Fighting Strokes and Alzheimer's
I thought long and hard about this chapter. I didn’t want to sadden folks with what Mom had to endure with her illness. In the end I decided to share because…
© Mom always volunteered to be the patient the students could come in and learn on. She was happy to share and train the students about medical care.
© No matter how tough it got, mom never lost her true sweet fun self. (Believe me there were some nasty, mean, crotchety elderly folks in the nursing home, but mom brought joy and life to the place!)
© I want to share how awful Strokes and Alzheimer’s can be, in the hope we will take better care of each other. (Goes along with that medical education thing for which Mom would always volunteer)
I thought it traumatic that Mom endured uterine and colon cancer, but she was fortunate in that both were corrected with surgery. Then Mom had a bad stroke on the right side of her brain which affected her left side - that was rough. Mom wasn’t able to regain her ability to see to the left and we could never convince her she had an arm and leg on that side of her body. She would argue with the doctors and tell me they were crazy because they kept telling her that her left hand was her right hand (as mom’s brain was registering it). The left side continued to deteriorate even after physical therapy and eventually she started falling a lot. In one year medical services had to come out several times to help get her up from the floor. I took her to a senior center for fun and games but she didn’t want to attend and starting subtly withdrawing from people – not wanting to go out except for her errands. Eventually she didn’t want to go out at all. (Many Uncles, Aunts, Grandchildren, Nieces and friends called regularly and talked to Mom).
Mom’s handwriting started changing and she started getting confused and disorganized. When she started becoming delusional I made an appointment with her GP and he diagnosed mom with dementia. Mom’s “delusions” continued to worsen when I realized…they weren’t delusions…Mom was reliving events that had happened to her in the past. She could no longer tell what was real from a memory. Mom would try to go out in the middle of the night to get a job to take care of her babies. After consulting with doctors, nurses, social workers who were specialists in geriatric care and psychiatrists the very incredibly hard decision to put mom in a nursing home was made.
Mom started having problems communicating. She was clearly upset that she was using the wrong words and we could not understand. We’d play this guessing game and were sometimes successful in understanding what she was trying to tell us, other times not. We could see the frustration in her eyes when she failed to communicate with us.
The staff at the Laurel’s worked hard on keeping Mom’s ability to walk as long as possible. And when her left arm curled up tight they worked tirelessly to get some of that functionality back. Eventually Mom lost her ability to walk and became wheelchair and bed bound.
Mom’s Nurse Practitioner and head therapist helped me find ways to keep mom’s mind active. At first we’d play word search with juvenile level workbooks. We’d put together jigsaw puzzles, another one of mom’s favorite past times. They were for young children but we worked them!! We stacked pot holders – similar to work she did when a waitress or in the cleaners (thank you Greg and Taylor for making all of those potholders J ) and of course, lots of singing. Mom often moved her right hand (a tick of the brain). Her right hand worked her blanket as if she were sewing. We read over and over cards and letters nieces, grandchildren and loving family and friends would send.
I noticed as we showed her pictures folks would send she no longer recognized the people in them. Eventually she did not recognize the pictures of the loves of her life-her grand children. I brought in pictures of the grandkids when they were very young and for some time she could recognize them. That too eventually faded. I found on some days I could pin point just where in her life she was…her approximate “age”. Other times nothing coherent would come from our conversations. Some days she called me Mom…other days when asked she would say I was her daughter. Greg sometimes was “Ronald”. Mom eventually did not recognize Taylor (her granddaughter) when she visited. But I and Taylor could tell by the look in Mom’s eyes that Mom “knew” Taylor was special, she just didn’t know why.
As her mind continued to regress, Mom went through a horrific period where she was reliving the years when she was a single-mother, where she fretted about our safety and finding a job so she could feed us. This is where I learned the real terror she endured. I hated that she had to “re-live” that part of her life again. She would often cry to me asking “Where are my babies? Are my babies alright?” I told Mom I was taking care of her babies and they were Ok. That seemed to help calm her for awhile.
After reliving the horror years of single-parenting Mom’s mind continued to deteriorate. I was so grateful when her brain regressed beyond that period and now her mind was back in high school. We had some giggles talking about the high school years, dating and the love of her life. We talked about Dad. I asked her why she went with him and she said because he was “so cute.” Mom also talked about how great is was to live with Pete and Marybell. I didn’t get much detail here…but knew she felt safe.
On nice days Greg and I took Mom outside to enjoy the flowers and fresh breeze. She would ham it up in Greg’s sunglasses. We’d share her favorite treat: chocolate. We brought soft truffles or peanut butter cups because as her mind deteriorated so did her functions such as swallowing. She’d ask for the chocolate as soon as we got there. “Oh boy, oh boy” was her expression as she enjoyed her treats. On warm days: Ice cream or milkshakes – strawberry was the treat. Occasionally we’d watch a movie – always trying to find one with young kids in it and mom would point out how cute the kids were. We talked to Mom telling her stories about what everyone was doing and what was going on in the world and Greg and I took turns singing to mom. Mom would respond with “that’s a good one” or give us negative feedback that she didn’t like the song or us singing, ha ha. For at least the last 6 months Mom was unable to communicate much to us. Occasional words that fit the response we expected, many times not. Her brain got into these ticks where she would repeat the same expression over and over and mostly we would re-direct her thought to help her brain rest. But we tried to make the best of the time with laughs, chocolate, pictures of small kids and babies and singing.
On Sunday, the day after we celebrate Greg’s 56th birthday, Mom had a second major stroke, this time on the Left side of the brain. The doctors said the damage from each stroke was extensive and killed much of the brain function. The two strokes, in addition to the damage she had from the advanced Alzheimer’s, made it impossible for the brain to control mom’s basic functions for life. Mom passed away peacefully the following Friday.
In Mom’s honor I challenge all of us to try more often to take a walk, make better food choices most of the time and take care of ourselves to lessen stress in our lives.
