My son only had 6 months to live. Although it has been 18 years since his death I suddenly cried for him. He contracted CMV and after his biopsy he caught walking pneumonia and he died. People say time heals but nothing heals when you hold your own in your hands.  I never knew fear until I got that call from my sister saying he is in a ambulance and holding him so cold in my arms with a frozen kiss from his forehead to my lips. My scream when I was told his heart expired still plays in my head.  When I burst those hospital doors searching for my son and seeing him lifeless never goes away. He loved taking walks to the mall. Playing and tearing up newspaper. My son was with me 24/7 and I think god that one day he invited my sister to take him due to the rash of events that would take place not even 24 hours later I might not be here to tell you this.  Son I love you and you have 2 sisters and 3 brothers that know of you and will keep your name alive. One your twin brothers looks just like you.  Forever sorrow embedded in me but I will hold you again my first life.