 13th, and I could see you playing it, too, and could "hear" you yelling at it. Lol. Miss you as much today as yesterday! I hope you can feel all the love everyone you left behind still has for you. Forever and ALL ways...

I can now look back on the bittersweet memories of days gone by. I can't fathom where the last 5 years have gone and there are no memories I would want to revisit during this time. There is only the deepest feelings of missing a part of myself.Jay time goes on yet your absence is felt as much today as the very first day you left. Nothing can ever fill the emptiness in my heart. Know that I love you as much today and miss you more than words can express. forever connected, mom.

What a difference a death makes in the comparison of time.When a child is born time is measured by accomplishments. Smiled or laughed at this month, rolled over,sat up began crawling at another month.Walked,talked,potty trained,pre-school,Kindergarten and so on. For a parent time passed by with each new aspect of the childs life.Then the child dies. Does not matter at what age. Time is now measured differently. One day melds into another until you reach the only two dates that are recognized during the year.The date of birth and the date of death. This is how the years are passed. This is what grief has done to this mother.Jay I am so very sorry that I could not give what we both needed..........more time.Miss you more as time goes by. Love you forever, ma

Brookie & I miss you so very much. I looked at her yesterday & said, "today is your daddy's birthday". She said "REALLY?!?!" her face lit up & tears filled her eyes. This is how she reacts anytime I say something to her about you. When I hear a song on the radio or drive somewhere a memory was made, I always tell her every detail. She loves that. She is so beautiful & I am so grateful to be her mother. She is starting cheer this coming up week & has mastered her split, i think she will do well as she is naturally an entertainer. She is always dancing & singing & laughing. I would give anything for her to spend even one day with you. I believe you two would be inseparable as you were when she was just a baby. When I look at her, I see glimpses of your big personality. I keep waiting on you to call or message me. I keep thinking that one day you will be here, walking through the door, greeted by a humongous hug from a big hearted girl. It is so hard thinking of all that you are missing. I will forever regret all the things I didn't say & some of the things that I did say. I will never regret the time spent with you, knowing you & all of the memories made with you. I am the age you were when we got together & I realize now more than ever how naive I was then. I would give anything to just sit down with you & talk. The talks we had where I knew I was absolutely loved. I don't think I will ever feel that loved again in my life. Even though I was so blind to it then, I know that you loved me & my girls. I wish that I could wrap my arms around you & tell you how much I miss those days & how much I miss you. It stings. Not only the pain of you being gone but the pain of everything you miss out on. The pain of not ever hearing that laugh again, not ever hearing you go on a rant or the look of joy in your eyes. I miss you so very much Jason. You have helped me grow so much & can't even be around to see it. I view things so much differently now. I wish I could've helped you, saved you. I was just a kid, a stupid one. If I would've realized your pain & suffering, I would've tried so much harder to help. These are things that I have to live with now. I love you Jason & I hope that somehow you see my heart & the tears I cry for you & know that your daughter & I miss you terribly. Me first & the gimme gimmes sing Somewhere over the rainbow & I can still hear you singing along with them.......

Jay,

Can't believe you turned 40 yesterday! You are officially an old guy!! I could only imagine the kind of awesome party we would've had. It hurts my heart to think that you missed that, but I know, somewhere in this world, your spirit has rekindled. I got to go down to Tennessee and see Brooke and wow, she is literally you. Everything from her mannerisms and attitude to her biting her toe nails with her mouth!! She's hilarious too, I see your soul in her. It's probably why she was capable of pushing Scott's buttons so easily (you were always good at that) lol. I know your family and friends miss you and I do everyday, but I know your time here had its limits for a purpose. Veronica graduated high school, something I know you always worried about. She's doing fantastic, she has a nice boyfriend, she's being a teenager. I know you watch over her in a different way, keep doing that. 
Happy Birthday my friend, I miss your face like crazy. I miss gossiping with you and complaining with you. I know Scott misses you everyday.
Be with him, he needs that.

-Lexinator

Your 40th.wow. I sit and wonder what you would be doing today if you were still here. Would you be worried because of the age or just laugh it off. I miss you Jay, your laugh ,your anger , your hugs and your big heart. I know that we will see each other again I just hope you will not have changed too much. Love you forever and beyond.Ma

How has it been 4 years already? It seems like just yesterday we were sitting on the steps in my grandparents back yard talking about life and how much it changed since we were kids. Whoever said it gets easier over time was clearly an idiot who had never lost someone they were so close to. You were more than a friend, you were like the big brother I wasn't biologically related to. You are always missed and I pray that you are smiling up there and having an amazing birthday! Miss you and love you always. *HUGS*

thinking of you a lot lately..wishing we could have a conversation and laugh about some silly things we did as kids. words can never express the loss that is felt without you here. you will always be in my heart...until we meet again...

It's crazy that's it's been four years, I can still remember listening to 'wake me up when September ends' in the car when I was around 8. Everytime I think of you that song comes to mind, I wish you were here now to see the person I grew into and all the accomplishments I've made, I believe you'd be proud you always were so proud of me. I miss you❤️

What can I say that hasn't been said? The emptiness I feel is just as great now as when you first left. I carry on with this insipid life only because I truly believe Jehovah holds you in memory and I will see you again, without this thread of hope there would be no reason to continue to go on. Know that you are greatly missed and unconditionally loved.   ma.

4 Years and it still isn't real :( I miss you as much now as I did then. Time can't heal ALL wounds, some wounds get stuck in time. Always in my heart and mind. Love you, Jay!!

Jay it is now 9:56pm Thanksgiving night. I missed our movie marathon and could not bring myself to do anything worthwhile for the whole day. Oh how I wish you were still here. miss you ever so much: the sound of your laugh and how fast you could get angry, how you always wanted baked macaroni and playing your guitar. Someday. Love you for eternity. Ma.

Jay, can't say that I have known you forever or have tons of crazy hysterical stories, I was only left with a few and the few that I do have mean the world to me I will cherish them for a life time its just sad I don't have you to reminisce with. You where such a wonderful friends and a wonderful person to talk to I was never afraid to be myself around you we where always laughing, we would stay on the phone for quite awhile taking about recovery and how much you wanted to get back to your girls, It was just to hard for you and I understand that, your not suffering any longer. I love that you will be forever in our hearts and souls, P.S. laaaaaadieeeessss up!!!!!? Love your forever friend Dane

39 years old yet 35 forever. What would you have been like today; would you joke about getting closer to 40? I can only wonder about things like that because like a thief in the night drugs robbed me of what could have been the best years of your life.Thank you for the cardinal and the strong scent of nicotine, I took comfort in both. Rest well my son the days are getting shorter and it won't be long before we meet again.
Love never dies it just grows stronger. Miss you .......Ma

Jay it's hard to believe it's been three years already, it seems like just yesterday you were here we us. But just because it's been three years does not mean we stopped missing you, we miss you just as much today as we did the first day you left us. You will forever be in our hearts. Love and miss you Jay. Aunt Barbara

And I still hear your voice... Love you, Jay, forever and All ways

It's hard to believe that you left us 3 years ago. You are one of a kind and the world is not the same without you. ...

I wish it were possible to remove this day from the calendar.It never gets easier,just makes me more aware how cruel life can be and how we are never guaranteed another tomorrow. I miss you just as much today as the day you left. Love you for an eternity and then some.Ma

Well Jay it is 9:33 Christmas Eve. I just want you to know you are never far from my thoughts. Your brother and I are going to see Star Wars The Force Awakens on Christmas Day. Even though physically you won't be there I know that spiritually I will feel your presence. I would hate to try and explain the whole movie. As always I miss you terribly and wish we could have been dealt a better hand. I love you for eternity.ma.