What would i give up?

For a minute, a day or a week,

I would give whatever it took,

To feel your hand upon my cheek.

To see your beautiful eyes,

Your captivating smile,

How far would i walk?

Mile after mile after mile.

To hear your laugh once again,

I would walk over glass barefeet,

Just to see you for a second more,

Wouldn't that be a christmas treat?

To spend one more day with you,

I'd give up the rest of my life,

But only if i was sure

It would mean eternity with you, my wife...

Can there be anything more?

Is there anything after?

Will the tears stop falling?

Will there ever be laughter?

When will i laugh?

Laugh once again,

When will there be

And end to this pain?

Will the pain end?

It will! let me tell,

It will end the day

I'm reunited with 'Chelle.

I love you Michelle,

With all of my heart,

And because of that love,

We'll ne'er be apart.

Some people say "get a grip"

Others say "get a life",

Occasionally it's "snap out of it"

The commentary is rife.

I hope you never get to be,

Inside this head of mine,

But if you do, you'll understand,

This path is not a straight line.

I do my best to walk it straight,

But then i come across a bend,

I turn around the corner,

But this turn never seems to end.

When i think i see the light,

I have a mistaken belief,

That finally i've come,

To the end of the tunnel of grief.

One day i'll come out of the darkness,

From the depths of despair that i've known,

And once again i'll enjoy my life,

In company and.....on my own.

You don't know lonely,...

Until you lose your life's love....

You don't know the meaning of the word....

And there is no-one above,....

To help with your misery,...

To massage your heart,...

To help with the pain...

When you're forever apart....

When there's no hope for the future,...

When there's no looking forward,...

How can you move on?...

Without light to go toward....

Can there ever be light...

For me to chase down?....

Can there ever be a reason....

For me to give up this frown?....

Will i ever be happy....

As i was once before?....

Can i laugh once again....

Without it being a chore?....

This verse may be sad....

But it's just how i feel,....

I'm not superman,....

I'm not man of steel.....

:1000 days has now gone by.....

I can't believe how time does fly.....

1000 days without you here....

Each of those days i've shed a tear.....

1000 days without you, my wife,....

I've tried to move on with my life,....

It matters not how many tears i shed,....

I'll never let you out of my head.....

You're firmly embedded into my heart,....

Because of that we'll never part,....

Forever in my life you'll be,....

It will always be Michelle and Lee.....

When i looked into your eyes You took my breath away 

 What happened next was fate I was helpless to resist 

I asked you for a date You said "yes" to my suggested tryst 

 I knew right then and there We were meant to be together 

We were meant to be a pair Forever and forever. 

 So we will be together Even though you're no longer here 

Forever and ever and ever Year after year after year.

The outside world has been a haze,
As i try to fill my empty days
With pointless jobs and finding things to do.

Do i clean the house or wash the car?,
Go down the pub and have a jar?
My mind's a blank, i don't know what to do!

Shall i go here, shall i go there?
Shall i just curl up on my chair?
Turn on the box and just watch daytime telly,

Go down the shops to buy my grub,
Or another day down at the pub?
A guinness or two, to swill around my belly.

I can't keep drinking every day,
I can hear it now, some friends will say
"you really need to slow down on the boozing"

"The drinking, it won't make it right,
And getting drunk night after night
Will ensure that it's your mind that you'll be losing"

I don't care what people say,
As i try to fill my empty day
I'll do what i want, when i want, with ease.

So If you think, my life i'm ruining,
That i don't know what i'm doing
Think again, i'll have another Guinness please!

Today i have a broken heart,
Tomorrow will be the same,
Next week, next month, a year from now,
I will forever feel this pain.

I'll never forget your smiling eyes,
They were so full of fun,
Your smile lit up every room
With the power of the sun.

The 16 years you have given me,
Your body and your soul,
Will stay with me forever,
Michelle, you made me whole.

Everytime i think of you,
The tears stream down my face,
There can never be another,
No-one can ever take your place.

My wife, my friend, my everything,
You made my life sublime,
I'm thankful that we got to say,
"i love you" one last time.

Sleep tight Michelle, my angel,
We will never be apart,
My love for you will never fade,
You're forever in my heart.

Life was perfect when we were two,
Together, forever, me with you,
But now i'm one, we are apart,
But the love remains within my heart.

My heart, it's broken, torn in two,
The tears they come whilst i mourn for you,
The mourning that will never cease,
But with time i'm told, will surely ease.

I hope, my love you are at rest,
The memory of you, as some suggest,
Will live on and on for all our days,
Your smile clearly seen in sunshine rays.

Millhouse, HaHa, Chiquitos three,
You touched so many, not just me,
Their hearts too, broken, that is true,
The tears will come, remembering you.

We'll all move on but will never forget,
We'll stand together and we'll let
The memories you gave us to keep
Creep into our dreams while we sleep.

 Dont cry for me my love,
for i am here, beside you all the way  
Dont cry for me my love,
we had it all, and will again someday  

So live for tomorrow dont pray for the past  
The love that we shared, forever will last,..........................Dont cry,

   Dont cry for me my love,
remember our love, and all of the times we have shared   
Dont cry for me my love,
you are my world, two people who truly cared.   

So live for tomorror dont pray for the past   
The love that we shared, forever will last,.........................Dont cry,

  Dont cry for me my love,
cos i am their, forever to be waiting by your side   
Dont cry for me my love,
for i am in the smile, of every smiling  face that passes by   

So live for tomorrow dont pray for the past   
The love that we shared, forever will last,..........................,Dont cry,

   Dont cry for me my love,
for i am waiting here, beside you every step of the way   
Dont cry for me my love,
as you kiss and say goodbye until we meet,  once again   

So live for tomorrow dont pray for the past   
The love that we shared, forever will last,......................... Dont cry my love,

I used to sleep on the right,
Michelle was on the left,
Now i lay straight down the middle,
This bed is so bereft.

Her clothes still lie upon the quilt,
I can smell her as i weep,
Her pyjama top i hold so close,
I cry myself to sleep.

When i stir i turn to her,
Just to say "good morrow"
But then i wake and realise,
My heart so full of sorrow.

So i get up and fold her clothes,
But it really is a strain,
To face another day, alone,
Clinging to sanity once again.

He overdosed, shot himself,
They found him hanging from a tree,
These are things you'll never hear
Others saying about me.

Yes i'm low, it hurts like hell,
Can the pain get any worse?
But i'll not do anything daft,
That's the meaning of this verse.

So stop your worrying, do not fret,
I need you to believe,
I'll be ok, you know thats true,
This writing helps me grieve.

I've lost control,
lost my mind,
Cuckoo, gaga, cracked,
Don't know whether i'm coming or going,
My bricks aren't fully stacked.
I'm off the rails, out of kilter,
My brain is really slack,
am i here or am i there?
I'm a bottle short of a six pack.
Am i sane or am i not?
My mental state is in doubt,
Sitting here wondering whether
I've just come in or am i on the way out?
I'm watching TV, it's just a noise,
Can't make tail nor head,
The shows, they just blend into one,
About time i went to bed.
But when i'm there i cannot sleep,
Without a pill to help, you see
My mind just whirrs around and round,
'Cause Michelle's not here beside me.

Life stinks,
But memories can make it smell of Roses,
Don't ever forget the good times
And all that life will be able to do
Is throw those nice smells up your noses.
If you forget your past
And bowl down future lane,
You may seem happier for a while
But by not dealing with it now
You are just masking all your pain.
So Remember, Remember
The times you enjoyed together
Then a smile and a laugh
Which is lost to you right now
Will return to your life forever.
So does life stink for you?
If not, you've got it right,
You're remembering all those good times had
And then you'll sleep easily tonight.

Enjoy each second and every minute
Days and months and years,
And pray that it will last forever
So there can be no tears.
Don't row, ruck or ever fallout
Just agree to disagree,
Do this and you'll be surprised
Just how easy life will be.
Tell her you love her, tell him right back
Every day without hesitation,
Do this i promise, no word of a lie,
You're life will be pure elation.
When the time comes to say goodbye
If you've lived how i've suggested,
The love in your heart will never die
And your time, well invested.

I knew it when i knelt down
I knew it when i stood
I knew that there was no-one there
And it wouldn"t do any good
I knelt down and prayed one day
I cried and shook my fist
I swore i would do anything
God DOESN'T fucking exist
If you think i'm out of order
I don't really care
I tell you now, from experience
There's no-one fucking there.

If you know that you know how i feel
I feel for you, you know!
Because you know how i feel for you now
And i know that you know that i know.
If you know what's going on in my mind
If you think you can get into my head
Can someone explain to me how
To get rid of these feelings of dread.
I've never felt more alone than
Right now as i write down this rhyme
But i know that you know that tomorrow
I'll move on, one step at a time.

I've slept here, i've slept there
I've slept just about everywhere,
I'm lying here upon my bed
With these thoughts running through my head,
One thought there another one back,
I've turned into an insomniac.

The service, that went very well,
We celebrated long,
We shared our memories of Michelle,
We drank and sung a song.
Pink fizz flowed for hours and hours
Gin and tonics too,
Bacardi, jack and apple sours,
I had one or two.
I was well behaved, for a while,
I laughed until i cried,
So many memories made me smile,
And i felt her by my side.
My hand was shook, my shoulders hugged,
My cheeks were kissed for hours,
The strings of my heart, they were tugged,
Another round of apple sours!
Thanks everyone for being there,
I'll remember it forever,
The memories and love we share
For Michelle we share together.

I was there, in hammersmith
When i heard the doctor say,
"I'm afraid we couldn't save her life, Michelle has passed away"
I'm haunted by those words he said,
I hear them every night,
I'll never see her smile again, She finally lost the fight.
I said goodbye, I kissed her face,
I said "i love you forevermore"
I left the room and stood alone
There was silence as i closed the door.
To fill a void that silence brings,
I shout out with all my might,
It doesn't work, it never will,
The silence gets louder every night.

I love you today,
I'll love you tomorrow,
I'll love you for the rest of my life.
I loved you last week,
And i loved you last year
And the day you became my wife.
For 16 years we loved each other
And now you are no longer here
I wish i had told you every day,
Every week, every month, every year.
You look at me through your photographs
And i can see the love in your eyes,
those snapshots in time leave me in no doubt
That love truly, never dies.

I first met Michelle in the spring of 1994. i had taken over a pub in her village and i started to use another pub to eat in. it turned out Michelle was the person serving me my beer and bringing me my food. we flirted a little bit and i started to make excuses to keep going back. Michelle then started to come into my pub, mainly after her aerobics classes. I decided she needed to come work for me so i asked her and she said yes. that was the start of a beautiful relationship. Michelle very soon moved in with me and i proposed to her on New Years eve 1994. She said yes. We brought a new pub in High Hurstwood, sussex where we got married on October 21st 1995. we spent many wonderful years running pubs together in different parts of the country and made many, many friends along the way.
I stopped working in the hospitality industry in 2007 but Michelle carried on and went from strength to strength. She was a highly sought after, highly skilled manager who was the target of many companies but she chose to work for her Mentor, Helen. She passed away very suddenly on the 25th October 2011 after being ill for just 36 hours. my life was devastated along with a lot of other peoples lives not least of all her Mother Carol. Her funeral was held on remembrance day 2011 at 11am.  11.11.11.11 a day never to be forgotten.
Nunc Scio Quid Sit Amor.