I can't believe it's been a year already and yet I still miss you so. I wish heaven had visiting hours- I'd curl up next to you, swap stories and discuss the latest best sellers. I know you're happier and at peace but down here- it's not the same without you. Continue your rest in our Father's peace and see you later....
Prof. Ekpo Ossom had a profound sense of humour. I and Prof. were used to sharing all possible moderate jokes. A number of the communication we shared in this respect were in attempts to relieve the unique personality of and experiences with our father Mr. Etim Akpan Enang who rather than keep the ancestral routine of naming forebears with their pet name ( … Enang, etc.) chose to name all his children after the original family name … Mmah Ossom Udoeikaita Ossom.
I believe that every opportunity to have a good laugh was a delight to him. I remember that he always responds to my email not long after it was delivered in his box. Often when he is at work and receives my mail, he would send a ‘thank you’ note admitting that the earlier communication from me helped him to ease off and relax before going back to his task.
In July 2006, Prof. forwarded to me an email he captioned English signs in foreign places. He didn’t state its source but his ‘around-the-world’ trips could have afforded him the opportunity to pen this misapplication and misrepresentation of Her Majesty’s precious language.
I am glad to share it here as a glowing tribute to the fact that though Prof. was a diligent and focused personality he nonetheless practiced simple means of letting off steam.
English signs in Foreign Places
1. Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
2. At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
3. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
4. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
5. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT SIGHT, BLOW THE
HORN, MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN BLOW HIM WITH VIGOUR.
6. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
7. On a River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
8. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
9. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
10. In a maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
11. In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY GRAVES BUT THEIR OWN.
12. Sign in Japanese public bath: FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
13. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
14. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
15. In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
16. In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
17. Hotel room notice, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
18. Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
19. Hotel lobby, Bucharest : THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
20. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
21. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
22. In a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
23. Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
24. From the "Soviet Weekly": THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
25. In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
26. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
27. An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
28. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
29. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
30. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
31. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
32. In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
33. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
While I was growing up as a teen, the then, Dr. Ekpo Ossom, was arguably the most inspriring character in and out of sight. Without a doubt, every one who wanted to be 'somebody' within the family needed to watch Dr. Ossom's footsteps so that he/she could catch a bit of what it takes to be a truely accomplished delight of a father, mother, sibbling and an entire dynasty.
Watching him play the piano, prune tree branches with his 'engine saw' or show-case contemporary photography equipment was a rare delight. These early inspirations influenced our choices and paved the way for some of the adult traits, hobbies and priorities that some of us now hold.
