And so it goes. The house is suitably decorated for one last goodbye. For a family send off. To leave everyone with a memory of Joe Peraino Sr. But, it’s much more than one final goodbye and the planting of a memory.

It’s a celebration of his life by those that he loved so dearly and those that loved him to the moon and back. A man worthy of this celebration and a man who’s quiet demeanor would think this was too much perhaps. But, this honor and privilege is God’s blessing us to remember and celebrate the life of a man that meant so much to so many.

The best part? The best part is that this is not a final goodbye or even a goodbye of any type. This is nothing short of a “see you later” because we all know that we will see Joe again. We will all be together with the gentle, quiet man that we all knew Joe to be. And when that day comes I fully expect to see him, say hello and ask him how he’s doing. His reply will be the same one that I always got. The reply that warmed my heart, made me feel welcomed and brightened even my most sour day….”Okay Rui” (huge smile at seeing me).

See you later Joe. I’d tell you we all loved you but I know you already knew and know that.

https://wishbaskets.wordpress.com/2015/01/23/lessons-from-my-father-part-1/

With the recent passing of my father, I found myself reflecting on my mortality, my upbringing, and the influence my father had on making me who I am today.

 Lesson #1:  Actions Speak Louder Than Words

My father has been there my whole life. He had been a quiet presence, more of a role model through his actions, rather than through his words. He wasn’t a man of many words. He seemed much more comfortable observing and listening. He had on occasion shared stories of his childhood or business ventures, but most of the time he wouldn’t offer input unless specifically asked. Because of this many people have found him to be a mystery.

I know who my father was through observing how he lived his life and where he invested his time.

Lesson #2:  Family Works Together

When my father wasn’t trying to make money, he spent a majority of his time at home with his family.  He didn’t have a lot of friends to hang out with.  He never drank alcohol.  And he didn’t scream or curse.  He was a quiet man, content with a cup of coffee, a tastykake, and a football game on the living room TV.

Looking back to my childhood I remember him laying on the red shag rug in our living room with his elbow on the floor and his hand propped under his head and total focus on what was happening on the television.  He had a bet on a football game and was rooting for his team.  But he had three kids that were running through the house, playing around, jumping over him, and not even paying attention to what was going on.

He didn’t scream or yell to make us be quiet or go away.  We were just being kids and trying to have fun.  Instead he devised his own plan to get us interested and involved in what he was doing.  He got all four of us (me, my sister, my brother, and my mother) to watch the game and root for his team with him.  He told us that if we rooted for his team with him, they would win.  If his team won, then he would make money. And if he made money, he would give us money to go to the store and do what we wanted.  That was one sure fire way to get quiet in the house and focus back on the game!  So we all gathered around the TV and watched the game and rooted for his team.  And we were all so happy when we won, because we just made money and were off to the mall with mom to spend it!

What’s kind of funny is that as I became an adult I had no interest in watching any sporting events unless there was a bet involved and money to be made.

I remember trips to visit aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We would have family outings where we would go bowling or play softball or catch at one of the local parks.  We went for long drives to nowhere or just drive around to look at Christmas lights.  Along the way we’d stop and my father would get us water ice and Philly pretzels to munch on in the back seat.  Sometimes we’d stop at one of the local bakeries in South Philly and pick up a bag of hot rolls.  I can still remember the smell.  When we moved to Reno, I remember one really long drive to California over the Nevada mountains in the snow to go visit my father’s brother and his family.  My parents were in the front seat and me and my sister and brother were in the back.  It was a scary drive over those mountains, with an introduction to snow chains, mountainous cliffs, and Donner’s Pass.  That was a trip I’d never forget.

When my father managed a motel and liquor store, I remember being in the office and in the store helping him with the inventory and loading the freezer and shelves.  As I look back now I wonder whether it was legal for us to be working in a liquor store with my father at the age of 14 or 15, but regardless, we were there helping him and working in the store to stay busy (and out of trouble).  When my father owned and operated the Gold & Silver Exchange in Sierra Sids Casino, my mother, sister, and I all worked in the store with him stocking shelves, selling merchandise, and chatting with potential customers.  We were working together (and sometimes struggling) as a family to make it work.

Christmas Is A Time For Family, Creativity, & Giving

Christmas was a special time at our house.  From the time I can remember, my dad always went out on Christmas Eve to go get our Christmas Tree.  Some years he got lucky and was able to find a nice tree, but I remember many years where he would bring home the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree”.

My dad’s job was to get the tree and set it up in the tree stand.  My father was not a man who was handy with tools.  I don’t really remember him having many tools or even a tool box.  I remember the challenges he had trying to cut down the tree trunk and get it in the stand.  Looking through some old pictures I found one with my dad hammering a tree trunk down to get it to fit into the tree stand.

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After the tree was set up, it was our job (my mom, Pam, Joey, and me) to decorate the tree and use our creativity to make it look good.  There were many challenges with this.  Some of the trees had big bald spots with no branches.  Other trees had long branches and short branches.  And some were just bare trees that needed a lot of Christmas balls, garland, and tinsel!  But it was alway a challenge and always fun to see if we could make the tree look good.  Somehow we did it, and it was alway fun.

One of the most difficult Christmas’ our family had was in 1979.  My father had moved to Reno Nevada to start a career as a poker dealer.  He moved west before the rest of our family in order to get started with the new job and find a place for us all to live.  We arrived sometime after Christmas, and when we finally did get there, my father gave my mother a poem he had written for her.

Here it is:

Every year we would decorate the house, hang the stockings, light the tree, and exchange gifts on Christmas day.  It was always a memorable day with family fun, food, and gifts.

The world changed on December 10, 2014 with the passing of my father.  Christmas will never be the same.  Next year we will all be wondering “Is it Christmas, it just can’t be, because my father is not with me.”

Before my father passed away and while he was recovering from triple bypass surgery and a kidney / bladder procedure in September 2012, I asked him to create a video for his grandchildren so that they would know who he was and would remember him in future years. Using a list of questions I put together for him as a guideline, he made the video on his own. Here's his story.

He will be missed.

This video is also posted on YouTube for those who are having trouble seeing it here:  http://youtu.be/g444CkMN-Bw

BARBARA BOYER, INQUIRER STAFF WRITER

POSTED: Wednesday, December 17, 2014, 1:07 AM

Joseph Peraino Sr. had been loved at the Rosa International Middle School in Cherry Hill, where he worked as the head custodian, earning the respect of staff and students alike.

That had been his favorite job, Mr. Peraino said in a video he made after he retired in 2011, completing a career of about a decade with the Cherry Hill School District.

On Wednesday, Dec. 10, after losing a battle to cancer, Mr. Peraino, 74, died at his Voorhees home, surrounded by family, according to his daughter Agnes, who shared a home with her parents.

As much as he loved his job, Mr. Peraino spoke most fondly of his family, saying that marrying Anna Castelli, who became his wife of 50 years, was his greatest accomplishment.

"I hope I can be remembered as a good dad and father to my children," Mr. Peraino said in the three-minute video.

Born and raised in Philadelphia, Mr. Peraino began working at an early age. In his video, Mr. Peraino recalled delivering newspapers, earning a penny for each copy of the Evening Bulletin he delivered. Later, he purchased his grandmother's store in South Philadelphia for $2,500 and ran it for a year before his mother took over.

He spent much of his career running various automobile businesses in South Philadelphia, including a salvage lot. But he loved the action inside casinos and moved his family to Reno, Nev. There, he spent about five years as a poker dealer and running a gold and silver exchange store, his daughter said.

The family returned to this region in the mid-1980s. In his later years, his daughter said, Mr. Peraino wanted a steady job, and found his new career in the Cherry Hill schools.

He loved the custodian's job and generously supported student fund-raisers, his daughter said.

"He just had a very big heart," said assistant principal Maureen McHale, who had known Mr. Peraino since she started at the school 10 years ago.

The students, she said, liked and respected him, as did the staff. He enjoyed helping the students whether their lockers jammed, or they were fund-raising. After he retired, Mr. Peraino visited the school often to keep in touch.

Agnes Peraino asked her father to make the video after he suffered a series of illnesses. He had a heart attack, and triple bypass surgery, before doctors discovered the cancer that eventually spread to his liver.

After finishing chemotherapy, Mr. Peraino made his last trip to a casino Dec. 2. He was hospitalized shortly afterward, but requested to go home last Wednesday. His family from near and far arrived to his bedside. Hours later, he died, his daughter said.

In addition to his wife and daughter, Mr. Peraino is survived by another daughter, Pamela Buzzetto, four grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. He was predeceased by his son, Joseph Jr.

Services will be private.

Donations may be made to the American Cancer Society.

Read more at http://www.philly.com/philly/obituaries/20141217_Joseph_Peraino__school_custodian.html#dReQkj1tFGYbdd1o.99

According to my mom, this picture was taken right after I was born.

http://wishbaskets.wordpress.com/2014/09/10/dads-first-day-at-the-senior-center/
 

DAD’S FIRST DAY AT THE SENIOR CENTER Posted on September 10, 2014

Today was dad’s first day at the Senior Center.  And what a day it was.

I stayed up late last night worried and thinking.  I really hope he likes it.  I hope he’ll be safe.  I hope he doesn’t get lost or fall.  Maybe he’ll make some new friends.  Maybe he’ll find some joy and purpose in his life.

Watching him sitting at the kitchen table staring out the kitchen window day after day has been a huge frustration for me.  It’s been like this for about three years now. He’s silent.  He’s bored.  I just wonder what he’s thinking.  I try to start conversations with him, but there isn’t a whole lot to say.

I asks what he’s thinking, and he says nothing. I ask how he’s feeling, and he says he’s OK. I ask if he’s taking his medication, and most of the time he says yes, but there are times when he decides that he doesn’t need to take his medicine anymore. I ask if he has eaten, and he says he’s not hungry or some times he just doesn’t remember. I ask if there’s anything he needs or wants, and he almost always says no.

There are occasions, usually right after his social security check arrives, where he feels a little more energetic and wants to take a trip to the casino.  These are the times he enjoys most.  This is where he wants to be.

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He likes the action.  He likes the sounds.  He’s in his element.  A few hours at the casino being entertained….This is where he is most comfortable where there is nothing but luck to keep him going.

He sometimes feels talkative and tells me the same stories time after time.  The time when he bought my great grandmothers corner grocery store for $2,500, and ran it 15 hours a day for about a year before giving it to his mother to run.  He really didn’t want to be doing that for the rest of his life.  Or the time when he was a small boy around five years old and worked with my great grandmother in her store.  Most people didn’t have telephones at that time.  So the neighbors would get calls from their relatives at my great grandmothers store.  My father’s job was to run to the neighbor’s house to let them know that they had a call waiting at the store.  For this service, they would tip my father a nickel.  This was a lot of money in the 1940s.

 Dad retired as head custodian from the Cherry Hill School district three years ago.  He was seventy years old at the time.  But he was in no rush to retire.  He liked his job.  He liked chatting with the kitchen staff, the custodians, the teachers, the administrators, and the principal.  He liked watching the children.  He enjoyed seeing them grow year after year.  He took a special interest in them and made sure that they didn’t get in any trouble.  When he left, they had a party for him and he received many cards of thanks and congratulations.  Many of the cards were from the children who would refer to him as Mr. Joe.

Dad retired in May 2011 and in August 2011 was his first heart attack, followed immediately by triple bypass surgery.  He’d never been in the hospital and never had any kind of surgery before.  But to everyone’s surprise, dad was a quick healer and made it through the surgery with few problems.  He recovered within a few months and was walking around like nothing had happened.  I must say I was pleasantly surprised.

 But in September 2011 his kidney stone issues had started.  What began as kidney stones, grew into ongoing procedures and complications with ongoing hospital stays, and then finally diagnosed with bladder cancer.  Chemo and radiation treatments were finally finished at the end of 2013.

2014 has also been challenging with endless doctors appointments, procedures, hospital stays, and lots of ups and downs.

So it’s September, and dad still has occasional problems and doctor visits, but we’re finally at a point where his health has stabilized.  Over the last few years his physical and mental state has been declining, but he’s 74 years old, and doing the best he can.

But today we started on a new path.  Today was dad’s first day at the Senior Center.  The bus arrived around 10 AM.  It was supposed to be here at 9:15 or 9:30, but the bus driver must have gotten lost because he was a little late.  My dad sat anxiously at the kitchen table looking out the window and waiting.  Finally around 9:45 I called to make sure that they had him on the list for pickup.  They assured us that they were on the way.  So dad went outside and sat on the front step waiting for the bus to arrive.

I sat at the kitchen table looking out the window, and around 10 AM I saw the bus pull up to the house.  I walked to the front door and opened it to say good bye to dad, but when I arrived, he was already stepping onto the bus.  I waved to the bus driver who waved back.  And off he went for his first day at The Senior Center.

 Dad arrived home around 3 PM today.  The bus dropped him off in front of the house.

He was a little more talkative than usual.  Seems he enjoyed the day out.  He said that everyone was really nice.  He was introduced to many people and shown around the building.  They had rug making, sculpture painting, bingo, wood working, lunch, shopping, and some other activities.

He said that there were lots of women, but only a handful of men there today.  He was seated next to another gentlemen who talked his ear off all day.  The man told him about his childhood and his siblings.  Dad said that he tried to interject, but the man wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise.  I asked him if he participated in any of the activities.  He said that the bus ride was rough, and he lost his glasses.  He did get lunch, describing it in detail, and assured me that he ate it all.  He also went on the shopping trip with a group of seven or eight other people.  It was a good day and he seems to have enjoyed the activity.

And now this new chapter begins.  The senior center bus will arrive between 9:15 and 9:30 AM every Tuesday and Thursday.  I’m hoping for the best and will be watching to see if he’s enjoying this new adventure.

 I’m rooting for you dad :)

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=869313673113564&set=vb.100001048192958&type=2&theater