Chapter 6 - Cleveland
Abide With Me, Fast Falls the Eventide
Joseph’s journey became reflective of the older adult experience in his adopted country. The caregiver now needed care and his wife still needed care as well. Services to support them in their home in Maryland were not easily accessible or easily monitored by their children. Doctor appointments were harder with his reduced mobility and his two youngest children were finding it harder to be caregivers – Joseph now needed 24 hour monitoring. He was having trouble identifying where he was and how to find anything.
So Joseph and Faith moved back to the state where they had spent many summer vacations in their younger married life visiting Faith’s family. They moved to Cleveland, Ohio to be close to their oldest child – a daughter.
While in assisted living Joseph’s physical needs – meals, laundry and medication – were met. His Ohio family made sure he went to various doctors (over 8 of them!) regularly. But his dementia was progressing rapidly. Since he could not communicate when he was in pain or discomfort, he was regularly in and out of emergency wards for treatment. And after a week’s stay in a hospital he would be even more disoriented – away from the familiar and unable to maintain a schedule.
Even in this environment, there were glimpses of Joseph’s essence. He began to watch TV in the assisted living lounge and listened attentively to resident’s problems. He could not respond as he used to, but he could look attentive and wise and this drew people to him! Even during his gerieatric assessment, he tried to comment on the state of aging. After continuous prodding: “Are you happy?” “Are you happy?” “Are you happy?” Joseph finally responded: “Are YOU happy? I cannot tell what happy is. You tell me how I should be happy.” And above all, despite glaucoma and memory loss, he was still a reader.
Joseph’s last emergency visit did not end well. He was happy to go home but on the way home he blacked out. He was then taken to a different trauma 3 emergency room in the closing urban hospital of Huron Road in East Cleveland. He spent 3 days in ICU and 4 days in a recovery ward. And it became apparent that without intervention, his blood pressure would drop, and there was no solution modern medicine could find to identify and solve what was happening. The team at Huron Road was absolutely amazing. Nurses, doctors, technicians went out of their way to support Mr. Joseph and his family. They were clear about what they could do, and what could not be done. It became apparent that interventions to keep Joseph with his loved ones were taking a toll on his body and on his spirit.
Joseph’s last trip was to Hospice of the Western Reserve. His family held on to hope that he would stabilize and graduate to go home soon. It was not to be. Joseph spent his time from his bed outside his room staring at the horizon. The Hospice team allowed the family privacy and respectfully showed them how to share in Joseph’s care. They shared information as needed about end of life signs. Joseph slowly withdrew from communication with his family. On his own terms, he started his final journey without them. On August 9 at 9:08PM, held by his children, in the midst of a big storm, Joseph went home.
His children said, “It makes sense that there was thunder when Daddy left us, there is one more trouble maker in heaven.” A tribute to his refusal to accept status quo.
His grandchildren said: “It’s ok. Grandpa will see his mother and father. He will be happy.” A tribute to his love of family.
His wife said: “It was his time.” Even the fighter knew when to turn away.
Join us in wishing Joseph a good journey home. He made so many trips in his life, but this one he makes alone. We believe his spirit has journeyed to heaven and his physical body is going to his childhood home. But as always he goes with God.
Ijeoma.