ForeverMissed
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This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, Mohinder Panaser, 76 years old, born on July 16, 1938, and passed away on July 1, 2015. We will remember her forever.
July 1, 2023
July 1, 2023
Hello mum,these were your final hours .I woke at this time on July 1st knowing the end was coming .It was very warm on that morning ,not so warm today , but the rain is good for the garden .I see Marigolds at this time of year,the smell reminds me of you .
Time does make the feelings of loss softer ,no amount of time can replace the feelings of wanting to see you just one more time.
Rest in peace mum , free from pain and suffering .
I will love you to the end of days and time .God bless your soul Sat Sri Akal ❤️
January 14, 2023
January 14, 2023
Thank you keep watching over us please .God bless you both .RIP now ,it is done xxx
July 1, 2022
July 1, 2022
Wish you were here mum ,you left too soon .Rest in peace .Love you always xxx
July 1, 2021
July 1, 2021
Hello mum ,whilst it’s not good to be sad ,we should remember our loved ones with happy thoughts , but today my heart has ached for your loss .Today I lived every moment of your last moments as if they were the first time . I miss you mum ,just to be able to see you ,just one more time ,that’s all ,so that I can say ,yes I had parents and then they died .Sometimes I wonder what if no one believes me ,that my mum and dad were here and they defined who I am .I need you in solid form so that I know you were real and here with me .Death is so final ,yet the memories are infinite .Come by and see me some time ,just a small sign will do .It’s in giving we receive ,it’s in dying we are born to eternal life . Rest well my dear mum .I love you to the end of time xxx
July 1, 2021
July 1, 2021
Miss you today and everyday Nan .. we still tell stories of you all the time when were all together and i cant wait to tell sonams son all about his great Nani. Your legacy lives on in all of us can’t believe its been 6 years already it feels like it was just yesterday love you always ❤️
January 31, 2021
January 31, 2021
Hello mum and dad ,this ones for you dad , 22 years today you left us .I know you are always around ,you know how ? My office in the Cancer Centre is the same room you had your last consultation with Professor England .Look after each other ,stay in the light .Stop by and see us sometime in the garden .
I love you both to the end of time .
God bless you both .Rest in peace .Stay in the light xxxx
November 15, 2020
November 15, 2020
Happy Diwali mum ,stay in the light .Me ,Gary and Alex made a lovely Diwali, I just followed the same traditions as you ,it’s important to remember who we are .There is no family now mum ,but that’s okay .Rest well mum .I love you always xxx
October 31, 2020
October 31, 2020
Hello mum ,I miss you ,I have thought about you a lot recently .You are in my peripheral vision in a dark crushed velvet suit and your blue knitted waistcoat cardigan .Its Halloween ,English tradition I know , but in the spiritual universe it’s a time when the veil between life and death is at its thinnest .My only wish has been just to see you one more time , just so I can remember that you were here with me once ,in a solid form .You took a part of me with you ,and now I am alone ,funny , you said I would be .Hope dad is looking after you .
Stay in the light mum ,you know where I am .
I love you to the end of time .Be peaceful and free of pain ,I would have given you my life just to let you live .RIP xxxx
July 16, 2020
July 16, 2020
Happy Birthday mum ,82 today .Did you come to see me in the department today ? I am certain it was you , my patient was you , of that I am certain .
Let me know if it was , a marigold will do .I love you always .God bless you xxx
July 1, 2020
July 1, 2020
I miss you now more then ever .. all the big life moments i know you would of loved to see. When i have readings you always come through so i know your always there love you and miss you nan from now until forever xxx
July 1, 2020
July 1, 2020
5 years seems to have passed so quickly and yet so much seems to have happened. I hope you still see how much I love and care for Surrinder and Alex, even though that work thing gets in the way sometimes. The robins out of my study window have been quiet so far today, please pop by and say hello. Miss you and the bond you nurtured in us all. Gary x
July 1, 2020
July 1, 2020
Thinking of you and how much I miss seeing you.
July 1, 2020
July 1, 2020
I woke today just before 5 , the same time five years ago.I miss you mum xxx
July 1, 2020
July 1, 2020
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not for long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that once we shared
Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart
Go the friends we know.
Laugh at all the things we used to do
Miss me, but let me go.
When I am dead my dearest
Sing no sad songs for me
Plant thou no roses at my head
Nor shady cypress tree
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet
And if thou wilt remember
And if thou wilt, forget.
I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not fear the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.
Christina Rosetti
June 27, 2020
June 27, 2020
Hello mum .I miss you today ,it’s the last weekend before you left us .Its strange really ,Gary sees the Robins ,but I don’t anymore ,but I know you are near ,and you know he is my protector ,Gary will always keep me and Alex safe . I had so many things to talk to you about , but you broke my heart mum .I needed you then and I need you now .Alex is such a lovely boy , you would be so proud mum .We finally bought a house , thank god you would say ! The marigolds are blooming in our garden ,best ones ever , they are so fat and lovely , you would be impressed .Where are you mum ? Is dad with you ? Are you peaceful ? Wherever you are , think of me sometimes and ease the ache in my heart ,that always reminds me there is a piece of my heart missing .If you pass by this way sometime, stop by and let me know you never left me .God bless you .I didn’t let you suffer at the end , you looked so nice .Take my love mum and stay in the light always .xxxxx
July 1, 2019
July 1, 2019
Miss you every day mum ,love you always .God bless you ,be peaceful in your sleep xxx
June 26, 2019
June 26, 2019
Hello Mum,it’s been a while since we spoke ,it’s not that I don’t think about you ,I do ,just not all of the time .I saw a Robin the other day , knew it was you ,I have had things on my mind , I think you know where my thoughts have been ! These were the last days of your life ,I would have done anything to save you .I love you mum,I love my job ,I try to save you through my patients ,that’s why it means so much to me .Give me the strength to be the best I can be please ,always .Alex is such a good boy mum ,almost a Lawyer ! Can you believe it ! I need you so much sometimes mum ,but it’s okay , you sleep well .You and dad stay in the light ,think of me sometimes please ,let me know you are both okay .Love you both ,god bless you ,be at peace xxxx
November 7, 2018
November 7, 2018
Happy Dewali mum and dad ,god bless you both .Stay in the light xxx
July 26, 2018
July 26, 2018
This one is for you Mum ,you would have been so proud and you would have come with us xxx
July 16, 2018
July 16, 2018
Happy Birthday Mum,god bless you .I love you always .Alex graduates next week ,I will send you photos xxx
June 21, 2018
June 21, 2018
Hello Mum,Alex pass ho gaya,you would have been so proud mum .Me and Gary gave up our lives and dreams to fulfill Alex’s life and education ,it is what you said I must do first above everything else .Today this part of his life is complete ,I wish you could be here to see this .I miss you Mum ,today is hard without you .God bless you .I love you always xxx
July 16, 2017
July 16, 2017
Happy Birthday Mum ," you are so not old ! Carry your own bag" you laughed so much when I realised you were younger than I thought and you told me I got your age wrong ! I thought you were proper old ! Only reason I offered to carry your bag ! I would carry the world on my shoulders for you ❤️ God bless you mum , give me the grace to make good life choices , I see Robins when I think of you and need your help
July 1, 2017
July 1, 2017
Dear Mum,
Well what can I say ? Today you took your last breaths ,at 14.20hrs to be exact . My heart is heavy today .Gary and I have been to the Gurdwara to remember you and then we had the Langar .We sat near your friends so I could feel what you must have felt ,in the same energy .I miss you mum xxx
June 17, 2017
June 17, 2017
The date you left us is coming close, i hope we are in your thoughts still. Its selfish but its true people only generally pray when they need something. I think about you when times are difficult, but that doesn't mean i don't miss you everyday. I miss seeing you and just hearing your advice and support. I need you to keep praying for me and for all of us ..i think it worked.
March 26, 2017
March 26, 2017
Happy Mother's Day mum,miss you everyday ,love you forever xxx
January 31, 2017
January 31, 2017
When you were sick dad ,Alex used to say " drink your milk grandad it will make you better " .Dad used to say to a three year old Alex that he should drink his milk to be big and strong .You didn't drink your milk dad ,you didn't get better did you ? Your passing was inevitable ,your suffering unacceptable .I would take that suffering and make it my own if it meant you would have lived .Stay in the light with mum ,that's where the love is ,and you are ,the brightest ,shining light .God bless you xxxx
January 3, 2017
January 3, 2017
Life's journey mum ,I knew you were right then and I know you are right now ,just help me and guide me and I will always do the right thing .God bless you mum xxx
December 30, 2016
December 30, 2016
Hello mum ,it is New Year's Eve 2016 ,and you are not with us ,only in spirit,I pray every day that you stay close ,but always peaceful .It is hard closing the year again ,knowing that time will keep on passing no matter what happens .I wish it could have stopped when you were well ,then we could have just carried on as a family ,it's hard without you to anchor us .I am slowly getting through all the jobs you left me ,I promise you ,I will always do the right thing ,be certain of that ,with all my heart ,I will never let you down ,forgive me ,if I ever did when you were alive .
I love my job mum ,my patients are like you ,holding onto any life they can ,in the hope that the end will not come too soon .
Alex is here in Australia with us and Gary is working hard as always ,and we are good ,we work hard to be the best we can be .I can't change anything now ,but I would have saved you if I could .
I will never forget every single moment mum ,god bless you .Sat sri akal xxx
December 17, 2016
December 17, 2016
Hello mum ,I have changed your photo ,this photo was when we came back from Australia and I did a makeover , you looked great ,it's how I will always remember you ,hair colours done ,lippy on ,jewellery on and you were smiling , you were happy xxx
December 15, 2016
December 15, 2016
I miss you today mum,it's that time of year when I wish I was making a plan on when to visit ,what to buy you and you asking me what I wanted for Christmas ,truthfully ,all I would want would be to be able to see you in your house cooking our lunch .Days like today it hurts my heart to know you have gone ,it's fine people saying "but she'll always be with you " but your not are you ,we won't ever see you again or eat your food or be in that familiar smell of home in your house .Its okay to be sad ,and today I am sad .Seeing Alex,somehow reminds me of you .There is a candle burning in our house ,it's for you mum .Today I think what is the point of loving,when the loss breaks your heart ,but I am glad I loved you every single day ,I will never regret a single moment .You just left too soon ,you left too soon mum .We need you ,where did you go ? x
November 23, 2016
November 23, 2016
Hello mum it's only me ,just wanted to say ,I miss you every day ,but it actually doesn't hurt so much anymore .I know why ,at least I think I do .Living in Sydney there are no memories at all ,so there is nothing to jolt my memory .I miss the family ,but they are living their own lives and they are happy .I am a nurse on a cancer ward ,and whilst some people think I am making it hard on myself ,it is actually very healing ,I have a great need to care for sick people ,just like I cared for you ,if I can make them feel better ,I feel as if I am really worthwhile .I love my patients,and even though I am exhausted it has given my life structure and meaning again .I talk about you with ease ,people feel sad for me ,but everyday I see people so much worse off than me ,and that eases my own feelings .I hope you and dad are safe ,remember stay in the light ,that's where the love is .I love you mum ,sleep well .God bless you xxxx
November 7, 2016
November 7, 2016
Dear Mum,
I have to write to you today ,because it is time to leave to go to Australia ,Sydney this time ,too many memories in Perth,although I do love it there and always will .
Firstly ,I must tell you Alex is doing very well ,he is happy ,passed his driving test and he has a little car ,you would be so proud ,although he never got a chance to drive you to your hospital appointments .
I finally have a great job ,I don't know if I will ever fulfill their expectations of me , but they seem to believe I can ,that's funny I think .
Now ,the real question I have ,remains unanswered , where will I find the peace of mind I crave ? What will be my defining moment ? Will it be this job? I am a cancer specialist nurse ,I need to be in that space and energy so that I can feel what you felt and try to understand ,maybe that will bring the peace I crave .You and dad are at St Marys on the tree of life ,except ,you aren't really here ,to laugh,to cry and offer me money in case I need it , but most of all you are not here for me to love or confide in .
I went to St Martins church today ,I went to light two candles for you and dad and ask for your blessings on this journey .I love my family ,it is so hard to leave them,but I have to find out who I am ,if I am no longer a daughter .
My heart yearns to be free of sadness ,in time maybe it will be .The marigolds I planted have grown again ,they will always be yours and my flower,the smell is you in spirit.
Mum,dad please give me your blessings to be the best I can be ,to be happy ,to be successful and to always do the right thing.Give me the grace and humility to be humble and strong ,to value myself and to have self belief .
I have grieved for you for so long and I will carry on doing so for all of my life ,you took my heart and now I am in a quest to fix it . Send me on my way ,watch over me always ,guide me when I am sad and look after my boy in York please.
I am not selfish doing this mum,I am just lost and need to be found .
Try to understand,I know you will you always did .
It's time to board now mum,I love you xxxxx
July 1, 2016
July 1, 2016
Mum you used to say, can't you let me have my last two or four breaths in peace, this was when you were cross or annoyed. Today when you took your last breaths I remembered your words and they made me smile! We were all there when you took your last two or four breaths, a single tear fell from your eyes and then your heart stopped, you took your last breath, with it you took our breath away and our hearts were broken. We will never be the same again,but we love you always and forever. Sat Sri Akal mum xxx
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016
I remember the day your heart stopped beating and mine carried on.
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016
Hello Mum,
Yesterday I ran in a race ,10 km to be exact , you would have said that's so far ! When I was young remember I used to run for my school in athletics and when I was going to be late home from school I would tell you I will be going to the playing fields to do training , and you would say , be careful ,and I would go ,with not a care in the world , knowing my mum would be at home just after 6pm depending on traffic,and that dad would go to pick you up from work .
I ran the Great Birmingham Run yesterday ,because now , I have no parents and no real place in the world to anchor me to my roots .Gary and Alex are my roots now , but you were my origins the very essence of my heart from whom I came.
I ran for St Mary's Hospice , I knew that would make you and dad proud , charity was very important to you both,especially dad .I had mum and dad written on my St Mary's Hospice vest so that the world would know my parents died and left me broken hearted .Gary and I both were so emotional at the start of the race because the grief was present there with us like a good friend .The race started and in true Indian style I got to the front and with a lump in my throat and pain in my heart ,I looked behind me and saw all that I had been in my life , I looked forward to all that has been lost and will never be gained again ,and then I look to the present and remember today all that I am because of you both ,my parents .The race started and I ran like I would never run again or breathe again in my life .The people along the road ,all races ,all colours shouting me on and giving me hope ,hope to live .I thought look at me ,my parents suffered so much in death but lived so much in life .As I ran I did a sat Sri akaal to the Bhangra dancers a prayer to the gospel singers and blew a heartfelt kiss to the man holding the sign ,God is love .i touched the hands of little and big children as I ran by , much to their joy and mine .Heartbreak hill approached ,I thought oh my god ,I can't do this , but with all that I am I summoned you both and you by my side ,dad to my left mum to my right ,willing me to carry on ,the wind blew in my face ,and I knew you were both there .Coming through the tunnel and up broad street , I could see the end ,and I thought this is it ,1 km left and mum,I ran and I ran in a very Tom Cruise type style ! But I made it and then saw Gary and burst into tears , because this is the first thing I have completed since you died .I would do it a thousand times again just to remember all that you and dad sacrificed for us .God bless you both .Rest in peace and don't be sad for me ,it's just the love from my heart speaking ,send me on my way with your blessings ,knowing always I am your girl .RIP xxxx
April 24, 2016
April 24, 2016
Sat-Sri-Akaal Auntyjee - I remember the times you used to greet me with your beautiful smile when I'd call for Surrinder on the way to school. Did you know those delicious salad sandwiches on wholemeal bread you'd make for Surrinder I'd exchange for with my dinner ticket! Leh! Suchi? I guess that's what you are saying. I also recall when you got Surrinder and myself our first (and only!) summer job - cutting threads off garments at the factory you worked at - sorry we embarrassed you with our constant laughing and chattering - you'd try and scold us but the love in your eyes and heart would overcome your intentions and you'd end up laughing instead. You were a great mum - not to just your own children but those of us you knew had lost theirs when we were so young. Auntyjee, thank you for loving me like your own - I was too young and carefree to have even contemplated saying thank you for your love back then but you know what, I never forgot it. May you be at peace in WaheGuruji's embrace Auntyjee. WGJKK WGJKF
March 27, 2016
March 27, 2016
Hello mum,it's spring time ,and I think of you everyday .We live in Selly Park and I walk past the hospice often ,I hope you are peaceful.
Marigolds , it's that time of year , you would be desperate to get out into your garden by now . You would have started the marigolds by now in your kitchen ,ready for the front garden ,I love marigolds , remind me of you so much .You loved flowers , I wish I could grow you back like a flower . The days don't feel so hard now , but as we approach your one year anniversary my heart does hurt from the loss . I love you mum , I will grow marigolds and hope they are as good as yours .God bless you xxx
January 27, 2016
January 27, 2016
Hello mum,how are you I would say in Punjabi on the phone , universal greeting from anywhere in the world .We are back home in the UK, you would say ,can't you sit still ,better in Punjabi ! But we are home now , Alex needs us and we need him .It was this time last year I was looking after you , I would do anything to have that time back ,but without you suffering .I would love to be able to colour your hair or think of food you would like to eat , but never mind .I am better now , the pain is a dull ache , memories now make me smile rather than cry, so it's okay .I hope you are okay wherever you are .Your family are good and happy ,there is a big gap that should have you in it , but you can't have every thing in life .Love you mum,God bless and Sat Sri Akal xx
January 11, 2016
January 11, 2016
Hello mum, today for the first time since you left us I am doing something Indian ,I just couldn't face it until now .I am watching Waris Shah Gurdaas Maan film, I love this film,remember I sent you the DVD from Amazon .I am ready for my life to move on ,needed this distance to accept your passing,to celebrate your life and to firmly secure the place where you will always live ,in my heart and in my head .God bless you mum xxx
January 11, 2016
January 11, 2016
I just miss you, i pray these moments of grief get better xx
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Recent Tributes
July 1, 2023
July 1, 2023
Hello mum,these were your final hours .I woke at this time on July 1st knowing the end was coming .It was very warm on that morning ,not so warm today , but the rain is good for the garden .I see Marigolds at this time of year,the smell reminds me of you .
Time does make the feelings of loss softer ,no amount of time can replace the feelings of wanting to see you just one more time.
Rest in peace mum , free from pain and suffering .
I will love you to the end of days and time .God bless your soul Sat Sri Akal ❤️
January 14, 2023
January 14, 2023
Thank you keep watching over us please .God bless you both .RIP now ,it is done xxx
July 1, 2022
July 1, 2022
Wish you were here mum ,you left too soon .Rest in peace .Love you always xxx
Recent stories

Alex Graduation

July 26, 2018

This one is for you Mum and Dad , you would have been so proud xxx

Roses for my mum

June 29, 2017

Hello mum , it's just me ,remembering the last days of your life .I have been smiling at old Indian ladies who look just like you , they turn and smile back at me ,with a hint of recognition , funny enough they had the same coat as you , mum is it you letting me know you are okay ? The roses are for you , you loved roses as do I , very thorny though , one got me in my finger to remind me of you , not because of the pain of pain , but because of the acute way loss can feel and to remind me ,you are near.

I am a Cancer Nurse Sister mum , I think you would be so pleased , I will do my best to look after my patients and always think of you and dad when giving that care .

This week is hard mum, it's like you were just here , but you are not .Alex is such a big grown up boy , still has no sense though ! He has your photo by his bed .

Mum,it is hard ,it has been hard not having you here , sometimes there is nothing to anchor us , sometimes drifting feels so uncertain ,but I am your daughter and I don't really let anything get the better of me . I wish I could have you back with us well and happy , there was so much life to live yet .God bless you mum .Sat Sri Akal xxx


Mothers Day

March 26, 2017

It is the second Mother's Day since mum died ,and whilst you always think you are better than you were ,certain dates in the calendar still jolt you into remembering,that now there is no mum .Its also quite a funny story ,I always used to say to mum ,what shall I get you for Mother's Day ,and she would say I have everything ,don't need anything , and I would say that's great then I will give a satsuma and a bag of nuts ! She would laugh and say ,don't forget it's your birthday next month !!! Meaning if I wanted a good present ,I had better not give her a satsuma ! This carried on for years ,and now you are gone .I miss you today not because I need a birthday present but because you have left a gap that can't be filled .Everyone needs their mum ,just like I need you .God bless you mum .Happy Mother's Day xxx

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