It has been nearly 4 years since you passed little man. A whole 4 years, sat here thinking of all the things you would have learnt to do over the years... All them birthdays Christmases which were spent standing over your headstone wishing things would be so much different. Not a day or hour passes where I don't think of you. And I know mommy does too... Your baby brother and sister are growing up. Oh how much I wish you could be here to play with them. Nearly 4 years since I seen your precious face, held you close, kissed your tiny lips. Yet the memory of you lay in my arms hasn't faded .. The heartache hasn't eased... The tears haven't stopped flowing .... And my love for you only continues to grow. It breaks my heart knowing you won't be at my wedding. Knowing you will never get to meet your nieces and nephews. There's so much your going to miss and I know I can never change that. But I know your looking over me always. They say there is a reason they say that time will heal but neither time nor reason could change the way I feel. I feel empty... Incomplete without you baby boy. I would give everything and anything to have you back!! I'm trying to make you proud, honestly I am, I know I need to stop arguing with mommy :(... I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard knowing someone I love so much is no longer here, but I also know that nanny Sheila and all the other Angels are taking such good care of you. And one day .. Soon enough .. I promise you we will meet again. And make up for lost time. Spread your wings and fly my darling angel. Wait for me by heavens gates my beautiful baby brother... A moment in our arms, a lifetime In our hearts.  Leah misses and loves you more than you could ever understand. 

I came across this poem on the SANDS website and was incredibly moved by it. As Joey's nanny I know I now walk in different shoes to those I walked in before, but I also know that my pain (as awful as it is) is nothing when compared to that of Joey's mommy. I dedicate this poem to Shelly and all the other angel mommies out there. xxxxx

An Ugly Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. 

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they dont hurt quite as much.

Some have walked in the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

-Author Unknown- 

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief, Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test, And field the calls and visitors So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right And what she's going through. But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night And thinks his heart will break. He dries her tears and comforts her, But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew. And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

For Joey....
 
2 little hands – that will never grip
2 little legs that no longer kick
A delicate face that will never cry
And tiny hands that can’t wave goodbye
2 precious feet that will never walk
Soft, blue lips that will never talk
But a beautiful soul that has gone up above
And left me with feelings and memories of love

Miss you son x x x   
 

ILOVEYOU, JOEY 

Mommy&Daddy always called you 'Bertie Bump' but I called you 'Bob Bump', everytime I said it you would kick. I couldnt wait for you to arrive so I could call you Bob and watch you giggle and wriggle,but now you are giggling and wriggling up in heaven............................. R.I.P my perfect little brother xxxxx   

New years day was when I found you was coming, it was the best moment of my life. As the weeks passed everyone was getting excited for the 20 week scan, when it arrived and i came home from school to find out you were a boy, I couldnt wait to meet my new little brother. Mom started to crave many things, some very strange. She then kept saying every night at 11 you would kick, the first time I felt you kick was magical. Days, weeks and months slowly passed, I became more and more excited for your arrival. Then on the Monday 16th July wayne woke me up for school and told me Mom was in labour, suddenly I lit up with excitement, I have to admit at first i didnt believe him, until i went into mom, then I relalised that it was the day. All day at school i was telling all my friends, they were all very excited to. After school dad picked us up and took us home, nannt shell, nan, mandy and michael were all there, they sat us down and told us the devastating news, this was a lot to take in, when we was ready we went up the hospital to see mom. We also held our little brother, this feeling was sensational! Mom had to stay a few nights so we satyed with nannny and mandy. the next day at school I had to tell my friends the upsetting news, they were very surpportive. On the 25th July was you funeral, it was a very upsetting event, we tucked up Joey for bed. He deffinatley got the send off he deserves, it was perfect for my perfect littleman. His beautiful grave was covered with flowers, every weekend we will go to his grave and fix it up for him and always kiss him good night.


R.I.P LittleMan, forever in my heart,<3. ILOVEYOU xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In memory of my beautiful grandson Joey Paul Michael Turner

Today I held you in my arms
Touched you and kissed your sweet little face
Your fingers so tiny
So perfectly formed

You looked like you were sleeping
But you were already gone
And now you're with the angels
They'll keep you safe and warm

I'll love you forever
You'll live within my heart
I memorised your sleeping face
As I held you in my arms

For you are my grandson
My little Joey Paul 
You were here and you touched our hearts
And your memory lives on

RIP my little angel
xxxxxxxxxxx