I didn't know what to say yesterday. I don't really know what to say today, except that I miss you and wish every day that life had not led to that fateful moment 8 years ago. It's very touching to see your friends posting here still, and I know that we can all take solace in the fact that our lives are better for having known you and shared our lives with you. We will see you again when God calls the rest of us home.

This day always is heavy in my heart. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of you or laugh because of a memory. This past weekend I even asked myself what you would think about Dylan, or even what you would think about me wanting to work with monster trucks. You are never far from my heart or thoughts, and I always tell Dylan that you guys would have loved each other, you both are goofballs but have the biggest hearts. I found myself thinking this past week that if you were still here, what would you be doing in life? What would you have already accomplished and what would still be on your bucket list? Because whatever you set your mind on you accomplished and I always admired and loved that about you. I wish I had one more chance to tell you just how much you meant and still mean to me.

I cannot believe that it has been 8 years since we last spoke... I miss your laugh, your smile, your voice and your endless jokes, but what I miss most of all is your hugs. I find myself having bad days and all I can think about is how much one of your hugs would cheer me up. You will forever be my guardian angel and I will never stop talking about you, missing you, and of course I will never stop loving you.

Today I fill myself with as much positivity as I can because of you. You lit up every room you walked into, and your laugh was contagious. You never liked it when you knew someone was upset around you and you would do whatever you could to cheer them up, so I will instead today remember the good times. The memories we have I will cherish forever, and I know that someday maybe I will get to see you again.

Even though today is a tough day, I'm doing my best to keep your spirit alive by being a positive force in this world and especially today. Because I can achieve this, I know you're not ever really gone.

I love you brother, and your spirit is with me often, reminding me of courage and care. Time passes quickly at some moments, and others it drags on here. Your good heart has touched the lives of many, and no matter how quickly the time is passing or has passed, something about you is eternal and is still with us all.

Gathering stones this past summer for the garden being made for you was a labor of love. I thought of how much you would have enjoyed that activity, seeing it as a challenge and probably trying to race me down and back up to the beach with heavy packs of rocks.

I don't often have a lot to say when it comes to loss. Sometimes I wish I knew more, or that we had a chance to more fully reconnect as we were starting to. But regardless, I have not forgotten your spirit nor your message and I know that many others are also here remembering you too.

May you and we be at peace.

Carrying on your spirit, happiness, and hopefullness as each year passes on my friend. I am so blessed to have had someone like you in my life. You gave me so much strength and still do to this day. You were a great friend, I only hope to be there for others the way you were for me, you really showed me what Jesus love felt like. I'm happy to pass that on to others.

We are grateful for the time we had with you and wish that it could have been much longer. Each day of your absence is a reminder of how precious life is, and how important it is that we share our love with each other. We know one day we will be reunited. God bless you Matthew and keep you till that time comes.

Uncle David & Aunt Catherine

I carry you with me today. Always remembering and never forgetting you

Growing up.... Well, let's just say for some of us it seemed impossible. For Matt, it seemed like an adventurous misson into the world. Matt, you always had a smile on your face that was so darn contagious I would look for your familiar face on an especially heavy day. You just knew... You knew how hard it was and you still had that smile on your face. I know I can thank pretty much all of that happiness to you're closest friends at the time, and mostly Lizzy.
Today has felt so weird, and I miss you especially so much today. Going over this website, seeing everyone's messeges.. I couldn't imagine who you'd be today and what you'd be doing. Through all this covid? Ugh. Our society is fighting so hard just for our rights and I know you'd never stand for any of it. I'm honestly so glad you aren't here to be burdened with the loss and change of our entire world.

As the years go by, missing you just doesn't get easier. I always knew you were a huge reason in why I was even able to get through my time at Silverton highschool, but each year that we gain without you seems to bring more tears everytime I talk about you and what you did for me. And that you can't see today what youve done to help so many others by just being yourself.

I was battling with many of the common things that anxiety riddled teens struggle with, specifically in highschool, but I was also forced to live three different lives by growing up and participating in the closed off church community, and then going home to a set of 7 younger siblings to take care of while my dad worked to provide for us, and then going to school where I was more than welcomed by you with open arms for a hug every day I saw you. No questions, nothing. You just knew every single time even when I didnt. As If you just knew life was going to be too short.

I ended up leaving silverton school to do online school, never realizing that last hug I got from you was the last time I'd ever see you. I never understood why you hugged me no questions asked, and I never understood why it meant so much to me. Thinking back now? You saved my life and still do to this day. You showed me hope when I was so sure there was none in a world so dark, and was heavily struggling with the descision of taking my own life. I think about you and the power of your vibration every time I think about why I'm fighting for my life because a few months after your passing, I decided to give up but it wasn't my time to go. It got so dark especially knowing that your light had been blown out.. I couldn't take it anymore.

I felt so guilty for trying. You could see my pain every day and you understood and spoke to me without even speaking, how could I go on knowing the world was just that much darker now?
You made such an impact on me that your energy and vibration of those hugs are so greatly remembered it brings me to tears and encourages me to fight considering I've been fighting for my health ever since my attempt.

You showed me what it's like to fight against feelings and emotions when we were young kids when not a single person had before.. nobody knew how. You helped me build a foundation for myself to carry myself through impossible moments, and showed me how to be there for other people too.

You are a huge reason why I am who I am today, and that's silly to say off the not so close relationship we had, but without having conversations you understood and knew me more than so many did, and more than alot of people were willing to understand. Possibly because you shared the same pain. I was a confusing person having lived the way I did.. I was confused myself but that didn't phase you.

Im happy this website is here so that I can see the life Matthew breathed into every one of you when he was here, and even more so when he's not. Showing us to really take life by the reins and go after what you believe in, and be the person you are meant to be, truly. Especially as we all grow older and start our own families. In which I'd only hope he would have by now if he were here too.

Our world really misses you my friend. 

6 years good God where does the time go. Some days I think man it was like yesterday you and I were goofing around on the farm, and then so.e days it feels like a lifetime ago. I miss you little brother you're never far from my thoughts I love you bud I miss getting to spend time with you and Ryder, all of us working together.

Your Aunt Cath and I look at your picture every day on our way to bed, and your ashes have a cherished spot on our mantle. All losses temper with time, but yours will be a sharp reminder till the end of our days that life is frequently filled with deep sorrow. We miss you greatly and are only consoled by the knowledge that you reside with the angels and that we will meet again someday.

6 years, it sure doesn't seem like it. We are all growing up, getting married, having babies, and yet a piece of my heart still seems like it's missing. I hope you know I always talk about you and how important you were to me. Your smile and love radiated and always made everyone around you happy. Your witty jokes were such a highlight of high school. Thank you for being with me always I miss you so much Matt

It’s strange to see our class grow older without you. I hope that wherever you are, you know that you’re with all of us every step of the way. Also, the kids at my work say hi to you. Miss you buddy ❤️

I was thinking about you all day yesterday. Your Aunt Cath and I miss you every day, but another lost birthday is a poignant reminder of how much you meant to us all. Please continue to look over us from heaven. We will see you in the end.

Happy Birthday Matthew <3 I miss you.

Matthew, five years has never felt so long, yet so short at the same time. I realized recently that you and our memories are in a completely different era than now. That's how time works, obviously, but the world was so vastly different five years ago. It's weird to think about the fact that you will always be 16 to me.

I wish so much that you were here to cheer me on and be absolutely stupid with me. I wish that we had the opportunity to take spontaneous beach trips, or that maybe I could have convinced you to come back to band. I wish you got to meet John (and possibly beat him up for being stupid), and, as stupid as it sounds, that you got to play Fortnite. I feel like we would have kicked some royal ass together. Luckily my memory of you is so alive and vivid that I have some idea of what any of it might've been like.

Anyway, Theresa, Ricki and I spent the day with Mom and Amy, and I hope you know that they are so loved, and are being taken care of.

I love you. See you soon.

Not a day in the past 5 years has gone by that I haven't thought about you. But the nice thing is that before it was painful to think of you, now it brings me joy to talk about you and everything you did for me. I wish you could be here and meet Dylan, because man would you two be friends. I think you would have questioned him a million times to make sure he was right for me because that's who you were. I miss you everyday and I love you so so much Matthew. Thank you for being my guardian angel❤

I cannot believe it has been 5 years since Matthew's tragic death. I miss him every day, and with my father having passed away on 3/14/2020, it's even more poignant. I know they are both in heaven, probably with my Dad laughing at some crazy thing Matthew's doing, but I miss them both terribly. Matthew, you were taken much too early, and we are all have a great hole in our hearts from your absence.

I love you with all my heart and soul, and look forward to the day when we are reunited.

I can't believe it's been 5 years without your laughs and caring heart with us. Since it's been 4 years since our class graduated, I can't help but to think about where you would be today. I would love to tell you all about my time at UO (I mean you would really just wanna hear about the football part lol) and I would love to know what you had been up to. Oh also I got my fiance hooked into Supernatural. I remember you were so stoked about my Castiel costume during halloween our freshman year. You have been and will be forever in my heart

It's crazy to think you'd be 21 this year. Happy belated birthday. I couldn't bring myself to come to this site on your birthday. And I'm sorry for that.

You were such a bright and fun person to be around. With an intoxicating laugh that would get everyone around you cackling.

I miss those days, when we would just sit and talk waiting for the bus. Good and bad days, you were always there to listen. And I know that you are still listening, and watching everyone.

Love you always Buddy
-Spiffany

I am trying SO hard to move on with my life Matthew, I know you'd be proud of the effort. As much as I love your crazy antics and Gangham Style dancing, I am still unable to get through the various memorial tribute clips that were put together by your sister, Uncle David, and numerous high school friends without completely losing it, reminding me of the depth of the pain I carry around with me each and every day. I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing it because let's face it, nobody wants to be around someone who is crying all the time and being alone for me is simply a bad idea. I'm trying to be super strong on days like today, your 21st birthday (I shudder to think of the trouble you'd be getting in today because I very much remember mine!). I would have loved to be making you a cake today, struggling over the ridiculously complicated designs you used to have me do, all the while listening to you ham it up with your friends outside and eating a crazy amount of food. I miss our nightly talks more than words can describe, something you and I did since you could form words although *NEWSFLASH* Mom knew a lot of those "talks" when you were little were just ways you could delay your bedtime (wink). I remember with utmost clarity the long talk we had the night before you were killed, how we were talking about God and how upset you were that countries were refusing to help Syrian refugees fleeing their war torn country. We had an amazing relationship and I know I should feel grateful for that more often than I feel so empty at losing it so soon. More than anything right now, I'd like to be able to give you a HUGE hug & kiss, tell you how much I love you (more than Twaka for sure), and wish you a Happy 21st Birthday before lecturing you Ad nauseam about celebrating SAFELY!

Happy 21st Birthday, Matthew!  It's not hard to imagine how much fun you would have been to be around on your 21st birthday.  We all miss your sense of humor and your zest for life. I hope you are whooping it up in heaven.

Happy 21st birthday!! How is that possible sweet boy, where does time go especially when you are so sorely missed by many as you are...I know you are doing your funny voices and making everyone in heaven laugh! You brought so much joy to our family, we will never forget you.

It has been 4 years but it feels like yesterday. I know you are living your best life up in heaven, there is not a day that goes by when you arent in my head. I will see you in another life Matthew, I love you and miss you every day.

Matthew, I didn't know you very well but your friendship meant so very much to my Jocelyn. You just brought a little something extra to her life and I so appreciated that. I remember one evening she came and asked if she could go drifting with you - I didn't even know what that was! I was a little nervous, but said ok. I am so sad that little adventure didn't happen. I think of you often, you are missed by so many.

I just can't believe it's been so long without you. Ever since moving to Eugene and becoming a duck, I've just been thinking about you. I have the ribbon with you and mom on it hanging on my white board and I have the duck snuggie you were totally flipping over that mom gave me last year. I even got that duck beanie you snatched off my head and wore all day that one time freshman year! It's just the little things that remind me that you are still here. I wish more than anything I could visit your memorial like I have every year but living so far away has stopped me from doing so. I hope that for every year in the future I will be able to. That's always been my plan. Love you and miss you buddy

Matthew!! My sweet funny boy! Can’t believe it’s been 4yrs,. You’ll never be forgotten! Your memory, laugh, and beautiful spirit lives on! We still have your picture on our wall where it will always stay! You’re cracking everyone up in heaven! I hope there’s Taco Bell for you up there!
Love to Karyn and Amy!! I know will see ya up there my dear Matthew! You’re missed always!
❤️’

I can’t believe it’s been four years, I miss you so so much and know that even though it hurts, everything will be fine.

I miss you every single day. I see the signs you send me saying that you're ok, and they remind me I'll be ok. Miss and love you forever.

Hey Matt. Its 2/7/20 and im still missing you. It breaks my heart everytime I see a photo of you, knowing that I can't hear you laugh, or crack jokes, so just see your smiling face again. I remember that you were the first person that's death really hit me. The only other time that had happened was five years before when my dad died. I remember that the day we all came back after finding out you were gone I was in the hall of silverton high school and i had to wait for a lot of student to walk by. And in the huge crouded lines of students only one face caught my eye. I saw you Matt. I know I couldn't have been you, but I know it was you. You knew that we all needed you that day and you came down from Heaven to be with us. You were there through it all Matt. Yes you are in Heaven now, but you never really left. You were at every dance, every football game, every pep-rally. You were there at Graduation. You... And Sarah. You two were holding hands standing in the ile where we walked. You were always there. You stood there and watched your family walk across that stage. You and Sarah stood there and saw how much your family at SHS has grown. Holding yellow and orange colored roses just for you and Sarah. You never left Matt. You are still with all of us. Your Mom of course. But now matter what, whether the class of 2017 is in SHS or not, your spirit lives on in SHS and it will never leaves. a piece of SHS broke that day. it's heart broke. and there is no one in this world that can take your place in Silverton's heart. We love you and miss you greatly. Save me a hug up in Heaven for me.

I can't help but wonder what you would have looked like today as you left your teenage years behind you like you should have. Time is supposed to at least give you the opportunity to learn to live with such a tragic loss but I'm afraid I'm failing at this sweetie. I still miss you every second of every day and as hard as I try not to fixate on your absence, I find my sub-conscience betraying me at every turn. I love you so much and miss you even more if that's at all possible.

My Godson should have turned 20 today. I know that somewhere he's celebrating the day, but not being able to share that with him will hurt forever. Aunt Cath and I think of you every day and miss you so much. Thank you for sharing your life with us, even though it was far too short. May all your friends and family take strength in your memory and the shelter of your undying love.

It's weird to think it's already been three years. Even if some days it feels like forever ago, some days it feels like only yesterday. You've changed the world for the better and all you loved and all who loved you will never forget your kind heart and free spirit. Even though you have parted, we will always love you until the end of our days. Love you always <3

Today Mark's the start of another year without you. Not a day goes by that I dont miss you and think about you. How you never failed to make me smile and your contagious laugh and goofiness. I miss your laugh and your daily hugs. I was so blessed to have you in my life and am grateful to have you as a guardian angel.
My heart aches a little more on this day. I love you so much Matt and I miss you more every single day. I hope heaven is treating you well because you deserve the best.

Merry Christmas Matthew. Almost 2019, which is crazy in its own way. Time is a weird thing, in one moment it can seem like it's been years and years since you were here and then it can also seem like it was last week. I can only imagine where you would be tonight and how you would be celebrating the start of this next year. I think of you often and will always remember you. Here's to a new year

Hey you, I miss you. I can’t even explain it in words. I find myself on this site.. never sure how I get here. Just looking through pictures. Watching videos just to hear your voice again. I wish you were here. I miss you. I miss your hugs. I can’t wait for the day I get to see you again..

Our Matthew!! Love you and miss you honey!! Your loud laugh so innocent and contagious! I know you're looking over your mom and sister from Heaven! You'll never be forgotten our dear Matthew!!

Hey bud.

Its been two years now, but it feels like forever. I miss you every day, and every time I pass your fountain in the garden at school, I wave and say hi to you. I hope you can hear me.

Sometimes I’ll even sit down and tell you about stuff, how my life is going, how the world is doing. I find comfort in still being able to tell you this stuff, cause I know it was important to you too. I always picture you sitting at our morning lunch table, with your head propped on your hands, listening and nodding, like a teenage girl who loves gossip.

Dork.

I’m reminded of you constantly, whether it be a flag, a random white Ford pickup, a cold and clear night sky, or even the sound of a saxophone sometimes. You always come to mind, and it’s a feeling of happiness and love, because that’s what you were.

The love you gave to everyone, the pure happiness you radiated wherever you went, is eternally in my heart. I never got the chance to thank you for being unconditionally supportive and loving, even when freshman me was totally treating you like you didn’t deserve. You were always so forgiving, and by my side through all the drama, and your hugs made me feel okay again. Every time. I used to call it your “skinny kid magic.”

In the end, I just want you to know that I love you so much, and I can’t wait until I can have those stupid arguments over NFL teams and car brands with you again. I hope Heaven is treating you well, guardian angel ❤️.

All the love, Kenz (aka, “Kid”)

Matthew, I miss you every day, but today even more than usual because I cannot believe that we have had to live without you for 2 years. Time heals all wounds, but I suspect that I will not have enough time on this planet for this wound to fully heal. And even should the wound heal, there will be a scar to remind me always of what was lost.

Please continue to watch over us and help guide us to a peace grounded in a thankfulness for being granted some time with you and a knowledge that you are in a better place.

We will love you always.

- Uncle David

I found myself on this site tonight. Not really sure how I got here but I did.. I love and miss you kid. Hope heaven is "lit". Love you lots hun <3

Oh how I miss you. You are my best friend and brother.

Matthew was one of those people who lived his life to the fullest. Spreading love and laughter everywhere he went. This quote describes how I feel Matthew lived his life. Full of love and laughter. Happy 18th Birthday Matthew. I hope your having the most amazing party ever.

"Do not pity the dead Harry, pity the living and above all those who live without love." ~ Albus Dumbledore

Matthew, I think of you often. You would have been 18 today, graduated and ready to set out for the future. Your future would have been bright. I do not understand why your days on earth were cut so tragically short, but I am thankful for the opportunity to have known you and for the friendship I now have with your mom and sister. Your death has made me appreciate each day with my family and friends more.

I wish I could wish you a happy 18th birthday in person. I will miss you always, especially with each reminder of lost opportunities. I hope you that my each and every action does honor to your memory.

Love,
Uncle David

This is a poem I came across today and I though both of Matthew and of you, Karen. Love you both.

I Lost My Child Today

I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
as I just sat and stared, dry eyed
They struggled to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away
I walked the floor in disbelief
I lost my child today.

I lost my child last month
Most of the people went away
Some still call and some still stay
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't be real, I want to scream
Yet everything is locked inside
God, help me, I want to die
I lost my child last month.

I lost my child last year
Now people who had came, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside
And now my friends just question Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.

Time has not moved on for me
The numbness it has disappeared
My eyes have now cried many tears
I see the look upon your face
"She must move on and leave this place"
Yet I am trapped right here in time
The song’s the same, as is the rhyme
I lost my child.........today

--Netta Wilson, written in memory of her daughter Caprice Cara Wilson, who was killed in an auto accident (December 2, 1968 - November 20, 1994). Printed in the newsletter of The Compassionate Friends, Atlanta, May-June 2001

Remember that day in wrestling practice when you and me went at it. That day i beat you on the mat but i always thought you would beat me in a much bigger stage. I always thought you would win in life. What am i to say other than i lost a brother. We became so close and i feel like it is selfish on my part to say that you left me hanging but it hurts to know that you are gone. For many you will become a distant memory for many but to me you will always be constant loud ring to be the best that i can be in life. i wish you were here so you and me could complete one more year of wrestling like you wanted. i wish you the best of luck wherever you may be. Don't forget to save me a spot for when i come for a visit okay.

Thinking of you, today, Matthew. You are in so many hearts, always...love, love to you.

Matthew always had a spot in my heart, one place just for him. That place is not empty, it is glowing because of how much life he had in him, and how happy he must be looking down on all of us joining together and laughing at the good times on his Golden birthday. When I was attending school with him, I always thought about how any one of my fellow friends could be taken at any moment.. and I imagined how much hurt I would feel the moment I knew they passed. When Matthew was taken from this earth, the pain was so severe, I could not breathe, I cried for days, I never imagined It would hurt that much. There isn't a day where I don't think about that amazing young man, he affected everyone around him in the most amazing ways. He was committed, true, loyal, respectful, considerate, and he was a hero. I can't wait to join Matthew in Heaven and celebrate together for eternity. God gave us this gift, showed us the good in people, and how one person could impact others life so much. I love you, Matthew, there won't be a day I forget your name, there won't be a year I forget your birthday, and there won't be a lifetime I forget how much you impacted my life growing up.

Our darling, funny, handsome Matthew.. I know you're celebrating your 17th Birthday in Heaven with Taco Bell right now!!! It seems so unbelievable that you are truly not present in our lives.But always present in our hearts, with beautiful memories with cousins in Fresno. We will always treasure that amazing spirit of yours and Never forget your smile and loud funny sense of humor. We will of course hang out again in Heaven some day, oh what fun that will surely be. You are LOVED so much by many special people. The stories shared at your service, on this site and so many other places are a true testament of how very special of a young man you truly were. We will carry on just like the song says until we see you again, hanging tight to the touching memories we created with you. Matthew your Fresno Family loves and misses you... and Karyn and Amy, Fresno is home for you anytime!!
Sending you California LOVE and HUGS!

Happy Birthday Matthew, I know you are in heaven celebrating loud and proud to be an American! We miss you dearly and honor today of what an amazing young man you were and how you touched our family, the friendship and love you shared with Alex & Austin will always be cherished, and the impression you left of us as parents will never be forgotten. I have posted new photos here today, oh, how you touched our hearts! You will forever be a part of us. Celebrate in heaven, your rainbow is never far away.

Matthew - when I felt you flutter for the very first time that cold January morning in 1999, I laid my hands on my swollen belly and I promised you that I would protect you from harm and love you unconditionally until I drew my last breath.

I never considered for a moment that you would take your last breath before I did - and I suspect it is you now that will be protecting me and Amy from harm.

You loved those you cared about generously, completely, unfailingly. As a son, a mother couldn't have been more proud of the fine young man you had become than I am of you - and I couldn't have asked for, nor wished for, a better relationship in my life than the one we shared. We had it all, you and I, and while I can't imagine living any one of my remaining days on this planet without you, that is exactly what God has tasked me to do. How I will do this is beyond comprehension.

I love you more than life itself Matthew, and I miss tremendously everything about you, every second of every day - your thunderous footsteps around the house, your loud voice, your laughter, your smile, your endless jokes/joking around, your amazing accents (Scottish was my favorite!), your height, your intelligence, your compassion, your understanding, and the incredible depth of your unconditional love. You simply were a truly amazing human being, impacting and touching more people's lives in your seventeen years than most people do in their entire lifetime.

I was truly blessed to be a part of the gift that you were to the world in the all too short time you were here - and I love you to "twaka" infinity and beyond.

With all the love a mother could possibly give, Mom