September 3, 2021
September 3, 2021
Well it been 6 years ! Where do I start, I miss you more than anything in this world. I don’t know how I am suppose to carry on for the rest of my life! This pain doesn’t stop, it doesn’t ease up. My heart is constantly reminded of the huge piece it’s missing. I try everyday to go on about my life and act like I am okay. If on my okay days, I’m still dying inside. The years that have passed have on made this pain worse. I used to live in this fantasy world , lived like I knew you were coming back to me. I don’t want to accept this forever johnathan… I can’t! You are suppose to be here, you were suppose to leave me… it’s not fair! I wish you would have known the impact your accident would have had on all of us. Maybe you would have changed your mind about getting on that bike, just maybe everything would be so different ya know ? Just when I feel like my heart could possible heal the scab is ripped of and it’s left bleeding again. I will never stop needing you. I wonder all the time if you would have more grey hairs than me, if you would finally get fatter than me. How many other children you could of had, if you would have gotten married. Just wonder about how much life could have been different. I’m getting married soon and you won’t be there, I’ll save a seat for you but my biggest day you’ll be missing. I love you so much and if I could take your place I would , cause this pain is to much for me. -Always your little sister