A MOTHER'S LOVE IS NO GREATER LOVE ON EARTH ! WHEN YOU DIED, I WONDERED IF I WOULD EVER BREATHE AGAIN! IT WAS SO SUDDEN, SO UNEXPECTED,  I KNEW THAT YOU WERE AFRAID TO DIE, BUT WHEN YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE ONLY HOLDING ON FOR YOUR GRANDCHILDERN, AND THAT IF NOT FOR THEM YOU WOULD LEAVE THAT DAY, I KNEW YOU WERE TELLING ME GOODBYE, BUT MY HEART WOULD NOT HEAR WHAT WAS SAID.  EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM TO SAY GOOD BYE AND RELEASE YOU...IT WAS NOT REAL...WE DID NOT KNOW HOW SICK NOR HOW SHORT YOUR TIME WITH US WAS LEFT. IN LEST THAN 60 DAYS FROM THAT CONVERSATION, FROM THE LAST OFFICE VISIT TO YOUR DOCTOR WHO SAID SHE WANTED TO PLACE YOU IN HOSPICE, I PANICKED, I KEPT ASKING WHY HOSPICE, WHAT WAS THE DIAGNOSIS?
      DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE SICK TO BE IN HOSPICE? WHY ARE YOU SUGGESTING HOSPICE, I ASKED REPEATEDLY.  SHE LOOKED AT MY MOTHER AND CHANGED THE SUBJECT...SHE EXPLAINED THAT WITH THE WEIGHT LOSS, ETC IF YOU DIED AT HOME, THE POLICE WOULD BE CALLED AND THEY WOULD HAVE TO INVESTIGATE, ETC.  INVESTIGATE WHAT I ASKED, SHE HAS NO MONETARY GAIN FOR ME IF SHE DIES?   STILL I HAD NOT HEARD, WHEN WE RUSHED YOU TO ER AND THEY SAID YOU HAD OVARIAN CANCER THAT HAD SPREAD TO YOUR LUNGS, I ARGUED THEY WERE WRONG...FIBROIDS RUN IN THE FAMILY, IT IS JUST SIMPLY FIBROIDS I CRED!  WHEN ASKED HOW LONG...TODAY OR TOMORROW...WE CAN'T TELL EXACT DATE THE DOCTOR REPLIED,,,BUT I DID NOT BELIEVE THEM, EVEN THOUGH I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH YOU TOLD ME WHO AND WHAT YOU WANTED...I WAS JUST PACIFING YOU.
     ..NO WAY MY MOTHER WOULD BE DEAD IN A FEW DAYS I SAID TO MY SELF.. 7 DAYS THAT IS ALL I HAD, 7 DAYS TO SAY GOOD BYE 7 DAYS TO PLAN AS MY HEART BROKE....LIKE WITH BIG DADDY I COULD NOT SPEAK....I COULD NOT BELIEVE...EVEN AS I HELD YOUR HANDS, SUNG YOU TO SLEEP...NOT KNOWING THAT THE SLEEP WAS A COMA! I WATCHED YOUR LAST HOURS ON EARTH IN DENIAL, THE GOD TOLD ME YOU ONLYHAD 4 BREATHS LEFT....I DID NOT BELIEVE EVEN HIM...YET YOU TOOK  EXACTLY 4 LAST BREATHS.....I PANICKED ON THE 2ND BREATH FOR I KNEW YOU WERE LEAVING ME.
    THEN I HAD TO COMFORT CUDDIE AND JOHNNY...I KNEW JOHNNY WAS NOT GOING TO SURVIVE YOUR DEPARTURE.  ONCE AGAIN I SAT AT THE BED SIDE OF A LOVED ONE, KNOWING THAT HE TOO WOULD LEAVE...ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, JOHNNY LEFT....I KNEW HE WAS WITH YOU...I KNEW YOU CAME FOR HIM....AND AS I REMEMBER THIS DAY, THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH, I REMEMBER ALSO MY BROTHER'S DEATH.  SOME GLAD MORNING WHEN THIS LIFE IS OVER...I WILL TOO FLY AWAY....LEAVING MY CHILDREN THIS GREAT BURDEN OF GRIEF...I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID NOT TELL US,  ESPEICALLY ME, WITH WHOM YOU HAD LIVED FOR 38 YEARS!  YOU ALWAYS MADE ME SIT DOWN BEFORE TELLING ME SOMEONE DIED,  I RESENTED YOU FOR THAT...I AM STRONG..WHY SHE THINK SHE HAS TO BE CAREFUL WHEN SHE TELL ME A FAMILY MEMBER DIED,,,,,???
     NOW I KNOW...A MOTHER KNOWS HER CHILD...YOU KNEW OF ALL THE CHILDREN I WOULD BE MOST AFFECTED, THAT I WOULD BE THE ONE TO GO INTO SHOCK...YOU ALWAYS PREPARED ME FOR THE DEATH OF OTHERS...BUT YOUR LOVE FOR ME, COULD NOT PREPARE ME FOR YOUR DEATH!  I GET THAT NOW...BUT MOTHER I WILL BE STRONG, AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, FOR IN MY HEART  AND IN MY TEARS YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!