Well here it is Saturday 2nd July. It was a beautiful day 5 years ago and we watched Maria Sharapova on the TV at Wimbledon and then we went for a walk as we did stay in far too much.
Coming home I thought it would be safer for to cross at the Island near the Crash Barrier and you just fell and I could not hold you up. Neighbours came out to help and an Ambulance was called but you did not go to hospital. Your Mac is still on the Poffee and your Bag is still on the Sofa just as it was left and it will remain like that until I am no longer here myself.
Every year since I have put a Yellow Rose on the Railings where you fell but you must know how much of an effort things are for me now due to this depression which has taken hold of me as I miss you so much.
I shall do my best but feel that I am constantly letting you down these days and I just want to be with you in Heaven .
I will ring the Florists now or go out and put the Flowers on when I get home.
I miss you from Diane xxxxx 

It has been wall to wall sunshine today and I was determined to go out but I fell asleep in the chair and found myself talking in my sleep. I was seeing a Hospital Consultant at the Private Hospital and I though my TIME had come but I was wrong once more. I dont know whether I am sorry or glad to be alive and typing this. Waking to an empty house and no family to ring. This has been 5 years of sheer torture. However I have the Sequel to get out as I think a few people would like to read it and it is rather good even if I say so myself. You would be so proud of me. But even if I had not written it and done nothing you loved me just the same. It is Enrique's 41st birthday today. I can still see us at The Royal Quays listening to him singing HERO in Spanish.

I miss you and I always will 

This Band of Gold placed on your hand
In 1953
Was then removed years later
And handed down to me

I have a box of of photographs
And pictures in a frame
But nothing now in this life
Will ever be the same

I've a future thats uncertain
So I cling on to the past
Oh why, Oh why does everything
Just never seem to last

I have a friend who is a Priest
And some friends who are nuns too
But my heart it still is broken
Because I still want you


 

I fell asleep in the chair so I got nowhere in the end.
I wish you were here now to talk to.
All I have are IDIOTS on Dating Sites
Apart from STEVE of course
He is a GEM and an exception to the Rule
He was the first person to make me laugh again and he is so sensible too
I think that you would like him and I cant imagine how I would feel if he was not there for me
I am going to the doctors tomorrow
I will be writing to Steve this afternoon
I will be back in touch with you
Probably tomorrow sometime 

I was up a bit sooner this morning so I am going to go to Morpeth this afternoon. I feel often the best when I am there and have been thinking of going there fore some time now. I dont think I can struggle on without you for much longer bt that is not up to me. The sooner I get this next Book published the better and see to the odds and ends left undone. Surely GOD will not let me down having suffered this far. I will let you know what kind of a day I have had tomorrow and tell you what I have bought.

This is so sad but I have just been reading a total stranger's Page.
This is purely for YOU AN ME
Pam said something nice about you
I am afraid I dont even know the email address of my own cousins
You would be totally disgusted with them I am sure
I went to the Bank yesterday and drew out £1,000
I can now pay your Council Tax (still in your name)
And then there is your Water Rates £440
What an Utter waste of money
I have a roof over my head but thats all you can say
I just sit in the squalor and hope it wont be for much longer
What anybody wants a house for is beyond my comprehension
I am even going to have to pay an ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION FEE to the Publishing Company for to keep my Book on Amazon but at least I have something to see for my Money and the Sequel will be out soon as we are working on it already.
Oh well I had best get on with another MISERABLE LONELY DAY
I will be in touch 

It was on the 9th April 2011 that we went down to The Royal Quays in North Shields to get you a new watch Battery. You also bought a new watch strap as the old one was so shabby and had been for a long time.
It was a nice young man who served you in the Jewellers and he remembered you even a couple of years later.
The Royal Quays will always be very special to me as we spent our last shopping days there and I dont go as often as I would like to but I want to go this year if I can.
It was hardly woth your buying the strap really as you died in July of that same year but you asked for your watch in the Hospital. I also feel lost without my watch too and the odd thing is both our watches stopped around the same time????
That seems odd that dont you think so. I wish both our hearts had stopped at the same time too but it was not to be.
Part 2 of AN INTERNET FRIENDSHIP will be published later this year and that concludes my AUTOBIOGRAPHY which is what I wanted to write before I died.
Last Saturday I read that Sister Philomena had died so I am losing all my friends one by one (the few I had). I still feel odd knowing she is gone but I shall get used to it I suppose.
I must go now.
I will be back later or soon.
 

Well the rain seems to be going off now so I will force myself to put my clothes on and go out to the shops. I have not been across the doors since last Thursday and I am sick of sitting here on my own. Had the lights not gone off on Friday evening I would not have seen a soul.
I think I will give up on A DIAMOND FOR DANIELLA as it does not mean as much to me as AN INTERNET FRIENDSHIP and I am undecided as to whether to call the Sequel INTERNET ROSES or AN INTERNET FRIENDSHIP 2. However I feel I should publish that as it is written and has been since last August and concludes my Life Story as it was meant as an Autobiography and my Legacy to the World. It was something to leave behind when I die to be remembered for but to be honest nobody really cares one way or the other about my Book and never have really.
I wish I was with you now in HEAVEN but I suppose I will try and suffer until after Sister Nada takes her Final Vows and Father O'Donnell has had his Golden Jubilee next year and as you know I have written a Poem for both occasions. I am never going to manage to write anything good enough to get into WATERSTONES and I must have been mad for ever thinking that I could. I think that Father O'Donnell is still very proud of me despite my failure to do that.
Going out will break the day up and I can only feel better than sitting in yet another day. I am now 61 so my days on this earth will be drawing to a close soon. I will let you know how I get on in due course.