ForeverMissed
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His Life
August 22, 2015

MMy name is cara I'm 30 years old. I was25 when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted a baby from about the age 21i never worked but did have a 2 bedroom house. But I didn't think I could have children as I got my first smear test at 18 and they couldn't find my cervix so on my 3rd smear I asked if I had a tilted womb as it runs in my family and she said yes I asked if I could have children and she said yes u should so 3 weeks later me & my partner we're in town and he said I think u should get a pregnancy test I didn't think I needed one I had no cravings or sickness.But I went & got tested and it came back positive I didn't believe it I made a appointment at the doctors I thought they would test me to confirm it but they just said make appointment for the midwife so I went then I got my appointment for my first scan I was so nervous thought there would be nothing there. I got shouted me & my partner went in and got the warm gel on then I seen my baby on the screen he was jumping about crazy I was so excited we got a good few scan pictures one each for me and my partner my mum my partners mum and his Daughter that was all that knew about it I was able to hide it for ages.I told people when I was 20 weeks I couldn't wait to find out what I was having I was not bothered as long as they we're healthy but his legs we're up to his head so the nurse said have a walk about for half an hour so we had a coffee then I went in the toilet and started jumping up and down we went back found out we we're having a boy my mum and Dad and siblings we're a bit disappointed as there we're all boys in the family and wanted me to have a girl I wasn't bothered I was so happy I was having my own baby and I could start buying stuff I had a easy pregnancy no cravings and just sick once in the morning.we agreed on the name Kai he was due on the 3rd of August, but he was 3 weeks early I had a natural birth he weight 5 pound 2 and was born at 12.49am on the 14 July 2011.He was so tiny and gorgeous I was In love immediately a love I have never felt he took his first bottle no problem then after that he wouldn't take it his sugar levels we're low my family came to visit and fell in love with him I got told not to buy lots of little clothes as he was going to be a big baby, so none of his clothes fitted him as I only bought newborn and0-3 months. When my family came up my brother and his partner got him a tiny baby grow vest hat and bib it was the first outfit that fitted kai when visiting hours were over the nurses said kai would have to go to scubu I was crying I didn't want to be away from him but he had to get tube fed. The next morning I woke up at 5 had a shower and asked the nurse to take me down I remember the nurse said I've just fed him so don't pick him up I was just sitting looking at him then I thought he's my baby so if I want to hold him I will, he was in hospital for 5 days then we moved to my mums as I had moved in with my partner he only had a one bedroom and it had damp. We stayed at my mums for 8 days then me and kai moved into a network flat he was a good baby he only got up once a night it was great being a mummy I love him to bits no words can describe how much I love him then on the 11/9/11 I woke up I knew rite away I phoned 999 first I was pure distraught my baby was gone I had to phone my partner, then my mum but she could not understand me so the police women had to tell her they took me to my mums I just lied in bed all day with his cover crying it was cot death when he was in the funeral home I went everyday to hold him as my arms felt so empty.then his funeral came he had a baby blue coffin which I put a Teddy a letter and picture of me kai and his Dad I'll be missing u and Robbie Williams Angels, snow patrol run I wrote something for him to. We then went in the car and had his little coffin on our laps my Dad , brother, partner and partners Dad put him down to rest my precious child got played  as he was layer to rest there is not a day that goes by where I don't think of him or speak his name I miss him so much