ForeverMissed
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His Life

Remembering Papi

December 3, 2012

 August 13, 2012

The anniversary of Papi's passing was August 9.  I had my last bereavement counselor meeting on August 8.  I will miss my bereavement counselor, her smile and her beautiful, compassionate spirit.  I could not have survived without her.  She became a bereavement counselor because of her father's passing.

I went back to Beacon Place to donate a book "90 minutes in Heaven" in his memory and I laminated the website of Papi's memorial site so others may also know how they can honor their love one as they recover from the stages of grief and start to remember the happy times.  The website was $75.00 and will remain on the internet forever, (i.e. forevermissed.com.)  I also wanted to donate in Papi's memory some of the most beautiful pictures of Christ with his mother Mary, Christ sitting awaiting HIS sentence, Christ carrying the cross for all of our sins, Christ's death and the world darken, HIS tomb with HIS spirit floating above HIM and 2 beautiful pictures of HIS ascension into heaven. 

I thought I was prepared to visit Papi's memorial bricks located in the Beacon Place garden to honor the anniversary of his passing.  I laid a rose between the bricks, one memorial brick from the Vela family to 'Big Lou', and one memorial brick from Michael and me to 'Papi."  As I entered Beacon Place my legs started getting weak and I just completely fell apart as I gave the gifts to the staff at Beacon Place.  The nurse made me a cup of coffee and gave me a box of Kleenex and said to stay as long as I needed.  It took a while to stop crying, but I calmed down as I spoke with a volunteer and the Chaplain.  When I returned home, I could see Michael had been crying so I had to muster up all my strength to comfort him with his grief.  We loved Papi so much and always will.

I am sorry I have not yet finished the titled stories.  I have pictures to add of Eddie's artwork, his only surviving son and there will always be more stories.

It is unbelievable how many people have visited Papi's memorial website, but I thank God that Papi's life has touched so many lives and will continue to do so.

I will always have something to post to Papi's website.  This website will stay on the internet forever.  God bless all who have visited this website and continue to do so. 

I changed the picture above to remind me that Papi is home with God. 

My brother Eddie requested I remove the picture of Papi where he look so sad and ill after my sister Marie and I rescued him from the nursing home where he was mistakenly admitted to the Custodial Care Unit.  He had become too tired and emotional at the get together before he left Kansas City, Kansas to come live with Michael and me in Greensboro, NC until his passing.  Michael had hope we would have a couple of years with Papi, but he had gone through too much and suffered severe post-traumatic stress and the will to live. 

That one fateful day he became angry as to what happened to all of his belonging which held his memories and I told him "I 'm sorry, I didn't know.” It was then that he said, "I might as well just die."  That was the beginning of the end of my Papi's life, the saddest day of my life and Michael's too.

I pray that now only the happy times will now fill my mind and my heart so that I can continue to write about Papi's life and hope his life will inspire other people.  I am thinking of writing a book someday about my Papi's life to illustrate how strong the human soul can be.  God bless.

Kathleen Vela Taggart

Dad's in Heaven Now

August 27, 2011
That Lucky Old Sun (Frankie Lane)

When dad was in Wesley Long Hospital in Greensboro, NC his doctor advised me that dad was dying.  By coincidence a social worker had just asked me if dad wanted to talk with a priest.  I advised her that he spent most of his time left sleeping and his meds had been discontinued and was on morphine IV.  She said she could be contacted at any time and she could arrange for dad to have his last rites and sacraments administered to him.

Dad woke up briefly about 10 minutes later and told me he was dying.  I rushed to contact the social worker.  The nursing staff immediately located her and a priest gave him his last rites and sacraments.  As always, God lead the social worker and priest to dad at exactly the right time.  I have downloaded dad's favorite song by Frankie Lane, "That Lucky Old Sun".  It depicts his life perfectly.

 

Beloved Father

August 24, 2011

Louis Vela, Sr. was born on February 23, 1926 to Rafael and Donesia (Garcia) Vela in Santa Rita, New Mexico. 

Dad told us that three of his siblings died during their childhood in New Mexico.  He said he had one brother that survived.  Dad never talked about his childhood, it was too painful.  He spent much of his childhood as an orphan living in different foster homes until his father's brother and wife, Joe and Vicenta Vela brought dad to live with their family in Kansas City, MO.  Dad considered his cousins Theresa Vela Espinosa and Bertha Vela Molina his sisters and has many fond memories of them.  Dad never spoke about how he became an orphan, only that he spent 35 years looking for his mother, Donesia.  He was resigned he would never find her, but as fate would have it the last phone call he made to relatives told dad where his mother lived.  Dad contacted her and they arrange to meet.  Dad instantly knew the lady was his mother the moment she stepped off the elevator.  Neither had to be told they were mother and son.

Dad told me he went to Wisconsin to make some money picking peaches.  He traveled by bus, he took on his serape, a loaf of bread and a jar of apple butter.  At the end of the trip the bus driver stopped him as he was getting off the bus.  He thought he may have done something wrong; instead the bus driver gave him money that the passengers donated to him.  The bus driver also treated dad to a huge breakfast.  Even unknown passengers recognized dad as a strong young teenager doing what he had to do to survive.

Not much is known about dad's teenage years except that a singing teacher gave him free singing lessons to develop his beautiful voice. He enlisted in the Navy at 17 years old and served during World War II.  Out of all the naval personnel that competed for the position of underwater demolition diver, he was one of three that qualified.  He is a very brave young man.  

I was always amazed at his intelligence as he did not have opportunity of schooling during his childhood and teen years always working to survive.  He told me he loved to read, which was obvious by his extensive knowledge of world history, famous people and places.

Dad married in his early 20's to Mary Lou Rios in Topeka, Kansas.  Their first child did not survive after birth.  Their second child Marie Antoinette Vela was born June 23, 1950, followed by Kathleen Vela born May 25, 1951, Susan Vela born July 4, 1952, and Louis Vela, Jr. born July 4, 1953.  Edward Joseph Vela their last child was born March 16, 1959. 

Dad had to keep adding bedrooms to their home located at 138 Greystone, Kansas City, KS to accommodate his growing family. 

With the help of his lifelong friend Zeke he built his 4 room home with an outhouse into a beautiful 13 room home and garage with sidewalks surrounding the home, gas lights and best of all a permanent gas grill was installed.

Dad was a butcher by trade so we always had ample steaks to throw on the grill.  Dad was a member of UFCW District Union Local Two in Kansas City, MO.

The hardship of marrying so young and having such a large family took its toll on mom and dad.  Sadly, they divorced in the mid-1970s.  Neither of them remarried and remained friends all their lives.  In fact, they both resided at Cross-Lines Retirement Center until they both became incapacitated.  Mom currently lives with her oldest daughter, Marie.

Dad suffered a stroke on the left side of his brain on October 17, 2009 which resulted in aphasia - the inability to use the right words to communicate (the brain thinks it's using the right words) and it also affects the person's ability to understand the English language.  Slowly he did regain the ability to communicate, but if he was in pain, tired, or emotionally stressed, he would revert back to jumbling his words and couldn't understand most of what you were trying to communicate to him.  He told me about 8 months after his stroke, he didn't know exactly what had happened to him.  He just told me "Something bad happened to me".  He was angry with himself he couldn't make himself be understood.  It was strange he couldn't communicate properly in English, but could speak correctly in Spanish and he could also understand if you wrote down what you were trying to communicate to him.  Unfortunately, he couldn't write down what he wanted to tell you.

I went to Kansas City on December 17, 2010 to see dad, he had been admitted to a nursing home again in Johnson County, KS.  When my sister Marie and I walked into his semi-private room we were shocked how cramped the room was.  There was barely enough room to walk around his bed with the curtain drawn to separate him from the other patient.  Dad was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head hanging so low it almost touched his knees.  I never saw such pain, sadness and fear on my dad's face in my whole life as my sister and I saw that day. He said, "If you leave me here, I'll die". I called Michael (my husband) and told him about his living conditions and how scared he was.  I told Michael, dad won't make it two weeks if I leave him here.  Without hesitation he said, "Bring Louie home".  Michael's father passed away when he was 6 years old.  He's finding dad's passing away extremely difficult to accept. Louie was the only father he really knew because dad and I were so close.  I would call him every day and if it was getting late Michael would ask me, "Aren't you going to call Louie?" Michael and I have been married 30 years and he loved dad dearly. Michael did not want him to pass away alone in a custodial care nursing home. He affectionately called him "Papi". 

Dad and I arrived back in Greensboro, NC on Christmas Eve 2010.  Michael and I considered it an honor and a blessing to have dad live with us.  Dad did not speak much for about five weeks, occasionally lifting his head to tell us terrible things that happened to him.  Slowly he eventually began to open up to us and communicate which filled our hearts with total joy.  He loved to watch the History and Discovery channels.  He also greatly enjoyed watching Planet Earth.  Michael purchased all the Andy Griffin seasons which made dad laugh a lot.  We told dad this was his home and he could do anything he wanted to do including smoking his little cigars.  Eat whatever he wanted; dad wasn't a big eater he was used to eating small amounts of food 5 or 6 times a day.  He could sleep as long as he wanted; there were no rules for him to follow which made him very happy.

I noticed dad started to decline around May 23, 2011.  I read up on the phases of dying so I would know what to expect and be able to help dad in any way I could.  Michael also lovingly helped take care of dad. In June dad began sleeping around the clock and didn't want to eat, but we had been giving him chocolate Ensures about 5 or 6 times a day since he came to live with us instead of just chocolate milk which he loved, but I knew it wasn't good for him because of the percentage of fat in milk (even 2% milk) and sugar content in both the milk and chocolate.  Dad also began falling.   He couldn't stand for more than a 1 or 2 minutes.  His legs became too weak and atrophied from being so inactive since his stroke and I could tell that his heart pumping rate was decreasing.  In addition, his A Fib became increasingly out of control and his blood pressure was consistently in the red zone, Stage 2 hypertension due to constant back and neck pain, in addition to the pain in his hip and knees as a result of his falling.  It is definitely true that when someone is hurt and you need to help your body produces a lot of adrenaline.  Through constant prayer, God made it possible for me to take care of dad even though I am disabled with a back injury.  There was 1 or 2 times when dad fell when Michael was not at home.  Dad would always say "No let me try, you're too little."  He was even surprised at the strength I had and it certainly shocked the hell out of me.

Dad's health took a turn for the worst in July 2011 and was hospitalized. His primary care physician and his hospice and palliative care physician in the heart unit at Wesley Long Hospital in Greensboro, NC both diagnosed dad with emotional abandonment issues and post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of being in and out of nursing homes and that had taken too much out of him.  He then advised me that dad's heart was only pumping 25% and his body was starting to shut down.  He asked me if I wanted dad transfered to a hospice facility or return home.  Michael and I chose for him to come home to die so we could be with him when he passed away.  Michael kept holding out hope Papi would get better and it was very hard to tell him, "Miho, he's not going to get better, dad is dying.  He broke down and cried hard for several hours.

Dad returned home and hospice and palliative home health nurses came every week to monitor his condition.

I asked the hospice and palliative home health nurse why he was in so much pain and I was told his inability to communicate right now, his emotional pain was manifesting into physical pain. I had to give him morphine every 4 hours.  He began speaking only in Spanish, his first language, in an effort to be understood.  I spoke more Spanish the last two weeks of his life that seemed to miraculously spill from my mouth from previous years of study of the Spanish language.   Eventually, we were advised his dying process was rapidly increasing and dad was placed in Beacon Place a beautiful small 14-bed hospice facility in Greensboro, NC where he received  loving and compassionate, pain-free care in his final days.   

Louis is survived by his children Marie Robinson, Kathleen Vela Taggart, Susan Prucka, Edward Joseph Vela, his former spouse Mary Lou Vela, 8 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren.  Louis Vela, Jr. passed away on the same day ten years earlier on August 9, 2001.

The family will hold a private memorial rather than his originally funeral plans for a public memorial service due to handicap mobility disabilities of his ex-wife Mary Lou Vela, his children Marie Robinson, Kathleen Vela Taggart and Edward Joseph Vela.  

Memorial bricks have been purchased.  They will be blessed and placed permanently in the ground at Beacon Place in the next couple of months.

         IN LOVING MEMORY OF

         LOUIS VELA "PAPI"

         MICHAEL & KATHLEEN

 

          BELOVED FATHER

         "BIG LOU" LOUIS VELA

          FROM HIS FAMILY

Memorials are requested to be made to Beacon Place, 2502 Summit Ave, Greensboro, NC 27405 in honor of his life and the entire staff's dedication to serving the dying with respect, dignity, love and compassion.

Inurnment will be at Maple Hill Cemetery, 3300 Shawnee Dr., Kansas City, Kansas, 913-831-3345.  Louis' urn is already placed in his niche, although his name, his birth date and day of death will not be engraved for several months.  You may contact Maple Hill Funeral Home for the location of his niche. 

 

 

 

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