Dancing From Heaven

Behind the tears that fall for my sister, Kim, I’ve seen great love and admiration. I know I can speak for my entire family when I say that the outpouring of love over the last couple of weeks has been, like Kim herself, truly extraordinary. I know that she would have been humbled at this outpouring. She was never one to put herself before others and knowing that all of these people, some who don’t even know her, were out there praying and thinking of her, would have moved her to tears.

As I began writing her eulogy it seemed nothing short of painful for me. I, at first became very saddened with how much she suffered in her lifetime and honestly felt anger for all the pain that had been bestowed upon her. With tears rolling down my face, I asked for prayer on Facebook and then my sister spoke to me. She said, “GG, as you write and recount, you have a choice.. A choice to go on tomorrow and live our pain of yesterday.. or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can shed tears that I am gone or you can smile because I lived. You can close your eyes and pray that I’ll come back.. or you can open your eyes and see all that I left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see me.. or you can be full of the love we shared. You can remember me and only that I’m gone.. or you can cherish my memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty, angry and turn your back.. or you can do what I’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

I decided right then, this whole eulogy was about to change. During this entire, difficult time I have found myself sometimes succumbing to my own selfish feelings. Yes, her life was troubled and difficult at times; every single one of us sitting here today knows that. But the true fact is my sister was a real angel living on this earth. She was the epitome of bravery, a true light of love, with a soul so powerful it could move mountains.

Kim and I were so close growing up (almost like twins) as we were only 14 months apart. We slept in the same bed together until I was almost a teen. One of the most vivid and cherished memories I have of her was when she would rock herself back and forth in bed each night, singing “I’ve Been On My Way To Heaven.” With my thumb in my mouth I tried mumbling the words right along with her as she rocked us both to sleep. We were truly inseparable and had a bond that not one single soul could ever break. We understood one another even when others around us could not. And she loved me, protected me and made me feel like I was the most beautiful person that ever lived. That’s just how she was. She made everyone she came in contact with feel so special. She never wanted to talk about herself, but rather listen and learn about you. And you wouldn’t leave, after a visit with her, without some sort of compliment or encouraging words, always. She had a great big heart, and enough love for everyone. I would like to thank our mom for instilling that kind of love and kindness in all of us. It all started with you, mommy… Brenda, Markie, Tommy, our beautiful Kimmy and I are so thankful and love you so very much for that.

My sister’s love for her children was so strong. I am having difficulty finding the words to describe how much she loved them because the emotions inside are so overwhelming.. We loved one another’s children as if they were our own… From the first night she went into the hospital something came over me. There was an emergency but it felt more like a love emergency. Almost like she was telling me to please hold her babies and love them for her. I felt an immense rush of love surge through me for each and every one of them that night. She gave me her love for them.. I know it. Kristina, Jess, Paigie, Bubby and Nicky.. I know mom is looking down on all 5 of you and is so very proud of how you’ve all bonded through your lives and ultimately have united as one. Momma would want you to know that she was at her happiest the day each of you were born.

My sister’s love for her family and children was so deep and so true; it was felt during her last dying breaths. But her perseverance through her love and faith in God is what sustained her for 43 years. She truly prayed about every little thing… I remember a time she was on the phone with mom and mom told her she had just hurt her already hurt foot, again. Kim yelled, “Dear Lord, please take her pain, quick!” To which mom replied, “What do you want him to do, airmail it?” Kim thought that was hysterical! Shortly thereafter that phone call something kind of serious was going on and she posted to Facebook, “AIRMAIL TO GOD AGAIN !!!!!!!!!MORE PRAYERS!!!!!” Hahaha. Kim’s faith was a faith that believed God despite circumstances.

There are so many things I could say about my sister, but there are really not enough words to express what a wonderful person she was in these few short minutes. What I can say is she is loved, she will be missed, and we will keep her with us every day. Kim wouldn’t want us to be sad. She is in a better place giving the angels her signature “thumbs up”, looking down on us and dancing from Heaven. Dance away sissy, we know how much you loved to.

Today we mourn for her loss. However, we rejoice for her new life with the Lord. Farewell my loving sister.. We will be seeing each other soon. Love you so much!

And as Kim would say, “Be careful; don’t forget to say your prayers.” “Sookie Sookie now, let’s hear some good ole Irwin singing!”

~Gina Browning (Hall) 1/18/2014