I just had to laugh at this picture! Took me back into memory of their humor and smile. Always wondered what it would be like to still have these two with us today but knowing we got good memories to still make them feel like they're here with us today ;)

We were never a big fan of turkey. John especially did not like it at all. One year he came up with the ideal to do a different nationality for our thanksgiving. We have done chinese, mexican, Italian, and greek. It turned out to be a pretty good thing. each one of us would pick a dish and cook it here, if it turned out that was good. If it didn't well we didn't do that again. The kids really enjoyed this, and it set new traditions for us. It was funny to us because people would say, " what are you doing for Thanksgiving" , and when we would tell them we would sometimes get the "look". Those who knew John knows that he did not follow the crowd when it came to anything. He did his own thing. I love that so much about him. he was his own person. He didn't feel the need to impress anyone. he was who he was, if you didn't like it oh well, your loss. What a wonderful person.

I am so thankful today for him being a part of the kids and my life. and for him to allow us to be apart of his. What a ride, What a life. With the holidays here, and thoughts, and memories of him it is very hard to get through them. He left his mark on so many people that he touched. If you were lucky enough to have know John, you know this. I hope everyone have a Happy Thanksgiving, and carries some fond memories of my John with you today. Love Donna

Mornings, evenings
Days that hurried past
Dreams that should have lasted
Moments, hours
Slipping by as we
Told each other secrets
Somehow I'll never let go of the memories
Something always seems to remind me
Of how it was
of what it was
When it was
All there was .
Laughter, love songs
Footsteps that I hear
Make me think you're near me
Poems, pictures
Letters never mailed
Boats that never sailed
Remember that even though we can't be together
We're more for having loved one another
We shared the sky
We learned to fly 
When time has put some distance between us
The years will kindly show
How memories come and go
They ebb and flow like the tides
There are quiet places in my heart
Ever since we've parted
Gentle, tender
Traces of a song
Places that belong to YOU!

Enya - Listen to te rain

Everytime the rain comes down
Close my eyes and listen
I can hear the lonesome sound
Of THE sky as it cries

Listen to the rain
Here it comes again
Hear it in the rain

Feel the touch of tears that fall
They won't fall forever
In the way the day will flow
All things come, all things go

Listen to the rain... the rain
Here it comes again... again
Hear it in the rain... the rain

Late at night I drift away
I can hear you calling
And my name is in the rain
Leaves on trees whispering
Deep blue seas, mysteries
 

Even when this moment ends
Can't let go this feeling
Everything will come on again
In the sound falling down
Of the sky as it cries
Hear my name in the rain

This is the John we all know and love. This is the handsome, funny funloving man that made us all feel so loved. No one like him anywhere. Laughter that fills a room, and our hearts: I love you John.

yellow roses:

Hello you said the day we met
Handing me a yellow rose
You asked me out
And to your surprise
And to mine I said I'd go
I thought it so romantic
And I found you sweet and bold
Though we'd only met
I still said yes
To a single yellow rose

And for years to come
You were the one
To sleep with me at night
To laugh and talk
And share my thoughts
And hold me when I'd cry
And on every occasion
And for no good reason to
A big bouquet or a single yellow rose
Was sent from you

 

Chorus:

Yellow roses
The color of sunshine
You loved me at one time
Why did you have to go
Yellow roses
Are you sending your new love
My bright yellow rose buds
I still love you so

I never see a yellow rose
That I didn't think of you
It's still my favorite flower
Though the yellow's turned to blue
The day you left my teardrops fell
Upon your farewell not
You said goodbye like you said hello
With a single yellow rose
 

Chorus:

Yellow roses
The color of sunshine
You loved me at one time
Why did you have to go
Yellow roses
Are you sending your new love
My bright yellow rose buds
Oh I still love you so

Yellow roses
The color of sunshine
You loved me at one time
Why did you have to go
Sweet yellow roses
Are you sending your new love
My bright yellow rose buds
I still love you so

Hello Baby,

I had a pretty decent couple of days. The weather has been just amazing perfect fall days. Today is just the same Beautiful, but my mood is back to the sad crying jagged memories. I was listening to Van Morrison on youtube. Every song has some kind of meaning to us. Mandi's baby shower is today. You know she is having a girl ( about time right?). With so many boys in the family we need a little girl. She is due in January. Jeff and Barrie's baby is due in march. A granddaughter would be nice for us too. I miss you so much every day, and especially at times like this when I want to share all the news, and excitment, I miss. Jenny was talking the other day about you being there when carter was born, she said she knew how uncomfortable you were, but you were there for her anyhow. We were laughing and crying talking about it. the look on your face Papa when you held him for the first time, the smile,the way your eyes just showed such love for him at that very instant. It's hard to believe that that little baby is 5 now. we were laughing about when you and I went shoping for the walker, and you said he had to have the Jeep. I think as much as you hated to shop, when it came to the boys, you were more excited than I was. That jeep has been through all three grandsons, and as far as I'm concerned it will always be here. The one thing that hangs on my mind is that no matter how bad you were feeling, or tired you were you always found that little bit of energy to play with the boys. I even remember when Jeff and Jen were little you would come home from work so tired, and still find time to fish, play ball, or do something with them. Those are the little moment that have become big moment to them. those are the times that they hang onto the most. besides the love, and life lessons you taught them, those are extra special moment that they have to share with their kids. 

I just miss everything about you, and us. Our conversations from the weather, to who's sport team is the best. ( we know who's is, now don't we). You lost quite a few bets over your team. sorry for you, yea for me. I miss your sense of humor, your laugh. I was laughing to myself thinking about the Pink underware. I'm going to embarrass myself and tell these fine people about the pink underware.

( When John got sick with cancer. due to the tumor, chemo/radiation, he lost his hearing. He did not realize that due to him not being able to hear his whispers became loud. If you have ever had an ear ache you know that you cant hear yourself so you talk louder. Well we were at one of his Dr. waiting in a very crowded waiting room. I was leaning up in my seat a bit and he had his hand on my back, all of a sudden in a very loud voice said woo hoo, like your pink undies. Now I have everyone, and I mean everyone looking at me, my face is as red as can be. I looked at him and he said "what". nobody heard me. Yea honey they did. That was our big joke that kept him and I laughing.)

What a life I had with you, What an amazing ride you took me on. That is what I hate the most about all of this. that amazing ride that I thought would never end, or at least not as soon as it did. even during your illness we always managed to make each other smile, and laugh. I have always heard laughter is the best medicine, so what happened? I saw a lady from hospic one day she didn't remember me at first, I told her my name, and she said oh, I remember you guys. You were so much in love. "WERE" not the right answere lady, should have been " STILL". I have been wondering the past year if you were still with me, after the other day and the Bird thing, I know you are. things like that just don't happen. so I want you to know that I will do everything I can to make you happy, and proud of me. as long as you are with me to help guide me when I need it, and you know I definatly need your guiding ways. I will not let you down, and when it is my time to come with you please wrap your arms around me like you used to and hold me close.  All my Love is always yours. Love:Donna

AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE!
GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11

Isn't it amazing that the George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent.... and so very appropriate post 9-11.

A wonderful Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but
shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
 

Tick Tock

I lay adrift on a wooden raft. Surrounded by the still, black sky of
my mind. Floating on the dark, dimpled water of time. There your face
twinkles above me. You shine. Stars so seemingly close, but
unreachable. The light glowing on my outstretched hands. Clawing at
the sky, but unable to grasp the source.

My heart ticks in time to the groan of the planks. It is a clock.
Counting not the day, but the moments since last we touched. Passion
in fingertips the world has not yet rendered. Promises unspoken by
lips that plead for fulfillment.

Tick Tock. I drift farther from your touch.
Tick Tock. Two more moments alone without you.

My heart is a clock. It's muscle and nerves the gears and pins. A
machine. A tool. But a clock is meaningless without time. Without
time, a clock would simply count. Valueless decimals discarded and
alone. My heart is a clock and you are its time. Giving purpose to a
machine empty without you. Your sweet song, the harmony to my meter.
Breathing life into the inanimate.

Tick Tock. My heart waits for you.

I lay adrift on the water of time, waiting for the currents to bring
me back to you.

I wandered by a brookside
I wandered by a mill
I could not hear the water
The murmuring it was still
Not a sound of any grasshopper
Nor the chirp of any bird
But the beating of my own heart
Was the only sound I heard

The beating of my own heart
Was the only sound I heard

Then silent tears fast flowing
When someone stood beside
A hand upon my shoulder
I knew the touch was kind
He drew me near and nearer
We neither spoke one word
But the beating of our own two hearts
Was the only sound I heard
 

I remember everything about you, your voice, your smile, your touch, the way you walked, the way you talked, the way you looked at me, meant so much.I remember all the words you said to me, some funny, some kind, some wise, all of the things you did for me, I see now with different eyes. I remember every moment we shared, seems like only yesterday, or maybe it was eons ago, It's really hard to say.You are gone from me now, but one thing they can't take away, your memory resides inside my heart, and lights up my darkest days.

I feel like I have ages a year for every day you have been gone. I feel so old, and tired. I looked in the mirror this morning and my gray hair is coming in faster, and not only on the top of my head but on the side. I used to say when you were still with me, that I will never color my hair because I earned every one of these gray hairs. My face looks so tired, I really don't think I can hide my emotions anymore by looking at myself. Than I thought about how you used to compement me all the time. I would have days where I would feel like dog meat warmed over, and know that I looked like it too. and you would always have a complement for me. I would say I'm glad you can see it cause I sure can't. You would laugh and tell me again that you loved me, and that I was perfect for you and that was all that mattered. 

Today I am feeling the same as I have been the past few wks. Like something is about to happen. My nerves are through the roof today. I was able yesterday, and a little today to replace some of the bad memories with good one's, thanks to very supportive friends helping me along the way.

I was remembering how it didn't matter how busy we got with work, kids, or life we always took time for each other. I was thinking about our little trips we used to take. we would get in the car and you would say, " ok, pick a number, and I would. than you would say pick a direction, north, south east, or west. I would pick and that would be how far we would drive. sometimes we didn't know where we would end up. That was the excitment of it. I was thinking about you taking me to the horse track for my very first time, and we watched the dog races. I thought that was great. those dogs put their hearts into the race.

I have been thinking a lot about our wedding, how we wanted it to be just the two of us, we didn't want all the fancy what nots, we just wanted it personal and just us. I think about Vagas a lot. One of the absalute best times of my life. We had a blast for the two wks we were their. How happy I was to become your wife. You made me feel so safe, so secure, so very happy. I think every little girl dreams of when they grow up their prince charming rescuing them and taking them away  to places they had never been. Even though we did not travel to far off lands we traveled in our hearts.

I was sitting on the porch this morning and was thinking about when we first moved here, how mush time and hard work we put into making this our home. every part of this place from the front of the driveway to the back of the woods has memories of you, of us, of the kids, and now the grandkids. there is not a spot here that I can look at and not see you doing something. Some of the memories makes me laugh, some makes me blush, and some makes me cry, The best one's are the ones where I am laughing through my tears.

We always knew that we would be together forever, and even talked about how when one of us goes the other wouldn't be far behind. we thought we would live into our golden years, watching grandkids grow, traveling places we had always wanted to go. We never would have imagined that things would not go the way we planned, I guess in a way we took things for granted a bit. we wanted to go out of this world the way we fell asleep every night holding hands. We always used to joke about if one goes before the other, we would haunt the one left behind. Feel free to start haunting me.

It has been one hell of a year. I have not only lost you, I have lost my best friend, and my favorite person in the whole world. I have lost the other half of me. My heart has a big gaping hole in it, and most of the time it feels like it is being ripped from my chest. I feel like I am walking around lost in the woods, every where I turn is so unfamiliar to me, and I just want to scream for you. I have missed you so very much. The lonliness is so unbearable sometimes that I lose my breath. I hope that where ever you are that you feel the love I have for you, and that you are at peace. I am trying so hard to be strong like you would want me to, but it does not come easy. I didn't want this new life so it's not that easy to accept. I will make it because that is what you would want me to do. I love you with all my heart. Have and always will be my one true love.... Love Donna

Since Heaven has become your home
I sometimes feel I'm so alone;
and though we now are far apart
you hold a big piece of my heart.
I never knew how much I'd grieve
when it was time for you to leave,
or just how much my heart would ache
from that one fragment you would take.
God lets this tender hole remain
reminding me we'll meet again,
and one day all the pain will cease
when He restores the missing piece.
For Jesus heals each tiny part
that holds your memory in my heart.
This tearful heart reminds me of
when He'll unite us in His love
---unknown
 

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes, uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
... Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
... ...
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think
I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes, they are looks of sympathy
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.

Some people are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn these shoes so long that days will go by before they think about
how much they hurt.

No one deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet because of these shoes I am a stronger person.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of someone who has lost a loved one
 

"Grief can destroy you --or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scar...ed you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it. But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see that it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill. It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off your knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss. And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life." — Dean Koontz (Odd Hours

Let's talk about Golf for a few minutes. John found himself loving golf, I myself do not understand why golf should not be listed as a full contact sport due to the fact that every time I went with him I wanted to beat a tree with my golf club.

When he first started going I would go with him some. we'd go to what he called the driving range to practice, I called it Hell at a distance. He tried several times to show me how to hold me club, and how to stand and how to hit the ball as hard as I could. He was hoping that my ball would go straight like his did. Not so much luck there.

He would laugh at me because apparently they have three different places you can T off at, a man one, a middle one, and a girly one. He would say, " babe you can hit the ball from here", Oh' no, not me I had to be in competition with him. If I did manage to get my ball half way down the green lane, ( I know thats not what it's call) it went way off center. or I would find every pond, or sand pit that was to be found, and lose half his balls.

One time we went and I was up to bat, You'll find out in a min. why I called it bat. Anyhow I was up, nobody behind us at all, and it usually took me awhile to shoot, sometimes he would let me have a couple extra shots if I made air balls. It wasn't even a min, and I look behind me and there is a crowd of people waiting on me to shoot. I'm getting mad because they are watcing me like I know what I'm doing, and He's laughing at me and looking at them like he didn't care that I was holding up the line. The more they watch the madder, and more nervous I got, and the more he laughed the madder I got. I used my club on occasion as a baseball bat when anger struck.

He finally told them to go ahead of us I was just learning, they were mad at this point. so they go ahead of us, and it's my turn again, and I hit it and don't you know we ended up in front of them again. we finished our game, but I/we decided that when I went golfing with him I would drive the cart. 

John found Golf to be one of his passions. He would go even if there was a chance of rain, never know how many holes he could get in before the rain started. Every time he would come home he would carefully clean all his clubs, and repack his golf bag, this was every time, he kept them for a long time in the trunk of his car, you never knew when Bill was going to call, or he would just decide to go. He was always checking out the latest clubs. I find myself thinking as I'm driving past Golf courses, If maybe by chance him, and Bill have gotten in a couple of games....

So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back we're on our own
 

Oh,
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
Ohh..
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself

Some days I get up and I'm ok, some days I get up ok, but are not. or it doesn't last very long. I just can not grasp the fact that you are not coming back. Some days I have triggers that sets everything off. I can smell a smell, hear a song, feel the sunshine on my face, feel the wind blow through my hair, see the wind blow through the trees, and it sets my mind to spinning.

I want so much to understand this hand we were delt, I want so much to understand what I am supposed to do from here, how I am supposed to do it, and why without you.

Carter Lee ask me today if you were still sick, I told him no. He wanted to know if your not still sick why you can't come home. I told him you were in Heaven. He wanted to go see you. How do I explain to them that they can not see you right now. Colton was here the other day, He wanted to go out to play it was a little chilly, so I found your #3 hat for him to wear, when we came back in from outside I told him to put your hat back on your dresser. I came in the bedroom after he left, and he had put it on the shelf with your cars. He knew it was a special hat of Papa's, and wanted it on your special shelf.

We are all so lost without you John. You are the glue that held us all together. We find ourselves saying what would John do, or what would John have said? when we are faced with any decisions. I know you want nothing more than for all of us to be happy, and carry on with our lives you made many comment to me about that, but it is so very hard to pick up and continue on when there is a huge chunk of all of us missing.

I feel like I am walking around in a shell of a body numb, I feel like half of my heart is missing, how do I go on from here, how do I make plans for the future when your not here, you were my future, all the things we wanted to do, and the places we wanted to go. I can't even think about doing those things, or going to those places without you. How can this all be justified? how can it be acceptable? Right now it's not. Right now it sucks, and it sucks bad. I want nothing more than to wake up from this terrible nightmare, and see you walk through the door, but I know that is not going to happen, and my heart is broken beond repair.

I know that you know how much I love you, and how much you are and will always be a part of me, just please help me to understand...... 

Anyone who knows me from my youth knows that I lived for softball back then.  But what people don't know is that I had my own personal coach/trainer!  He was my brother John.  He would spend hours with me in the front yard, back yard in the street, wherever we could find a place to practice.  He is the one who taught me to throw, how to hold the bat just right and how to adjust my stance so I could direct my hits.  And of course because he was a catcher, I wanted to be a catcher. So he taught me everything about that too!  The stance, throwing off the mask, catching foul balls and of course the awesomeness of picking people off at second base!!!  Along with the coaching came the discipline.  If I missed a grounder or made a bad throw, my coach made me run a lap around the house.  I remember one day I was getting ready to run and my mom came outside.  She said to me, "You do realize you don't have to do that." and I said yes I do.  And I ran!  I ran because I had been taught that discipline, and I respected my brother for it! 

There are no words to describe exactly how much you mean to me. I was 8 when u came into my life, amd honestly at first I didnt like you. I thought you were mean and I thought you were trying to ruin what we had with mom. But what i realized is you wasnt mean at all. You just wanted us to learn respect, manners and that you have to work for what you want in life because nobody was going to hand you anything, And I also learned that you wasnt trying to take Mom from us, you wanted to show her (and us) the love we never had. And you did exactly that!  You showed Mom, Jeff and I so much love no matter what we did, how much we screwed up or the hurtful rebelious things we said and did. And for that I will be eternally grateful. You were the only man who never left me. Who was always there no matter what!

I laugh sometimes as i think about the things we did together. I remember when we lived on Ashland Rd and you would go out in the back yard with me and Jeff and we would play pickle. And i know you were so proud of me when i caught that first outfield ball (with my eyes closed lol). When you worked at Woodlawn, I loved walking around with you with screw drivers and wrenches in my back pocket just like you, trying to help you fix things. I appreciate so much that you went to my crosscountry meets even though you could only see me for a few mins or so. Sometimes when Im driving I think about when you was teaching me how to drive. I would be contrating so hard and out of now where you would yell and i would jump and have a mini heart attack. ( Thats another thing i miss and would do anything for it to hape one more time, I would be walking out of the hall way from my room and you would be hiding and you would jump out and scare the crap out of me and i would fall to the ground laughing and crying both.  You would've thought we would have been ready for it after so many years of it, but you got me everytime! lol) We were driving back from Mt. Gilead one day and you said I could go as fast as I wanted and I was so scared I only went like 65 but I think about that sometimes when im driving (and speeding) Thank you soo much for being there when Carter was born. I know it was hard on you, but it ment sooo much to me that even though you were uncomfortable you were still there for me. ANd when Colton was born you were there again, and when I had to go back in the hospital and was there on Thanksgiving, you were right there with me. Im so sad you never got to meet Camden, but he will know who you are and what a wonderful man you were.

Thank you so much for everything you did for me. You didnt have to do anything, but you loved me like I was you own, and I love you just the same and I will never forget anything you did. I always felt like our bond was so special because we chose to love each other we didnt do it because we were obligated by blood. You will forever be in my heart and thoughts Daddy, and I know your with me everyday.

How Do I tell you Happy Birthday when you are not here for me to tell? How do I share this day with you when you are not here to Share? How do I celebrate anything anymore with out you here? I reach down every day from the depths of myself, and try to bring the strength that you have shown me to the surface. Sometime I get it, somtimes I don't. I hope you understand I am just not as strong as you are, and I hope you understand that right now I can't except this loss of you.

I hope and pray that you are at peace now, that the pain you had here is gone. I hope that you know in your heart how much you are loved, and missed EVERY single day. I hope that you are floating on a cloud, and singing "At last" to me. I am so thankful everyday that I had the time I did with you. Some people never get the chance to even come close to the kind of love, and frienship that we have. I love you with all my heart John, and where ever you are I am wishing you a Happy Birthday the best way I can.

Everytime I look out at the pond I see John, I see him mowing the grass, fishing with Steve, and the kids, running the dogs, It makes me smile when I think of some of the best times in our lives was spent right here at home. 

I was half laughing and crying when I was thinking about John and Jeff going turttle hunting in the pond. My big game hunters took the shot gun to the pond and started their big turttle hunt. To my suprise they did end up getting a couple of them. Then they got the ideal they were going to make something out of the shells( not sure what). That was the stinkiest mess I had ever smelled in my life, and just so happened they had Cheyenne with them, she rolled, and rolled in that nasty mess. They thought it was so funny. They hung the shells from a tree to dry, and that's where they stayed. apparently that was the end of the big turttle hunters. No national geographics for us. Really Don't even know what ever happened to the turttle shells either. Who knows maybe Cheyenne burried them.

When I close my eyes, I think of you And now I know your up there in the sky That’s why its so blue But you should know that if I cry Its because I love you

We all know that you are gone But really your just being born Because from here to thereon You are being recreated in heaven I promise they will take good care of you and I will have it be known of what I’ve sworn Because I love you

The angels will take care of you But you will take care of him, her, and me As you watch our daily lives and help us through That’s just how it will be And we will always be thinking about you Because we love you

You’re not just a memory You’re a spirit inside all of us So vibrantly alive And you will continue to thrive Until we meet again in that place that seems so distant But I know its existent Because God loves us

You fought your fight You won your battles But this time God has other plans to make it all right So just follow that bright light And it will all be okay because You are just saving us a seat Because you love us

I told you I wouldn't leave.
My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart.
I still love you.
Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned.
I am in the Light.
In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~
these are the places I stay with you.
My spirit rises every time you pray for me,
but my energy comes closer to you.
Love does not diminish; it grows stronger.
I am the feather that finds you in the yard,
the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind,
I place our memories for you to see.
We lived in our special way,
a way that now has its focus changed.
I still crave your understanding
and long for the many words of prayer
and good fortune for my soul.
I am in the Light.
As you struggle to adjust without me,
I watch silently.
Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world
to make you notice me.
Impressed by your grief,
I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness.
As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help.
You should know that the fountain of youth does exist.
My soul is now healthy.
Your love sends me new found energy.
I am adjusting to this new world.
I am with you and I am in the Light.
Please don't feel bad that you can't see meI am with you wherever you go.
I protect you,
just as you protected me so many times.
Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.
Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference.
Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference.
Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed.
This can be done because I am in the Light.
When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come.
My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth.
Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had
when we were together in the physical sense.
You owe this to me, but more importantly,
you owe it to yourself.
Life continues for both of us.
I am with you because I love you
and I am in the Light.
-- Author Unknown

Death is Nothing at All

I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

 
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
 

What a time we had in Vagas, One of the best day's of my life was becoming your wife. We had a blast. I felt so lucky that you were in my life, and even luckier that I was becoming your wife. I know you didn't think so, but you were so handsome in your Ricky ricardo suit as you called it. I remember walking out to the limo to go to the chapel, everyone was watching us, I felt so proud to be holding onto you, walking side by side. You gave me such strenghth, and currage throughout our life together. you held me up when I needed it, and let me see that I never had to feel alone again. I felt safe, and secure with having you near me. You taught me so much. In our entire relationship I never doubted your love for me and the kids. I could not only feel it, but see it in your eyes.We had always talked about going back to Vagas, for a second honeymoon, or just to see the changes, but life has thrown us such a curve that those plans have to be altered a little. I will honor our plans in a time that I feel I am ready. We have made so many promises to each other, and I feel that My way of showing and proving my love to you is to honor as many of our promises that I can.I love you so very much, My heart breaks for you and for myself that we did not get as much time together as we thought we would. You will forever be my Love, and my saving grace. I know that we will somday be together again, but for now I will continue through the motions of my life, so that the memories, and love for you will never die, Your children, and grandchildren will carry a part of you on as well.You made such a difference in their lives, and they felt your love for them as well. Thank you for the love, and thank you for being you.