The following were presented at Lillian's Memorial Service by a dear friend of Lillian's, Maari DeSouza, the founder of the school one of Lillians' daughter attends.
“My name is Maari.
It was my pleasure and joy to work at The Child School, the school Lillian’s Daughter Imani attends. One day, sitting in my office at The Child School, Imani shared her love for animals and told me about the mini zoo her parents allowed her to have in their basement. I was intrigued. I am always interested in a child’s family life and this was really special, to find a family that was willing to encourage this love for animals and reptiles, one being an awfully big snake, and house them in their home! And why? Because they were searching for solutions and seeking to understand and support their children. This to me was truly unique.
So when I met Imani’s mom, Lillian, I was ready to learn and I did. She spoke softly. I learned she was a doer. She stepped up to every challenge. She was brave. And most of all, she believed in her children. In the world comprised of mothers like Lillian, children would be believed in, their talents and strengths cultivated, their future envisioned and fought for and no sacrifice would be considered too much, no matter what the child brought to the table. When God called Lillian to travel such a path, he gave her a a special support team. Standing by her, even though at times feeling a little battered, but always allowing Lillian her dreams and hopes, was Lillian’s support, her husband and family. You allowed her to be. How can we not admire and thank you for your courage and love?
One day, Imani walked into my office with a huge gigantic unbelievable bouquet of flowers surrounded by big Hosta leaves. Proudly she said, “From our garden”. Each flower was exquisite. The flowers took my breathe away. You see we also have a garden... well, I use the word garden loosely. We had lots of weeds. A friend once said, a weed is any plant you don’t like. So I solved the problem of weeding by loving all our weeds. Best weed garden in Connecticut? When I discovered Lillian loved her garden, had two green thumbs, I could see a chance for us to have a real garden. Our future garden looked so beautiful, filled with the kind of flowers that were in my bouquet. However as Lillian and I talked over the phone about gardening I knew it was not going to work. You cannot get green thumbs over the phone. So we planned her coming to visit us in Connecticut.
Then one day it was my turn, and when I was hurting...suddenly, out of the blue, there was Lillian, reaching out her hand to touch me. Robert Louis Stevenson says, “A friend is a gift you give yourself.” We met for dinner, she was tired from work, it was a gentle evening. I don’t remember much about what we talked about but for me it was as William Rostler wrote, “How rare and wonderful is that flash of moment when we realize we have discovered a friend.” I went home with a warm feeling, I had discovered a friend.
Lillian was one of a kind. I knew her first as a brave dedicated mother, a business woman, as a gardener, and then, my friend. I never heard a criticism even when she had hoped for more from teachers or circumstances. She was able to see the other side. She never pushed or demanded. She would speak up for the underdog. Softly. Kindly.
Lillian had boundless love. She loved and nurtured her family. She loved her children. She loved gardening and got lost and rejuvinated in her garden and in her country cottage. Her love kept her trying to figure out what it was her children, her husband, her family, her friends needed and that occupied her mind and heart.
Lillian had boundless hope. She believed in her children and saw what could be possible. She made sacrifices. She never gave up. When she discovered her own personal burden and illness she continued to hope. She talked positive, she never cried on my shoulder about it, she faced her illness and did her best to smile.
Lillian was brave. With quiet dignity she dealt with her illness, never complaining, never showing desperation or anger.
Best of all, Lillian was spiritual. Her words to me in an e-mail...God is good, He is kind. Your prayers are powerful. I will be OK.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It is not the length of life but the depth of life.” I am so thankful that Lillian was. I can’t think of her as a light being extinguished, but as a putting out of a lamp because the dawn has come.
As I close I would like to read to you and email that Lillian wrote to me at Christmas a year ago.
“Dear Maari, Your prayers and insights are always welcome. I do believe in being positive and present. I also feel that my life as been a rich, full and generous one. I am feeling OK, started new treatment and have a little more energy. We will spend the next three days at the country cottage and it will be a nice break.”
So Lillian, on behalf of your family and friends I salute you for your courage, your passion and commitment to life. For your nurturing generosity, your patience and understanding, for your spirituality, for your deep devotion to family, for your truth and your uncritical acceptance and love.
On behalf of your family and friends, Lillian, dear friend, I say goodbye.