A GOOD PLACE

As she softly blew through the thickening medical mist, fixated on the hand that destiny had just extended, she knew that that incredible mental whisper would forever change her heart and her life. She mechanically echoed it repeatedly, oblivious to the voices trying to steer her thoughts their way and indifferent to the hands offered to help her stand. She asked to be alone instead.

She gently placed his cold palm in hers, desperate to feel a pulse, and looked at his incredibly quiet frame, his taped eyes and the thin lips parted by the ventilator that for a little while at least had helped him breathe. His bare emaciated body was dotted with electrodes and instinctively she pulled up the blankets to keep him protected and warm. Everywhere was silent. Everything stood still.

The machines supporting other patients purred on as she literally heaved her shoulders against the heavy doors of understanding which had suddenly shut. And then she leaned closer as if sharing her breath would somehow remind his body of a function it had temporarily forgotten. At the time, she did not realize that nothing would happen.

Many memories stumbled in her now serrated paths, and she did not know which to hold on to and which to discard. In reality, there was none to throw away because he had been a part of everything in every single way. His laughter would no longer ring and his eyes would not tease again. The joy of watching him working would no longer be and his remaining stories would remain unsaid. They had shared so much together and thought there were still many more years ahead but how was she to know that this particular experience had reached its end?

“He won’t sing again”, she sadly considered. “He won’t dance and he won’t preach. He won’t cook again with the children or spend time with each. He’s gone?”

She spoke but he could not respond. She called and it seemed he did not hear; she shook him as a means of last resort but in the end she just stared as nothing made any sense.

Many words were spoken, or occasionally thrown at her, but her perspectives had changed; and many things really did not matter, and would never again.

Events, which followed, thrust her into a very unfamiliar territory and she was scared most of the time. But nobody knew that and she had to find a way to work with the fear and the uncertainties without losing her mind.

Her identity had been battered and she had no idea how to find her way back. She heard his voice: Don’t attach yourself to things so that if you lose them, your identity would not go with them. How do you not get attached to a positive companionship that had lasted over a decade? That was hard. No, brutal.

He had labored valiantly, loved passionately, given outrageously and died peacefully. And now, he was at rest. He was now in a good place.

Willing herself to survive, especially as there was still much to be attended to, she let the tears flow liberally and allowed her heart to ache as it chose. Anything less brought on frustration that no one would understand and in any case she was not ready to disclose. Every song pierced her heartbeats, every melody impaled her soul, as all she could see was wrapped in misery and all she could relate with was woe. Will I ever smile again, she often wondered, will the sun someday shine for me, and will I ever go to bed and wake up, having had a night of restful sleep?

She turned to her friend and wordlessly rested her head on his shoulder while seeking his hand to hold. Their friendship was her good place as it gave her the chance to address her fears, curl up in pain if she needed to and shamelessly grieve. No queries. No assumptions. No platitudes. She could just be.

Her heartbeat was irregular and she tried to remember whether she had taken her medication. “You don’t need these tablets,” he would sometimes say with the characteristic smile, which brought her so much joy. Maybe she really didn’t need them she admitted, but only to herself, conscious that the drugs provided a false sense of security.

She ached to share with him what she was really going through inside but felt he would either not understand or misunderstand. And so she held back. She was feeling from a place he had not reached and speaking from an experience he was not a part of. And she sincerely did not want him in either, as the agony was inexplicable.So torn between healing through gradually acknowledging what she no longer had and reemerging with the present realities which gave her hope, she despaired time and time again recognizing the need to be heard and at the same time remaining sensitive to feelings which were probably best left unshared for now.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, holding her palms in his and cupping it with the other.

“Nothing much’, she responded turning to look into his eyes and almost instinctively reaching out to touch his face. There was an inexplicable sense of heightened awareness, which embraced her when those unconscious moments happened. She would quietly tilt her head and see beyond the surface; transported into a realm of absolutes, where longing doesn’t exist and wholesomeness is a given; a world where peace is synonymous with love, and pain does not cripple but transform. She would look again into his gentle eyes, close hers and consciously breathe as regenerating warmth filled her heart and caused her to smile. She had reached a good place and knew that the smile was a start.

~ Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

QUEUE

She welcomed dawn with a smile and thought about her options. So far, life had beaten her so hard she could barely stand, but every time that happened, she would go within and dwell on what gave her reasons to go through each day. They were not many but they were enough for her.

As she eased the car into the queue, she wondered for a split second what she was doing there so early in the morning. Voices rang past in a language she could not understand and men in flowing robes and caps occasionally turned and glanced, probably wondering what a woman was doing there in the first place. She didn’t care and as she looked casually around, she could see some men entering the bushes and lifting their gowns to relieve themselves…honestly!, she mentally exclaimed careful not to make eye contact with any of them while ensuring that her doors were all locked as the a/c softly purred.

At that time of the day, early risers were on their way to work while more cars lined up past hers – keke napeps in one line, regular vehicles in another. With thoughts of the recent bomb blast still fresh in her mind, she felt a little uneasy when the space that would have enabled her turn into the road should the need be, gradually closed, as more kekes filed to a stop and the drivers crossed the road to sit on the kerbs. Others simply came out of their cars and sat in the ‘open kekes.

If she called and told her friend where she was, he would order her back home. And she wasn’t ready to hear that because she also knew that part of the strength came from actually listening to him encourage her to be, to do, to feel as she comfortably could. It was scary sometimes as this morning should rightly have been, but what she envisioned was more than the fear and so she stayed.

She picked up her collection and started reading, occasionally lifting her head to see whether the cars were moving. Once in a while drivers would dash to their cars as more and more were ushered into the station; and she would slowly edge hers forward too. Suddenly she was not afraid anymore and somehow as she waited her turn in that queue, she likened the wait and the occasional discomfort to what she going through presently. But she knew that just as she would reach the fuel eventually, she would also get through the very challenges which had given her the courage to go out so early in the morning and buy what she needed herself.

~Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

AGAIN

Everyday I meet someone

Whose life you changed for good

The stories which they share with me

Remind me so of you.

The tears you wiped

The hearts you calmed

The fears you took as yours

The hopes whose lights

Kept shining bright

The hands you never dropped…

They come to me

And sit with me

Remembering who you were

They smile with me

Or hurt with me

As memories are shared.

You're sorely missed

But God knows best

You'll never be forgotten,

The lives enriched

Before your rest

Will keep your story spoken.

~Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

When the heart hangs from breaking in so many places

And hope can only hover with nowhere safe to stay

The breath of God opens, gently blowing and releasing

The strength to lean on Him and stand firm through the tears

No one can understand the agony of losing

A trusted soul mate, amazing partner and accessible friend

Unless they’ve been upon this dreadful journey

Of doubts, confusions, pure rage and threatened faith

I’ve reached the depths of raw despair and anguish

Been battered by fierce wilderness called pain

But grace, oh grace, has always brought such mercies

To get me through and pull me out again

Each day brings on revitalized challenges

Nature remains an awesome beauty to behold

And through the frenzy of what some refer to as living

The majesty of God seeps through as peace unfolds

Sometimes I smile; God’s love is overwhelming

I even share a true laugh here and there

I am surrounded by his incredible blessings

The gift of life is first – yea and amen

I hear you deep in worship, movingly singing

And since I cannot climb the stairs to your abode

Down here I’ll open a divine floodgate of music

And dance with God, the keeper of my soul

The will of God is perfect and I know it

I just don’t understand the way it works sometimes

But that’s okay; He’s got me and won’t forsake me

We believed him together, and I still do, especially now.

                    ~Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

It has been long since i spoke to you ever since i never thought of going to secondary school without you even though i grief for you  i know your with me for you once said to me " TRUST IN GOD AND HE WILL LIGHT THE WAY" and that how i hold on  i was so proud to have an amazing father like you you are the best father i could have and no body can replace you

  love your second dauther ,
              FAITH-EMMANUELA IDORENYIN AKPAN. 

Light

Abrasive stillness in the space around me
grips my heart
Once more reminded of how frail I am, I take a stand
And smile through silent hurtful tears while music soothes my life
For hope is very much alive in me, I will not die.

I open really wide my arms and blow myself to steps
My eyes are closed, I softly move to rhythms in my head
I feel the pain explode in me and rip my peace in shreds
But still I breathe, teeth in my lips, I bleed; but it will end

I will not run, and though I ache; I’ll be just fine you’ll see
I’m not afraid of anything on friendly terms with grief
I wrap my arms around myself to keep the cold away
And move into the promise of a blessed and brand new day

Does it get easier? I don’t know; infernal weakness grows
But wings of blessings lift my toes, and fly me straight to hope
Where I will be renewed again with strength that only grace
Can give whenever there’s a need – unrivaled and untamed.
                                               - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan 

the sounds of children laughing out
the scent of rain on earth
amazing peeks through battered grounds
incredible rebirth

i hear the music in my soul
the voice that keeps me still
when everything around me folds
and grief is all that blinks

i look beyond to sites unknown
and dare to step instead
into a place where mind and soul
will help me find myself

the distress of a broken heart
and tears from shattered dreams
will someday part and i will smile
through hope and into peace
                           - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan 

BE

You’re in the break of morning light
That welcomes me each day
To yet another lease of life
In spite of all the pain.

You’re in the breeze which blows my hair
The leaves that dance on trees
The grass I feel to lay my head
When overcome by grief.

You’re in the voice that calms me down
The peace that says “be still
I’m here with you, don’t let these doubts
Abort your destiny.”

You’re in the smile that comes my way
The laughter that I hear
The warmth that spreads across my face,
The kindness of a friend.

You’re in the gentleness of love
Surrounding us each day
When emptiness and hurtful loss
Just want to have their way.

You’re in the words that soothe our hearts
The songs that keep us close
With rhema we can understand
And channel to our souls.

You are in God, you are at home
And finally at rest
-Where death and sickness have no hold-
Forever missed and blessed.

                             - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

you should be here to chat with me
and watch our children grow
to sing a song or dance with me
and share the thoughts you hold

you should be here to see each change
that’s happened since you left
the world has moved at such a pace -
defying common sense

you should be here to keep a smile
on faces since forlorn
to close the wounds in broken hearts
and still the raging storms

you should be here to see the seeds
you planted - how they’ve grown
the seeds of love, of joy, of peace
of courage held by hope

you should be here to give the world
who were meant to be -
ordained to preach the word of God
and show us how to dream

you should be here, I think of you
with every breath in me
remembering all we used to do
in strengthening harmony

you have been here, you've run your race
completed what was asked
you are now in the perfect place
at home, with God at last

                               - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

Daddy When I was feeling sad that you left but then I remembered something you told me once that when your feeling down talk to GOD and remeber he is always there with  U.



I love you daddy.

Eight months ago today, you slept

To bid us all farewell

As you departed from this earth

For a divinely planned rebirth

Your memories are just as fresh

You’ll never be forgotten

As days turn into months, then years

Your legacies will dazzle

Where did time go? How did it pass?

I ask myself in wonder

While deep inside a broken heart

Yearns for the peace that musters

I think of you with every breath

I see you all around me

You were the kind whom one calls rare

The sought-out friend and family

I miss you more than words will tell

I know you are at peace

The comforter cleans up my tears

When all I can is weep

God has been good, will always be

His word is yea and amen

His faithfulness has all we need

And all he does is perfect

His love fills up the void we feel

His coverage keeps us safe

His sovereignty has never dimmed

And he will never fail

His mercies take us through each day

His favor knows our names

In awe I sometimes have to say

I’m singled out for grace

The world is blessed for knowing you

And all you came to change

May peace and love which honor you

Abide in time and space

                       - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

Daddy you had good sense of style and the best hats

you have gone more than a million miles through my heart

I love you

and you loved me to

you have left me

and  I feel sad badly

I love you daddy

You hold my hand when I am slipping

Give me hope when there's despair

You whisper softly, just breathe gently

And let me take away your fears

I lean on you, my heart so broken

As tears just wouldn’t let me speak

But you understand and very calmly

Encourage me to please be still

How I am hurting,  literally gasping

Everything brings me so much pain

I try my best to feel your blessings

And sanely go through every day

Oh please just hold me, I’m so weary

Not knowing what to do again

The world can’t solve this, it is so empty

With standards that do not make sense

I bleed inside, my life is shattered

All I can do is stretch my hand

For you to hold and help me remember

Why you have put me on this path

People are shallow, that is expected

They may mean well but tell such lies

I do not want to feel dejected

Why Lord did he just have to die?

Morning brings new hope and promise
Darkness slowly fades away
As I hold on, though I'm weary,
To God's blessed and healing grace

How I long to hear your laughter
See your face and know you near
Hold your hands or share your banter
Pray with you to ease my fears

There is so much space around me
Nature seems too magnified
Now that you're not there to fill it
With your charismatic smile

Angels come on daily duty
I'm sure they tell you what I say
How we ache from so much hurting
But are glad you came our way

Leaves still rustle
Life still happens
People go about their deeds
In the hustle
Every purpose
Strives to somehow be complete

You are thought of and remembered
May you always dwell in peace
In our hearts we'll always be together -
Forever loved, forever missed
                - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

I’m here to take away your things
And clear the office space
One of the hardest things for me
To do, it must be said

Your books, your notes, your very self
Permeate just everywhere
It is as if you are right here
With me to bid farewell

I couldn't do it all alone
Your best friend came to help me
For such a task who would have known
That pain would show no mercy

Your hat and complimentary cards
Your stationery too
The walking sticks, amazing ties
Were all a part of you

Your energy was always felt
Charisma pure and true
As heart and mind always converged
On what you had to do

Awards, citations, notes of thanks
Reflected on the walls;
Were just a glimpse of what your hands
Bequeathed as gifts to all

You had so much to give the world
You had so much to share
Your very essence was in words -
Divine magnificence

To step into this sacred place
Is an awesome privilege
But to have known the man whose name
I bear, is joy unparalleled

It’s time to say my last goodbyes
To where you sat and chaired
Leaving engraved in space and time
Marks of rewarded excellence

I’ll miss through this dotted life
I’ll think of you each day
Fondly remembering what we had
Until we meet again.

                               - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

To some of us, Dean Akpan was a father, a friend, a brother and a role model

He was not just a club advisor to the society for ethics and leadership, he was an amazing patron.

He has achieved success he has lived well,
he laughed often and loved much:
he has enjoyed the trust of his wife,
the respect of intelligent men and the love of his children;
he has filled the niche and accomplished his task;
he  has left the world better than he found it;
whether by a perfect song, a smile, a dance, a joke or a rescued soul;
he  has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty
or failed to express it;
he has always looked for the best in others
and given the best he had.
his life was an inspiration;
his memory a benediction.

And so today, You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

REST IN PEACE OUR DEAR DEAN, FATHER, BROTHER, FRIEND, AND ADVISOR

˷̰ Blessing Douglas

The Road Not Taken
 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;  
 
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
 
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

(Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.)

“Where have you been?”

I whispered to him

“Do you remember me?”

“Of course I do

You are more than a name

You were a part of me;

But it's not the same

That's why you ache so much

Yet I am sure you know

We have to create

The path to call our own

And let each other go"

Silence.

“Where have you been?"

I asked again

"Right here with you

And deeply

Concerned about how

all these can  turn you

Away from the life that gives eternity.

I've watched you cry

I hear you sigh

And softly call my name

I hear the words

That burn your heart

Allow time to ease the pain."

"Where are you going?"

I squinted my eyes

He looked at me

and smiled:

"I don't belong here anymore"

It's not about me

I consoled myself.
It’s not about me.

"I will let you go"

                       - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

Just how do you explain I miss you?

I’ll try.

It’s in a word that blows your mind

It’s in a mood out in the sky

It’s in the laughter of our children

And the little thrills that we kept hidden

I miss you

It’s in a meal we often shared

The silent moments as best friends

The jokes we laughed at so many times

The places we went to one more time

I miss you

It’s in the car you often drove

The very home that was your own

The clothes, the shoes, the ties, the socks

The books, the hats, yourself galore

I miss you

It’s turning around to see you there

Or knowing you’re not far away

It’s calling you to share my fears

And somehow making it through the day

I miss you

The voice that echoed in the halls

The sounds you made when through the door

The things we talked about so much

The prayers we said here on the floor

I miss you

Your singing ringing through the stairs

The books we read and often shared

The lines we knew and could complete

Without a thought, in simple ease

I miss you

The fun we had, the trips we made

The plans we hoped to see through time

The hands we held, the hugs we saved

The joy that came from you being mine

I miss you

The roads we plied through everyday

The shops we went  to stock  our shelves

The people we greeted with so much warmth

And who in turn freely bequeathed us love

I miss you

The words we told ourselves alone

The things we did that made us whole

The peace we had from just being together

And wishing the moments could last forever

I miss you

Yet still in God I know I’ll find

The very things that make me cry

The presence and assurance that

Kept us together when you were around

I miss you

God’s here with us, I know for sure

There’s nothing he does not ensure

To make each day well spent, well-lived

I give him praise, he’s true indeed

He wipes my tears when all I see

 Is emptiness, destructive grief

He holds my hand when I am faint

And need to lean against a friend

I miss you

You were my life.

                               - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

I hear you in the birds that chirp
The breeze that softly blows
The clear skies whispering, smiling, still
Resounding nature's tones

It's calm and peaceful here today
It makes me think of you
The things you did and what you said
The beauty that was you

I long to hold your hand again
And touch your gentle face
But until when we meet again
Rest in the perfect place
                                  - Emilienne Akpan

I see you in the flowers that bloom

The soil that births new life

The mid-day sun that shines at noon

The moon that smiles at night

I hear you in the breeze that blows

The water running down

The songs that once were just our own

The laughter all around

I feel you in the stillness here

The very atmosphere

Where once we shared as best of friends

Why did it have to end?

I hold you when I’m feeling sad

I lean on you each day

To somehow guide me through each path

Uncharted and unpaved

I love you, that I’m sure you know

I’ll miss you all my life

You were beyond what words can hold

Until the end of time

                          - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

I am looking at your picture,  and wondering how you are;
remembering all the cherished and fun times that we had;
I long to hear your voice again, 
I ache to hold your hand, 
to feel the warmth of your embrace,
to know you are around. 

As tears course down my tired face,  and pain dissolves my heart,
I miss you more than words can say,  why did you have to die?
I can't make sense of many things,
God somehow sees me through
the maze and pressures each day brings, 
He shows me what to do.

I miss you in so many ways,
I think of you each day;
may peace surround you, 
love define you, 
in your final resting place.
                           ~ Emilienne I. Akpan

--

HUG

A hug is words you cannot say
Or even comprehend
The tender whisper of a day
Renewed in confidence

It’s reaching out to touch, to heal
A truly splintered soul
Stuck between the miry clay of grief
And implacable sinkholes

A simple smile, a soothing hand
A nod to show you care
Or even silence when all sound
Is thunderous emptiness

It is a language best untaught
But  felt from deep within
A synthesis of divers thoughts
Impossible to read

                            - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan

Hey Sweetie, for hugs and more, thank you.

I studied with Akpan at Abshire-Inamori Leadership Academy (AILA) in October 2013 in Washington DC for a week. I am sorry to learn that he passed away in October this year. He always expressed his unique opinions at the study meetings and we all were impressed. One evening he took all of us to a Nigerian restaurant and we enjoyed his favorite food, I remembered the debate with him about international communications. He insisted that all people had to adopt the local customs. For example, all people including foreigners have to get down on their knees when they meet the tribe leaders in Nigeria while I suggested that we all should adopt the international common ground such as shaking hands. It was a fun. I have many good memories with him although we just studied together for a week. May his soul rest in peace.

TETSUYA NOZAKI

a friend of yours called me today
he didn't know you'd gone 
i told him that you are okay
and resting with the Lord

he felt so sad he did not get
the chance to say goodbye
i reassured him God knows best
everything'll be alright

the girls still text you from their phones
to share their thoughts with you
i know they miss you and they hold
fond memories of you

the year we knew has passed away
another one has come
it seems that only yesterday
you walked in through the door

we have our angel watching us
daily from God's abode
it is a privilege for us
to have you hear the throne

life as we know it brings much change
we've had our share of pain
we'll overcome this wilderness 
with God's amazing grace

abide my love in peace and joy
you've run your destined race
with us, the Lord will keep His word
until we meet again
                           - Emilienne Akpan 

Two months ago it is today
From when you said goodbye
We miss you each and every day
But it will be alright.

I know you're happy where you are
And finally at peace
I thank you for the life we had
The prayers on our knees

We have you in our memories
You're fondly in our hearts
You left a trail of legacies
To us, you'll never die.
                          - Emilienne Akpan 

i am looking out the window
wondering where you really are
if you're in the evening shadows
or in waking morning light

are you present in each flutter 
standing here in front of me
part of children's playful capers
or gently flowing with the breeze

are you in the breath i'm taking
at the door when there's a knock
on the screen when i am watching
something that we danced to once

is it in the space around me
that i'll feel your warm embrace
echoing the precious moments
that we laughed about and shared

i can see you in our children
in the things they say or do
in our friends and all the comments
that remind them much of you 

in a handshake, in a greeting
in the spoken words of life
there will always be a reason
that will keep you in our hearts

in the stars that twinkle brigthly
and the moon which shines so bright
i can hear you saying gently
"everything will be alright"

i feel lost sometimes without you
and i miss you so each day
but i lean on God who kindly
holds me up and leads the way

there's a purpose why you left me
but i know i'm not alone
God's abundant love and mercies
help me focus on the throne

you are part of daily seasons
happily i think of you
resting now in peace in heaven
forever missed and gone so soon               
                                    - Emilienne Akpan

music playing in the background
children bouncing up and down 
parents up since dawn till sundown
colors trail the peopled aisles

I sit pensive, looking forward
to the day we'll meet again
while I thank the Lord for somehow
lifting me to see each day

celebrating families gather
long lost friends reunite and cheer
I am blessed for what I remember
through the moments that we shared

in the pool, clear water splashes
father Christmas shares his gifts
where you are, I now you're happy
merry Christmas with the King.
                             - Emilienne Akpan 

can he trust you with the trouble
and the cross you have to bear
while he guides you to your purpose
to fulfil your role on earth

can his favor light the darkness
can his mercy ease the pain
can his love reduce the numbness
in your senses day by day

can you feel his faithful presence
showing you the path to take
do you know his very essence
in the choices you now make

you will cry but that is alright
you will question, that's okay
you will hurt, it's only human
trust in him to lead the way

there's a story that is waiting
to be told by you alone
through the anguish and the furnace
he'll refine you into gold

he is true and he is faithful
he will not leave you alone
he is God, the yea and amen -
there is beauty in your soul

hold his hand, he's ever ready
lean on him, he doesnt sleep
you'll be blessed, he'll take his glory
and you'll see it at the peak 
                                       - Emilienne Akpan 

you were a son of pride and joy
a dad without compare
a husband with God's seal of love
you blessed, you gave, you shared 

a teacher, passionate and true
a pastor, mentor, friend
people could freely run to you
because of who you were

you were a leader one could trust
with tasks both big and small
no matter what you gave your all
to make sure they were done

your open arms endeared you so
your smile was unaffected
and even when the day would close
you reached out to the helpless

you had a word for everything
as if you had a script
divinely written and indeed
you lived each day by it

you spoke of God as if you knew
you were the best of friends
you shared His word with all in you
until the very end 

i miss you so, beloved i do
but God is here with me
and truly, gently, faithfully
he shows me what to do
                               - Emilienne Akpan
 

I remember you looking great in a suit,
More splendid in a red tie,
The way people looked at you and said,"Oh my,look at that guy!",
I prefer you wore office shoes than boots,
When you rode in that silver car,
You shone like a star,
Walking like a millionaire,
Looking cool going here and there,
A blessed man everyone would notice,
You had so many good motives,
Your hat really complimented your head,
 Sometimes it was red,
Other times it was black, brown, pink, blue,
And I could be staring at you for countless hours,
You were like a hero;you had superpowers,
 At every event I would try and spot you admist huge crowds,
I always wanted to scream,"THAT'S MY DAD", out loud'

There was never a moment I wasn't proud!

INTRODUCTION:

I am thankful for the day,
Being happy and content in every way,
Having someone to love,
Being watched by heaven from above,
I am thankful for the life i live,
That I have something to give,
Everything to me is a blessing.

POEM
Thank you for being there for me,
Helping me decide whether to go left or right,
I may  not have you in my sight,
But I know within me is a shining light,
Made from the hands of God himself,
Guiding me up and telling me where I will be,
Seeing your face again will make my face beam with joy,
Like the time you got me that awesome toy,
I know that you are there beside me,
I never forget the times we had together,
 Showing me how to adapt to different types of weather,
Again everything that you did for me is a blessing,
Waking me up in the early morning,
Showing me the way to differnt dimensions,
There is no man more handsome than you that I can mention,
 Eating native soups with you on the table,
Teaching me to be grateful to God that I am able'
Telling me how muchof a miracle I am,
It was youwere the sheperd and I was the lamb,
Being devoted to Jesus was your thing,
You were indeed a prodigy,
You had a gift of the gab;comedy,
 I definitely won't forget your power of spech,
The way you used to preach,
 Making everybody laugh like crazy,
Making me happy to be the daughter of such a man,
Happy that you always told me to say,"I can",
I am proud that you are in heaven,
 Next to Jesus,Son of God,
Showering us with your love,
Helping me decide my future,
 You were MORE than a teacher,
You were a mentor,
Looking after me and my sister,
The second daughter of a minister,
You fought as hard as you could to stay alive,
I am glad about that,
Showing us the way to live our lives,
I remember you looking great in a hat,
Even better in a french beret,
This is all I can say for now,
I will now take a bow,
I love you Daddy.
       
       

       BY:
           "EL-MIRACLE AKPAN,YOUR FIRST AND MIRACULOUS DAUGHTER"

we would have cut your cake today
you would have blown a candle
to mark another year on earth
and thank God for his kindness

it would have been a happy day
with food and drinks aplenty
and prayers, songs of happiness
to mark a great thanksgiving

but still, i know that where you are
there's even more rejoicing
for you are in a better land
where no one dies or ages

we'll sing and pray for you today
and thank our loving father
who in his awesome faithfulness
remains our rock and shelter

we miss you more than words can say
we talk about you so
the memories that we have made
bring respite to our souls

the Lord is here with us beloved
he fills each gap for us
with blessings that cannot be sought
or found in mortal ones

i'll hear your voice and see your face
i'll dance again with you
but until then, i bow in prayer;
happy birthday to you
                                 - Emilienne Akpan
 

Someday the phone won't ring again,
there'll be no one at the door to
see if everything's okay,
lend a hand or share a thought.

I'm getting used to it by now
I can't blame them you see
it's not that they don't empathize
but they have their lives to live

Someday the phone wont ring again
and neither will the doorbell,
but that's okay, He's made the way
For me to live as He planned it.
                                       - Emilienne Akpan 

God's still voice is beckoning
Rest in me my daughter
For the solace that you seek
Is in me and no other.

              - Emilienne Akpan 

I talk to you when all is still,
and bare my heart in secret, 
not knowing sometimes what to do 
with feeling so defeated.

I feel your palm upon my brow, 
your warmth around my space; 
I hear you whispering what I know, 
"get up and start again".

I close my eyes and gently smile, 
for you are here with me, 
no longer bound by flesh or time; 
blissful eternity!
                         ~ Emilienne Akpan

From the day you left for heaven, 
I have been in constant pain, 
missing you and every moment 
that defined the way we were.

I remember what you lived for,
who you were and what you did,
how your life in no small measure 
daily blessed amazingly.

In the emptiness around me, 
I can feel God's healing grace, 
as I struggle to make meanings 
and get back on my feet again.

I can hear your voice within me, 
urging me to carry on, 
strengthening me on this lonely journey, 
in a smile, a laugh, a song.

Still the morning wakes me early, 
night unfolds and takes its course, 
people do what they believe in, 
steadily the world goes on.

How I miss you every minute, 
and long to hold your hand again, 
but I'm thankful for each season 
that we had in time and space .

Rest beloved, your job is finished, 
here on earth you ran the race, 
faithfully and always looking 
to where you are, your Father's place.
                                               ~ Emilienne Akpan

I can't believe I saw your face on a memorial mug, 
and other souvenirs they shared to show that you were loved; 
I placed my arm across my chest to stop my heart from beating 
beyond what I could persevere, but then who was I kidding?

My eyes were suddenly awash with tears that would not stop, 
my thoughts re-ran the entire length of the life that we had spun,
but in the midst of all that pain, unbridled to the core, 
I heard a silent voice which said "I'm here my child, hold on;

I will not leave you nor forsake you, it's written, it's my word,
I do not mean to hurt or grieve you - trust me, I'll make you strong. 
The path he walked has reached the end, his task has been fulfilled, 
he's now with me, do not regret his coming home to me.
I'm there for you to lean on daily, do not be afraid 
to call on me when you are weary or when you need a friend."
                                                                                     ~ Emilienne Akpan

But you were here just yesterday, 

we held our hands, we prayed, 
and talked about the different things
we'd do from day to day.

And suddenly you're no more there, 
how do I carry on
with all the dreams we had laid bare
to accomplish one by one?

I look outside and see the world
from a different point of view
I look inside and it's the Lord
showing me what to do.

I miss you, we were very close
I cry for you each day, 
I hear your laughter and your jokes
I see your awesome face.

I'm grateful for the life we shared
the children we were blessed with
the moments that we spent so well
and all that we believed in.

I know that God is here with me
I know his word is true
and as he guides me steadily
I'll always think of you.
                                             ~ Emilienne Akpan

In every situation, 
be thankful says the Lord, 
don't fret and do not question, 
remember I am God.

I am not here to hurt you, 
I feel your joy or pain, 
just trust that I will guide you well 
until the end of days.
                               - Emilienne Idorenyin Akpan 

Dean Akpan: ur forever  in our thoughts, in our prayers. may ever sunrise hold more promise, every moonrise hold more peace as u rest in blossom of God...it still feels like  a dream, i wish some1 could wake me up this moment and tell me it was all a dream  nd the next morning we all come by  ur office nd see u working on ur laptop and we go straight to ur fridge for fruits  or anything nice, i so miss those days. God knows why. WE LOVE YOU SIR... see u in the next  life, my dean, teacher, nd friend. we love you but God loves u more thats why he took u with him.

REST IN PEACE

For happy times,

shared sorrows, and

Memories which will always bring

Warmth to our hearts,

Thank you.

I don't know where tomorrow will lead us; and

I don't know how today will end.

But I know how thankful and happy I am

for each sunrise and sunset that we shared.

I miss you so much.

You had the face of a thousand twinkling stars and a true heart of gold. There was never a dull moment with you beautiful son of God. Oh, how I miss you as I think of all we did together and planned to do as a family. The sound of your voice, the steps of your dances, the feel of your hand and the gentle words spoken through every season. I miss you for so many reasons and in so many ways, but I'll lean on God through each day for wisdom and guidance, for strength and hope. Rest in peace beloved husband, amazing father, exceptional friend, devoted mentor, loyal disciple, committed worker, cherished son, sartorial ambassador, intelligent scholar, and beautiful beautiful heart of gold.

Thanks Daddy for teaching us how hard work leads to excellence. You taught patiently and well.

We will cherish your memory forever as you were an embodiment of everything beautiful, everything admirable, everything good.