Each day as evening starts to set the ache builds in my chest. I know that I must go to bed and try to get some rest. I hug my tearstained pillow close when no one is around and cry for one I loved and lost and scream without a sound. Others see me in the day and think I'm doing well. But every day as evening sets I enter my own hell. Time hasn't healed my pain at all or quieted my fears. So every night, alone in bed I shed those silent tears. 

I wish I could see you one more time, come walking through the door. I know you can feel my tears and you don't want me to cry. Yet my heart is broken because I can't understand why someone so precious had to die. I pray that God will give me strength and somehow get me through. As I struggle with the heartache that came when I lost you.

2 years ago today. My heart is heavy. You are so missed.

I know you would want me to move on and be happy. I'm not ready to accept that you're gone. I'm working on it, but I have to admit that dy has not arrived yet, perhapes it never will. You are still on my mind 24/7. I grin and giggle to myself when ever I remember something silly we did, or that you said to me. I miss you so much, my Johnny, my heart and my soul still have big holes there.

The anniversary came and went. It was a day I've dreaded all year. It was an emotional day for me. I couldn't bring myself here that day. So much on my mind and heart. So much I want to say. I long to hear your voice again. I will always love you. My only regret is that if I had known that the last time I saw you, WOULD be the last time I saw you, I would have hugged you a little tighter, told you I love you a little louder, and stayed by your side a little longer.

My mind knows that you are gone, but my heart will never accept it.

I love you so much my love. Nothing will ever fill this void in my soul  and mend this hole in my heart. A piece of me is gone. Until we see each other again my darling, rest peacefully. <3 <3

Happy Valentines Day Baby. I miss you so much.

My love, best friend and soulmate, I can only imagine what our last kiss would have felt like. You are missed more than anyone will know. I also miss the touch of your hand and your loving warm smile and your sparkling eyes. You always made me feel safe. Thank you for loving me. Forever in my heart Sweetie. RIP.

Oh my precious love. No words can complete the infinite bliss of you! I've not witnessed a love as ours. No one could ever believe the purity and completeness of our perpetual supply of love for each other, a one of a kind nonfiction fairy tale. This real life fairy tale had a beginning more than 40 years ago! But this fairy tale has no ending. It is written on into eternity where we will love each other throughout all time!

I met John in 1978 when I first moved to Ocala. In search of a salon on Silver Springs Blvd., I found John working for Lamar Gay, I don't remember the name of the salon. John even did my nails back then. He was the sweetest and the most big hearted man I have ever known. We have stayed close friends ever since, in fact he gave me my last hair cut. Wish I could dig out the pictures of when you took me to the Halloween Ball at the college in Gainesville, oh what a fun night that was, and the night we went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Gainesville. He always talked about Lil John and Morgan and how proud he was of them. I will truly miss you John and not just  for the hair cuts. You will alwys be remenbered, may you rest in peace.

I don't know where to begin.

I'm proud of everything you've done in your life to make you the man you are today. The proudest I am of you is those 2 BEAUTIFUL, SWEETEST, AMAZING children you brought into this world. 

I know Lil John & Morgan are your world. I know you ALWAYS told them how much you loved them every time you spoke to them. I know you're proud of them & all they have accomplished in their young lives. You bragged about the to every one you spoke to. For that my bro, I love you & learned to tell everyone I love them every time I see them because you never know if you will ever see them again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I love you the last time we spoke on the phone. I'm telling you now I have always loved you no matter what we were going thru in certain points of our lives.

You've been my Big Bro for my 53yrs on this earth. We've shared lots of good times, forget the bad. You were there for me more times than I can count. 

You're lick & stick for your fat boy needed to be bigger for my Big butt..lol. I enjoyed all the rides on all the different bikes you had. Even when you got too big for my arms to wrap around you :-)....you always made me feel safe.

I'll always remember the laughter we shared, especially when we laughed so hard we cried. I'll cherish the times we shared when both of us cried.

I'll always remember the good advice you gave me thru the years. I've put plenty of them to use.

You are my Big Bro, but I have to tell you something..... I'm mad at you for leaving us so soon, also you got to be with momma, daddy, daddy Floyd, & Jimmy before me.

I know those you love will forever have their guardian Angel.

I miss you Johnny.

I love you Johnny.

Tell momma to give God a break up there :-)

You know how momma is & she's running Him like crazy up there...lol

I know you will never be in the pain you were in on this earth. You are in a much better place than I am on the earth.

God Bless

Ride on Big Bro <3