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Christmas 2021

December 25, 2021
It is Christmas Day.  You are truly missed but in our hearts always.  Just your presences made us aware of what Christmas is all about.  You did not like the commercialism of Christmas but you put up with it because of me.  You would spend hours putting up the outside decorations because it was something I liked.  However, when Christmas Day came, you enjoyed the family and participated in the fun.  When the kids were little you enjoyed the toys too.  We have a picture of you down on the floor with Jarrid when he was a little boy exploring his toys.  And you always appreciated the gifts too.
I was reading in my daily readings this morning from one of Billy Graham's Daily Devotions.  I read something that I really never thought about in this way.  He referenced  Luke 2:7.  "She brought forth her firstborn Son and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn."  He then wrote "No room for Jesus (God).  No room for the King of kings.  No, but room for others and for things.  There was no room for Jesus (God) in the world that He had made - imagine!"  He then wrote,"........are we in danger of excluding from our hearts and lives the One who made us". He finishes with a verse from a hymn, "Oh, come to my heart, Lord Jesus, there is room in my heart for you."  You reminded us of this every Christmas of what Christmas was about.  
I know that I get caught up in the Christmas season of decorating and gift buying, but as I was watching our family  last night on Christmas Eve, eating, talking, playing games, having fun and sometimes arguing that this is what this time should be about for us.  This is what would make you happy too. 
Our family is growing.  You would enjoy what is happening.  What started with us is now growing into the bigger part of us.  I am so proud of our sons and families and I know you would be too.  
I love you as much as ever on this day of Christmas!

Birthday Message December 13, 2021

December 13, 2021
Another birthday!  It doesn't seem possible that this is the sixth birthday you have not been with us to celebrate.  So much has happened this year.   I have made some updates on our home in Maine.  Of course updating always brings some problems which you would normally have taken care of.  This was now up to me. Then there were some personal problems.  You would have been there to support and take care of me.  Unfortunately, but fortunately for me, I had to call on family for help. That is a very hard thing for me to do.  Now it is time for me to make more changes.  I hope you would agree with these changes because I have struggled and prayed for a long time about what to do.  I never thought I would have to make a decision like this because I thought you would always be with me and we would make decisions together and live out our dreams and plans together.  We never know what life will bring and what God's plan may be for us.  Loosing you certainly threw me for a loop. There is a song that plays on the radio called "Scars in Heaven".  It always makes me think of you. As the song reflects, if I had known what was going to happen, I would have done or said some things so differently.  But there are no "would ofs or should ofs' now.   I miss you so very much.  You are always in my heart and on my mind.

Anniversary

May 26, 2021
May 27th would have been our 57th Anniversary.  As I was thinking about our anniversary a story came to mind that happened on our anniversary many years ago, when the boys were very young.  One of Jim's hobbies was photography.  I thought I would surprise him with a new developer.  However, I was waiting for him to see if he would remember it was our anniversary before I gave him the gift.  We had dinner and I started to clean up and was annoyed with him that he didn't offer to help.  Therefore we got into a little tiff.  I truthfully don't remember what was said, but I still didn't say anything about it being our anniversary. He made a comment basically that I was thinking of myself.  So I went and got his gift and set it on the table and said something to the effect that this is how I was thinking of myself. There was complete silence.  Jim did not say one word, but it was obvious that he was feeling very badly.  He thanked me and kept apologizing.  Truthfully, I was just happy that I could surprise him with something he really liked. Jim never forgot an anniversary again.  In fact he never forgot any special days ever again. As I have gone back over some of the things he had written, I realize from his writing how he always tried to make certain he and I had time together......and he often planned something special on those occasions.

Christmas 2018

December 24, 2018

Tomorrow is Christmas.  It is a time that is a wonderful time for family to reunite and celebrate. Jim always loved the true celebration of Christmas - the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ; however, he did not like the commercialism of Christmas.  He would fuss about the shopping and decorating, but, because I loved it all he would spend hours outside putting up the decorations and going shopping with me.  While he didn't shop, he would sit and read while I shopped.  He knew how to wire everything together and set the timer for it all to light up.  (This year my son, Jimmy, had to weed out all the connections after I put up all the decorations not paying much attention to connecting the wires.)  As much as Jim fussed about the commercialism, on Christmas morning he would be as anxious as all of the rest of us and  loved being together with the family and enjoyed every part of the day.   While Jim won't be present with us again for the third year, he will be present in our hearts.



Birthday Message December 13, 2018

December 13, 2018

Today would be the 74th birthday of the man who is and will always be the love of my life.  He was a man of strong faith and character.  He lived with integrity.  I could not have found anyone better to share my life for more than 52 years.  He taught me so much.  He encouraged me at all times.  He listened to me and I could always count on his support.  He loved his boys, his daughter-in-law and his grand children. One of his regrets was that he would not see how their lives would develop.  No matter how busy he was through our life together, he always made time for us.  I read a quote that was written on a headstone in Ireland that I found very true.  It read, "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves memories no one can steal." I will always have that heartache.  But there are so many wonderful memories that I will never forget. They live in my heart as does he.

Jim

August 5, 2018

In a few minutes it will be two years since I lost Jim. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him. I miss the talks we had.  I miss taking our walks together hand in hand.  I miss cuddling on the couch.  I miss eating together.  I miss our trips back and forth to our homes in Maine and Florida.  I miss our phone conversations. I miss knowing he is there for me when I need him.  I miss him being there to help make decisions and work out problems.  I miss seeing him in his workshop pondering over a tool.  I miss seeing him in the garden and so excited to share the fruits of his labor from it.  I miss seeing him the first thing every morning and the last thing every night.  I could go on and on because there are so many misses. He is the love of my life and I will carry him in my heart forever.      

What I miss while finding a new normal.

May 14, 2017

I thought it would be easy for me to speak about my father today, after all I loved him very much. However, as this day got closer, I had mixed emotions on how I was feeling about losing my Dad so unexpectedly. Over the years my father, like many of your fathers, has been many things to me. He was a provider, a disciplinarian, a mentor, and he was my pastor. But, what I enjoyed most about our relationship over the years was how it transformed from a father/son relationship to a friendship. Since he died I have struggled to find the words to express just how much he meant to me. Not just for the words to share with others but, for the words I can express to my inner being to comfort me while dealing with this significant loss. A type of numbness has come over me that I cannot quite explain. And as much as I want my life to get back to normal, to get back to my routine there are times it just feels overwhelming. I just don't want to talk about it. I don’t want to feel the pain from the loss, or the random thoughts and emotions that have invaded my daily life. I am always searching for moments of calm.

What I can express to you is what I will miss about my father:

I will miss the way Dad and Mom were together. I will miss the warmth that surrounded us when we visited with them in their home. My parents together were magical. There love for each other was undeniable and radiated to those around them.

I will miss the way he embraced and loved my family.

He loved my wife Karen, she was his daughter, and he was her father. He felt she was a special person and would often remind me.

He loved my children. He looked forward to being a part of their lives. He loved going to theirs games, concerts, graduations, and visiting them. He was always there to give advice or words of wisdom, whether they wanted it or not; or realized they needed it or not. He was so proud of them and look forward to what the future held for them.

I loved that I could call him to brag about their accomplishments or new experiences. A father knows that need to share. He always showed genuine interest. He was engaged and appreciated the details. He would relate it to something he had read because he too wanted to feel connected and appreciated their journey.

I will miss going out for Pizza on Friday nights and ordering the same thing each time. Triple pepperoni pizza was his favorite.

I will miss our talks about sports, politics, religion, and more.

I will miss arguing about sports, politics, religion and more. Although, I do have to admit, sometimes it was worth taking the opposite position just to get him going. He had such passion for his beliefs. He would always reflect on the conversation and if he changed his mind would let you know.

I will miss asking for his help or thoughts on Do-It-Yourself projects. I knew he had read a book on almost everything and I had watched a youtube video on almost everything, so the correct way to do it was somewhere in between. I will miss him saying “why do you ask my opinion when you are just going to do what you want anyways?” I often wondered if he missed point of why I asked him.

I will miss his face. I will miss his smiles, his frowns and his funny expressions that revealed so much about him. I will miss the face he made as I pushed passed him at the door saying “What’s happening Pop?” with him replying "What do you want?”

I will miss us teasing him and him trying so hard not to fall into the trap. I will miss when he had the opportunity to get us back and taking it. And I hate that now that he is gone, I am the target.

I will miss him picking him up to go somewhere, when its 90 plus degrees out, and he is wearing his hat, pants, full length sleeve shirt, and his sport coat! After all he had to a place to put his keys. It was even better if you saw him when he was working in the yard. The only skin visible would be his face. His neighbors’ granddaughters called him “Scary Jim!” .

I will miss the call to Dad on my way to or from work. I will miss the same question every day. “Are you on your way to work? Or, “Are you on your way home?” Although I didn’t realize it then those calls, whether long or short, were a special time for me.

I will miss giving him a big hug and telling him “I love you” even when he made me mad.

So, how do I feel. I can’t get back to normal because now every day starts and ends differently. It will never be the same. I have to recreate my new normal. How do I feel about my dad. I looked up to him. I respected him. I admired him. I trusted him. I loved him. I am sad that he is gone. I feel the loss for me and my family everyday.

Piano Man

September 22, 2016

Jim loved music and would play the piano and drums often.  He particularly liked the blues and jazz.  He would sit down for hours in Florida to practice.  In Maine he would practice on the Yamaha Keyboard.  He also had a set of drums in Florida that he  played. At night in bed he often would play religious music through his iphone. 

Papa

August 17, 2016


When Jimmy and Karen were coming home from England for a short visit with our new grandson, Jarrid we could hardly wait.  This was our first grandchild and we would be seeing him for the first time.  One day before they arrived Jim made the comment to me that he didn't want to be called "Papa".  

The day came and because my car would only allow for four passengers and because Jim had a church committment, I went to the airport to pick up Jimmy, Karen, and Jarrid to bring them home to the Manse.  When we got home, Jim was in his office, so I put the car seat holding Jarrid on the stoop of the outside office door and knocked on the door.  Jim opened the door and the first words out of his mouth were "Come to Papa".  Jarrid practically was an attachment to Jim after that.  Every opportunity he had he would hold him.  He would carry him through walks in the church cemetary and lay on the sofa with Jarrid sound asleep laying on his belly.  He WAS a real "Papa".


 

Maine

August 17, 2016

Jim"s favorite place was Maine.  He worked hard developing the property and our home.  What's more is that he loved it so much that he wanted to do it all.  Here he is staining the half circle window in our living room.  However, this was not our first home in Maine on Islesboro.  Our first home was an 8' X 8 'building that Jim built in parts at the Manse in Tappan.  He then loaded the walls, doors, windows and any needed supplies on his pickup truck and drove it to Maine.   Of course, we only had the road into our land a short distance, so Jim drug the parts into the spot where he wanted to build it.  

The 8' X 8' was our home until we were able to build.  The building had a loft where we slept. The loft was not a place were we could stand up, but, we were very comfortable.  The lower part of the 8' X 8' was where we cooked, ate, washed dishes, sat and talked, and sometimes bathed in a big galvinized tub.  We had lanterns to light at night.  Jim also set up a hanging shower outside.  When the weather permitted, we would heat water in the 8' X 8' and fill the shower bag and take our showers outside.

When I think back on those days, we had fun, the luxury of the 8' X 8 and thought we had it made. The first year we owned the land, we only had 3 tents,  One for eating, one for sleeping, and one for washing up. So by Jim building the 8' X 8', we  had a palace.
 

August 16, 2016
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This was a trip we took to Nova Scotia with some friends.  We had a great time camping and tenting, but we also had rain.  While on the trip our friend said there was a Bed and Breakfast that was suppose to be very nice where we could stay.  When we got there the room that was available was old and had a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling   Jim said he could imagine a Betty Davis character coming through the door and he wouldn't stay.

Daytona Here I Am

August 16, 2016

Jim was an avid race car fan.  He would faithfully watch the races through the racing season.  When there was a race on TV, that is where he would be - watching.  Because he loved it so, I decided to surprise him for his birthday with tickets to the Daytona Race.  I made certain we had good seats.  When he got the gift, he was thrilled.  He looked forward to the time we would go.  Being Jim we had to go buy special carry in coolers, ear plugs, rain gear  and big plastic bags just in case it rained, 

The day came and he made sure we got up at 5 AM to be to Daytona before the  traffic for an afternoon race. He was so happy with the location of the seats, he had to make calls to the family to tell them what great seats and where he was sitting.  Low and behold we definitely needed the rain gear because it poured.  While everyone else went under the bleachers, Jim and I stayed bundled in our rain gear and plastic wrap in our seats.  Believe it or not, it was fun.  As the day progressed the rain came and went until they couldn't keep the track dry and they called the race until the next day.  So we traveled back home to Orlando then got up at 5 AM the next morning to beat the race traffic again. That morning it rained again.  Finally, late after noon the race began with on and off rain and drying the track. But, Jim looved the whole experience and kept me cheerful about it too.

We rebought the seats for three more years. The third year Jimmy went with his dad. We decided we wouldn't renew the tickets this year, but as he watched it on TV, he kept saying how he wished we had gone.  Now, I wish we had too.


 

Life is a Series of Warm and Cold

August 16, 2016

I was to be able to spend the last few days of my father's life sitting beside him in the hospital. We treasured the opportunity to speak, share untold stories, and laughed with him in between his treatments, tests, periods of rest, and the to frequent, hard to watch, periods of pain that he endured, which forced his eyes shut and took him away from us.

As he laid in bed after one of his dialysis treatments with a warm blanket pulled up to his chin, the attending nurse was trying to make him comfortable. She asked him if he was in pain or was cold. Dialysis left him with a chill in his body and he would say he didn't know how to describe the pain because he had nothing to compare it to since it was always there. But at that moment when she asked, he answered her in the following way:

I have realized as I have gotten older that life is a series of Warm and Cold events. That warmth could be a warm blanket covering and protecting you. It could be the warmth that you feel from someone who loves you with all their heart. It could be a warm bowl of soup that warms your body as it goes down. The cold is something that happens to you or a challenge you have to deal with, or it could be a bowl of ice cream. In that case the cold tastes good, but you just can't have ice cream. It is important to remember that the cold things help us recognize and appreciate the warm things in our life. Sometimes you need a little ice cream to appreciate that bowl of soup.

I may not have communicated this as eloquent as my father or with the same impact this story had on me that day. I often take for granted the warm things in my life, especially when it comes to family and friends. When the death of a loved one occurs we often share these thoughts and sentiments, "I should have done this...", or "I should have done that..." To many times our work takes priority, bills have to be paid and we forget to make time for the people or activities that make us feel warm.

Even with the words of my father playing over and over in my head, once home I found myself drifting back into that same old routine. After all we had been away from work for a week. There were lots of projects that needed our attention and this sudden loss of our father had sidelined us physically and emotionally. We had previously scheduled time to visit with our children in Colorado before our oldest son had to leave, but now at home we started that familiar discussion on how taking time off now, even for a few days, was just not good timing. We should probably cancel. Our son's said they understood and they too were dealing with the loss of their grandfather. As we laid in bed that Tuesday night after his death, I could here my father say, "Son were you not listening? What did I just tell you? You need a balance."

That weekend we spent time with our son's in the Colorado, hiking the Flatirons, climbing the Incline, and summiting Pikes Peak at 14K! You are right, we drove up Pikes Peak all three would have been too ambitious to climb in a weekend. We hiked, we ate, we talked and we created a bunch of very warm moments. Dad was there with us, in our thoughts, in our stories, and in our hearts. He will be missed dearly, but will never be forgotten. 

Doing It His Way

August 15, 2016

Here is a time when Jim did it HIS way.  As a family we went to see ICE at the Gaylord Palms Hotel.  The hotel provided coats, but, Jim decided he wanted to wear his own coat so he took it with him.  We all conformed, but, Jim did it his way.  Take a look!

A Trip to the Mountains

August 15, 2016

Jim had always wanted to go see the mountains and forests out west.  So he planned the trip to Utah and Wyoming to see the Tetons, Yellowstone National Park, Zion and Bryce.  He wanted to drive out, but, I convinced him to fly to Salt Lake City and travel from there.  We went a few weeks before heading to Maine.  We had a great time and saw all the places he wanted to see.  When we got back he started to talk about taking another road trip.  We were going to take that from Maine.

Tribute by Martin Badoian

August 14, 2016

I have had the opportunity to have a discussion on a variety of topic with Jim, recently. I learned that he speaks enthusiastically regarding his ideas on the subject(s) but offers his rational for saying so. I admire a person who speaks his mind with adequate material to illustrate his reasoning process. he showed his concern for my involvement by saying, "If any of my remarks have offended you, I apologize for doing so, because that was not my intent in sharing them with you."

My answer was, "No Jim, I respect your point of view because I respect you as a person even though we may have a difference of opinion."

Linda and my time spent, in the past, with both Jim and Shirley was always cherished. We miss Jim, but will not forget him. We will always think of them as a team and continue go appreciate Shirley's presence.

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