Hey grandma, 

I know you're watching over me constantly, but life still isn't the same without you here. I've gone through so much this year and the only person that I really wanted at the end was you. So, I was in a plus size pageant this year and won miss congeniality and miss community service. It was great, I had make up and a bunch of cute outfits and a beautiful pink gown that I know you would have loved to see me in. You were my go to person when it came to shopping and dressing myself in a girly manner. You would have loved helping me prepare for this thing... Oh, and I'm back in school to get my masters degree. It was nothing but the grace of God that got me in the program because I didn't think school was for me any more. Now, I'm thinking about going to get my Doctorates after I graduate. What do you think? I think you'll be proud of me. It would be great if you could come to my graduation in 2020. I'm thinking about putting your picture on my cap, to have your spirit with me as I walk the stage... I'm trying my very best to keep this post a positive one because there has also been a great deal of bad that has occurred this year. We aren't going to get into that though. Just know that my relationship with God has increased a great deal. I thank you for instilling his work in me because its his work and mercy that has been getting me through while in Alabama... I've been talking to Aunty Pauline. Shes doing good. Lol I think she wants a man to keep her company and I don't blame her. She spend a lot of time by herself so I know she gets bored. She also, doesn't want to get out and be social with other people since she cant walk that good so I don't know, that's your sister. Her biggest thing is she wants me to come home for good, or at least for the holidays, so does daddy. It's just hard since I'm so far away and the cost of traveling is so high. What I do know is that if you were still here, I wouldn't have came this far down south. Not to say that I wanted to leave everybody behind but, I know you wouldn't have wanted me to go too far and your opinion was always first priority to me. I'll go back up North after I graduate... Anyways, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that  I still miss you beyond my words will allow me to explain. I know paradise is treating you well. Please come visit me soon my sweet angel. Until next time <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Hey grandma. Life continues to go one without you here but daddy and I think about you constantly. We miss your laugh and your beautiful smile and the sound of your sweet voice. Aunty Pauline misses you too. I'm not even sure how it really happened but Aunty Pauline and I have been getting a lot closer. I remember you both used to be on the phone with each other everyday just gossiping and talking about everything and joking. She looks for that in that in me now I just hope I'm doing a good job filling in for you. I graduated for college like you wanted me to, now I'm looking to go back to school to get another degree. I wish you could've been there. Daddy looked like he wanted to shed a few tears. Lol. There have also been some lovers gained and lost that you probably would've gave me some heavy advice about. Grandma I miss you more than anyone will ever know. My best friend forever and always. I hope we are makin you proud. I also hope that paradise is treating you well. I love you my sweet angel

I'm wishing you a happy born day in heaven.   I think about you all the time especially when I'm in the kitchen trying to cook some of the things that you used to cook.  I feel your presence here with me all the time.  so Ikow you are watching over all of us.   I try to keep the spirit of what you and Grandma used to do by getting the family together and celebrate all the good things that God has given us.  Today I'm going to make a Toto and share it with everyone just like you used to do.  I learned so much from you and I am grateful to be your son.   Thank you so much

Hi my precious wonder woman. I know its been a while since i have written on this page but that doesn't mean that I have forgotten about you or that I dont think about you on a daily basis. These passed couple of months, have been the absolute worst without you. Especially thanksgiving, though I was greatful to be  campus and with a loving family, it wasn't my loving family, I wasn't safe and sound in your arms, cuddling next to you and singing. Grandma I miss you more than words can explain. I miss the sound of your sweet voice, and you laugh that made the whole world smile. I miss your soft skin rubbing on my forhead when I didnt feel good. I miss absulutely everything. Since youve been gone, the relationship with my mother has grown so strong, I dont know what I would do with out her. She tries so hard to be everythihng you were for me and I love it, she tries to cook like you and everything. Though it funny and not the same, I apppreciate it because it gives me some closure about your passing. What I really miss is how protective you were when it came to boys. You would always tell me to keep my studies first becuase boys only one thing and you were so right. Ive learned from the mistakes around me that I cant lose myself over a person. Grandma with the situation that I am currently I could really use some words of wisedom. I try so hard to be everything that you and great grandma wanted to be, and  pray that I am doing a good job. You both were the strongest women that I've ever known. With everything that you both have been through you still kept your head up and still kept your faith in God. With prayer you both never gave up. I pray I can be like you both phenomenal women. I must admit, I do believe that I have become very strong emotionally. It would mean the world to me if you could come and visit me soon. I miss you so much. I think about you every day. I love you grandma, more than words can explain. <3 <3 <3 my jamaican queen

Hi Aunty Joyce,

How are you enjoying paradise? I know you must be having a great time! I just want you to know that we all miss you and you will always be in our hearts. I cherish the days I spent with you and the smell of your famous toto! By the way, you would be very happy to know that I will be making greater cake for the youth at my church next weekend! I am so happy that you were such a major part of my life and I thank you for loving me as though I were your own daugther. You taught me lifelong lessons that will never be forgotten. Love you! 

Hey grandma. How is paradise?  I really hope you are enjoying yourself because we miss you dearly down here. Especially me. Want to know something crazy? Even though your phone is off, I still have your number saved in my phone. Why? Because I want to save every ,memory I have ever had with you, as crazy as that may sound. It's hard to forget someone that has always been there for you. It has been 8.5 months since you've been gone and it still feels like yesterday. Crying feels wrong but its hard not to. There are things that have been going on that make me question my faith, power and ability, and just hearing your voice teliing me to never give up and trust God would give me life, but I just have to try imagine you saying it which isnt the same. I want to go to NY and visit you but there is too much going on right now for me to go there alone. Goodness I dont think anyone misses you as much as I miss you. Too many took your death lightly and that's one thing I will never understand, why they did. I don't know. Thanks for visiting me today. I heard your beautiful laugh, and I thought about how life is too precious. I also thought about how blessed I am. I've experienced things that someone else never got the chance to, and knowing you is definitely one of those things. Lol Im so hungry right now and all I really want are your fried dumplings and some eggs, or maybe some fried chicken with rice and peas. Nobody can cook like you, though my mom tries and she's close but not exactly on your level. OH so I have to tell you, I havent put a relaxer in my hair for almost a year! Crazy right? Its so hard to maintain with all of the humidity but I am going to try my hardest to stay natural.  Wish me luck ahaaa. I hope that when I communicate with people they see a little bit of you in me. After this crazy situation with the person I was talking to, I though about it and realized that I gave  my all into the relationship just like you. Well Grandma I can stay on here and talk to you for hours but Ill save some space for someone else, or next time when I want to get on your nerves. I miss you Pretty Lady, more than you'll ever know. Please come visit me again soon, today was special. I love you with all my heart. <3 Talk to you soon (:

ever since I came here from Jamaica it's always been the two of us.  People came and left out of our lives, but it was always the two of us.  It's really hard not having you around, I think about you every day.  The house is not the same without you.  But I can feel your presence here with us, I know that you are watching over us.  There was a few times when things could of gone wrong and for some unknown reason, it turned out alright.  I know that reason was you watching over us and protecting us. How was your first birthday in heaven?  I know you are in a happy place now.  so even though we all miss you, we are happy for your happiness.  I love you Joycelyn McKay.  Thank you for all that you have done for me.  so until we speak again. 

Joyce was loved and admired by many who shared her space.  I think about her and her sincere laughter daily.  Her laughter was infectious!  When I think of her, I can hear her laughter and the way she would say, "Sonia, only you can say that."  I sure did say a lot!

"Joyce, I pull out your funeral program and I look at you. I look at Karim and think about him as a six year old adorable bow-legged boy.  My memories are from years ago, but they are just as precious.  Like Karim, I have enjoyed and craved your cooking. My dear, you were special to many." HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Love,

Sonia

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY JAMAICAN QUEEN... This is your first birthday is paradise and I truly hope you enjoy it. Though It would be great to actually spend your birthday with you, I understand that it's God's turn enjoy your company and I accept that. I hope your having the time of your life. I miss you so much. For your birthday I made the Dean's List during my first year of college! ISNT THAT GREAT? Lol it wasn't easy but with prayer and guidance God has blessed me in ways many wouldn't believe. Now that I'm done with school for a few months its stress releiving. I can focus on improving my well-being and getting ready for the next semester. I have to thank you grandma for everything you have taught me because those lessons made me who I am today which is a college scholar. You and my mom are my biggest supporters because when ever I need to talk or need to hear a simple "Good job, im proud of you" the both of you do just that without me even asking. Now that I think about it, the way that my mom and I have been communicating lately it reminds me of how me and you communicate, which is probably why I call her 20 times a day lol. I guess I run to you and my mom for everything because no man has ever proved to me that they can do what you both have done for me, and honestly that's perfctly fine. Though I have much to learn and to improve on, I thank you for all the good things you both have embadded in me. These past three weeks have been long, stressful and heart breaking and instead of breaking down and giving up all I really want to do is move foward to do better for myself. Grandma, you worried so much about me and I never understood why, but I'm slowly starting to see why. Thank you for being worried <3 I love you my Jamaican Queen. I'm going to send you a ballon with a thousand kisses. Enjoy your day pretty lady! 

Hey grandma, how is paradise? It's been a while since I've been on here and it's been because I knew I was going to cry. Yesyerday was my first birthday without and it wasnt the best day either. I found out who my true friends are and who they aren't. It made me alitte homesick to be honest. I can't wait to go home so I can visit you and spend time s, with my true friend eat real healthy food, and get back to what I used to be. Im not completely happy, but I know the feeling is only temporary. I think the older I get the more I become like my father, meaning the more angry I get, or maybe it's the birth control lol who knows, but instead of being sad like I normally would I just get mad. Grandma please help me, some encouraging words from you would do me all the justice right now. On the bright side, I made the Deans List! first year in college and Im doing great, Hopefully things will lighten up financially with college and I would have to stress on how I'm going to have to pay for next semester! With everything going on grandma, I'm not really getting the chance to enjoy life. I dont know what I have to do in order to be happy again but I hope everything falls together soon. Just being in your room again will probably make things better. I love you grandma and I miss you beyind words can explain. Don't forget to visit Donny today for his birthday, I think he would want to feel your touch! <3

I will always love you

can you believe that your one son is in the kitchen and actually cooking meals.   I know it's hard to believe.  My biggest regret was not learning from you how to prepare all those wonderful meals.  When I went to Jamaica in October, someone tried to make toto for me, it was not even close to how good you made it.  Now a days when people make me Jamaican food, I always compare it to yours, and they don't even come close to you cooking.  You were the best. I feel your presence here in the house with me, so even though I'm physically alone, I know you spirit is watching over us.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about you.  I miss you and I love you.  Until we speak again real soon.  later

Hey there Precious Lady. How is paradise? I miss you so much, and I think about you all the time. You are the screen saver on my phone, and I dont think I will ever change the picture. I really can't wait to see your face again, and to feel your touch. Part of me is really excited to know that I will see you again. Then there's another part of me that is anxious and impatient. Anyways Grandma, I just wante to tell you the good news. Even though already know, I got a text message today saying that I am in the running to be a potential queen for the Omega Psi Phi Pageant, that I was telling you about. I am so beyind excited and blessed to be in this position. As soon as I got back to my room, I prayed and I thanked God. I also prayed for him to just continue to guide me through this experience, and to bind up any negative spirit and nervousness and cast it away back to the enemey in which it came from. If I do actually get to be a contestant, I am going to workout twice and much and watch what I eat. I want to lose atleast 15-20 pounds, not just for the pageant but for my health as well. I really hope you are proud of me and all that I am doing. Having to hope is all I can really do because you arent here to TELL me that you are proud. I wish you could tell me what heaven is like. So many people have their own perspective of heaven, so with the way you re, I know your heaven is just wonderful. Tell Great Grandma that she isn't forgotten and that I miss her too. I love you grandma, come visit me very very very soon!!!!!!

Hey Grandma, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. There is so much to tell you, and I think you will honestly be so proud of me. So remeber when I told you I was in gospel choir? well we are performing this sunday at another church, and all of us are very excited, and can't wait. I am starting to be extremly active in church, and I love it. Im starting to pray more and get myself right. I just wish gospel choir was more of a family, it's terrible, everyone judges everybody and talks about everybody behind their backs. I try to be friends with everyone but I keep my distance when they want to try and act 2-faced. The whole thing makes me miss my friends back home and you, a WHOLE lot more. Well back to the god news. I dont know if you are aware of what greek life is but its pretty much sorority and fraternity. A sorority is for females, and its based off of unity, sisterhood and community service, the same for fraternity but for boys. There is a groups of sororities and fraternities that is specifically called the Divine Nine. Anyways, one of the frats in the Divine Nine is called Omega Psi Phi, and they are having a Miss Omega pageant, pretty much making you the queen of that fraternity. And, I am goingjump out of my comfort zone and run for it. Lol imagine me being a queen ahahaha. Its going to be a lot of hard work but with the people that I have around to help me, I know I will conqure all. There ar interviews next week, and we have to present our talent in the interview. By the Grace of God, everything will be great. HERE IS THE GREAT PART.... I jumped, hopped, skipped, and ran wayy out of my comfort zone and performed at an open mic night that the fraternity hosted tonight. The crowd sang with me, I messed up a little bit but they didnt even care, and clapped, I really think they enjoyed me. I am so proud because I am used to singing with a crowd or having someone next to me. Of cousre it was nerve racking but it had to be done. Now the fraternity knows what my talent is and what I plan on doing with it in the interview. They also know that I am not afraid of their intimedating faces. I know youll be there for me grandma and that why I love you. My guardian angel <3 please visit me soon. I love and miss you dearly

This was just a few months before your passing, at my high school graduation. You were so proud of me that day, and I was so happy to have you there to share my success. You are my rock <3

I was just sitting here in my dorm thinking about how its almost been 5 months since you have been gone and it still hurts my heart. The whole thing feels like it just happened yesterday. To not have someone by my side to make sure I won't get sick and to not let these boys get the best of me, or to stay focused on my studies, just stinks. I miss coming to visit you on Gunhill and the first thing you'd tell me is how fat I've gotten lol. I miss sleeping with you and having you yell at me for having the T.V on all night. I miss waking up to you already talking to me, or you just getting out of the shower and singing a church song. With all of these talented singers out here, your voice was the best out of all of them. Watching you cook and listening to you sing is the best memory I have of you, because it was an everyday thing. The thing I am going to miss the most is going school shopping with you. You always kept me looking pretty whenever me or my parents couldn't. Now I have to school shop with friends and it just isn't the same. It's crazy how a person doesn't realize how good they have it until it's gone. Daddy wants to get rid of all your stuff, but personally I dont want him too. Everything is a memory, and those are memories that shouldn't be lost. I am going to see if maybe he can send it to my mom so I can keep them for myself. There is so much that I want to say to you. It would mean so much if I could hear your voice again. OOHH grandma so, I joined the schools University choir and gospel choir. And I have been attending chapel service. It's not the same as church back home but its good enough for now. College is a trip, there is so much I wish I could vent to you about, but I bet you see everything that has been happening so lol no need to tell... It is insane. Anyways, through everything that I have said, all I am really saying is, I miss you so much. It would mean the world to me if I could hear and feel, and smell you. I love you with all of my heart grandma, please come visit me again soon, it would mean the world to me <3 

P.S I hope you like this song.  "Victory" Is a song that I was just singing out of nowhere and you came to mind and for a good ten minutes I was just crying and singing this song while thinking of you. Enjoy (:

It's a shame for this site to be up and not one soul share their experiences, or tell you they miss you. I guess they dont love you like I do. I want more people to get on here and share their memories, and for you grandma, I will do this. <3

Lol so your page has 247 views. I feel like most of those views are from me, because Im on this site 24/7... Sigh grandma I swear I need you now more than ever. College is starting to get really hard. I wanted to call you the other day after talking to Aunty Pauline. I scrolled down my contacts in my phone and then I completely forgot I wasnt able to communicate with you anymore. That was the most disappointing feeling ever. Since you've passed, people have said I dont look or act the same.. And it because I lost my other half. Mourning over your arraival to heaven maybe selfish and I am so sorry. It's just, now I feel empty. When you left, a huge part of me went with you... I think about you always, and I miss you beyond words can explain... I love you Grandma <3 Come visit me soon !!!!

there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.  I know that one day I will see you again, so instead of good bye, I will say until we meet again.  I love you so much.