My life-long friendship with Margie began when we were barely out of our teens. The time was September 1965. We both applied for positions as resident dormitory counselors during our junior years at University of Oregon. We were hired and placed as co-counselors in Hale Kane, the oldest (and best) women’s dorm on campus. In these years the dormitory rules were very different than today. For example, girls had to be in their rooms on weeknights by 10:00 pm—lights out at 11:00 pm. Absentees were grounded for the weekend and could not leave the dorm (meaning, of course, that one of us was grounded with the offender). We were to make the rounds each school night at 11:00 pm with flashlights to check that everyone was in their beds and report to the dormitory authorities if anyone was missing. (I do not lie.) The double standard was alive and well, as boys were free to roam about as they willed. Margie and I often “bent” the rules to accommodate the individual needs of our young charges as we listened to the stories of the freshman girls assigned to our dorm. Only occasionally did we walk the halls with our flashlights. We mostly carried out our duties “on the honor” basis. Our best work was listening to young girls who were struggling with their studies, boyfriends and lives in general. We were good listeners.
Margie and I soon discovered a common thread that was running through our lives as we began to question many of the inherited “truths” that had been so central to our childhoods. Oh, the many hours we spent in the Hale Kane study rooms in search of life’s purpose, our values, what we cared about and how we wanted our lives to unfold. These were times charged with the energy of the civil rights struggle and the first stirrings of the women’s rights movement—all had its influence upon our young minds & hearts and helped shape our lives and career choices.
Margie had an old Ford that took us on many adventures. One lovely memory is the morning that we both cut classes and headed to the coast. The day was heavy with fog, but we were sure that sunshine could be found just over the coast range. We turned on the radio full blast and sang along to the folk tunes of the time... “the answers to all our questions were blowing in the wind.” True to our imaginations the sun broke through just as we crossed the range and headed to Honeyman State Park. We spent the day running up and down the sand hills, basking in the sun and jumping into lake water. Seems we had the whole place to ourselves.
Years would go by when we had little or no contact, but then we would reconnect and spend hours telling our stories of family, work, new interests, travel experiences, books we were reading and how we were spending our time. We both knew the joys and struggles of each other’s families, siblings, nieces & nephews and the new generation of young ones. People we may never have met but who were central to each other’s lives and thus held important roles in shaping our own lives and stories.
I will deeply miss our rich conversations that began so many years ago during the college years. Margie’s been the friend who never disappoints, is always there during important times with a sense of wit and humor that always puts things in perspective. Thank you, Margie, dearest of friends. I hold you in my heart.
With love, Judy Graves
