This is what I shared at my mother's funeral...
I am the only daughter of LaRae and Lamon Wimmer, and I want to share some of the life history and stories about my mom since she got married to my dad just over 50 years ago.
My parents were married on October 18, 1963 in the Mesa Arizona Temple. Their first date was in February of 1963 and they went to see the Smothers Brothers concert in Tucson, and apparently, my dad had a reputation as quite a ladies man around the U of A LDS institute. He didn't have a car, so he borrowed a friend’s car, which didn't have door handles on the inside, and you had to roll the window down in order to open the door from the outside, so when she got in the car, she got a little nervous. But, he was a perfect gentleman, and they were engaged and married within the year. They tried to go to Disneyland on their honeymoon, but back then, Disneyland was closed on Mondays and they didn't know that, so they ended up at Knotts Berry Farm and at the beach.
They lived in Holbrook and Winslow AZ for 2 years. In 1965, my dad took a job with Motorola and they moved to Phoenix. They bought their first home in Tempe where they lived for 15 years before moving to and living in Mesa for the next 30 years. She graduated with honors in 1970 from Arizona State University with a BS degree in Food and Nutrition and got a job at Phoenix Indian Hospital.
Although they wanted kids, it became apparent that there would be no children soon, so they enjoyed their eight childfree years; traveling, camping, and road tripping in California, Colorado, Utah, as well as eating out and spending money on fun things. But, they wanted a baby, so they started the adoption process to start their family. They had planned on being on a waiting list for a while, so my mom was surprised when the adoption agency called her at work and said she could pick up their brand new baby boy that day. My dad and mom had to meet at the store on the way to pick up their new baby to buy diapers, some clothes, baby blankets, and a crib.
Brad was born March 6, 1971 and became a member of the little family. He was a big, strong boy with a personality to match. He had a full head of dark hair and could hold up his head from birth. My mom was now a full time mom, and after a year or so, they started the adoption process for another baby. But then they got pregnant, and on March 10, 1973, their first and only daughter Kristi (me) was born in Mesa. Less than 2 years later, on Nov 9, 1974, Doug was born in Tempe. So within 4 years and after 8 childfree years, they went from no kids to 3 kids. We were lucky enough to have our mom home all the time while we were kids, and she was a pretty cool mom to have. We were involved in and encouraged to participate in any activities we had interest in, from softball to basketball to swim practices and soccer practices. My mom was always there, cheering us on, and supporting us all the way.
My mom’s parenting style was always pretty laid back. She did lose her cool a couple times with her snotty picky eater kids, but in a unique way. I was especially picky and snotty, and one day when I was a child, after she had already made me 3 other things for lunch that I had turned my nose up at, she made me a very time consuming egg salad sandwich. She said the egg was a little brown, and she put extra mustard in it to try to hide the brown. I immediately noticed it was a little brown and refused to eat it. She opened up the sandwich, and calmly smeared it all over my face, much to the entertainment of my brothers. On a different occasion, she did the same thing to Doug when she took his big bowl of cereal that he had requested but wouldn't eat, picked him up, took him to the tub, and poured it over his head. She was smart because she knew it would make a mess, so she did it in the tub for easy cleanup. Doug doesn't remember it, and denies that it was him, but my mom and I both remember it.
Her motherly wisdom was never absent either. When I was a preteen, and it was the 80s, so getting a t shirt with an iron on was the big thing. I found an iron on that I wanted so bad. It had a radio on it, and I loved music, so it was perfect, I thought. She looked at the iron on and emphatically said “NO”. I begged and begged and she tried to get me to choose a different one. I didn't understand. It was just a radio dial across the chest with knobs on each side and it said "don't touch that dial". She finally said, “ Trust me, someday you will understand why you can't have this." The guy in the store looked at me and said “you have a smart mom". And now I get it, and she was right.
I went to young women’s camp every summer, and when I was 15, she went to camp as well as a cabin mother. Most teenage girls don’t want to hang out with their moms at 15, so I wasn’t very happy that she was there because I couldn’t slack off . I was not at all excited to get a note from her telling me to meet her after lights out in the cafeteria. I thought, “oh no, I’m in trouble”, and I thought she was going to bust me for something I had been doing that I wasn’t supposed to be doing. I was nervous until she told me why she had summoned me. It was to tell me that at 43, she was pregnant and going to have another baby. I was very happy to learn that I wasn’t in trouble, and I was happy there would be another little baby around. I told her that I would babysit for free if it was a girl, but she would have to pay me if it was ANOTHER boy. Of course, when Todd was born on Feb 16, 1988, I changed my tune and babysit for him all the time – for free.
The day she went into labor with Todd, she had sent my dad off to work anyways because she thought it would be a while before he was born, and I was so upset that my dad had gone to work knowing that she was in labor. Once she realized that the baby was coming sooner than she thought, she wanted me to drive her to the hospital, and seeing how I only had my learner’s permit, I panicked and couldn’t do it. We called my grandma, who lived nearby to come and drive her. Mom called my dad’s office and he came home right away, but he had a fairly long drive. Then they made me go to school, and it was impossible to pay attention because I knew I was going to have another sibling. By the end of that day, I had a 4th and final brother to add to our family, bringing our family to 7.
My mom loved us just as we were and didn’t try to control who we became. I went through my goth phase in high school, and she would just shake her head at my sometimes over the top outfits, jewelry, and make up, but she never really tried to stop me. She knew I would outgrow it. When I walked in with most of my head shaved except the bangs, she dropped the phone and said, "you paid someone to do that to your hair?" But she never pushed me to be different than I was, and she was right. I outgrew it. She knew Doug would eventually cut off his long, pretty hair too, and he did. She was ecstatic when he got his mission call to Japan and loved receiving his letters and seeing him grow into a man over those couple years.
All of our lives were changed forever when my little brother Martin was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996 at 15 years old. It was one of the darkest days of my life, and I still tear up when I think about that day and that whole experience. I had just graduated from ASU, and when she told me, I said I would move back home and help her take care of him. She told me no; she was his mother and she would care for him. She said I had my own life to live but I was welcome to visit them as much as I liked. And she did care for him 24 hours a day for a year and a half, and after chemo, hospitalizations, radiation treatments, and even experimental treatments in Washington DC, she cared for him until he passed away in 1997 at age 17 at home with his family surrounding him. She experienced the worst nightmare for parents, which is to bury your own child. When she became ill, I remembered how much time she had spent caring for Martin when he was sick, and I tried to visit her, sit with her, paint her nails, put lotion on her hands, and watch "her guys" meaning family feud, who wants to be a millionaire, and cash cab on tv as much as possible. I would answer the game show questions and she enjoyed that, saying that Doug (who is equally good at trivia) and I should go on a game show together and win a million bucks. That time I spent with her is so special to me and I will always cherish it, because we talked, cried and hugged all the time. The only gift a long illness gives is the opportunity to tell someone you love them over and over again.
One of the things that got her through was her humor. My mother was sassy and sarcastic and witty and could be a little crass as well. If you knew my mother at all, you knew how funny she was and that she was always cracking herself and others up with that distinctive, loud laugh and her dry sense of humor. She was always smiling and happy and would try to not let life’s struggles get her down. I remember when we were kids, she would fart as she walked across the room we were all sitting in, and we would all yell and say gross, and she would giggle loudly or try to blame it on the dog. When she started losing weight when she got sick, she commented with a smile that at least she finally hit her goal weight. She was always trying to find the fun or the good in everything.
My mother was always the hostess. Every time a niece or nephew got married in the Mesa temple, she would host the luncheon, put people up for the night or the weekend or whatever. She always wanted everyone to be comfortable and have fun. We had so many cousins’ parties and swim parties, and my dad would always make burgers for everyone. Even when she was sick, she would come out and sit and visit and eat with the family when she could. She was also the first person to jump in the car to go to Tucson or Utah or wherever to see a niece or nephew get married or for a cousin’s party. She loved her family and loved traveling to see them to show her love and support for them.
She was kind to everyone and would go out of her way to take care of people. I remember when my dad’s mother became unable to care for herself, and she stayed with us for a while. My mom would put a quilt on and help my grandma quilt. When she needed more care, my grandma moved in an assisted living home down the street from us, and my mom would go there all the time, to visit, to do her hair, and spend time with her, even though it was her mother in law. She loved my Grandma Wimmer and all my dad’s family as if they were her own blood, and they all felt the same way about her too.
She was very active and healthy. She went to aerobics regularly for years, especially Adele's class that she attended for as long as I can remember. She loved to swim and take walks and we spent a lot of time talking about life and life’s struggles on our walks or doing water aerobics together in their pool. She would go roadtripping to Payson with me and go hiking with me, and we did the Peralta trail in the Superstition Mtns just a few years ago. That's why it was so shocking when we found out how sick she was. Someone as healthy and active as her shouldn’t get cancer.
I always admired how much she traveled. She loved going places, and so does my dad. When we were kids, we would all pile in the van almost every summer and go to Wyoming to visit her sister Karlene, then on to Yellowstone and The Grand Tetons. We would go to Utah to visit my dad’s sister Sharon and my cousins, and on to Idaho to visit Mom’s friends and relatives. We also traveled to Oregon, Montana, Washington and California for Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm, among other places. My parents did a lot of traveling on their own as well. They loved to visit national parks and more recently, they have toured many of the Mormon historical sites. They have been to Hawaii, Washington DC, and they went on an Alaskan cruise where they took a float plane ride and a helicopter ride over a glacier. They went to Peru and Macchu Pichu when my Aunt Myrleen lived there, and she said it was the greatest adventure of her life. They were both so excited to go on their 3 week Northern European cruise to celebrate their 50th anniversary last summer, but instead of cruising to St. Petersburg Russia, she was starting chemo.
My dad has been such an amazing support to her as well as her main caretaker throughout her illness. He had supported her and been her best friend and companion for 50 years, and he got to be pretty good at it. He is a more outwardly emotional person than she was, and he struggled as he watched his wife and partner for 50 years get sicker and become unable to care for herself any longer. He worried about her and just wanted to make her feel better. He did such a good job taking care of her while trying to keep up the house and do taxes, and would get her everything and anything that she needed, and for that, we love you and thank you for taking such good care of her.
She was very close to her sisters Karlene and Julie Anne. They would talk on the phone a lot, and we visited them often and had fun as kids playing with our cousins and their calves at Aunt Karlene’s farm in Wyoming, and visiting Aunt Julie and her family in Mexico. My mom and her sisters would laugh and laugh and laugh all the time when they were together, and they just liked each other so much. She has always said they were her best friends and I know they will miss her tremendously.
She had a great relationship with her parents, Ruth and Rulon Horne. We loved spending time at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and I am grateful that they lived just down the street from us. They would come over in the evenings and swim, and grandma would babysit us a lot when we were children. I have so many fond memories of them, and I hope that she has been reunited with them and that they have been taking care of Martin for her until now. She liked to say that when her dad died, he got to heaven and saw that Todd was up there, dawdling and taking his sweet time, and he kicked him out of heaven, telling him he better get down there before his mom gets too old, and that’s why she had a baby at 43.
My youngest brother Todd was her little sweet baby boy that she loved so much. He was so much fun for all of us when he was a baby, and we loved making him giggle. He was my mom’s best friend and constant companion. As he grew up and grew older, he still liked being at home and still liked hanging out with mom. Even as a young adult, he traveled with them a lot, going to places like Niagara Falls and Palmyra New York and Nauvoo, Illinois with them. Todd has spent more time with her than any of the rest of us, and they had a very special and unique bond.
She was so proud of Doug and the amazing husband and father he became, and she loved his wife Heidi so much and was glad Doug had met such an amazing woman to be his wife. She would tell me how much she loved my husband Jeremy, and how lucky I was to have such a great husband who is such an amazing father who takes such good care of me and Bennett. She told me he was a keeper. And I agree.
She also had many close friends, even many from high school that she kept in touch with even before Facebook, and recently attended her 50th high school reunion in Burley Idaho, even though she actually graduated from high school in Tucson. She has many friends from church, and they have been so helpful to my dad and my family, bringing in meals and cleaning their house while she has been sick, and we all really appreciate you. She had an especially close relationship with her dear friend Adrienne Weiss, and her and her husband Gary regularly hung out with and sometimes traveled with my parents. She loved their friendship and I know she will miss hanging out with them.
She loved her grand babies so much and was so happy to spend time with and babysit Martin, Roxie, and Zoey. She swam with them, traveled to Disneyland with them, made gingerbread houses with them at Christmas, went to the park and museums with them, and babysat them almost every Friday night for Doug and Heidi’s date night. She would take fussy babies and dance in the living room while singing to them and they would melt into her arms and fall asleep. They loved her too and loved spending Sundays with her and grandpa. She had waited a long time for grand babies and loved to spend time with them, and told me that her biggest regret about having cancer was that she couldn't play with and take care of them. It is painful to know that her young grandchildren, especially my son Bennett and Doug's youngest Hudson will grow up without ever knowing the joy of their grandma’s arms around them, but we will tell them all the stories about their grandma and how much she loved them all.
My mother is courageous. She was diagnosed with lung cancer the day before she was throwing me a baby shower. I was 8 months pregnant, and my dad just told me that my mom was in the hospital and that she had lung cancer, and now I am somehow supposed to throw myself a party at her house. She told me not to cancel it, that cousins were coming from Tucson and New Mexico and all over, and that we still needed to have the party. I hung blue polka dotted decorations while I fought back the tears, and tried to make sure everything was how my mother, the consummate hostess, would want it to be. She was released from the hospital and got home an hour after the shower started. She snuck in the back door, changed clothes, and joined the party. She didn’t want to discuss it because she didn’t want to ruin my special day. That’s the kind of person she was. She was always thinking of others.
Her first chemo was scheduled for the day after my due date, but luckily I guess, I had Bennett a week early. She had been shocked and surprised and happy that I was having a baby because she had assumed that it wouldn’t happen, since I was almost 40. But she had a baby in her 40s too, so she told me not to worry about it too much – that everything would be fine. She came to see us in the hospital the day after he was born, and it was the only time she was able to hold him without someone helping her, and that breaks my heart every day. But I know she was proud of me and that she loves him and will be watching over him and Martin and Roxie and Zoey and Hudson forever.
We knew she was not long for this world for months, and as she grew weaker, we knew she would be leaving us sooner than we had hoped. But she was in so much pain for too long and that it was time for her to let go. The day she died, on the one iris plant in my backyard that I never watered and had never bloomed before came one small white delicate iris flower. I like to believe that was her telling me that she was ok, and that she was with Martin and her mom and dad, and all her loved ones, and that it would be ok. And now we all just have to get through it and figure out how to be ok as well.
My mother was an amazing person and a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, and friend. We will miss her every day and I feel lucky that she was my mother.
Kristi Wimmer - Randall
