When we found out i was pregnant i was scared, i mean i was going to be a new mommy to this new person, how could i love this baby ? how could i raise this little person inside me ? all these questions, no answers, but what i did already know was i was going to be the best mom i could be to our baby, months later we found out our baby was going to be a little he. i seen a midwife for my checks on our little linkyn. than one day i couldnt feel him as much i thought he was sleeping cause he got super lazy some days, a few days later i ended up calling my midwife for concerns as i knew he was.. gone. we went to emergency as the intern made his heart bigger to see as she was trying to find it, good news .. they found it, bad news it was mine. they did an ultrasound, as they where searching for his heart, they made that space bigger and i knew he was there but he wasnt. she had to go get her supervisor, to check, she looked at me and i was crying already and she was just like"im sorry, we need to talk about your options." i still had to give birth, i wasnt allowed a c-section which was fine, i didnt want one, i left that night knowing my baby, my son, my child was gone, ill never hear him cry, hold him forever. i went back the 12th to get induced as i try to put myself in labour and he just still didnt want to come out. i went in at 11:30 p.m on the 11th and gave birth to linkyn on the 12th at 11:45 a.m. i wouldnt change it for the world i love him so much, and miss him dearly, he was perfect and is perfect. 
never did i think we would have to plan a memorial service nor did i think i would have to meet with a person from a funeral home to talk about costs and what we wanted to do with our baby, i didnt know all i knew was i wanted him back and i couldnt. 
imglad for the man im with hes been nothing but suportive for me. 
its a long road of loneliness and pain and so much grief that when it hits, it hits like a million and one bricks hit your heart all at one time.
one day at a time is all we can do.